Pimp Jokes

What are some Pimp jokes?

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business?

Hoes, eh?

Finally found out why MTV doesn't do crossover episodes

The FCC had some serious problems with "Pimp my Pregnant 16 Year Old."

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

A guy in a van pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce

at a red light and asks, "Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled?" The Rolls owner nods.

"So is mine. Got Wi-Fi?" The Rolls owner nods again. "Me too. What about a double bed?"

"No. Do you?" asks the Rolls guy.
"Yep." The light changes and the van takes off. Jealous, the Rolls guy heads to a Pimp My Rolls customising shop and gets a double bed installed, then drives around until he finds the van parked on the side of the road. He raps on the window.

"Guess what? I got a double bed put in my car, too."

The van owner peers out. "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

Classroom Nerd

(In a high school class room)

Girl: Do you see that [email protected]#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Isaac Newton, being the big pimp Mack daddy he is, goes to the bar.

There, he sees his good friend Rene DesCartes wallowing in self pity, crying over a whiskey.

"My dear friend," Newton says, "whatever is the matter?"

"Ah, Isaac, tis terrible! My wife has been cheating on me!" DesCartes bemoans, "We are separating and I fear I shall never love again!"

"Nonsense!" says Newton, "Join me and we shall go have a romp at the brothel! Surely some woman of ill repute will catch your fancy!"

DesCartes considers, but returns to his drink; "Sorry my dear friend, but I cannot find the passion within me. Will you stay here and keep me company?"

Newton sighs, knowing that his night is ruined, but knowing his friend is in need. "Of course I shall stay my friend; sometimes you need to put DesCartes before the whores."

Pimps don't count their own money. They have their hoes do it for them.

It's the thot that counts.

What do a pimp and a cowboy have in common?

They both know how to throw a ho-down.

What did one pimple say to another?

Hey, what up cyst-ah?

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

What do you call a Scottish shepherd?


Why wouldn't the pimp eat at the fast food restaurant?

He preferred his meals Ho-made.

What did the dwarf pimp say to the two prostitutes at the beginning of the night?

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

I just pimped my car.

Now it has extra whorespower.

What does a farmer, a pimp, and a bluegrass band all have in common?

They all know how to throw a hoe down.

(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)

[NSFW] What does a superstitious pimp check every day?

His whore-o-scope.

Why do pimps like shopping at Costco?

They can buy everything hoesale.

Where does a prostitute go to rat out her pimp?

To a hoe-tell.

If I had a pimple for every time a child told me about my acne

I'd look like I do now

I found out that Steve Jobs was a pimp...

...turns out he was the original Mac Daddy.

Three men are talking about cars.

The first man says, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn.

The second man says, Well, I'm a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort.

The third man says, I have the both of you beat. I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown probe.

So a man went up to a rather contemplative looking pimp...

... and asked "A penny for your thots?"

What did the dwarf pimp say to his working girl?

Hi hoe, hi hoe. It's off to work you go!

I was captured by a pimp and forced to become a prostitute

It was whore-ifying

Do you know what your pimples do while you're asleep?

Nothing really, the just zit there.

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

My poor reading skills ruined my future as a pimp

But now I own a warehouse

What did the firefighter pimp say when he walked into the club?

Where my hose at?

How does a Pirate Pimp say Hello?

Yo Ho.

What does a pimp have in common with a used car salesman?

They both tricked me out of money with a passable tranny.

What did the pimp say to his friend who lost the business?

"Don't worry, it's gonna be alright. My thots are with you"

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

What did the pimple say to the other pimple when she stole the first pimple's boyfriend.

Get away from him you dirty pore!

Why did the pimp put his hoe in charge of his money?

It's the thot that counts.

As an ornothologist and a pimp I structure payment based on the old saying:

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

What is a goat herder known as in the Middle East?

A Pimp

Why did the pimp call a meeting of his girls when he felt unsure about himself?

He had to gather his thots.

What does a pimp and a redneck have on common?

They both like to throw a ho-down.

What is the job of a gentleman pimp?

To Tally-hos!

What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?

A pimp

What to you call a pimp with too many hoes? (Original joke)

A whoreder.

What do you say to a cheap pimp when he won't tell you what you need to hear?

"Penny for your thots?"

What did the firemen turned pimp do to streamline his business?

Fire hoes.

What did the poor man ask the pimp?

Penny for your thots?

I once had sex without having to pay for it.

That's when the pimp broke my hands with a wrench.

First Manager

If prostitution is the world's oldest profession, the world's first manager was a pimp...

What do a pimp and a cowboy have in common?

They both know how to throw a hoedown.

Not my joke, just passing it on.

What did the Pimp say to the bashful Gamete Prostitute?

Hey, Sex-cells

What do you call a guy walking down the middle of the street in Alabama with sheep under his arms?

A Pimp!

What do you get when you cross 400 Obese Water Buffalo with a Transgender Pimp?


How does a pimp greet his prostitutes that are midgets?

Hi ho.

Hi ho.

It's off to work we go.

What did the pimp say to the midget prostitute when he didn't make enough money?

Don't sell yourself short

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

Why does a Gardener make a decent Pimp?

They have experience dragging hoes outa beds

What do you call a redneck with two sheep?

A Pimp

Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, and Keith Richards walk into a bar.

The bartender, local drug dealer, and in house pimp all get measured for a new suit

How to make Pimp jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Pimp to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Pimp? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Pimp pick up lines to share with friends.

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