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Pilot Flew Jokes

18 pilot flew jokes and hilarious pilot flew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pilot flew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Silly Pilot Flew Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What is a good pilot flew joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Japan's worst kamikaze pilot

He flew over 25 missions

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.


They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Fighter jock and the cargo pilot

A cargo plane is flying along, doing its cargo plane thing, when a fighter jet comes up alongside.
The fighter jock decides to poke some fun at the pilot who's forced to fly such an ungainly vessel.
"My plane's so much more advanced than yours. Watch this" says the jock, as he proceeds to do loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, corkscrews, and all manner of fast paced aerial acrobatics.
"Very impressive," responds the cargo pilot. "But that's nothing, watch this." For a half hour the large craft simply plods along straight as an arrow, not even so much as dipping the wings.
After a while, the cargo pilot comes back on the radio and says "So, what'd you think?"
Jock: "What d'you mean? You didn't do anything. You just flew straight for a while."
Cargo: "Oh no, that wasn't all. I got up, stretched my legs, got some coffee, went to the bathroom..."

A joke my grandfather told me as a kid.

After the passengers loaded on, the plane flew out of the airport. As they were getting airborn, an announcement came over the speakers: "Welcome to the first fully-automated flight. There are no pilots operating this plane, it's being operated entirely by a computer. Rest assured that rigorous testing has been run to ensure that the trip will be completely safe. Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong..."

Kim Jong Un and Putin are riding in a plane together

When they flew over Russia, Putin said, "I threw 100 dollars out the window and made 100 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over North Korea, Kim said, "I threw 1,000 dollars out the window and made 1,000 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over the Ocean, the pilot told the co-pilot, "I could throw 2 people out of the window and make everyone happy"

There was a competition to see who could take their helicopter up the farthest...

The first guy went up a fair distance, but the atmosphere was too thin for him so he quit and came back down. The second guy went further than the first but eventually gave in to exhaustion and just flew back down. The third guy kept going and going, and eventually he began to just become a speck in the sky. Eventually however the helicopter fell and crashed. The pilot came out woozy and everyone asked him what happened.
"It got really cold up there so I switched off the fan"

Lost Helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply.

HELISOFT

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle

There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read "WHERE AM I?" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read "IN A HELICOPTER".
The pilot immediately nodded, and flew straight back to airport.
Once on the ground the pilot was asked how he knew where he was. His response was, "I knew I was at the Microsoft headquarters when I received an equally accurate and useless answer".

Two hunters had just finished hunting moose in the middle of nowhere...

They make it back to the small airport nearby, and argue with the pilot about flying home.
"There's no way my plane is gonna make it anywhere with that huge moose in it!" says the pilot.
"We had this same argument last year with a pilot, and he flew us out of here." says one of the hunters.
The pilot mulled it over a little, and doubled his price, but agreed to take them on.
Everything gets loaded up, and the pilot does a shaky take-off, but manages to get into the air. Unfortunately, he doesn't make it far before the load becomes too much for the plane, and they c**... land back into the woods.
Luckily, everyone survives, and as the second hunter stumbles out of the wreckage, he asks the first, "How far did we make it?"
The first looks around and says, "About 100 feet further than last year."

For China!

An American, a British, a Chinese and a Japanese were sitting on a long distance flight travelling to India. Halfway there, the flight developed serious engine problems.
"Gentlemen, i am afraid three of you will need to leap off this plane." The pilot said sombrely.
After much deliberation, a man stood up from his seat.
"For freedom!" shouted the American as he threw himself out of the plane.
"For the Queen!" the British gentleman followed and flew towards the ground.
"FOR CHINA!" screamed the Chinese man as he kicked the Japanese out of the flight.

Variation of the hot air balloon joke

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how did the sign help determine their position. The pilot responded "Well the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless, so I knew that had to be the Microsoft building."

An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about n**... women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about n**... women. When I shower, I think about n**... women When I watch TV, I think about n**... women. It seems everything makes me think of n**... women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.....

With some luck they managed to bag Six.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only Four moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six as well! The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours!?!"
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the extra load of the Moose and promptly went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, p**... and m**... survived the c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, p**... asked m**..., "Any idea where we are?"
m**... replied....... "I can't be sure, but I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

All men are l**...

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about n**... women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about n**... women. When I shower, I think about n**... women. When I watch TV, I think about n**... women. It seems everything makes me think of n**... women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks

and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?'
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about n**... women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about n**... women. When I shower, I think about n**... women When I watch TV, I think about n**... women. It seems everything makes me think of n**... women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

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Pilot Flew One Liners

Which pilot flew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pilot flew? I can suggest the ones about airplane pilot and aircraft pilot.

  1. Japan's worst kamikaze pilot He flew over 25 missions