Pillow Jokes
154 pillow jokes and hilarious pillow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pillow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Pillow jokes are the perfect way to add a little bit of fun to your day. Whether you’re looking for a way to brighten up your day or you’re simply looking for a good laugh, these jokes are sure to do the trick.
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Funniest Pillow Short Jokes
Short pillow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pillow humour may include short mattress jokes also.
- My gf told me to stop being childish, she just wants to come in for a talk not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress
- Why don't girls have willys... A little boy came running into the kitchen an declared, "Mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow."
- I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed: 'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'
- So I bought a memory foam pillow second-hand Got it for a good price, all was good until I laid down and it said "who the f@#k are you?"
- Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won! The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..
- I like my pillow like..... I like my pillow, like I like my women.
Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch. - I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow. I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.
- I have the head of a watermelon, the arms of two French baguettes, the chest of two pillows. What am I? Banned from the supermarket.
- When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control. Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.
- I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow. When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
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Pillow One Liners
Which pillow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pillow? I can suggest the ones about couch and cushions.
- Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight Unless you're prepared for the Reaper cushions
- What did they find under Michael Jackson's pillow? Billy's jeans
- I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
- THIS JUST IN!!!!! Corduroy pillows are making headlines.........
- What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard? A pillow fight.
- How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft.
- How did the Flintstones died? Pillow fight
- I asked my Pillow if it wanted a snack It said No, thanks I'm stuffed
- What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening? A pillow
- What do you call a cushion with transcendentalist views? A Thoreau pillow.
- Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow Mines made of mammary foam
- I accedentally dropped my pillow on the floor. I think it has a concushion.
- What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed Sheet
- What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Look out pillow!
- How did the man who invented the bed of stone die? In a pillow fight
Pillow Fight Jokes
Here is a list of funny pillow fight jokes and even better pillow fight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow, that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.
- Jeff just had a pillow fight with death... He faced the reaper-cushions
- If you ever get into a pillow fight with death... You'd best be ready for the Reaper Cushions
- I was caught cheating in our pillow fight They sent me to execushion
- Did you hear the one about the man who lived in constant fear of pillow fights? He slept with a pillow under his pillow.
- I tried to cheer myself up by having a pillow fight. Now I feel more down than I did before.
- What do you call a pillow fight to the death? Killing them softly.
- I saw a pillow fight I had to throw the demonic pillow away
- You wanna throw down? That's literally what you do in a pillow fight
- Her big bag of BS really upped the stakes in the pillow fight.
Pillow Cases Jokes
Here is a list of funny pillow cases jokes and even better pillow cases puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you seen the hype about these cordroy pillow cases... They're making headlines everywhere
- What do bed detectives solve? Pillow cases
- I quit my job at the pillow case factory.. Turns out it was a sham business.
- A husband and wife were found smothered in their bed... Detectives called it the pillow case...
- There was recently an investigation on a pillow. It was a pillow case.
- I told my wife I can't find the matching decorative pillow case... She said it's a sham.
- You know why Irish pillow cases are so popular? They can really make a sham rock.
- The One Ultimate Secret to Creating Clear Headlines that will make other joke-tellers hate you. Corduroy Pillow Case.
- Corduroy Pillow Cases Why do we struggle so much creating headlines?
- What happened to the pillow who went to court? He lost his case...
Pillow Talk Jokes
Here is a list of funny pillow talk jokes and even better pillow talk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Sometimes my Pillow Talk can get crazy. But only when it talks back.
- I hate pillow talk when I sleep alone. It just gets me down.
- What do they call conversations in the bedding business? Pillow talk.
- Why was the home decor manager always interviewing people for the bedding department? She wanted pillow talk!
- My banker friend keeps talking about how attractive he is... He keeps talking about his high interest rates.
This made my fiancee try to smother me with a pillow.
Pillow Fort Jokes
Here is a list of funny pillow fort jokes and even better pillow fort puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife told me to stop being immature Luckily she didn't have the password for my pillow fort
- My 12-year-old son was so happy when he found out tonight, for game night, is fort night. Who knew kids that age still find joy making pillow and blanket tents?!
- Someone asked me why I was wearing a bunch of pillows and blankets on my head for Halloween... figured it was topical to go as Paul Man-In-Fort
Laughter Pillow Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about pillow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sleeping pills jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pillow pranks.
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room...
When she stumbles upon an s**... magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband.
"Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"
The husband eyes the magazine and ponders.
"...Well we can't s**... him."
Did you hear about the pillow factory that blew up last week?
There was a big panic at first, but it's all settled down now.
Said I'd buy my son some stuffing for his pillow.
He wanted to come with me. Then his sister did too
So now I'm getting down with the kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out that my pillow has a better s**... life than me
It gets head every night
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another jewish gag
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"
Breaking News: A Pillow
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow on the news?
... It made headlines...
Why do Pillows work?
Cause they're white
A guy I work with was late for our meeting, so I asked what happened.
He said, My wife and I aren't talking to each other. We're giving each other the silent treatment, and I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence and lose. So I wrote a note on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me up at 7:30am.'
Well, I didn't wake up until 9:30am. Boy, was I mad that my wife didn't wake me up. Then I noticed a piece of paper on my pillow that said: 'It's 7:30am. Wake up.'
I'm having a hard time deciding which pillow I should buy.
I'm going to sleep on it.
Maybe I'm too old for pillow forts.
On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.
Why was my other pillow jealous?
Because I like to sleep around.
So then the otaku says...
That's no body pillow. That's my wife!
What do you call it when...
You put a pillow on a stool?
You call it a stool softener
cheesiest joke I made up
What do you call a mentally challenged feather pillow?
A downs pillow.
In what state is it legal to marry a body pillow?
A State of Emergency.
I'm still not sure if I should throw out or keep my old pillow.
I guess I better sleep on it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid asked his mom : how did you make me ?
His mom said : one night i put little sugar under my pillow and in the morning you were by my side; The kid grabbed some sugar and put it under his pillow, he woke up in the morning and found an ant in his bed, "If you weren't my son, I swear i would've squashed you!"
Riverbed
My daughter asked me the other day if the riverbed had a "pillow"
My wife and I were shopping the other day, she said she needed a new pillow.
I said "That's a big decision, you should sleep on it."
My friends think I'm weird for sleeping with a full size body pillow
It's just a lot more rare to find a dead midget.
So I had this dream of eating a large marshmallow
The scary part was when I woke up I found my pillow missing.
*Took this off an essay example thing we were given in English, thought it'd be pretty funny to post on here
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pillow warmer is a s**... idea…
Use your head!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So in some parts of the world, in some hotels, if you call the concierge in the middle of the night for an extra pillow, it is a code that you want them to send a h**... to your room.
What if, in the middle of the night, you actually do need an extra pillow and they send you a h**... instead?
Then you have TWO h**...,
And only one pillow to smother them with!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why girls don't have willys
Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
Why do I always comby hair before going to bed?
To make a good impression on the pillow..
How did the boy drown in bed?
The bed spread, the pillow slipped and the boy fell into the spring.
My wife was having trouble breathing last night.
I think I wasn't holding the pillow down tight enough.
My dog is always so excited when I wake up each morning...
It means it is her turn to use my pillow.
I bought what was supposed to be the best pillow cover ever made
it was a sham.
Here's the thing about non sequiturs...
I can never find a pillow that fits the size of my head
So I'm a Camp Counselor taking a short nap at work....
And I'm laying my head on my backpack. One of campers says "What're you doing?"
I reply. "Taking a nap on my pillow."
She says, "That's not a pillow."
I respond, "Anythings a pillow, if you put your mind to it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best t**... Ever
Me
My Bed
My Pillow
I think I had a one night stand with a clown.
I woke up, she was gone but her face was still on my pillow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a scale of 1 to 100, How much would you rate your s**... life?
101,
Because we always put a pillow between us.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A jewish guy gets knocked over by a car...
A passer by runs over to check on him. He bundles up his coat into a pillow and places it under his head "Are you comfortable?" the stranger asks. He replies "Ach, I make a living."
Cr
Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, "Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!" "That's great, darling!" I said. "Put it under your pillow and see what happens."
A few minutes later she shouted, "Nothing's happened dad and now my bed is completely soaked!"
My girlfriend got into a huge argument with me about a pillow and demanded that I reconsider my stance.
I told her that I'd sleep on it.
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
I've bought a Linkin Park pillow
It's a place for my head.
My wife asked me to buy a king sized pillow at Target.
After a fruitless search, I replied, "As a trans madam once said to a prospective client, 'Sorry, they're all standard queens.'"
(true story, bro)
I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.
I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon realized that was...
...not the case.
Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...
...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.
Customer: I'm just not sure I really want to buy this pillow.
Pillow salesman: Well why don't you sleep on it.
The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...
...Tooth be trolled.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife never say anything during s**.... The only thing she says right before we start is
Goodnight hun... Funny, this pillow sure smell like chlorof...
My son had a book every night from the age of three.
When he was 9 we gave him a pillow.
I recently moved and lost my favourite pillow
Don't worry. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.
Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.
He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.
Which knee is hurting you, Walt?
The famous film producer points to his left knee.
Disney.
Asked my mum what she'd like for her birthday.
I wanna Dyson. She said excitedly.
So that's why is smothered her with a pillow, your honour
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: *flips pillow to the cold side*
Everyone else at the f**...- :0
I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...
...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.
There were three brothers Feather, Pillow and Brick.
One day Feather went to his mother and asked:
-Mom, why is my name Feather?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a feather fell on your head.
-she replied.
Next day Pillo asked the same question.
-Mom, why is my name Pillow?
-Because when you were born and we brought you home from the hospital a pillow fell on your head.
The third day Brick went up to her mom and goes:
-The Earth is flat!
Confucious say
He who sleep on corduroy pillow make headlines
These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.
Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
Here's a joke for English and irish
So 3 people go to the middle East, a German a English and a irish. They get captured and sent to a Prince, the Prince gives them each one wish and 20 whips to the back. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. Next is the English he asks for two pillows and again it shreds throgh them. Next is the Irish, the prince's wife grants him one more since she likes his people. The Irish man first asks for 100 whips, and for the English guy to be strapped to his back.
