pillow Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pillow puns

A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"

"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."

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Why girls don't have willys

Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"

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My wife says I act really immature and need to grow up

I told her to get the hell out of my pillow fort with that negative attitude

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My gf told me to stop being childish, she just wants to come in for a talk

not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress

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A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room...

When she stumbles upon an S&M magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband.

"Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"

The husband eyes the magazine and ponders.

"...Well we can't spank him."

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What do you call two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard?

A pillow fight.

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Three cowboys are sitting around a fire arguing over which one is the toughest

The first one says "I'm the toughest sumbitch in the land! One time a rattlesnake bit me, so grabbed it and bit it straight back!" The next cowboy said "That aint nothin'! Last year I fought twelve men over a rock to use as a pillow!" The third one doesn't say a word. He just sits there, poking the fire with his penis

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How soft is Bill Gate's pillow?

Microsoft.

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Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"

"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.

"I threw them away." The first nun replies.

The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"

"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.

"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.

The third nun fainted.

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What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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If two Homeless people are hitting each other with a cardboard boxes...

Is it a pillow fight?

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What do you call 2 homeless people hitting each other with cardboard ?

Pillow fight

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Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won!

The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..

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Has anyone read the book, "Cum Stains on Her Pillow"

By Mr. Completely

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What did the homeless men yell when they hit each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight!

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I like my pillow like.....

I like my pillow, like I like my women.

Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.

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My girlfriend wanted to have a talk about how childish i am

But she didn't have the secret password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in

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What do you call two homeless men hitting each other with cardboard?

Pillow fight

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Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. (nsfw)

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"

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What do you call two homeless guys trowing stones to each other?

PILLOW FIGHT!!

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What are pillowy breasts made of?

mammary foam

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When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

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Just saw two homeless people hitting each other with cardboard....

Pillow fight?

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Hey guys, have you heard about the new corduroy pillow?

It's making head lines!

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What do you call two homeless people hitting each other with garbage bags?

A Pillow Fight

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I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.

When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!


Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

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My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about how childish I am...

...but she couldn't because she doesn't know the password to enter my pillow fort.

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What losses its head in the morning and gets it back in the evening?

A pillow

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He's going to fall down!

A 90 year old man was in a retirement home. While sitting on a chair he started leaning to the left, so much that the nurse was afraid he would fall down. So she straighten him up and put a pillow on his left side to keep him up.

Later he started leaning to the right. The nurse straighten him up again and put another pillow on that side too. Later the old man started leaning forwards, so the nurse put a pillow on his lap to keep him up.

Later the old man's son came to visit. He asked "Hey Dad, how do you like this place?"Β 

"It's not bad", said the old man. "But this bitch won't let me fart."β€Ž

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So a cat goes to heaven and the lord says he'll grant him one wish...

So a cat goes to heaven and the lord says he'll grant him one wish. The cat says, "Lord, I'd like a fluffy pillow to lay on." So the lord gave him a fluffy pillow.

The next day, three mice died and went to heaven. The lord said he'd grant them one wish. The mice said, "Lord, we'd like to have roller skates so we can skate in heaven." So the lord gave the mice roller skates.

The next day, the lord visited the cat and asked, "How is your fluffy pillow?"
The cat replied, "I'm loving the fluffy pillow. But you know what I love even more? Those meals on wheels."

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An old lady stood at the check out where I work for two minutes, after I checked her out, just to tell me this. I laughed way too hard.

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Lawyer joke(Not sure if repost)

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

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I fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up, it was gone and replaced with a shiny new silver dollar...

Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy!

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My wife said she wanted to try some domination in the bedroom.

Cheeky bitch slept with my pillow.

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Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow

Mines made of mammary foam

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When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow,

that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.

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What are the most funny Pillow jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pillow? Well, here are the best Pillow dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pillow pick up lines to share with friends.

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