Pill Jokes
155 pill jokes and hilarious pill puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pill that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
When life feels like too much, why not take a lighthearted dose of humor with these pill jokes? Whether you're talking about the blue pill, the morning after pill, Plan B, Viagra, Chill Pill, or sleeping pills, each one comes with its own dose of laughter. Laugh your way through a few of these medicine-related jokes and take a chill pill – your dose of humor awaits!
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Funniest Pill Short Jokes
Short pill jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pill humour may include short medicine jokes also.
- If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy" Credit to my friend Chris
- Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me... Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..
- Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time. But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.
- I learned a few things today. 1. I'm gonna be a dad!
2. I'm gonna be an uncle!
3. My sisters not on the pill. - Did you hear about the new pill that's supposed to turn lesbian women straight? It's called tricoxagain.
- My Dad had a headache the other day so I asked if he needed any pills. He said "The only pills that could have stopped this head ache should have been taken 16 years ago"
- Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries
- Why are diet pills so effective in the UK? If you buy enough, you are guaranteed to lose 30 pounds fast.
- Doctor: You need to take this pills everyday for the rest of your life Him : But there's only 3 pills doctor
Doctor : Exactly - Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? She didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
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Pill One Liners
Which pill one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pill? I can suggest the ones about pile and pest.
- To the guy who stole my weight loss pills.. You'll have nothing to gain.
- I actually overdosed on anxiety pills a few minutes ago I'm not too worried about it
- What do you call a Roman Emperor, without his epileptic pills? Julius Seizure
- There's now a morning after pill for guys. It changes your blood type.
- Somebody threw Omega-3 pills at me today. I got super fish oil injuries
- What's the medical term for a chill pill? A relaxative
- My Mexican uncle takes anti anxiety pills. They're to stop Hispanic attacks
- What do you call movie night at Bill Cosby's house? Netflix and pill
- Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets? So they don't wake up the sleeping pills.
- I always walk very quietly past pharmacies... so I don't wake up the sleeping pills.
- Apparently Pfizer is now selling a pill that treats skepticism. But I'm not buying it.
- Why are pills white? Because they work!
- What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills? They become mummies.
- TIL there is a new type of morning-after pill, and it's
for men! It changes blood type. - Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? To not wake up the sleeping pills.
Morning After Pill Jokes
Here is a list of funny morning after pill jokes and even better morning after pill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On the back of a pack of condoms it said: "Keep away from children." So now I have to get her the morning after pill.
- I accidentally took my birth control pill twice yesterday and when I woke up this morning, one of my kids was gone.
- My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am He's likes to work hard in the mornings
- Anyone hear about the new morning after pill for men? It changes their blood type
- Did you all hear about this morning after pill? Or what I like to call breakfast in bed.
- Morning after The morning after pill...did you know it's called the "anti-baby pill" in Germany? And in Sweden it's called the "regret pill". However in Chicago it's called the "crime fighter" pill.
- Mimosa's The morning after pill for an alcoholic's hangover.
- The c**... broke last night, but the pharmacist said the morning after pill would prevent conception. They must not work, though. I took one as soon as I woke up and she still got pregnant.
- Your momma so n**... She went to rehab for morning after pills addiction!!
Blue Pill Jokes
Here is a list of funny blue pill jokes and even better blue pill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do canes and blue pills have in common? They're both ready for use when a man is limp.
- The Matrix would have been an entirely different movie if... ...Bill Cosby got the role of Morpheus. "The red pill or the blue pill?"
- Why is life like the matrix? When you're young, you take the red pill, because you're depressed. When you're older, you take the blue pill because your wife doesn't do it for you anymore.
- the blue pill is cyanide cyan-ide... i'll see myself out.
- What's the difference between the red pill and the blue pill? The blue pill makes you harder.
- I was in the pharmacy today... A man approached me offering either a blue pill or a red pill. I didn't know staying in false reality gave you a 24 hour e**....
Chill Pill Jokes
Here is a list of funny chill pill jokes and even better chill pill puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A 16 year old blonde is dinning with her parents Blonde: Oh by the way I´m pregnant
Parents (simultaneously): You´re WHAT!?!
Blonde: Geez relax and eat a chill pill, I´m not even sure it´s mine - Soo.... baltimore. Probably not the best idea to burn down a cvs pharmacy. The entire city needs a chill pill.
- A man walks into a bar. The bartender yells from the back, Hey, how can I help you!!!!
The customer said, take a chill pill
Ok, Mr Cosby, I'll get right on that. - Number 20 needs to take a chill pill... ...coz she's just two tens.
- Parents found out I'm a drug dealer... Sold them both chill pills
- Who needs netflix and chill? when you have netflix and pill... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- netflix First comes netflix then comes chill next comes babby because mommy forgot the pill
Amusing & Witty Pill Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about pill you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pain jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pill pranks.
Why did the startup founder take a pill in Ibiza?
To show a VC he was cool.
Why do blondes prefer the pill instead the c**...?
Because it's waaay easier to s**...
Heard on the radio and could not resist repeating...
"My ex-girlfriend never asked me use a c**...."
"Because she was on the pill."
"Ambien."
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctors waiting room knitting. Mom 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 2 takes a pill and says, "Vitamin A, good for mom, good for baby." Mom 3 takes a pill and says, "Thalidomide...I can't knit sleeves."
Joke directed insult
A woman walks into the doctors office. She says she wants a child, but doesnt want to have s**.... The doctor says ok and asks what kind of child she wants. The woman said she wanted a smart and handsome kid. The doctor then hands her a blue pill.
A few months later, the woman comes back and says she has had a miscarriage but still wants a child. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she wants. The woman said she will have a regular kid this time. The doctor then hands her a red pill.
Even more months later, the woman returns and says shes had a miscarriage but still wants a kid. The doctor says ok and asks what kind of kid she will want. She says since the other ones did not work out she will have a ugly, s**... kid. The doctor says ok and hands her a pill.
*At this point the joke teller asks the victim what color they think the pill is.
*The response will most likely be "I don't know, what?"
*The joke teller then says "I don't know, try asking your mother."
Immaturity at its best.
Another Jack and Jill joke
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some m**....
Jack got high, pulled down his fly and asked Jill "Do ya wanna?"
Jill said "Yes" Took off her dress and they had a little fun,
But s**... Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son
Have you heard about the new male contraceptive pill?
You put it in your shoe, and it makes you limp.
Why did the blonde quit using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill?
A trip without the kids.
Why is there cotton on top of the pills inside a pill bottle?
To remind black people they picked cotton before they sold drugs.
A team of scientists have invented a pill for sufferers of Alzheimer's to take daily.
They didn't think that through did they?
How does a male contraceptive pill work?
You put it in his shoe and it makes him limp.
They say rejection is a hard pill to s**......
But it's just practice for the 60 pain killers later.
an old lady goes to the doctor complaining she is f**... all the time
But at least they are silent and without any smell.
he gives her a pill and tell her to come back in a week.
after a week she returns and tells him "i still f**... a lot but now they smell awful!!"
the doctor tells her "great... now that we fixed your smelling issue, lets address your bad hearing"
i am so so sorry.......
When does the Pillsbury Doughboy pull out?
20 minutes at 350 degrees. If it's too moist, put it back in.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Credit to the man who came through my check lane at work.
Why do Pillows work?
Cause they're white
The New Men's Birth Control Pill
It's about the size of a marble.
You put it into your shoe.
It makes you limp.
What does the Pillsbury Doughboy see when he looks down?
His Doughnuts.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Doughnuts
I bought some shoes from my pill dealer on Friday.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all weekend.
Maybe I'm too old for pillow forts.
On the one hand, I feel young enough to want to build pillow forts, but on the other hand, I'm a grown up now, with my own adult responsibilities and apartment, so I don't have access to my parents' awesome sofa cushions.
Why was my other pillow jealous?
Because I like to sleep around.
Why did the old man put jelly beans in his pill organizer?
He had dementia.
What did Bill Cosby say when he was in a bar and he accidentally slipped a pill into one of those drinks you light on fire and then the bartender lit it on fire?
The roof', the roof', the roofies on fire!
how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia?
when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day
What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday?
I'll column later.
I heard they're testing a new pill for treating erectile dysfunction
It's called coxaflopyn.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
Jack and Jill went up a hill;
to have a bit of fun.
But s**... Jill forgot the pill;
and now they have a son.
What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed
Sheet
I have invented a revolutionary drug that can cure third-world hunger...
Just take one little pill with a meal 3x per day.
What do you get when the Pillsbury dough boys bend over?
Dough-nuts (South Park reference again; just spreading it).
I like my pillow like.....
I like my pillow, like I like my women.
Lumpy, covered in drool, and can take a punch.
A pillow warmer is a s**... idea…
Use your head!
The Pillsbury Doughboy just passed away.
His f**... service will take place at 3:50 and it will take 15-18 minutes.
It used to take five scotches and a sleeping pill to get me on a plane.
Worked for me, not the Air Force.
I just created a memory loss pill!
At least, I think I did...
Three pregnant women are knitting in the Doctor's waiting room.
The first one pops a pill and says, *"Vitamin A, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The second one pops two pills and says, *"Vitamin C, good for mommy, good for baby."*
The third one pops three pills and says, *"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves."*
My girlfriend and I were about to go for a late night walk.
Her dad said, "Don't forget to wrap up."
I said, "Don't be silly, she's on the pill."
What if instead of a "morning after pill"....
They made a "right before pill" that you take before s**...... And what if they tasted like mints so you had fresh breath for kissing too...
We could call them Pre-d**...-a-mints.
When you have a pillow fight with a memory foam pillow,
that's a pillow fight you'll never forget.
If the Amazon CEO had a pill addiction, what should his nickname be?
Jeff Benzos
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, s**... this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
I tried talking about Flint, Michigan
But it was a hard pill to s**....
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To smoke some m**...
Jack got high
Unzipped his fly
And they had a little fun
Jill forgot to take the pill
And now they have a son
Martin Shkreli's guilty verdict
Must be a tough pill for him to s**....
My neighbor just died from after overdosing on his homeopathic medication.
Apparently, he forgot to take his pill.
Define contraceptive pill?
It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy!
I ate a pill that would made me immortal today
I accidently choked to death while swallowing it
I like to a**... drugs.
Nothing more satisfying than tying up the bottle, smacking it around a bit, and calling it a very naughty pill.
My doctor just prescribed me blood pressure medication
it was a tough pill to s**...
My patient got upset at me for laughing when I told her that pill wasn't a suppository...
I guess she took it the wrong way.
I heard there's this new pill that cures addiction.
Hmm, I wonder what two of them will do...
Bill Cosby is the pillar of his community.
*pill her
What did the announcer say when the coach sent a pill bug in to be the goaltender?
I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boot. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought...
"A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
A trunkquilizer.
I asked my doctor if he had a pill I could take to cure my laziness.
"Yes," he said.
"That's great! Now could you please place it in my mouth?"
headache
Husband: "Here's a pill for your headache."
Wife: "But I don't have a headache."
Husband: "Gotcha!"
What do you get when you mix l**... and a birth control pill?
A trip without the kids
Q. Have you heard about the new mint-flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before s**...?
A. They're called Predick-a-mints.
Sometimes my girlfriend takes her sleeping pill, passes out and initiates s**....
We call it the reverse Cosby.
I think my mom is slipping me drugs.
I know, that's a hard pill to s**....
I was in a chemistry class
We were dissolving a solid pill in water. While everyone else's dissolved completely, mine had a few chunks left in the water. I asked the instructor what's the problem, but she just told me "whatever it is, you dont have a solution".
A scientist runs into an AA meeting...
...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."
Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some m**....
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.
I just invented a memory loss pill!
I think...
