Pik Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What did Raichu say when it saw Pikachu

Raichu

What did Raichu say when it saw Pikachu?

Raichu.

What's a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

Woman calls 911 about a peeping tom in her yard

911: "How do you know he's a peeping tom?"

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".

Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window.

He's just trying to catch a pikachu.

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him.

He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man Just stared.

Every time the young man looked,the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

Why do PokΓ©mon have eyes?

So they can pikachu

My favorite pokemon joke

What did pikachu say when ash fell off a cliff? Pikachu, that's all he can say.

A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on...

He approaches a young woman. "What are you doing, creep?" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says "Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."

I hired a Russian chauffeur the other day...

his name was Pikup Andropov

The Crow Mystery

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

What does the Brazilian Pikachu say?

Zika zika.

"Don't talk to the Bird!"

Jill's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the work top, and I'll send you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances,talk to my parrot! I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

When the repairman arrived at Jill's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

The Bats' Competition

Three Bats were talking about who was the best at sucking blood. The first bat though he was the best, while the other two though they were the best, so they decided to have a competition to see who really was the best.

The bats had 30 minutes each to see who could get the most blood.

The first bat goes, and 30 minutes later he returns with blood dripping from his teeth. The others ask what happened, and he says, "See that stone house across the hill," The other two nod, "Well, I went inside and there was a very heafty women asleep in her chambers, ripe for the picking."

Impressed, the second bat goes off, and 30 minutes later, he returns with blood splatered across his face. The other ask what happened, and he says, "See that moated mansion over there," They nod, "Well there was a banquet inside, and by the time they realized what was happening to the guests, I was long gone."

Not wanting to lose the competition, the third bat goes off, and 30 minutes later he returns, his body dripping, wing to wing, with blood. The others, shocked, asked him what happened, and he says, "See that spiked wall castle across the hill," the others had to look quite far into the distance, but eventually nodded and said they saw it. "Well," the bat replies, "I didn't."

A teenager sits next to an old man on a bench...

... and the old man will not stop staring at him. The kid had a long, spiky mohawk that was different colors. His arms and neck were covered in tattoos, and multiple piercings in his nostrils and ears.

Finally, the kid, sick of the old man staring at him says, "What's the matter old man? Ain't you never done anything crazy in your life?"

Without missing a beat the old man replies, "When I was young I got drunk and had sex with a peacock once - I was wondering if you were my son."

Why don't you take PokΓ©mon to the bathroom with you?

... because they might Pikachu!

Why shouldn't you let a Pokemon take a shower with you?

He might Pikachu.

How do you get 50 Pikachus on a bus?

Poke 'em on.

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall...

A young man walked up to the bench and sat down with the old man . He had spiked hair in all different colors : green , red , orange , blue and yellow

The old man just stared at the young man

Every time the young man looked , The old man was staring

Young man : What's the matter old timer , Never done anything wild your life?

Without batting an eye , The old man replied , "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot , I was wondering if you were my son".

What do you call a Pikachu caught in Brazil?

A Zikachu

Old man in the mall

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? The old man did not bat an eye in his response, Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.

Dining at the Mall.....

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours - green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.
I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and screwed a Peacock. I was just wondering
if you were my daughter"

Never trust volleyball players with your drinks

They might spike 'em.

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.

The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.


The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:


*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*

My old man (a doctor)'s Favorite.

A man waits patiently in the lobby of the ICU to see his wife, who has been in a coma for over a month, when a nurse runs out and says that he is needed right away.

Standing outside the room, the nurse tells the husband, "This morning we were giving your wife a sponge bath and we noticed something amazing!"

"What is it?!? the husband asked

The nurse explained, "Well, while we were giving her the sponge bath, we noticed that when we would touch her...uh....vagina... her vitals would spike on the monitor!"

Confused, the husband asked, "Well what do you need me for?"

The nurse responded, "Well we need you to go in there and perform oral sex on her, to see if that won't wake her up."

The man immediately agreed and closed the curtains as he entered the room.

5 minutes later the alarms sounded as the woman flat lined.

"Shes dead!" proclaimed the nurse, "What did you do?"

The man replied, "... I think I choked her..."

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

Spike & The Parrot.

A woman called a dishwasher repairman. Since she had to go to work, she told him she would leave the key under the mat and for him to
leave his bill on the counter and she would send him a check. "Don't worry about my Dobberman Spike. He won't bother you, but, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances talk to the parrot!"

When the repairman arrived, he discovered the biggest and meanestlooking Dobberman he had ever seen. But the dog just lay there, watching him go about his business.

However, the parrot drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calllng.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!

The parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

What do you call a sick PokΓ©mon?

Pikachoo

A dad goes to the mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life? Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Pikachu used racist comments

It's super offensive!

Why does Pikachu hang out with Thor?

Thor is his Type.

It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze

and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!

What do you call a religious Pokemon?

A PikaJew

What's the difference between the Friendzone and the Endzone?

Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.

How do you get pikachu and squirtle on a bus?

You poke 'em on

What are the funniest pik jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Pik? Well, here are the best Pik puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Pik pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes