Pigs Jokes

143 pigs jokes and hilarious pigs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pigs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out this article for some hilarious pig-related jokes to share with friends and family, including jokes about three little pigs, guinea pigs, pigs in blankets, ham and livestock. All the laughs you need to put a smile on your face!

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Funniest Pigs Short Jokes

Short pigs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pigs humour may include short swine jokes also.

  1. My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
  2. If x=y and y=z, then x=z. Applying the same logic.
    If all men are pigs.
    And Men and women are equal.
    Then all women are pigs.
  3. My kid came home and asked if I wanted to hear a dirty joke… He said: 2 pigs fell in the mud and three came out
  4. Why did the pig cross the road? Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op
  5. What do pigs use when they get hurt? Oink-ment
    (My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!)
  6. A woman walks into a butcher shop "How much for the pig's head?"
    "Ma'am, that's a mirror"
  7. If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.
    Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
  8. Angry feminist told me that men are animals, men are pigs! So I told her that women are equal to men.
  9. "My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..." "He took a long look at me and gave me $300"
  10. What do you call a pig that is cold and growling? A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.
    I made this joke when I was 11. I remember being super proud lol.

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Pigs One Liners

Which pigs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pigs? I can suggest the ones about pork and piglet.

  1. What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.
  2. "You want to see a pig with three eyes?" A piiig
  3. What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham
  4. What do you use to clean a pig? Ham sanatizer
  5. what do u call a pig with 4 eyes A piiiig.
  6. What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig
  7. This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!" Alas, swine flu.
  8. I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
  9. Why was the pig covered in ink? Because it lived in a pen
  10. Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
  11. Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet? Gnawnia
  12. What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop.
  13. What is green and smells like a pig? Kermit the frog's finger
  14. What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.
  15. What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.

Little Pigs Jokes

Here is a list of funny little pigs jokes and even better little pigs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.
    Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"
  • A teacher asked her students. "What does the little chicken give you?"
    The students replied, "Eggs"
    "What does the round pig give you?"
    "What does the fat cow give you?"
  • Why is a pig M. Night Shyamalan's favorite animal? Cause it has a little twist at the end.
  • When I was little I used to think my daddy worked at a farm. Because he would always tell us how he works with a bunch of cows, jackasses and pigs.
  • What's the difference between a pig and a dwarf janitor? One is messy, and the other is a little cleaner.
  • Grampa O'Malley A little boy asks Grandpa O'Malley, "Can I have five bucks to buy a guinea pig?"
    "Here," says the old man as he hands the boy a $10 bill. "Go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead."
  • Little boy asks a farmer "how do you tell the girl pigs from the boy pigs?"..... Farmer says "By their pigtails"
  • Little Jimmy's father is mad at his son. "Jimmy, you're a pig," he says. "Do you know what a pig is?"
    "Yeah," Little Jimmy says. "A pig is a hog's little boy."
  • How did the 3 little pigs build their houses? With HAMmers!
  • What do you call a miniature pig with narcolepsy? A sleepy little hamlet.

Three Little Pigs Jokes

Here is a list of funny three little pigs jokes and even better three little pigs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If the Wolf from "Three Little Pigs" attended Hogwarts, which house would he be placed in? Huffnpuff
  • So a wolf comes to a village with three awfully farmilar houses Shalom Says the Wolf
    Phew Says the three little pigs
  • The Three Little Pigs order off the vegan menu But Mary Had a Little Lamb.
  • What is the three-little-pig's favourite horror movie? The Texas Chain-sow massacre.
Pigs joke, What is the three-little-pig's favourite horror movie?

Pigs In Blankets Jokes

Here is a list of funny pigs in blankets jokes and even better pigs in blankets puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Every Christmas we have pigs in blankets Or as you probably call them - relatives sleeping in the spare room.
  • Every Christmas day we have pigs in blankets. Or as some people might call it, relatives sleeping in the spare room.
  • If it's an undercover cop... Is it okay to call them Pigs in a blanket?
  • What do you call undercover cops? Pigs in a blanket.
  • I slept with this girl, and in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed. She said one pig in the blanket was enough.
  • Yo momma's so fat, when I said I wanted "pigs in a blanket," she got back in bed.
  • food for thought When you relise pigs in blankets with out the blanket is just a sasuage
  • Pigs in a blanket Hey, isn't that the same as an undercover cop?
  • Kermit the Frog's favorite s**... position? Pig in a Blanket.
  • Why are pigs in a blanket g**...? Because they're in-bread.

Guinea Pigs Jokes

Here is a list of funny guinea pigs jokes and even better guinea pigs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where did the guinea pig go when the pet shop exploded? Everywhere.
  • What is a guinea pig's favorite unit of time? Wheeks.
    I'm sorry.
  • A Guinea pig is the perfect pet.... They only live for 5 days and you don't have to feed or water them.
  • What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia? A hamster
  • What do you call an anorexic Guinea pig? A skinny pig.
  • What do you call someone who hoards old English coins? A guinea pig
  • A mother brings another hamster home to her son. Excited, he runs to his father and says... "Papua, New Guinea pig!"
  • What can get disease and will never live past 4? A guinea pig you vaccine loving autist!
    Btw I'm pro vax just thought this was funny.
  • Guinea Pigs? I've often wondered what you call a guinea pig who is the first one to try something in his group of friends
  • I was a Guinea pig in a new drug trial recently. Then it wore off and I was a boring old human again
Pigs joke, I was a Guinea pig in a new drug trial recently.

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Pigs Jokes

What funny jokes about pigs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flying pig jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pigs pranks.

Didn't help myself today when the police pulled me over...

They suspected I was driving with no insurance."f**... filthy pigs" I raged, "have you got nothing else better to do, like arresting murderers and rapists?""Any more language like that, and you'll be arrested" he snapped."I'm sorry, I said, "It's just the beer talking."

Arguing couple

A married couple drove down a country road for several miles, sitting in silence. An earlier discussion led to an argument in which neither would concede their position.
As they passed by a barnyard full of mules, pigs, and goats, the husband sarcastically asks: "Relatives of yours?"
'Yup,' the wife promptly replies. 'In-laws'

What do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?

One hundred sowsand bucks

A Blonde A Brunette and A Redhead trespassed onto a farm

later a farmer came to chase them out so they all went hiding in the barnyard. The redhead hid with the pigs and said "oink" "oink", the brunette hid with the cows and said "moo" moo", and the blonde hid under a potato sack and said "potato" potato"



A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.
The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"
"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.
So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.
Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.
"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had s**... with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.
The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.
"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"

A husband and wife went on a road trip.

They were driving by some plains when they sighted some wild pigs. The wife jokingly asked her husband," Are those relatives of yours?" Too which the husband replies," Yup! Those are my in-laws!"

What is a pigs favorite type of acrobatics?


Old Clinton joke

President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder.
As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, "you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?" ... "No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?" Clinton responds, "well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." ... "Excellent trade sir!!"

What happened when the pig pen broke?

The pigs had to use a pencil.

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly...

Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

a man walks in to a Chinese restaurant

He was asked to wait at the bar until a table was available. The bartender asked "what would you like?" The man answered, "I'd like a Stoli with a twist." The bartender paused for a moment then said " Once upon a time, there were three little pigs...."

A married couple were fighting...

...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."

Dad Joke: People said the USA would have a black president when pigs fly.

Swine Flu.

What are pigskins used for?

Holding the pig together.

They said when pigs fly..

But the swine already flu

Why are piggy banks actually pigs?

To keep Jews away from your money.

What do you call a group of pigs?

A precinct.

My wife...

My wife just got kidnapped by a group of muslim cannibals.
I'm not worried though, I heard muslims don't eat pigs.

Nice pigs sir

A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.
The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."
Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."
The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

What languages do pigs speak


What do you call someone who is s**... attracted to pigs?

A hamosexual.

A couple got into an argument...

A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.
As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:
"Relatives of yours?"
The man replied:

A woman goes in to a butchers shop

Lady: Is that a pigs head in your window?
Butcher: No madam, it's a mirror.

What would happen if pigs could fly???

The price of bacon would go up!!!

TIL that cows, pigs, and dogs can actually talk!

It was my first time watching "The View".

What do pigs use when they get itchy?


If i spent as much time working as i did procrastinating

TIL there is an island in the Bahamas called Pig Beach populated entirely by swimming pigs.

What do pigs put on burns?


President Clinton shows up to Air Force One

President Clinton shows up to Air Force One with a pig under each arm.
The Marine sergeant, salutes him and shouts: "Nice pigs, sir"
Clinton looks at him and says: "I'll have you know these are genuine Arkansas razorbacks! I got one for Chelsea and one for Hillary. What do you think about that?"
The sergeant salutes again and shouts: "Nice trade, sir."

She said she'll go out with me when pigs can fly

But she also said men were pigs, so I don't know what she's waiting for.

A couple had a big argument in the car. They didn't talk to each other then entire trip.

They passed a farm with pigs, in which the husband saw an opportunity to break the ice.
"Look, those must be your relatives"
The lady, keeping her cool, replied "In-laws"

Did you know guinea pigs die after having s**...?

... at least the one I shagged did

If someone tries to convince you pigs can't fly

So if a place to view birds is an Aviary, and a place to view fish is a aquarium, where do you view pigs?


Jokes about school shootings aren't funny. Seriously, my brother died in one. I even remember his last words.

"You'll never take me alive, pigs!"

My dad told me that I would only be successful when pigs fly.


The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of c**... on quails' s**... drive...

The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.

Why did the cows have to flee the farm's cannabis field?

Because the steaks were high when the pigs rolled in...

I thought I understood the meaning of when pigs fly,

But then the swine flew.

What do you call two pigs having s**...?

Makin' bacon.

If cows go moo and sheep go baa, what do pigs say?

I'll make America great again

What do pigs put on their skin to get rid of acne?


Two pigs are sitting in the sun

One says: I'm getting pretty hot!
The other says: Yeah I'm bacon!

In the 5th month of every year, my aunt let's her pigs in the field....

It's mayham!

I saw a stage production of "The Three Pigs" yesterday.

The pigs were pretty boaring, but the wolf really brought down the house.

Want to hear the dirtiest joke in the world?

Two pigs fell in the mud, three came out.

Whoever invented police helicopters doomed us all

Everything's gonna happen now that pigs can fly

What do you call medicine that you give to pigs?


How do pigs communicate?

Swine language

Someone told me you can clean pigs with v**...

sounds like Absolut hogwash if you ask me

Did you hear about the farmer that called his herd of pigs and ended up being trampled?

Was the first report of sooey-cide in the whole state.

what do would happen if pigs could fly?

idk but the price of bacon would Skyrocket

A constable receives notification about a theft from McGregor's farm near Nottingham. The dispatcher tells him that farmer McGregor reports the theft of 2033 pigs...

The constable starts writing the report, but decides to double-check the exact amount of the pigs. He calls McGregor and asks: "Mr McGregor, are you absolutely sure that there were 2033 pigs stolen?"
"Oh, yeth, conthtable, abtholutely!" McGregor answers.
The constable thanks him and continues to write the report: "Victim McGregor lost 2 sows and 33 pigs".

Why are pigs the worst drivers ever?

Because they hog the d**... road.

A woman was sick and tired of hearing her husband f**... all night long and repeatedly told him that he'd s**... his guts out one day.

He kept doing it, so she bought an entire sack of pigs intestines from the butcher and put them in the man's underwear when he was asleep. When she awoke the next morning, he said, "You were right honey, I DID s**... my guts out! But with the grace of God and these two fingers, I was able to push them back in!"

Where do pigs hear their favorite songs?

On the Ham Radio!

Where do pigs live in Germany?


One day a teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building material for his home.
She read, . . . And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may i have some of that straw to build a house?'
The teacher paused, then asked the class, And what do you think that man said?
One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he said, 'HOLY s**...! A TALKING PIG!?!'

A wife and husband are driving past a farm

The husband points towards a group of pigs and says Look your relatives . To which the wife responds, yes, my in-laws .

A man gets on a plane and sits next to a uniform cop

The man has the biggest s**... eating grin on his face.
Half way though the flight, the cop has had enough of the grinning man and says "what's the big deal buddy? Never seen a cop on a plane before?"
"No sir, it's not that. You're the reason my wife will finally let me do that ONE thing in bed."
Puzzled, the cop asks why.
"Well, my wife said we could do that only when pigs fly"

In the US cops are called pigs, in Russia they call them goats.

A man shows up at a police station in Russia and says there is a dead goat on the road two blocks away. The cops are like There was no need to come here, call the city or whatever. The guy says Well, I thought when somebody dies the first thing they do is inform their relatives.

After reading more about which genus pigs are in

I now find them all kinda sus.

How do pigs communicate?

By using swine language.

So A girl got cheated on....

I overheard her complaining to her friends about how all men are pigs. She then said men just f*** Anything that walks. So I turn around, look at her teary eyes and i tell her that's a lie. Men also f*** women who can't walk.

My physics teacher in rural Iowa said I'd pass his class when pigs fly, because I wasn't applying myself.

Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own.

I don't like to eat anything labeled "reformed ham"

As I think it is unfair that the pigs are slaughtered after they've got their lives back on track.

Family Matters

A husband and wife are on a long car trip and get into a big argument that eventually ends in an angry silence.
Some time later they pass a pig farm. The husband looks at the pigs and says, "Family of yours?"
The wife replies, "Yup, in-laws."

Why are pigs the worst drivers?

Because they always hog the road.
Joke from my 5yr old.

I don't want to go to school

"Dad, I don't want to go to school
today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
\-"Well, one of the chickens on the
school farm died last week and we had
chicken soup for lunch the next day.
Then three days ago one of the pigs
died and we had roast pork the
next day"
"But why don't you want
to go today"
"Because our English
teacher died yesterday!"

A lot of people talk about when pigs fly

but swine flu.

Where should pigs be stored safely?

The swine cellar.

Why do you never see a pig in a tree?

Because pigs can't climb trees

Pigs joke, Why do you never see a pig in a tree?

jokes about pigs