Pig Jokes
184 pig jokes and hilarious pig puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about pig that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of pig-related jokes guaranteed to make you smile. Get your fill on witty swine puns, amusing pork quips, and endless piggy fun!
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Funniest Pig Short Jokes
Short pig jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pig humour may include short pork jokes also.
- My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- If x=y and y=z, then x=z. Applying the same logic.
If all men are pigs.
And Men and women are equal.
Then all women are pigs. - My kid came home and asked if I wanted to hear a dirty joke… He said: 2 pigs fell in the mud and three came out
- Why did the pig cross the road? Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op
- What do pigs use when they get hurt? Oink-ment
(My 7 year old made this up and wanted me to share!) - A woman walks into a butcher shop "How much for the pig's head?"
"Ma'am, that's a mirror" - If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.
Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
- Angry feminist told me that men are animals, men are pigs! So I told her that women are equal to men.
- "My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..." "He took a long look at me and gave me $300"
- What do you call a pig that is cold and growling? A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.
I made this joke when I was 11. I remember being super proud lol.
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Pig One Liners
Which pig one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pig? I can suggest the ones about swine and cow.
- What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.
- "You want to see a pig with three eyes?" A piiig
- What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham
- What do you use to clean a pig? Ham sanatizer
- what do u call a pig with 4 eyes A piiiig.
- What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig
- This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!" Alas, swine flu.
- I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
- Why was the pig covered in ink? Because it lived in a pen
- Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
- Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet? Gnawnia
- What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop.
- What is green and smells like a pig? Kermit the frog's finger
- What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
Flying Pig Jokes
Here is a list of funny flying pig jokes and even better flying pig puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a warm sweet potato, and a Pig flying through the air? One's a heated yam, while the other's a yeeted ham.
- You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly... Then barack obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.
- She said she'll go out with me when pigs can fly But she also said men were pigs, so I don't know what she's waiting for.
- What's the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig? One's a heated yam...
- Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- What is the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One's a heated yam, and one's a yeeted ham.
- My dad told me that I would only be successful when pigs fly. WELL GUESS WHAT DAD?! Swine Flu.
- They said when pigs fly.. But the swine already flu
- When pigs fly, where do they take off and land? The airpork.
- Whoever invented police helicopters doomed us all Everything's gonna happen now that pigs can fly
Pig Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny pig day jokes and even better pig day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Eggs and bacon A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime's commitment for a pig.
- A Guinea pig is the perfect pet.... They only live for 5 days and you don't have to feed or water them.
- What do you call a pig with no legs? Ground Hog! Happy Groundhog's Day!
- I hit a pig the other day... the only reason I got caught was because he squealed.
- What do you call a pig who spends all day digging in the dirt? A groundhog
- Every Christmas day we have pigs in blankets. Or as some people might call it, relatives sleeping in the spare room.
- Women can never make up their minds... One day, they call us pigs, but another day, they claim that they're all equal to men.
- What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? I'm bacon!
- I got pulled over the other day, I couldn't tell if the cop was a male or female and I didn't want to misgender the officer. So I used the gender neutral term pig, instead.
- On a hot day, what did the pig say to the other pig after he came back from the car? "It's bacon in there!"
Fat Pig Jokes
Here is a list of funny fat pig jokes and even better fat pig puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?
Student: Honey
Teacher: What does a cow gives us?
Student: Milk
Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?
Student: Homework - A teacher asked her students. "What does the little chicken give you?"
The students replied, "Eggs"
"What does the round pig give you?"
"Bacon"
"What does the fat cow give you?"
"Homework" - At School: What Does It Give You? Kids, what does the chicken give you?
Meat!
Very good! Now what does the pig give you?
Bacon!
Great! And what does the fat cow give you?
Homework! - A friend of mine did not know the difference between Latin and Pig Latin He just thought Pig Latin was what fat Italians spoke.
(This is actually a true story.) - What did the fat girl say to the pig? DA-HAAAMMM!
- Guinea Pig, in and of it self is not offensive... I bought my kids a cute Guinea Pig - fine
Your wife is a fat Guinea pig, not so much - School What does the chicken give us?
*Eggs*
What does the pig give us?
*Bacon*
What does the fat cow give us?
*Homework* - this is what we call religious heat. when you walk out side you say "jesus christ it's hot!!!
it got so hot our fat pig melted, the lard ran down into our potato patch and we dug up french fries - The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
- Yo momma's so fat, when I said I wanted "pigs in a blanket," she got back in bed.
Police Pig Jokes
Here is a list of funny police pig jokes and even better police pig puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the italian police do with a criminal pig? prosecutto
- What did the police officer say to the pig thief? Come out with your hams up!
- What language did ancient Roman police speak? Pig Latin
- What do you call something that is half horse and half pig? A mounted police officer
- What animal likes to give a pig a ride on his back? A police horse.
- Using the phrase "when pigs fly" to suggest an impossibility is surely out of date. The police have had helicopters for years now.
- What's it called when you insult a police officer? A pig roast...
- What do a farmer and a police chief have in common? They're both in charge of pigs.
- I saw a police helicopter last night... "Hey look, a flying pig".
- After reading, 50 shades of grey, my wife asked to treat her like Anastasia ... so I got the Bolshevik secret police to m**... her family and I sold her to a Russian pig farmer.
Humorous Pig Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about pig you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ham jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pig pranks.
A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.
The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.
As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.
"Wait!" says the bartender. "You drank so much beer. Wouldn't it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?"
"Not for me," says the pig. "I'm the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
That pig is a hero.
One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me
a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"
he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"
he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted
"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"
he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted
"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"
the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted
"frog with 0 legs, deaf"
Duchess
It's my cake day, so here's a joke for everybody. My dad told me this joke, but I haven't seen it any other places:
A man goes on trial for calling the Duchess a pig. The judge finds him guilty of slander and explains that if he ever calls the Duchess a pig again he'll be severely punished. The man then says to the judge, If I can't call the Duchess a pig, would I still get punished for calling a pig Duchess?
The judge publicly rules that he can indeed call a pig Duchess.
On his way out of the courtroom, the man walks by the royal plaintiff, tips his hat, and says Good day, Duchess.
A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...
She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".
Joke provided by my ten year old son.
What has the head of a dog, the body of a pig, and the legs of a spider?
My daughter's drawing of a snake.
A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"
A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals
She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"
A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says
"You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"
A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm
The bartender says, "Hey! Get that pig out of here!"
The lady scoffs and tells the bartender, "This isn't a pig, it's a duck." To which the bartender replies, "I was talkin' to the duck!"
A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm
The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."
The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."
To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."
A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the road.
So he calls the police to inform them.
A c**... sergeant answers the called. "Did ye read him his last rites?" smirks the sergeant.
"Naw." replies the priest." I thought I would inform his next of kin first!"
A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked...
her class what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"
What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?
Bacon and scrambled legs.
Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.
**I was talking to my girlfriend the other day about reincarnation.**
She asked "what actually is reincarnation?"
I said to her, "well, its when you die and come back as something completely different."
"So, I could come back as a pig?!" she exclaimed!!
I said, "you"re not listening are you.....?
A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.
On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
A teacher is teaching.
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)
A woman is woken up late one night to the sound of her husband coming home.
He crashes into the bedroom reeking of booze, with a duck under his arm.
"What the h**...'s going on, Steve?" asks the woman.
"What do you think of the pig?"
"That's not a pig, it's a duck."
"I wasn't talking to you."
A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them, "what kind of noises did you hear at the farm?"
The first kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the cow go moo!"
The second kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the pig go oink!"
The third kid raises his hand and says, "I heard the farmer yell 'get off my tractor you little f**...!'"
why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because batman swore to protect goth ham
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar...
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.
The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"
Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."
The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm....
He says: "This is the pig I have to have s**... with when you're away."
His wife says: "Actually I think you'll find that's a sheep."
He says: "Actually I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are asked to measure the volume of a pig.
The engineer answers: "we fill a pool to the brim with water, fully immerse the pig, collect the spilled water and measure its weight. The pig will have a volume of 1dm^3 per collected Kg."
The mathematician answers: "we freeze the pig, slice it and integrate the slices' areas to obtain a volume."
The physicist answers: "let P be a spherical, friction-less pig...
Lil piggy is sick
A Lil Piggy is sick and goes to see Dr. Pig. "Dr. Pig," he says, "I feel awful!! What do I do?"
Dr. Pig says "Here's what you do: go home and roll around in some salt. I'll check back in with you in a week."
One week later, Dr. Pig goes to see the Lil Piggy. Dr. Pig asks, "So, are you feeling any better?"
"Better?" says Lil Piggy. "I'm cured!!"
The guy who received the first pig heart transplant gave a radio interview yesterday
I tried to listen, but I could only hear crackling
What's the difference between a warm yam and a thrown pig?
One is a heated yam, the other is a yeeted ham.
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Here's an update for you:
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage...
What does the fat cow give you?
Teacher: "Kids,what does the little chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the squealy pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
A pig goes to a bar and knocks back ten beers.
"Need to know where the bathroom is? You've had quite a lot," asked the bartender.
"Nah," said the pig. "I'm the one that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."
My favorite winter Olympic sport is women's curling...
Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.
A pig that can speak French
A circus advertises a new act: a pig that can speak French. A trainer walks onto the stage carrying a small pig with a blue ribbon and a wooden mallet. The trainer asks, "Parlez-vous français?" and hits the pig with the mallet. The pig: "Ouiiii..."
How to you call a pig missing both hind legs?
A ham-putee.
Why did the Albino pig have bad breath?
He has no Pig mints.
A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck...
...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"
One day a teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building material for his home.
She read, . . . And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may i have some of that straw to build a house?'
The teacher paused, then asked the class, And what do you think that man said?
One little boy raised his hand and said, I think he said, 'HOLY s**...! A TALKING PIG!?!'
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm
He says, "Darling, this is the pig I have s**... with when you have a headache."
His wife, lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
A Scottish priest finds a dead pig.
A Scottish priest is driving home when he comes across a dead pig lying on the side of the road. So he calls the police to inform them.
A c**... sergeant answers the call.
"Did ye read him his last rites?" the sergeant smirked
"Naw." replies the priest. "I thought I'd inform his next of kin first!"
A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals
Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"
Johnny: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Johnny: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Johnny: "Homework!"
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm...
...his wife wakes up and asks him what he's doing.
He says, 'Honey, this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache.'.
The wife sneers at him and says, 'You idiot, that isn't a pig, it's a sheep!'.
The husband replies, ' I wasn't talking to you.'.
You old fool!
A farmer goes into the bedroom one night with a sheep under his arm. His wife, in bed, looks up from her National Enquirer. She has curlers in her hair and green face cream all over her face.
The farmer says, "Sweetheart, this is the pig I sleep with when you won't give me what I want."
The wife rolls her eyes and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."
The farmer replies, "You old fool, I wasn't talkin' to you!"
What do you call a pig that gets stuck in a bush?
A hedge hog.
I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge.
It's a Babe magnet.
Marital Misunderstanding
It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:
"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"
Her husband looks at her and says:
"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."
"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."
What happened when Harry Potter had s**... with a pig?
He got hog warts.
There's a pig on the farm tanning...
And the farmer walks up to him and says, "Hey pig, what are you laying out in the sun for?"
The pig then says, "Oh no reason, I'm just bacon!"
I am *very* proud of this joke.
A Man Walks Into His House With a Sheep Under His Arm...
He finds his wife in the kitchen and says, "This is the pig I've been sleeping with when you're not around."
The wife says, "That's a sheep, not a pig you fool."
The husband says, "I wasn't talking to you."
Told to me by my 8 year old daughter: Who is the smartest pig in the world?
Oinkbert Einswine
What do you call a pig that's falling down a hill?
A sausage roll.
The difference between being Involved vs. Committed
Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.
Three blondes were walking in the woods...
Three blondes were walking in the woods. They found some tracks. The first said "oh its wolf tracks!" The second said, "No, its horse tracks." And the third one said "I think its pig tracks" shortly after they were all hit by a train.
