piece Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious piece stories

What are the best piece puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Piece? Well here is a complete list of the top piece jokes:

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

👍🏼

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

👍🏼

I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

👍🏼

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.

Me: What are you trying to say?

Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.

👍🏼

A man goes to the doctor and says,

"Doc, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my anus."

The doctor instructs him to drop his trousers, and then examines him.

The man asks, "Is it serious, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

👍🏼

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.

The sign said "Bread in captivity".

👍🏼

Did you hear about the LEGO truck that crashed on the highway?

Authorities are still trying to piece everything together...

👍🏼

A bloke notices a gorgeous bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.

"Do I know you?" he asks.
She says, "Aren't you the dad of one of my kids?"
He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at my bucks night, while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my ass?"
She stares at him and says, "No, I'm your daughters teacher!"

👍🏼

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

👍🏼

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.....

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.

👍🏼

After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside!

It was unfortunate.

👍🏼

I went to the doctors for the first time in a long while. He told me I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass

I told him it's just the tip of the iceberg

👍🏼

My dad has a piece of paper where he keeps a list of all his mistakes.

He calls it my birth certificate.

👍🏼

String

A piece of string walks into a bar and takes a seat.

The bartender says to the piece of string "We don't serve your kind around here!" and kicks the string out of the bar.

The string gathers his composure, messes his hair up, and ties himself in a knot. He then resumes his seat at the bar.

The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I just kicked out?"

The string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

👍🏼

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

👍🏼

How do you get a fat girl into bed?

Piece of cake.

👍🏼

A strange van pulls up to a 12 year old boy walking down the street...

The man in the van holds out a bag of candy and says, "hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy will you come in my van?"

To that the kid replies, "I'll come in your mouth if you give me the whole bag."

👍🏼

How about some Little Johnny...

Little Johnny asks his Dad "What's between mom's legs?"
The father answers: "Paradise, my son."
Little Johnny asks again: "What's between your legs?"
The father replies: "The key to paradise."


Little Johnny says: "Piece of advice Dad, change the lock the neighbor has a duplicate key."

👍🏼

Didja hear the joke about the piece of paper ripped in half?

It's tearable.

👍🏼

Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar

The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

👍🏼

A young tree, curious about his lineage, asked an older tree, "Am I the son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The older tree replied, "I don't know, but your mom was the finest piece of ash in the forest!"

👍🏼

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

👍🏼

I bought a vacant piece of land recently, and every night someone keeps depositing soil on the land. I still can't figure out who it is.

The plot thickens.

👍🏼

I accidentally swallowed a piece of string the other day. When it finally came out the back end, it was all tied up.

I shit you knot

👍🏼

What do you call a really, really quiet piece of meat?

A shh-kebab.
---
I love you too, fellas.

👍🏼

An oddly behaving soldier.

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: That's not it and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it.

👍🏼

Party Trick

I've come up with a new party trick. Basically I swallow two pieces of string and a few hours later they come out of my ass in one piece. I shit you knot!

👍🏼

Contact Lens

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.

"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

👍🏼

We had a pop quiz in culinary school today.

It was a piece of cake.

👍🏼

What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides?

Symmetree.

👍🏼

A blonde walks into a bar

A blonde walks into a bar holding a piece of shit and says "look what I almost stepped in!"

👍🏼

I went to see a theatrical piece about puns last night

it was a play on words

👍🏼

What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?

A piece of ass that would bring a tear to your eye.. (I know it's old but it makes me laugh every time)

👍🏼

Little Johnny's Classic Summer Story

On the first day of school, the teacher goes around the class asking the kids what they did that summer.

Teacher: "Johnny, what did you do?"

Johnny: "Well my dad got in a car accident, and a piece of metal went right up his ass!"

Teacher: "Johnny! We don't use that word in here, we say 'rectum.'"

Johnny: "Wrecked 'im? Damn near killed 'im!"

👍🏼

A Chess Shop

A man walks into a chess shop, and going over to the small asian manager, he asks if he can purchase a piece.

The manager says, "Oh sure. Take a rook."

👍🏼

How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

Tape a piece of bread to the roof.

👍🏼

A woman is getting ready for bed when she says to her husband...

"Honey, I think my breasts are too small. I'm considering getting implants. What do you reckon?"

The husband shakes his head, "no, all you have to do is take a piece of toilet tissue and rub it between your breasts twice a day."

His wife looks surprised and asks, "you think that's effective?"

The husband replies, "sure. It seems to work for your arse."

👍🏼

What do you say when someone asks you to make a fat person leave?

"Piece of cake."

👍🏼

Puzzle

A man goes to his friend and tells him:

Man: ''I finally finished this 3000 piece puzzle you gave me! It took me only 1 year 2 months and 5 days!''

Friend: ''How is that any special?''

Man: ''Well the box said 6 to 12 years''

👍🏼

Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently...

The steaks have never been higher.

👍🏼

If the Indians would have given the Pilgrims

donkey instead of turkey, we'd all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving

👍🏼

Two flies on a piece of shit

Two Flies are on a piece of shit.

One farts and the others goes "Hey! I'm eating here."

👍🏼

Two bananas are sitting by a river...

When they see a piece of poo floating down the river. The poo calls out to the bananas and says "Come on in guys, the water is warm." First banana says to the second, "Can you believe this shit?"

👍🏼

Interesting piece of history...

In 1872, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

👍🏼

How is a lonely twig like a piece of cling wrap?

He can only stick to himself.

👍🏼

(warning racist and horrible humor, NSFW) How do you start a rave party in Ethiopia?

Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling

👍🏼

I asked an 85 year old man what he was getting for fathers day...

He replied "Same thing as last year, a pair of socks and a piece of ass... and they'll both be too big."

👍🏼

How do you start a rave in ethiopia?

Tape a piece of toast to the roof.

👍🏼

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes

👍🏼

I was going to write a book about an x-axis and y-axis on a piece of graph paper.

But there was no plot.

👍🏼

CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best piece jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about piece. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty piece gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these piece jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

Can I save Piece jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Thumbs up your favorite jokes so we can rank them by how many likes every joke has. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Piece joke? You are free to share every Piece joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

JokoJokes