Picture Jokes
166 picture jokes and hilarious picture puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about picture that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bring some laughter into your day with these hilarious picture jokes! From silly captions to fun-filled photo filters, these jokes are sure to make you smile. Whether you're looking for a portrait of your pet or a classic picture-in-a-frame, you'll find a range of options to get your creative juices flowing. Let the humor begin!
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Funniest Picture Short Jokes
Short picture jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The picture humour may include short pics jokes also.
- If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation
- What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture up.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am.... Independent
- Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled? Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
- Girls, if a guy remembers your birthday, saves your pictures knows what you enjoy and understands your family and friends, This guy is not your man.
This guy is Mark Zuckerberg. - I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture. It was called Electronic Arts.
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
- Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
-Rob DenBleyker
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Picture One Liners
Which picture one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with picture? I can suggest the ones about photo and image.
- I googled "Rorschach Test" But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting
- La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture But Moonlight won the popular vote
- I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday. I am now independent.
- Yo mama so fat... I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.
- Got my picture taken with R.E.M. the other day.... That's me in the corner.
- If you put a picture of yourself in a locket You could say you are
Independent. - What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket? Independent
- I was asked to submit a 1,000 word essay.. So I just submitted a picture instead.
- How can you tell if a picture was taken with a GoPro? because the owner will tell you
- Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
- I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray Never gets old
- Finally figured out the reason why l look so bad in pictures. It's my face.
- My tree went missing..... so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog.
- Found my old copy of Picture of Dorian Gray in the attic It has not aged well.
- How does a cop hang a picture? "...UP AGAINST THE WALL!"
Taking A Picture Jokes
Here is a list of funny taking a picture jokes and even better taking a picture puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.
- If you find it hard to take pictures of yourself in the sauna... You have selfie-steam issues.
- How many Karen's does it take to hang a picture. 1, if she talks for long enough the picture will hang itself.
- As a food photographer, I've always hated taking pictures of rice They always come out too grainy
- Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus It takes 1 nail to hang a picture
- I tried to take some High Res pictures of my farmland and fields. They still came out pretty grainy.
- Women that breastfeed in public are so miserable They never smile when I take their picture
- How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.
- How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.
- My friend is making a lot of money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes. It's like shooting fish in apparel.
Picture Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny picture day jokes and even better picture day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her: Well, I guess now you really are… independent".
- So, I googled the Rorschach test the other day.. All I could find were pictures of my parents fighting..
- Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know
- If I were a girl, every Father's Day, I'd text an ex-boyfriend "Happy 'You-might-be-the-Father's Day." along with a picture of a random kid.
- I once knew this annoying couple that would show everyone they met a picture of their kid. One day I snapped and told them... "It's been 2 years. You're never going to find him."
- I told my dad about the school shooting today I don't know why he got so worked up over picture day.
- The only time kids are shot in school in Canada is.. Picture day
- My friend asked me what I got on prime day.. I answered "a bunch of pictures of dogs"
- 3 days ago I got a pass-code lock that takes a picture whenever someone enters the wrong code in my phone. So far I have 26 pictures of drunk me.
- I passed by a music shop the other day All the instruments were painted with cool pictures and patterns. However, it didn't allow children due to graphic violins and sax.
Mirror Picture Jokes
Here is a list of funny mirror picture jokes and even better mirror picture puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend has a habit of taking blurry pictures of himself in the bathroom mirror after taking hot showers... I thunk he has a high selfie steam problem.
- My buddy took some amazing pictures of himself with a cigar, hanging out in a funhouse. When I asked him how he did it, he said "It's all Smoke and Mirrors".
- A BLONDE'S SPECIAL PICTURE Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror. - Can someone just invent a mirror that takes pictures already!
- I hate taking pictures of mirrors. The pictures always come out with some a**hole in them.
Hanging Picture Jokes
Here is a list of funny hanging picture jokes and even better hanging picture puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus
- Whats the best way to hang yourself? In a picture frame
- What is better, Jesus himself or a picture of Jesus? Well, a picture needs only one nail to hang
- Why is picture of Jesus better than Jesus himself? You only need one nail to hang up the picture.
- Name 3 things that don't hang themselves Pictures, Drywall and Jeffrey Epstein
- Being a picture is like being a gay man in middle east First you're framed then you're hanged almost immediately
- After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room. But she still won't admit she framed me.
- Why do pictures rotated counter clockwise hate giving high fives Because they're always *left hanging*
- What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You only need one nail to hang the picture up.
^^\(Sorry ^^for ^^the ^^repost. ^^Couldn't ^^stop ^^laughing.) - What is the difference between Jesus himself and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
Picture Frame Jokes
Here is a list of funny picture frame jokes and even better picture frame puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went up to this girl and asked if she could take a picture of me, and she said yes. So I handed her a framed portrait of me and walked away.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed!
- Last week I got a picture framed Now it's doing 10 years for armed robbery but swears that it's innocent
- Why was the picture arrested..?? Because it was framed
- It's sad to see so many pictures end up in jail. Most have been framed.
- My uncle took 4 pictures to to the hobby store to get frames made for them, but got mad when they took an hour to get them finished. "Everybody gets 15 minutes a frame," the employee retorted.
- Did you hear about the picture that hung itself? I don't believe them... It was clearly framed
- Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial? It was framed.
- I've hung pictures of my old graphics cards on the wall, it didn't cost much I got low frame rates
Hilarious Fun Picture Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about picture you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean portrait jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make picture pranks.
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
A cop knocks on a man's front door late one night
and he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. "Sure," he says, a bit puzzled. The man produces a picture from his wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer takes one look and takes a long, deep breath.
With difficulty, he looks the man in the eyes and says, "Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife's been hit by a truck."
The man replies, "I know, but she's got a great personality and she can really cook."
A woman has twins...
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '
One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...
I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...
I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."
Larry at the police station
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
Two guys died in a car c**......
There were these two friends, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them. St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time." St. Peter decided to give the man a station-wagon for him to drive around heaven. Now it was the second man's turn. St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her. The man replied,"here's a picture of my wife, and I never cheated on her." St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven. After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your wife on a skateboard."
A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.
The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."
He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."
The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."
The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."
You know you're ugly when....
it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)
A man is in a foot fetishist club
His girlfriend knows and says that he can give a picture of her feet to the other people in the club. He does and they say that they are the best feet ever. So he goes home and realizes that he had a picture of his girlfriend's mom's feet. He goes to the club the next day and says... Guys we got off on the wrong foot
A police officer knocks on a man's door.
The officer asks, "Is this the Sorkin residence?" The man nods.
"May I see a picture of your wife?" The man hands the officer a picture off a shelf.
The officer sighs, "It looks like she was hit by a train."
" I know, but she's such a nice lady and an excellent cook!"
What was the basic white girl's favorite picture book?
The Little Engine That Couldn't Even.
My wife said she wanted to see "Fifty Shades Of Grey".
So I showed her a picture of her hair.
A guy goes into a bar...
He sits and ask for 2 beers. After he finished them, he take something in his pocket, look at it, put it back and ask for 2 more beers. After he finished them, he did the same process and ask for 2 more beers.
After he did it 4 more times, the bartender intrigued ask the guy what's in his pocket.
- Ohh its just a picture of my wive! When i'm drunk enough to find her attractive I know it's time to go home.
Did you know that Stalin had a girlfriend that cheated on him?
You know what, don't worry about it. She's out of the picture now anyway.
A Marine received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home...
It read as follows:
---
*Michael*,
*I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is too great and too long. I must confess that I have cheated on you twice, and this situation is not fair for either of us. I'm really sorry.*
*Love, Elizabeth*
*P.S. Please return the picture you have of me*
---
The Marine, his feelings hurt, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they had of mothers, sisters, girlfriends, cousins, ex-girlfriends, or aunts they had. After a while he had obtained a sizeable collection, and so he stuffed them all 62 of them into an envelope, including the picture of Elizabeth, along with this letter:
---
*Elizabeth,*
*I can't quite remember what you look like. Please take your picture from the pile and return the rest.*
*Take care, Michael*
My grandfather had a s**... this week..
He saw a picture of my grandmother when she was younger and couldn't help himself.
"Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately."
"Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."
The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...
"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."
A woman goes into a pharmacy
She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having s**... with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."
Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model...
They hired me as the "before" picture.
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
I always keep a picture of my wife and children in my wallet.
It reminds me why there's no money in there.
A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...
Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"
My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
I switched my kids to almond milk.
Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."
A picture worth millions
A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate...
And I can picture us invading that world because they'd never see it coming.
I read an article that said it's good for your eyesight to look at something distant occasionally during computer use.
So I put a picture of my dad next to the monitor.
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist...
A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.
She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
What did Jesus say right before the last supper?
Everybody get on this side of the table if you want to be in the picture.
USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture
The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.
My wife walked in on me m**... to a picture of an optical illusion...
I turned and yelled "it's not what it looks like!"
Blonde gets caught speeding.
The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: Let me see your driver's license.
Driver: What's that?
Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,
I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.
(
Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
In *da* pendent
A police officer knocked on my door last night.
He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"
"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car c**...".
"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".
A blonde is working on a puzzle...
She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"
The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"
She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is going to ever make picture of a tiger."
The husband says, "That's alright honey, let's just put all the cereal back in the box."
My wife got n**... and told me to show her a good time
So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.
A blonde girl gets pulled over by a blonde police officer for speeding...
The Police officer asks for a drivers license & the blonde starts going through her bag looking for it.
She's getting increasingly frustrated as she looks for the drivers license & asks the police officer for assistance.
The blonde asks: "I'm having trouble finding it... Can you please tell me what it is suppose to look like?"
The officer responds: "Sure, it's just a square that has your picture on it."
After a bit more rustling through her bag, she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the police officer.
The police officer looks at the mirror and says: "Oh, I'm so sorry... I didn't realise you were a police officer! You can go"
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket
A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket. He calls the bartender over and asks for another shot. Again, he downs the shot and looks back in his pocket.
He continues to do this and the bartender finally says, Every time I️ pour you a shot, you down it, look in your pocket and order another. What's in your pocket?
The guy responds, A picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I'll head home.
A man and a woman are making love...
...when the man notices a picture of another man on the lady's bedside.
The man panics and asks, "Who is this? Is this your husband?"
The woman smiles and says, "No... You're so hot when you're jealous!"
The man is still panicked and asks, "Boyfriend?"
The woman shakes her head.
The man is slightly relieved and asks, "Then who is it? Your father? Brother?"
The woman replies, "No..." She leans into his ear and whispers, "That was me before the surgery."
I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What'll you have? I said, Surprise me.
He showed me a n**... picture of my wife.
I s**... identify as a microwave dinner
I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture
The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"
I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?
A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, "What's this?"
The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."
The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"
The kid says, "The cow ate it all."
"Ok, then where's the cow?"
"It left because there was no more grass."
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today and as we were walking around, he screeched, Look Dad! It's a frickin' elephant! I was shocked and slightly angry, because everybody was looking at us...
What did you just call it?! I cried.
It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture! Look! he shouted, pointing excitedly.
And so it did...A F R I C A N Elephant.
I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.
I think it's maoware.
A blonde cop pulls over a blonde driver
The cop tells the driver "License please."
"What is a license?" the driver answers.
The cop replies "it goes in your wallet, has a picture of you on it..."
As the blonde driver digs through her purse, after a while she pulls an object out, looks at it for a second, smiles, says "Found it! Here you go officer!" and hands a mirror to the cop.
The cop takes off her aviators, looks in the mirror, rolls her eyes, and hands it back to the driver.
"If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal
A blonde and a brunette
decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"
This g**... Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.
I told her that I am looking for matches.
A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...
The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.
They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.
"Sir, do you know this woman?"
"Yes it's my wife"
(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"
Have a ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?
It's beauty was unpresidented
therapist: describe this picture
me: that's my father yelling at me
therapist: and this one
me: you having s**... with my wife
therapist: and this one
me: aren't these normally ink blots
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
A guy walks into a bar
He sits down and orders a drink. After he finishes it, he takes out a picture and looks at it for a couple minutes before putting it away and ordering another drink. He repeats this a few times always looking at the picture in between drinks.
The bartender gets curious and says "Man I have to know, what picture are you looking at?"
The man says "Oh, it's just my wife. I don't go home until she's pretty!"
Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
A guy sat next to me on the train today and pulled out a picture of his girlfriend.
He said ain't she beautiful?
I told him if you think she's beautiful you should see my wife
Why? Is she a stunner as well?
No she's an optician
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.
.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"
The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."
"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."
