The Best 74 Picture Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Picture jokes. There are some picture pendant jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these picture photographer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Picture Jokes and Puns

I got a picture of myself in a locket for my 18th birthday.

I am now independent.

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole

you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang the picture up.

Picture joke, What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."


A cop knocks on a man's front door late one night

and he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. "Sure," he says, a bit puzzled. The man produces a picture from his wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer takes one look and takes a long, deep breath.
With difficulty, he looks the man in the eyes and says, "Sir, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your wife's been hit by a truck."
The man replies, "I know, but she's got a great personality and she can really cook."

My tree went missing.....

so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog.

Picture joke, My tree went missing.....

A woman has twins...

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."

He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."

The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."

You know you're ugly when....

it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)

A man is in a foot fetishist club

His girlfriend knows and says that he can give a picture of her feet to the other people in the club. He does and they say that they are the best feet ever. So he goes home and realizes that he had a picture of his girlfriend's mom's feet. He goes to the club the next day and says... Guys we got off on the wrong foot

You can explore picture portrait reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean picture pic dad jokes. There are also picture puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My wife said she wanted to see "Fifty Shades Of Grey".

So I showed her a picture of her hair.

Did you know that Stalin had a girlfriend that cheated on him?

You know what, don't worry about it. She's out of the picture now anyway.

How can you tell if a picture was taken with a GoPro?

because the owner will tell you

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket?

Independent

Picture joke, What do you call someone who puts a picture of themselves in a locket?

My grandfather had a stroke this week..

He saw a picture of my grandmother when she was younger and couldn't help himself.

If you put a picture of yourself in a locket

You could say you are

Independent.

The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...

"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.

"Yes", I replied.

"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

"I know, but she's good with the kids."


A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having sex with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."

Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model...

They hired me as the "before" picture.

I always keep a picture of my wife and children in my wallet.

It reminds me why there's no money in there.

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"

"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied

The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."

She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."

"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.

The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"

I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am....

Independent

My parents always warned me about having sex before marriage...

But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.

I read an article that said it's good for your eyesight to look at something distant occasionally during computer use.

So I put a picture of my dad next to the monitor.

La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture

But Moonlight won the popular vote

What did Jesus say right before the last supper?

Everybody get on this side of the table if you want to be in the picture.

USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture

The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

I was asked to submit a 1,000 word essay..

So I just submitted a picture instead.

My wife walked in on me masturbating to a picture of an optical illusion...

I turned and yelled "it's not what it looks like!"

Blonde gets caught speeding.

The cop is also a blonde.

Cop: Let me see your driver's license.

Driver: What's that?

Cop: A square thing with your picture on it.

Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.

Cop looks at it, hands it back and says,

I'm gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn't know you were a cop.

(

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(β€’_β€’)

( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 

(βŒβ– _β– )

In *da* pendent

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

A blonde is working on a puzzle...

She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"

The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"

She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is going to ever make picture of a tiger."

The husband says, "That's alright honey, let's just put all the cereal back in the box."

My wife got naked and told me to show her a good time

So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.

Facebook is like jail

You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know

I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture.

It was called Electronic Arts.

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket. He calls the bartender over and asks for another shot. Again, he downs the shot and looks back in his pocket.

He continues to do this and the bartender finally says, Every time I️ pour you a shot, you down it, look in your pocket and order another. What's in your pocket?

The guy responds, A picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I'll head home.

A man and a woman are making love...

...when the man notices a picture of another man on the lady's bedside.

The man panics and asks, "Who is this? Is this your husband?"

The woman smiles and says, "No... You're so hot when you're jealous!"

The man is still panicked and asks, "Boyfriend?"

The woman shakes her head.

The man is slightly relieved and asks, "Then who is it? Your father? Brother?"

The woman replies, "No..." She leans into his ear and whispers, "That was me before the surgery."

Got my picture taken with R.E.M. the other day....

That's me in the corner.

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What'll you have? I said, Surprise me.

He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner

I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"

I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".

"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.

I think it's maoware.

I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never gets old

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption

One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.Β 
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal

A blonde and a brunette

decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"

Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus

It takes 1 nail to hang a picture

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...

The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.

They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.

"Sir, do you know this woman?"

"Yes it's my wife"

(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."

The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only take 1 nail to hang the picture.

Have a ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?

It's beauty was unpresidented

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…

A guy walks into a bar

He sits down and orders a drink. After he finishes it, he takes out a picture and looks at it for a couple minutes before putting it away and ordering another drink. He repeats this a few times always looking at the picture in between drinks.

The bartender gets curious and says "Man I have to know, what picture are you looking at?"

The man says "Oh, it's just my wife. I don't go home until she's pretty!"

The day my daughter turns 18, I'm going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:

Well, I guess now you really are… independent".

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

A guy sat next to me on the train today and pulled out a picture of his girlfriend.

He said ain't she beautiful?

I told him if you think she's beautiful you should see my wife

Why? Is she a stunner as well?

No she's an optician

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."

"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

I once saw a picture of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved

Its natural beauty was unpresidented

I had no freaking idea!

I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!

A woman goes into an art gallery and sees two still-life pictures. Both are of a table laid for lunch with a glass of wine, a basket of bread rolls and a plate of sliced ham. However, one picture is selling for $75 and the other for $100.

Curious, she goes to the gallery owner and asks him what the difference is between the two pictures. The owner points at the $100 painting and says, You get more ham with that one.

My friend had twins last month, Amal and Juan

When I saw her at the store yesterday she only had a picture of one of the babies on her phone but she assured me, If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

Middle Class Sexting.

So this girl I'm seeing sent me a picture of herself in a crotchless leather catsuit she'd bought from Marks and Sparks, she then proceeded to text exactly what she would do to me in it. That wasn't just any sex text. That was an M&S S&M MMS and SMS.

A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself

She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:

In Wisconsin, you can't take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

You can't take pictures with a wooden leg, in Wisconsin or anywhere else!

You need a camera to take pictures!

I took my 8 year old niece to the zoo last week...

..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, Look Uncle John! It's a frickin' Elephant!
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. What did you just call it? I asked.
It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture! she said, ... and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.

As I crushed the painkillers...

As I crushed the painkillers and poured them into a glass of vodka, I looked at a picture of my wife. "We'll be together soon, my darling..." I said.

"Did you say something?" my wife asked from the next room.

"I'm on the phone to your sister," I said. "Your drink is ready by the way."

i felt like i needed a drink so i walked into a bar

the bartender asked me what kind of drink i wanted

i said: "surprise me"

so he showed me a naked picture of my wife

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the picture taking a picture jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working picture nude pictures piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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