Picnic Jokes
65 picnic jokes and hilarious picnic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about picnic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some fun to add to your next picnic? Check out this collection of picnic jokes, from corny church picnic gags to teddy bear picnic puns and brunch-time imam jokes. Whether you're eating a cookout or sitting around the picnic table, these jokes will add a bit of laughter to your outdoor meal.
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Funniest Picnic Short Jokes
Short picnic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The picnic humour may include short barbecue jokes also.
- What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family.
- My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father
- I went to a feminist picnic the other day... It was great, apart from the fact that no one made any sandwiches.
- I think there is nothing cooler than being a lone wolf. except for at wolf picnics, when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.
- Thanks to Uber Eats, ordering Chinese takeaway for a picnic is as easy as a wok in the park.
- My wife prefers having picnics on a sandy beach, whereas I prefer in a grassy park... We can't seem to find common ground
- Winnie-the-Pooh is on a Picnic with Christopher Robin, Piglet and Eeyore. Christopher Robin says Pooh, you haven't touched any food yet. What gives? Pooh: I'm stuffed
- Two ants are at a picnic... Two ants are at a picnic, sitting on a bowl of melon.
One ant says to the other "let's get married and run away together!"
The other ant says "cantaloupe." - Mommy, daddy and little lion are having a picnic. As soon as they've taken seat on their blanket, little lion wants to start eating. "Hold on," says daddy lion. "We first need to prey."
- Today I used a picnic basket to foil a robbery at the garden centre. I threw it at the perp, and the security guard took him down while he was hampered.
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Picnic One Liners
Which picnic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with picnic? I can suggest the ones about potluck and lunch.
- Why was the feminist picnic cancelled? because nobody made sandwiches
- What did the llama say when he was planning a picnic? Alpaca lunch.
- What do you call a genetically altered picnic pest that can't speak? A mute ant
- What did the zombies eat at the picnic? Barbara Q.
- What did the cannibal couple take with them to the park? A picnic casket
- What's the official food of COVID-19 picnics? The six-foot hoagie.
- Lewis & Clark should get the world record for most picnics.
- Who is the best guy to take on a picnic? Scott Chegg
- What do you call someone who is afraid of picnics? A basket case!
- Wanna go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.
- What do u call an Asian picnic blanket? Plaid Thai
- What did Dave Matthews see when he spilled the potato salad at the picnic? Ants Marching
- Where do you jedis go for picnics? A force field!
- What do you call t**... that you pack for a picnic? Basketballs!
- What's the worst part about going to a gay picnic? All the hotdogs taste like shut.
Fun-Filled Picnic Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about picnic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean packed lunch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make picnic pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Re-post but one of my all time favorites (somewhat altered)
One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Watering Hole
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Skinny dipping in your neighbors pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fast thinking old man
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."
The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim n**..., or to make you get out of the pond n**...."
Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Farmer and The Skinny Dippers
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator…"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old men think fast
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you
get out of the pond n**....
Holding the bucket up he said, I'm here to feed the alligator…
A Date on the Beach
A man once took his sweetheart for a Valentine's Day picnic on the beach. All was going well, when suddenly they were attacked by nesting shorebirds. I guess you could say their enchanted evening took a tern for the worse.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi
A priest, a minister and a rabbi are on a fishing trip. They get out on the water and the Priest goes, "Oh darn, I forgot the picnic basket!" so he proceeds to step out of the boat and walk to shore, grabs the picnic basket and comes back out to the boat. The rabbi looks on in bewilderment.
The minister looks around as he's about to cast and realizes, "I forgot the tackle box!" He also proceeds to get out of the boat and walk to shore, grabs the tackle box and heads back to the boat. The rabbi is absolutely shocked at this point.
Finally, the rabbi turns to the priest and minister and says, "I forgot the bait." He steps out of the boat and splashes around in the water.
The priest turns to the minister and says, "You forgot to show him where the rocks are didn't you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Time of weakness
Rosy had been divorced for a few years and was finding life very lonely.
Finally, after much persuasion, she consented to go out on a date with Robert, a gentleman her daughter fixed her up with.
He picked her up and they went to a very secluded spot to have a picnic.
Robert had also been divorced for quite some time and found himself very attracted to Rosy.
Despite her initial resistance to his advances, he finally suceeded in making love to her.
Rosy was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed, "I don't know how I'm going to face my daughter, knowing that in a time of weakness, I sinned twice!"
"What do you mean, twice?" he asked. "We only did it once."
"Well, you're going to do it again, aren't you?" Rosy asked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three bird on a wire
A teacher asks her class, "If there are three birds perched on a wire and a hunter shoots one, how many will be left."
Timmy raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. The one will be dead, and the other two will have been scared off by the noise of the rifle."
The teacher replies, "Timmy, that's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think."
Later, at recess, Timmy asks the teacher, "Which one of those ladies at the picnic table do you think is single? Is it the one eating a cookie, the one eating a sandwich, or the one s**... on a popsicle?"
"I think it is the one s**... on the popsicle," answers the teacher.
Timmy says, "Actually, it is the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Skinny Dipping . . .
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, to check it out.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "we're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**... so that I could get a good look at you," holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ron, an elderly man in Florida...
Ron, an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm with a big pond in the backyard for several years. The pond was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and citrus trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down and check on the swimming hole, because he hadn't been to that area of the property in a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**...."
Rob held the bucket up high and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brilliant Old Man and Skinny Dipping Ladies
Ron an elderly man in Florida, had owned a large farm for several years, which had a pond in the back. It was suitable to swimming so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, Horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
When he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**...."
Holding the Bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man in Florida . . .
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some orange and grapefruit trees.
The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it
over, as he hadn't been there for a while.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**...."
Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligators."
A half human half vampire showed up to my picnic.
It really put a Dhampir on the whole affair.
All of the animals went on a picnic and they discovered they forgot the salt. The animals sent the turtle to get them the salt. After 3 days of waiting, the animals decided to start eating
And then the turtle jumps from the bush and says:"Aha! I knew you wouldn't wait for me"
Once there were three turtles decided to go on a picnic.
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
My butcher said he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf because the steaks were too high.
My grilling picnic that evening was a disaster... there were a lot of missed steaks.
Teacher makes a call to her student
to inform him:"I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off". The student makes a phone call to his dad:"I'm off tomorrow, let's go picnic". Dad makes a phone call to his secretary immediately:"Hey, I'm busy tomorrow, let's date someday else". The secretary makes a phone call to her husband:"Hey honey, I won't be going to the business trip tomorrow, let's hang out". The husband makes a phone call to the teacher:"Hey, Sorry, my wife won't be leaving tomorrow, we can't meet". The teacher calls the student:"Forget what I said. Tomorrow we go to school"
A bus full of wives going on a picnic
fall into a river and all die.
The husbands saddened cry for a week while one husband continued to cry for more than two weeks.
When asked why he misses his wife so much he replied miserably...
"My wife missed the bus!!"
I was fired.
Management decided for the company picnic alcohol was allowed however only one drink per person.
I was fired for ordering the cups
Teacher makes a call to her student to inform: "I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off"
The student makes a call to his dad immediately: "I'm off tomorrow lets go to picnic!"
The dad makes a call to his secretary immediately: " I'm busy tomorrow, lets postpone our date to the next day!"
The secretary makes a call to her husband: "Honey, i'm not going out on a business trip tomorrow, lets hangout!"
The husband makes a call to the teacher: "Honey, my wife is off tomorrow, you don't come.
The teacher makes another call to the student: "Tomorrow we go to school as usual."
After a 10 day journey, the turtle family finally arrives to the picnic location...
Upon arrival, mama turtle realizes they forgot the ketchup.
Junior, please go back and fetch the ketchup
No way! You'll start without me
Don't worry, we'll wait for you
I don't believe you
We promise not to start without you
Reluctantly, Junior leaves.
They way for a day... two... five... ten... twenty...
After 30 days, grampa turtle bursts:
I can't take it any longer!!! - and bites the sandwich
At this point Junior suddenly jumps from behind a rock and yells:
AHA!! I KNEW IT!!!
A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.
Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.
"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.
"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At a picnic my 5 year old Hispanic son came over to give me a drink..
He fell on the ground and I pointed at his pants and said "mucho grassy a**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk driver is being interrogated
Detective : okay buddy, walk me through the whole thing, from the top
Driver : I don't know, it all happened so fast, I need a drink of water..
Detective : Your water is on its way. But first, tell me if this was premeditated.
Driver : NO! I swear, I just lost control of the car and I was gonna either hit that o**... to the left of the road or plow into that open picnic party full of kids that was on the other side of the road. What would you have done!?
Detective : well, I would have turned for the o**...
Driver : Exactly what I thought as well! But then that guy ran into the picnic party and I had to go after him.
Company Picnic Softball Tournament
At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of this year's softball tournament, we finished in second place overall, having lost only one game the entire season. We would also like to take this opportunity to offer our condolences to the Ad Dept.'s team for finishing next to last, having won only one game during the entire year.
Traditional jokes from my childhood #3
A group of friends were hiking a mountain and were planning on having a picnic up there..
One of the friends stutters a lot on the starts of sentences... On the way up he kept saying "w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-" until they made it to the top of the mountain he was finally able to say "We forgot our food", everyone got mad and sad and started their way back down.
The joke doesn't end here... on the way down he kept saying "J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j..." until they made it to where they had parked their car he was finally able to say "Just kidding".
Short message telegram
In days past, pre- phones and faxes and emails, a group of young ladies went on a picnic.
Unfortunately, the picnic was cut short as one of their group, Anna, sat down on an anthill and was rushed to hospital (Accident and Emergency in the UK).
Her friends needed to inform Anna's parents, but only had enough money to send a six word telegram (in addition to the address).
The telegram read, "Anacin hospital adamant bitter asinine places."
4th of July picnic
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.
The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?
Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....
