Pickup Jokes
157 pickup jokes and hilarious pickup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pickup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you ready for some fun? Check out our collection of pickup jokes that will make any party or gathering lively and enjoyable. Our selection of pickup truck, SUV, and flirty pickup lines will have everyone laughing. There's something for everyone, so don't miss out on the fun!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Pickup Short Jokes
Short pickup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pickup humour may include short picked jokes also.
- The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup line... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
- Really awkward pick-up line. Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing* - Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers? they only had one pickup
- "Mom, before I was born did you want a boy or a girl?" "I wanted to pickup a fork that fell on the kitchen floor..."
- I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
- What is the best pickup line at a gay bar? Let me push your stool in for you.
^^I'm^sorry. - [Bad Pickup Line] I know I'm not the best looking guy here tonight... but I'm the only one talking to you...
- Great pickup line... You:Hey, do you have a Memory foam mattress?
Her: Yes.
You: Wanna Traumatize it? - The anti pick-up line. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [pause while smiling] Because it looks like you landed on your face"
I'd love to hear some of yours. - Worst pick-up line ever. If you're looking for a stud, I've got the STD all that's missing is U.
Share These Pickup Jokes With Friends
Pickup One Liners
Which pickup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pickup? I can suggest the ones about pull and arrival.
- "Dead or alive, you're coming with me." Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…
- What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama? You're like a sister to me.
- Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard
- I like my pick-up lines how I like my cheetos Dangerously Cheesy
- What's your favorite pickup line? For me, it's the ford F series.
- Yo mama so fat.... pickup lines don't work on her.
- Pickup Line! on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need.
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite pick-up line? Live with me if you want to come.
- What pick-up line works 100% of the time? Does this smell like chloroform to you?
- Pickup line: If I flip a coin.... What are the chances of me getting head? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- What do you call a row of trucks covered in mozzarella? A cheesy pickup line
- What do you call a convoy of trucks hauling cheddar? A cheesy pickup line
- What is the most effective pickup line? Hello, this is your Uber driver.
- What do you call a line up of dudes picking up mozzarella cheese A cheesy pickup line
- You're so beautiful that last night you made me forget my pickup line.
Pickup Line Jokes
Here is a list of funny pickup line jokes and even better pickup line puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Guys I've been meeting have the worst pickup lines. Like, Hey, what's your friend's name?
- Why are vegan pick-up lines of higher quality than non-vegan pick-up lines? Because they can't be cheesy!
- Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?
- Worst pickup lines I must be autistic, because you've been running through my mind all day.
- A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F150, a RAM 1500, and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy Best pickup line ever
- Best pickup line ever Girl are you a gorilla exhibit because I'm about to drop a baby in you?
- (Since bad pickup lines seem to be the trend right now) Do you want to play barbies? I'll be Ken, and you be the box he came in
- Greatest pickup line that never works!! I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U.
- What's a gay-bar pickup line? Can I push your stool in?
- What do you call a queue of trucks? A pickup line
Pickup Truck Jokes
Here is a list of funny pickup truck jokes and even better pickup truck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A joke that is mildly racist How.come there were only 1800 Mexicans at the Alamo?
Because they only had two pickup trucks - What do you call a guy that paints in the back of his truck? A pickup artist.
- What is the only car that can actually get you girls? A pickup truck
- How do trucks get spouses? Pickup lines.
- What happens if you play a country western song backwards? Your pickup truck starts, your wife comes back home, and your dog comes back to life.
- What do you call a truck that can't accelerate? A pickup with no pickup
- An entire road is jammed with pickup trucks The worst pickup line i have ever seen.
- What do you call a traffic jam full of trucks in Wisconsin? A cheesy pickup line.
- I saw a pickup truck that said "Silly boys trucks are for girls". they have managed to put a kitchen in a truck. Technology is amazing.
- How did the little truck always take home ladies from the bar? He had the best pick-up lines.
Uproarious Pickup Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about pickup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean avail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pickup pranks.
Dumping garbage
The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"
Apple employee pick-up lines.
"Are you a play button? Because I'd zero-length swipe that."
A pick-up line for a lovely lady
Hey babe, are you a f**...?
-cause you just blew me away.
A man in Texas is driving with twenty penguins in the bed of his pickup…
…when he is stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper approaches and tells the man that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo immediately as they are non-native and not registered to the man as pets. Right away, officer, replies the man, and off he goes.
The following day, the same man is driving on the same road with the same twenty penguins in the bed of his truck. This time, however, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses and straw hats. Sure enough, the man is stopped by the same officer. After pulling the man over, the officer approaches.
What is the meaning of this? I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday, why are they still in the bed of your truck? Did you really think these disguises would fool me?
They're not disguises, officer, you see I DID take them to the zoo yesterday—in fact, we had so much fun, we're going to the beach today.
So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was...
... He replied: "pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."
Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season
* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself away from you.
* My heart burns like a mole of suns for you.
* If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put U and I together.
* Who needs Hydrogen if you're my #1?.
* I can feel a bond forming between us.
Any others would be appreciated
Pick-up line guaranteed to work every time!
Does this smell like chloroform to you??
What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line?
Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?
Bad pickup line: those jeans look very becoming on you,
Then again, if I were on you I'd be coming too
My favorite pick-up line
A: Hey are you a charitable carpenter?
B: No, why?
A: Cause you've given me wood.
LPT: How to pick up girls
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
I used a pickup line on a girl and she punched me
I guess you could say it was more of a punchline.
I bought a book of pick-up lines, but the pages were empty...
turns out it was written by Bill Cosby.
Best pickup line that should not fail.
Guy: Wanna have great s**....
Girl: No.
Guy: Great, let's go then.
Favourite pickup line...
Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow?
Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight.
My toddler tried out and age aproporiate pickup line
"Hey baby, you've got some fiiiiiiine motor skills."
Man on the moon
Buzz Aldrin's best pick-up line: 'Hey, I was the second man on the moon. Neil before me.'
A joke I heard some time ago
A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."
Nerdy pickup line.
Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)
How did n**...'s pickup Jewish Women?
With a dust pan and broom
What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?
"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"
My favorite pick-up line:
Hey girl, my name is Tony. You know what that is backwards? Y not.
Hey baby, have you got a time machine?
Cuz' I could go back in time to approach you with a better pickup line than this one
My favorite pickup line...
the Ford F Series
What is Dracula's favorite pick-up line?
Hey baby, nice jugulars.
Pickup line: Hey girl, did I take a loan from you?
Because my interest in you keeps growing.
My fave pickup line as a gay man...
Hey, are you a vital o**...? Because I don't think I can live without you inside of me.
What does a high school dance have in common with the parking lot at a Keith Urban concert?
Lots of bad pickup lines.
If a man uses pickup lines on a girl...
Would you call it Clitbait?
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were cruising around in a pickup truck
As they were crossing a bridge, they lost control of the truck and it plunged into the river below. The redhead quickly opened her door and swam to the surface. The brunette's door was stuck, but she was able to roll down the window and also swam to the surface. The blonde unfortunately drowned - she couldn't get the tailgate down.
Girl can I get your digits?
Jack the Ripper was a quite a pickup artist.
What's the difference between a pick-up artist and an Atari 2600?
An Atari 2600 has more game.
:)
How do you pickup chicks in Auschwitz ?
With a dustpan..
Hey girl are you legs broken?
Make up the other half of this pickup line in the comments.
Edit
Totally goofed it up in the title. Oh well, I had a few drinks last night and things happened.
*Are your legs broken?
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
Whats your favorite pickup line?
Mine is: I'll give you candy if you get in the van
Nerdy pickup line
Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.
^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...
A man with a high-pitched voice approaches a woman and gives her his best pick-up line...
"If you were a vegetable," he says, "you'd be a cutecumber!"
"And if you were a fruit," replies the woman, "I wouldn't be surprised."
If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold?
Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).
(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh?
Enough to break the ice
I like to think of terrible pickup lines. Here's my most recent one.
"Hey girl, are you a mainstream, late 90's, early 2000's heavy metal band with a lisp?
Becauthe I'm 'Down with the Thickneth."
Looks her up and down.
Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
How can you tell when you're in a math problem?
Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.
I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...
"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."
How do you tell a r**... is married?
There are tobacco spits on either side of his pickup truck.
My favorite pickup line:
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa.
Not screaming in t**..., like the people on the back of his pick-up.
Flat Earther pickup line
The Earth may be flat
but Uranus is round
A pickup line( sorry if those aren't supposed to go here)
After you ask out the girl..
Girl: I have a boyfriend
You: and I have a math test
Girl: what do you mean?
You: I thought we were talking about things we would cheat on
What do you call a Norwegian h**...?
A Fjord pickup
How did the guitarist die?
He crashed his pickup into a bridge and broke his neck.
[Pickup line] Are you the Korean peninsula?
Because I'm gonna split you in two
What do you call 5 r**... at a r**...?
A pick-up line
