Picking Your Nose Jokes
70 picking your nose jokes and hilarious picking your nose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about picking your nose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Picking Your Nose Short Jokes
Short picking your nose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The picking your nose humour may include short picking nose jokes also.
- My five year old just told me this one... Why did the snowman go to the vegetable garden?
So he could go pick his nose. - What do you get when you pick a pig's nose? Hamboogers
My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny. - I saw a disgusting thing at the grocery today. A snowman rummaging through the carrots?! I mean picking your nose in public? Come on.
- Did you ever hear about the guy who could see the future when he picked his nose? His name was Nostrildamus.
- You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your nose's friends.
- People make fun of my nose sometimes, But if God gave me my choice of all the noses on earth, I would pick my nose before I picked anyone else's.
- One of the first things they want you to do before getting plastic surgery is.... Pick your nose.
- A joke told to me by a doctor in a hospital elevator What are the three rules of proctology?
>!1) Don't shake hands!<
>!2) No finger foods!<
>!3) Don't pick your nose!< - "My GF said picking my nose is disgusting", a man told his friend. "So what?" his friend replied. The guy answered "Now I have to do it myself"
- What's red, smells, and is often picked in the garden? I don't know either, but my teacher got very angry when I said nose.
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Picking Your Nose One Liners
Which picking your nose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with picking your nose? I can suggest the ones about blowing nose and picking up trash.
- What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Picking his nose
- I can't believe some people pick their nose! I was born with mine..
- Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually . . . encourage you to pick your nose.
- What's the one body part you can choose to have? You can pick your nose.
- If someone asked me to choose my favorite body part... I'd pick my nose.
- There are 2 kinds of people in the world: (1) People that pick their nose. (2) Liars.
- My son was picking his nose earlier.. I told him to make up his mind and choose one.
- Don't pick your nose and eat it, it may look tasty... But it's snot.
- What do get when a ghost picks his nose? Boooooogers!
- How did Michael Jackson pick his nose? Out of a catalog.
Heheee!!! - Life is like picking your nose... Always try to get the most out of it...
- My girlfriend said she's disgusted that I pick my nose so much. I just blew it, didn't I?
- What's the best thing about being Mr. Potato Head? You get to pick your nose.
- Why don't other animals besides people pick their noses? Because they can't.
- What did the Ghost find when he picked his nose? Booooogers
Fun-Filled Picking Your Nose Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about picking your nose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taking a dump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make picking your nose pranks.
You know she loves you when she picks your nose. How much is determined by whether she gives it to you or eats it herself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?
If it had been invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.
What's the latest invention to come out of the UA engineering program? A solar-powered flashlight.
How can you tell if someone's a UA graduate? Look at the ring while they're picking their nose.
Why are criminals so hard to catch in Alabama? Everyone has the same DNA.
What does an Alabaman call a six-pack and a dead possum? A seven-course meal.
Since state jokes seem to be the thing today, and, well, I'm from Georgia...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of offensive jokes for your enjoyment... note, they are offensive, mmmkay? :)
What is the first thing a r**... girl says after losing her virginity?
*Get off me, pop, you're crushing my cigarettes!*
What did Dodi Al-Fayed say to his driver the night they got killed?
*Do you want to come out with me and Di tonight?*
What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?
*Picking the wheelchair bolts out of your teeth.*
What do you call a h**... with a runny nose?
**Full :)**
Finally...
How do you circumcise a r**... guy?
*You kick his sister in the teeth!*
Come To Me
Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One woman sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" She said waving her
arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah, what's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?" A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" The woman took another sniff. "That doesn't smell like come to me," she said, offering her arm to her friend again. "Does that smell like come to you?"
Cliché: A guy is drinking in a bar.
He has quite a few drinks and the bar tender has to cut him off. The guy stumbles out of the bar very drunk. As he stumbling down the street he sees a nun passing by. Just as she is passing him he punches her square in the nose. While she is on the ground, he kicks her in the ribs several times. Then he lifts her above his head and drops her on his knee with a back breaker. He then picks her up and tosses he into a dumpster. He jumps up on the side of the dumpster and yells in, "not so tough tonight are you batman?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young, recently married Italian couple immigrates to New York...
...and after three months of marriage, the wife, Maria, presents the husband, Ernesto, with divorce papers. Lawyers get involved, and eventually they are sitting in a meeting with each other's lawyers.
Ernesto's lawyer asks Maria: Maria, why do you want to divorce Ernesto?
Maria says "Two reasons! One, he-a is always-a picking at-a his nose! Day and night! It's-a disgusting! And-a two, he-a never wants to make love with-a me on-a top! Always Ernesto on top! Why no Maria on top?!"
Ernesto's lawyer looks at Ernesto and asks him if he'd like to explain himself.
Ernesto clears his t**.... "Look-a. When we were a-leaving to a-come to this country, my papa takes-a me aside and he says, he says 'Ernesto, no matter whatta you do in America, keep your nose clean, and DON'T SCREW UP!"
Nelson Mandela...
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening it, there is the same Japanese thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the man by his shirt and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?
The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says...
"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"
An old married couple are driving down the road.
They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."
What do you call a DJ that picks his nose?
Pick 'n' Mix.
After being at sea for six months
After being at sea for six months the working man heads to the local cat house. He picks the woman he wants & they go into a room.
As she is getting undressed the man starts stuffing cotton in his nose & ears.
She asks him, "What is all that cotton for?"
He replies, "There is 2 things I can't stand. That is the smell of burning rubber & the sound of a screaming woman."
Little Johnny got sent home for fighting
Mom: "Johnny! What happened!?"
Johnny: "I didn't like this this boy always picking his nose."
Mom:"So what did you do?"
Johnny: "i punched his nose of course!"
Mom: "Oh my word! Is he ok?"
Johnny: "His nose is fine but i might have broken his finger"
Some recent grads having a beer..
Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school.
That would be interesting, said Doug, I'd like to see how you could do that.
Well, Mike here, he's Harvard. That's easy. He's got the Haavard accent. He also made reference to some obscure points of business law and his stylish business suit seals the deal.
And Dave has got to be MIT. The smudged glasses and black t-shirt are a clue. He also made some references that show he has a good grasp of quantum theory and computer science.
That's amazing, said Doug. What about me?
Oh. You went to West Virginia University.
How do you know? asked Doug.
I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.
What kind of pokemon picks its nose and eats its boogers?
Pik-A-Chu
A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.
"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Michael Jackson pick his nose?
From a catalogue.
ba dum tss
What does a ghost pick out of his nose?
Boo-gers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you pick up Jewish girls?
By the nose
My 7 year old neice told me this joke today
What do you do when your nose goes on strike?
Pick it!
Why did the nose start sniffling?
It was tired of getting picked on
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Eskimos have wide noses?
Because the pick their nose with their gloves on.
Defrosting a freezer is like picking your nose
It's so satisfying when you manage to pull out an exceptionally large chunk!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You don't pick your nose...
You're born with whatever one you get!
Baby Skunk.
Dave and his wife, Anne, were driving home one very cold night in Wisconsin, when Anne yells at him to stop the car. Anne jumps out and picks up a little bundle that was laying in the road. She brings it back to the car and it turns out it was a baby skunk. It was barely alive, but very cold.
Anne says, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
Dave says, "Okay, get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to keep it warm?
"Put it between your legs. It ought to be nice and warm there."
Anne says, "But what about the smell?"
"Just hold his little nose."
You could say that I've been blessed with green fingers
Or you could say I pick my nose far too much.
Why do horses have big nostrils?
Cause they pick their nose with the huffs
Why was the snowman in the produce section? He was picking his nose
Why was frosty in the produce aisle?
Picking his nose.
A small part of me really enjoys picking my nose...
Can always rely on that trusty pinky finger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Slightly tweaking a joke my 4 year old told me
What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and wipes it on a cow?
A hambooger
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your nose or mine
You can pick your friends ...and you can pick your nose.....but you can't pick your friends nose
