Following is our collection of Pick jokes which are very funny. There are some pick choose jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pick pickaxe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..
Riceless
To pick up his master's degree.
Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
A girl walks in to the dry cleaners and places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress".
The clerk was somewhat preoccupied and didn't quite catch what she said, so he asked "Come again?".
"No. This time it's mayonnaise"
"Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.
"Except that." I replied.
They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.
She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."
"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.
"But what about the smell?" she asks.
The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
But these are just miner details.
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
You can explore pick defy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pick chose dad jokes. There are also pick puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
i replied "nah, honey, i'm gonna pick both of them"
I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.
I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.
With a crane.
"What?! Really?!", I said.
"Yep! Go pack your things and get ready", my dad said. "They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."
He puts a lime next to her. The woman asks "what this"? The man says "its a lime". The woman says "can you move that lime somewhere else"? The man says "sure".The man tries to move the lime several times but cant seem to lift it. The woman says "is something wrong"? The man says "Sorry, I am bad at pick up limes".
The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"
A pick pocket snatches watches.
Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
To lay off his campaign staff.
Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"
How could anyone stoop so low?
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
I brought the bottle to his house and he said, "Thanks, where are the other two?"
"Well, pick one honey, you can't do both"
Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"
They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!
"Nice gender, did your mommy pick it out for you???"
Because you made me rock hard
"Honey, if you could pick any number to represent me, what would it be?"
"Pi," said the husband.
"Oh!" she replied "That's interesting. Does it have something to do with circles?"
"No," he said. "But Pi is irrational, darling."
Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.
I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.
Yesterday, a hot girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie
She asked, "What would you like to see?"
I said, "You pick".
She said, "You pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Sir, there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets."
They just pick it up as they go along.
"I have no idea, Someoneyourownsize"
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.
"May I push your stool in."
Three boys were talking after school while waiting for their fathers to pick them up. The first one boasts: "My dad is a Formula One driver. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:15."
The second boy says: "That's nothing. My dad is a jet pilot. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 5:05!"
The last boy looks at his companions and says: "Pfff.... amateurs! My dad works for the government. He finishes work at 5:00 and picks me up at 4:45!"
As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
I always end up at self checkout.
Women
...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"
He said thanks! how do you know i'm not a serial killer though?
I replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical
Then I looked at him and told him,"but you already own her home". He looked back at her and said,"if you're not gonna sleep with him, I will".
Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
Personally, I'd get rid of the 800m. It's too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.
Me: "How rare?"
Doctor: "You pick the name"
...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.
Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.
But I'm still not sure which one to pick.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
Why did the snowman go to the vegetable garden?
So he could go pick his nose.
I couldn't pick a side
So I gather.
But if God gave me my choice of all the noses on earth, I would pick my nose before I picked anyone else's.
His teacher told him he would be the tea that was thrown in the harbor. She said he could pick to be any type of tea he'd like. He got so upset that he started running around the class throwing things. I guess he chose to be not tea.
You just pick it up as you go
I picked up some Chinese from a local place (won't name them), and as I was driving home, I heard a weird rustling in the bag! I was like, "WTF is in the bag?" I swear I saw something peering at me out of the corner of my eye.
I pulled over hard, slammed the car in park, and gingerly picked up the bag. Again, more rustling, and the moo-shu moved!
I thought, "Please don't tell me there's a rodent in the bag." So I carefully opened the bag, and there it was ...
... A Peeking Duck!!!
I ordered Chinese from a local place, went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving
I thought wtf is that?
Has something gotten into the bag?
I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so I pulled over, leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the orange chicken!
I thought it's got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down.
And there it was
A Peeking Duck
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pick picker jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working pick pluck piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.