Physics Jokes
130 physics jokes and hilarious physics puns to laugh out loud. Read science jokes about physics that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some laughs? Check out this article for an array of funny and witty physics jokes that your science or biology class, physics teacher, physics exam, and even your physics-savvy friends will appreciate. Some of these jokes are great for birthday cards, Christmas cards, or a tasty flirty joke. Plus, we’ll give you a few bonus bonus philosophy-related jokes, too!
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Funniest Physics Short Jokes
Short physics jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The physics humour may include short science jokes also.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
- I've decided to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, I'm always feeling drained, and just not physically up to it.. So I've just handed in my too weak notice..
- I once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
- A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
- The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential... Then he pushed me out the window.
- My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"
- Grammar tip Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance - Breaking up is like physics ... She keeps saying that I have no energy.
I keep telling her that I have potential. - Wanna hear a physics pun? If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?
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Physics One Liners
Which physics one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with physics? I can suggest the ones about physical and biology.
- My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
- How do women defy the laws of physics? The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
- What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ? Oops.
- How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
- Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics? For splitting an Adam.
- I passed my physical exam! But I only got a C in Hepatitis.
- I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it.
- Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape I'm always running out of ideas.
- How does the Pope stay in peak physical condition? Crossfit
- I will name my son Physics. So that I will be called Father of Physics.
- What does a physics cow say? Μμ
- What do Smash Mouth do in Physics class? Sum bodies
- My Physics teacher said I have no Potential Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
- I burst into tears right before my physics exam. The proctor asked, "What's the matter?"
- Structural Engineering Because architects don't know what physics is.
Physics Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny physics teacher jokes and even better physics teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Physics teacher said to me: you have a lot of potential. You should use it. We were at the top of the building.
- Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting? They didn't have any chemistry.
- My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it. I had to consider mass.
- I was talking to my physics teacher... Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume - What's the difference between school and church? In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
- A joke my physics teacher told us Student: "Did you get a haircut?"
Teacher: "No I got them all cut." - My physics teacher said hello the other day and asked what's new? Entropy, I said.
- What did the physics teacher say when meditating? "Ohmmmmmmmm"
- My physics teacher told me that even though I may feel down, that there's always an upside in life So she pushed me into the pool and begun the lesson on buoyancy.
- Why do Physics and Biology teachers never get along? Because they have no chemistry
Physics Professor Jokes
Here is a list of funny physics professor jokes and even better physics professor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the difference between a maths professor and a physics professor? You can get mathematical with the maths professor.
- This popped into my head in class the other day... Why do professors like stats and physics students?
Because they'll work for p naughts. - What did the Physics professor say to the fat kid in school? "You've got a lot of potential!"
- Why do physics professors prefer overweight students? They have greater potential.
- Physics student asks to go to bathroom Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas"
- My old physics professor: Times flies when you're having fun, Or as frogs say, times fun when you're having flies...
That was a long semester - when professor starts lecturing on first day of intro physics Can we0
- How did Professor Duck explain particle physics to his class? Quark quark.
- –Professor, please tell us about discrete physical values in quantum mechanics. –Sure, one moment.
Chemistry Physics Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemistry physics jokes and even better chemistry physics puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen. But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!
- Why don't biology and physics get on? They lack chemistry.
- How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units
Quantum Physics Jokes
Here is a list of funny quantum physics jokes and even better quantum physics puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I could explain to you quantum physics and you wouldn't understand a thing. Not because it's hard but because I'm bad at explaining.
- Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics? Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.
But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will. - Quantum Physics jokes I don't always make jokes about Quantum Physics, but when I do, I don't
- I wanted to make a joke about quantum physics, but I wasn't sure if I should. So I did and didn't.
- I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day
But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome - What's the most common question in Quantum Physics? I don't know
- I did terribly in my quantum physics class, but still got an "A" and I also got an "F"
I'm not opening my report card. - Quantum physics has its ups and downs But it all quarks out in the end
- My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics. I know it's trudeau.
- What's the opposite of quantum physics? Logic.
(If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')
...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).
Comical & Quirky Physics Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about physics you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean geometry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make physics pranks.
Dean, to the physics department:
"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."
Need help finding a joke.
The question is ' What happens at the police station at closing time? ', And I believe the joke is physics related. Its a long story to explain why I need the punchline, but my physics teacher asked me to find it.
You fall asleep in lecture
and when you wake up you cannot remember what class you are in. A demonstration is happening at the front of the class. How do you figure out where you are?
If the demo moves its biology, if it stinks its chemistry, and if it doesn't work its physics.
A physics professor and his assistant...
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
I heard that they're coming up with a new Tron movie which deals with particle physics...
Its called new-Tron.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet
After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!
I got a B+
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?
What a shame. He had so much potential.
I was studying aerodynamics in physics class the other day...
It was so hard, it blew me away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Love is chemistry...
s**... is physics.
A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump
I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.
To the woman I met in the bar last night who was mad at me this morning
I never said I had a phd in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical PhD in physics.
I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.
If you fell off a tall building
If you fell off a tall building and had never studied physics, would you understand the gravity of the situation?
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
Difference between Physics, Philosophy and Theology
Physics is like going after a black cat in a dark room.
Philosophy is like going after a black cat in a dark room, while blindfolded.
Theology is like going after a black cat in a dark room, while blindfolded, shouting "Heureka, I found her!"
How math, physics, programmimg and philosophy convince that all odd numbers bigger than one are primes...
Math: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime. I'll get the rest of them with induction.
Physics: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 9 measurement error, 11 prime, 13 prime.
I tested enough numbers.
Programming: 3 prime, 5 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime, 7 prime...
Philosophy: 2 prime, 4 prime, 6 prime
Joke my physics teacher told us
A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.
'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.
'But what?' Said the farmer.
'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do s**... and quantum physics have in common?
I don't get either of them.
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations
F=ma
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police Station Intelligence Test
Apologies if this has been posted before \(I searched, albeit not a lot\). My physics teacher in college told me this one:
They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. The kind where you have to stick the geometric shapes in the corresponding holes.
It turns out we have two kinds of cops: Very s**... ones and very strong ones.
Top 10 most important sciences
10. It is
9. impossible
8. to rank
7. the importance
6. of science
5. because
4. all of them
3. are equally
2. important.
1. Physics
A student places dead last in an important physics test.
He doesn't feel too phased and boasts to his classmates that he can still pass. His teacher later pulls him aside and tells him that he doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...
I told him he doesn't understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.
Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years!
I got a G in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation!
Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...
"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"
The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
My teaching career.
I used to teach history, but thats all in the past.
I started teaching biology but my heart wasn't in it.
I tried teaching chemistry, but there were elements i didnt understand.
I was offered a job teaching maths, but something didn't add up.
I was sent to Germany to do food science, that was the wurst.
I've started teaching physics, its got potential.
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
Chester was really happy, he was about to meet the Queen.
He had been a physics prodigy hailing from a small town in England, and had just been selected to be Knighted by the Queen of England.
After the ceremony, his best friend remarked to him:
"Man, Chester, you Knighted!"
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
My physics teacher in rural Iowa said I'd pass his class when pigs fly, because I wasn't applying myself.
Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college student slowly walks into a bar and orders a beer. He starts talking to the bartender.
"What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus." The student complains. "If she wasn't so drop dead gorgeous I would've dropped the class already." The bartender looks at him and says "So you could say she's easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
I finally found where the librarian is storing the books on theoretical physics
In the Non-Friction section
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My math teacher told me that I won't amount to anything because I smoke w**......
But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential!
They say the Principle of Least Action is the most fundamental thing in physics.
But when I tried it, I flunked my physics class.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All the mathematical functions are having a party
The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.
so the inverse function asks what's wrong.
To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.
(courtesy of my physics teacher, I translated from French so might s**..., don't gimme too much flak)
I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics
The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.
Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?
Because it broke the laws of physics!!
(my son says he made this up himself!! can't find it anywhere else so maybe....)
What do pirates do when they get sick of your physics questions?
They make you walk the Planck.
A group of engineering teachers walk onto a plane..
..the teachers were on their way to an engineering confrence. The pilot came on the intercom and welcomed the teachers on board. He then said, "Teachers, we have word that your students completed all the math and physics that went into building this plane."
In a hurry, all the teachers rushed out of their seats and got off the plane. One teacher remained. When they asked him why he didn't rush off the plane with the others, he simply said, "If I know my students, this plane isn't going nowhere."
My 8 year old son wants to be a comedian.
He also like quantum physics, so I suggested he make up some jokes. Here's the first two.
What so you call a particle who likes taking pictures?
A photongrapher
Why did the apple fall out of the tree?
It ran out of gluons.
If you have any Similar he'd love to hear them and add them to his repertoire.
A mother is helping her son study physics
She asked him "Do you know Newton?"
He said no.
She said " if you had been paying attention to your lessons, you would have known him."
The son asked her " do you know Rachel?"
She said no.
He said " if you had been paying attention to your husband, you would have known her."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard about the ideal gas law in physics class PV=nRT…
and I heard non-ideal gas law in a crowded elevator PU=f**...
