Physics Jokes
141 physics jokes and hilarious physics puns to laugh out loud. Read science jokes about physics that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some laughs? Check out this article for an array of funny and witty physics jokes that your science or biology class, physics teacher, physics exam, and even your physics-savvy friends will appreciate. Some of these jokes are great for birthday cards, Christmas cards, or a tasty flirty joke. Plus, we’ll give you a few bonus bonus philosophy-related jokes, too!
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Funniest Physics Short Jokes
Short physics jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The physics humour may include short science jokes also.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? It's where the students have the most potential.
- I just had a physical. The doctor said: Don't eat anything fatty. I said, Like bacon and burgers?
He said, No fatty, don't eat anything! - I've decided to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, I'm always feeling drained, and just not physically up to it.. So I've just handed in my too weak notice..
- I once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
- Physics Joke A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light."
- What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!
- A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
- The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential... Then he pushed me out the window.
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Physics One Liners
Which physics one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with physics? I can suggest the ones about physical and biology.
- My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
- My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs
- How do women defy the laws of physics? The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
- What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ? Oops.
- How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
- Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics? For splitting an Adam.
- Why did the physics teacher breakup with the biology teacher ? There was no chemistry
- What do you call an Egyptian physical therapist? A Cairopractor
- My physics teacher said I have potential... He threw me off a building to prove it.
- I passed my physical exam! But I only got a C in Hepatitis.
- I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it.
- What do you call a physical therapist from Giza? A cairopractor.
- My physics teacher said I had potential. This was right before he pushed me off the roof.
- Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape I'm always running out of ideas.
- How does the Pope stay in peak physical condition? Crossfit
Physics Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny physics teacher jokes and even better physics teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"
- A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
- A Joke by my Physics Teacher A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.
Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!" - My Physics teacher said to me: you have a lot of potential. You should use it. We were at the top of the building.
- Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting? They didn't have any chemistry.
- My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
A joke my mate told me after an after-hours lesson. - My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it. I had to consider mass.
- I was talking to my physics teacher... Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume - What's the difference between school and church? In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
- What is the worst you can say when you are a physics teacher and see a student about to jump from a building? "You have so much potential, use it"
Physics Professor Jokes
Here is a list of funny physics professor jokes and even better physics professor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor What happened before The Big Bang? He said, Sorry. There is no Time.
- What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito? You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler.
Courtesy of my physics professor. - A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, "Stop! You have so much potential!"
- What is the difference between a maths professor and a physics professor? You can get mathematical with the maths professor.
- A physics student was about to jump off a roof His professor called out to him Stop! You have so much potential!
- This popped into my head in class the other day... Why do professors like stats and physics students?
Because they'll work for p naughts. - What did the Physics professor say to the fat kid in school? "You've got a lot of potential!"
- What does my physics professor have in common with Gandalf? YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!
- Why do physics professors prefer overweight students? They have greater potential.
- Physics student asks to go to bathroom Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas"
Chemistry Physics Jokes
Here is a list of funny chemistry physics jokes and even better chemistry physics puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen. But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!
- Why did the biology teacher and rhe physics teacher break up? Because they had no CHEMISTRY.
- Why don't biology and physics get on? They lack chemistry.
- Why does Physics hate Biology? Because they have no Chemistry
- Why do Physics and Biology teachers never get along? Because they have no chemistry
- Why did the the chemistry teacher and the physics teacher break up? The chemistry teacher was abusive.
- How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units - My male biology teacher was going out with my female physics teacher. He had the Biology
She had the Physics
Sadly, they split up. There wasn't any Chemistry between them. - Love is chemistry... s**... is physics.
- Two quantum mechanics professors had s**... They must have had physical chemistry.
Quantum Physics Jokes
Here is a list of funny quantum physics jokes and even better quantum physics puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I could explain to you quantum physics and you wouldn't understand a thing. Not because it's hard but because I'm bad at explaining.
- Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics? Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.
But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will. - Quantum Physics jokes I don't always make jokes about Quantum Physics, but when I do, I don't
- I wanted to make a joke about quantum physics, but I wasn't sure if I should. So I did and didn't.
- I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day
But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome - What's the most common question in Quantum Physics? I don't know
- I did terribly in my quantum physics class, but still got an "A" and I also got an "F"
I'm not opening my report card. - Quantum physics has its ups and downs But it all quarks out in the end
- My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics. I know it's trudeau.
- What's the opposite of quantum physics? Logic.
(If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin')
...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).
Comical & Quirky Physics Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about physics you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean geometry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make physics pranks.
Dean, to the physics department:
"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."
The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...
"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"
"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
I heard that they're coming up with a new Tron movie which deals with particle physics...
Its called new-Tron.
The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?
The Physics major asks: How does it work?
The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?
The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet
After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!
I got a B+
Breaking up is like physics ...
She keeps saying that I have no energy.
I keep telling her that I have potential.
Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?
What a shame. He had so much potential.
A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump
I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.
Physics Joke
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he walks up to Newton and is like,"Newton, you're not even hiding". Newton then says,"Ah, but you found Newtons over meters squared! You found a Pascal!!".
Wanna hear a physics pun?
If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?
"Don't jump!"
One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"
A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do it! Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"
To the woman I met in the bar last night who was mad at me this morning
I never said I had a phd in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical PhD in physics.
I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.
Ex-girlfriends don't understand physics ....
She kept saying that I had no energy, and never did anything.
I kept telling her I had so much potential.
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
Joke my physics teacher told us
A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.
'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.
'But what?' Said the farmer.
'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'
What do s**... and quantum physics have in common?
I don't get either of them.
Wisdom, Beauty, or Money
At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department, I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty—or ten million dollars.
Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.
There is a ash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers, Say something.
The professor says, I should have taken the money.
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert
Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations
F=ma
Police Station Intelligence Test
Apologies if this has been posted before \(I searched, albeit not a lot\). My physics teacher in college told me this one:
They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. The kind where you have to stick the geometric shapes in the corresponding holes.
It turns out we have two kinds of cops: Very s**... ones and very strong ones.
According to physics, light travels faster sound...
... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
Top 10 most important sciences
10. It is
9. impossible
8. to rank
7. the importance
6. of science
5. because
4. all of them
3. are equally
2. important.
1. Physics
Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...
I told him he doesn't understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.
Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years!
I got a G in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation!
Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...
"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"
The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
Chester was really happy, he was about to meet the Queen.
He had been a physics prodigy hailing from a small town in England, and had just been selected to be Knighted by the Queen of England.
After the ceremony, his best friend remarked to him:
"Man, Chester, you Knighted!"
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
A student was standing at the edge of the roof of his school and was about jump off and commit s**....
Suddenly from the school grounds his physics teacher yells to him, "Don't jump, you've got lots of potential!"
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
My physics teacher in rural Iowa said I'd pass his class when pigs fly, because I wasn't applying myself.
Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own.
A college student slowly walks into a bar and orders a beer. He starts talking to the bartender.
"What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus." The student complains. "If she wasn't so drop dead gorgeous I would've dropped the class already." The bartender looks at him and says "So you could say she's easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?"
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
My math teacher told me that I won't amount to anything because I smoke w**......
But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential!
A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
All the mathematical functions are having a party
The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.
so the inverse function asks what's wrong.
To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.
(courtesy of my physics teacher, I translated from French so might s**..., don't gimme too much flak)
I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics
The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.
Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?
Because it broke the laws of physics!!
(my son says he made this up himself!! can't find it anywhere else so maybe....)
Life saving
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives? "The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school. "
A group of engineering teachers walk onto a plane..
..the teachers were on their way to an engineering confrence. The pilot came on the intercom and welcomed the teachers on board. He then said, "Teachers, we have word that your students completed all the math and physics that went into building this plane."
In a hurry, all the teachers rushed out of their seats and got off the plane. One teacher remained. When they asked him why he didn't rush off the plane with the others, he simply said, "If I know my students, this plane isn't going nowhere."
An Engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician enter a bar
Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts
Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics
Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics
"hearty laughter"
Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy
Mathematician: shut up and get us our d**... drinks
My 8 year old son wants to be a comedian.
He also like quantum physics, so I suggested he make up some jokes. Here's the first two.
What so you call a particle who likes taking pictures?
A photongrapher
Why did the apple fall out of the tree?
It ran out of gluons.
If you have any Similar he'd love to hear them and add them to his repertoire.
A mother is helping her son study physics
She asked him "Do you know Newton?"
He said no.
She said " if you had been paying attention to your lessons, you would have known him."
The son asked her " do you know Rachel?"
She said no.
He said " if you had been paying attention to your husband, you would have known her."
