The Best 36 Physician Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Physician jokes. There are some physician medical jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these physician gynecologist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Physician Jokes and Puns
High Blood Pressure
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
Too Shy!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
Ever hear about the Latino doctor that collects inkwells?
Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician.
Humour in grammar
An intelligent cynical physician is responsible for an almost miraculous recovery of his patient from a coma. Recognising his doc's role in his well-being, the patient invites his saviour to his wedding. Ever contemptuous of marriage, the physician types in his report, "Patient punctuated sturdy progress from coma with a full stop"
What do you call a German physician who specializes in the epidermis of the scalp?
Herr Doctor.
A mentally ill man visits his doctor
This is a joke I've only heard in Russian, so I did my best to translate it:
A mentally ill man visits his doctor.
While frantically brushing off his arms and torso he says to the physician "You have to help me doc! I'm covered in tiny alligators and crocodiles."
to which the doctor replies "Well then stop throwing them on me!"
A bucket goes to the doctor
The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.
The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."
"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."
The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."
A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....
During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
My primary physician is really great
She's clinically acclaimed
Why did a physician go to prison?
His medical license was doctored.
What do you call a foot doctor, curled up in a ball on the floor?
A pedal physician in the fetal position.
You can explore physician symptoms reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean physician doc dad jokes. There are also physician puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?
URINE.
I'll let myself out.
why can't two physicians be near each other?
Because it's a paradox!
What's good about airport security?
Free prostate exam from an unlicensed physician......
A physician helped a time traveller all by himself
It's surprising because time travellers usually end up with a pair o' docs
My 87 year old, retired navy grandpa told this joke at family dinner after I graduated physician assistant school: "Well did they teach you how to make a hormone?"
Step on her toe
What do you call a criminal physician who enjoys trains?
A con-doctor.
My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
What was the name of the physician who could smell the future?
Nostrildamus
I made it myself and was proud enough to post it! :)
My wife is a doctor at a hotel in Madrid.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician!
What do you call a doctor who does research in drug overdoses?
A suicide assisted physician.
How many physicians do you need to interrupt the space time continuum?
It takes a paradox.
What do you call someone who is both a physician who can treat you and a physician who cannot?!?!?!?!?!
A pair-a-docs.
A redneck suffered a nasty fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The redneck happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
A year ago, my physician told me I would be going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
Doctor Joke
New Physician (to retiring one): I know this is a trying time for you. And I want to thank you for your patients.
As a physician I can not disclose if any of my patients have long hair, smoke cannabis or wear tie die clothes..
Because of hippie privacy regulations.
A minister started his Children's Sermon with a question. Who knows what the Resurrection is?
Without missing a beat a young boy says, "If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician."
"We're losing him!" shouted the physician assistant halfway through the surgery
"Not on my watch!" shouted the surgeon.
And he runs out of the operating room.
I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides.
Euclipides nuts.
What do you call a doctor who drinks a lot of soda?
A fizz-ician (physician)
I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.
I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "
Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.
However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.
Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?
Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.
Will that cure me? asked Dan.
No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.
"I'm telling you one last time ", a doctor yells at his nurse
"When you're filling a death certificate, you put the name of illness under cause of death, not the name of the supervising physician!"
How do physicians get into the hospital?
the doc door
A member of the family in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.
He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his class-room room : " Professor Jennings informs his students that he has been appointed honorary physician to His Majesty, King George."
When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his notice this line :
" God save the King."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the physician practitioner jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working physician professions piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.