Physician Jokes
40 physician jokes and hilarious physician puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about physician that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out this article for a list of physician jokes to share with your friends and family. From humorous anecdotes about a day in the life of a physician assistant to wry observations to make your obstetrician friend chuckle, you're sure to find the right joke to lighten the mood. Don't forget to consult the symptoms to know if you need a good doctor joke!
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Funniest Physician Short Jokes
Short physician jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The physician humour may include short medical doctor jokes also.
- My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician - TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides. His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."
- "We're losing him!" shouted the physician assistant halfway through the surgery "Not on my watch!" shouted the surgeon.
And he runs out of the operating room. - Why did the physician decide to go into dermatology? No reason, it was really more of a rash decision.
- What was the name of the physician who could smell the future? Nostrildamus
I made it myself and was proud enough to post it! :) - What do you call it when a physician corrects your punctuation? A medically induced comma.
- How many physicians do you need to interrupt the space time continuum? It takes a paradox.
- We've had about 7 or 8 Resident Evil games so far... when do we get our first Attending Physician Evil?
- What do you call someone who is both a physician who can treat you and a physician who cannot?!?!?!?!?! A pair-a-docs.
- "I'm telling you one last time ", a doctor yells at his nurse "When you're filling a death certificate, you put the name of illness under cause of death, not the name of the supervising physician!"
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Physician One Liners
Which physician one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with physician? I can suggest the ones about psychiatrist and surgeon.
- My physician told me I almost couldn't hear anything I had a near-deaf experience
- How do physicians get into the hospital? the doc door
- What's good about airport security? Free prostate exam from an unlicensed physician......
- What do you call a group of physicians without a local bookstore? Doctors Without Borders
- My wife is a doctor at a hotel in Madrid. Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician!
- What do you call a criminal physician who enjoys trains? A con-doctor.
- why can't two physicians be near each other? Because it's a paradox!
- Why did a physician go to prison? His medical license was doctored.
- My primary physician is really great She's clinically acclaimed
- Why didn't the physician get a speeding ticket? He was driving backwards.
- Did you hear about the pagan children's physician? He's the wiccapediatrician.
- Beam laugh weekend gave physicians
- What do you call a group of physicians with erectile dysfunction? Doctors Without b**...
Physician Assistant Jokes
Here is a list of funny physician assistant jokes and even better physician assistant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My 87 year old, retired navy grandpa told this joke at family dinner after I graduated physician assistant school: "Well did they teach you how to make a hormone?" Step on her toe
Hilarious Physician Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about physician you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pediatrician jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make physician pranks.
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn
A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door burst open and in leapt a man yelling "Nobody expects the Spanish Inn physician!"
Too Shy!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
My tattoo removal specialist, Dr Pablo, confessed to me recently that he had committed dozens of crimes yet has never been caught.
"How on earth are you a free man?" I asked him.
"Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician" he said.
Caught the flu in Madrid on a business trip.
Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my physician why he hits people on the knee with that little rubber headed hammer
He said "just for kicks"
I caught the flu in Madrid.
While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...
he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.
We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.
Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician
A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.
When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.
The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.
"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"
"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
On and on he goes.
After this continues for some time the man asks, "why do you keep talking about the weather? This has nothing to do with it burning when I pee."
"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm a Meaty Urologist."
Two guys walk into a bar
A philosopher and a physician walk into a fabulous tiki beach bar in Florida and both order drinks. After a while the philosopher addresses the physician, "Have you read Marx?" The physician replies, "Yes, I blame these wicker bar stools."
A bucket goes to the doctor
The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.
The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."
"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."
The doctor replied, "I can tell. You seem to be a little pail."
Putin went to see his doctor
Putin went to see his most trusted advisor, who happened to be his personal physician. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" Putin said, "I am a strong Russian man. I'll take the bad news." The doctor said, "the war is going badly. It will take another year to crush the Ukrainians." Putin said, "thanks, I know it's hard to be honest with a powerful man like me. What's the good news?" The doctor said, "your cancer is back and you have only six months to live."
A member of the family in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.
He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his class-room room : " Professor Jennings informs his students that he has been appointed honorary physician to His Majesty, King George."
When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his notice this line :
" God save the King."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The physician says that the patient will need a r**... exam.
The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove.
As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Peter"
The patient says, "My name isn't Peter"
The doctor says, "Mine is"
High Blood Pressure
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," I said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
What's the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher?
One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of Job.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
