Physical Jokes
122 physical jokes and hilarious physical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about physical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn how physical jokes can help break the monotony of routine physical activities such as physical therapy, physical education, physical geography, and physical science. Discover infrequently used physical jokes and how to share them with your doctor.
Quick Jump To
- Short Physical Jokes
- Physical One Liners
- Mental Physical Jokes
- Physical Science Jokes
- Physical Attractiveness Jokes
- Physical Therapy Jokes
- More Physical Jokes
Funniest Physical Short Jokes
Short physical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The physical humour may include short physics jokes also.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? It's where the students have the most potential.
- I just had a physical. The doctor said: Don't eat anything fatty. I said, Like bacon and burgers?
He said, No fatty, don't eat anything! - I've decided to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, I'm always feeling drained, and just not physically up to it.. So I've just handed in my too weak notice..
- I once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
- Physics Joke A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light."
- What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!
- A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
- The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential... Then he pushed me out the window.
Share These Physical Jokes With Friends
Physical One Liners
Which physical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with physical? I can suggest the ones about visual and touch.
- My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
- My physics teacher said i have potential and then pushed me down the stairs
- How do women defy the laws of physics? The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
- What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ? Oops.
- How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
- Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics? For splitting an Adam.
- Why did the physics teacher breakup with the biology teacher ? There was no chemistry
- What do you call an Egyptian physical therapist? A Cairopractor
- My physics teacher said I have potential... He threw me off a building to prove it.
- I passed my physical exam! But I only got a C in Hepatitis.
- I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it.
- What do you call a physical therapist from Giza? A cairopractor.
- My physics teacher said I had potential. This was right before he pushed me off the roof.
- Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape I'm always running out of ideas.
- How does the Pope stay in peak physical condition? Crossfit
Mental Physical Jokes
Here is a list of funny mental physical jokes and even better mental physical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between school and church? In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
- I started therapy the other day My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds, physically and mentally". So I stabbed them. Now we wait.
- Doctor, doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, that sounds like more of a mental problem and I deal with physical ailments.
- Death gotta be easy cuz life is hard It'll leave you physically mentally and emotionally scarred
- Mentally r**... people can't stand loud noises. But physically r**... people can't stand.
Physical Science Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical science jokes and even better physical science puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Top 10 most important sciences 10. It is
9. impossible
8. to rank
7. the importance
6. of science
5. because
4. all of them
3. are equally
2. important.
1. Physics - Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
- How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units - Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
- What field of science did the agnostic man study? Quantum physics.
- Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
- Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.
Physical Attractiveness Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical attractiveness jokes and even better physical attractiveness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Women are the only physical entity that defy the laws of gravitation. Increase in mass does not lead to an increase in the orce of attraction.
- According to the laws of physics, the heavier you are... the more attractive you are.
- You know you are a Physics nerd when.... Yo mamma so fat she attracts black holes
- Why are hikers so physically attractive? They have a lot of s**... uphill
Physical Therapy Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical therapy jokes and even better physical therapy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my cannibal friend where he gets his veggies. He replied "the local physical therapy clinic"
Cheeky Physical Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about physical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean structural jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make physical pranks.
Dean, to the physics department:
"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
if your little ladies not so little anymore...
you may want to think about what you can do to help. Here's some advice i got from a certified physical trainer: All you need to do is have your wife walk two miles every morning, and then another three miles every night, and in just seven short days that fat b**...'ll be thirty-five miles away
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
During a routine physical the Doctor said, "You've got to stop m**...."
"Why?" asked the patient.
"Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"
At the Doctor
A man is at the doctor for his physical.
The doctor says, "Alright, just pull down your pants so I can have a look."
The man does as instructed.
The doctor says, "You should stop m**...."
The man ask's, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "So I can start the exam."
The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?
The Physics major asks: How does it work?
The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?
The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?
I recently went to my doctor for a physical...
Doctor: "Everything looks fine but you need to stop m**...".
Me: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I'm trying to give you a physical".
An old woman decides to get a physical after a number of years.
While the doctor is examining her she mentions that over the years she has learned to f**... silently and they never smell anymore. The doctor said "Ok, that's great", finishes up the exam, gives her a prescription and tells her to come back in a couple of weeks.
When she returns, she complains that her farts now smell awful.
"Good" he said. "Now that we've cleared out your sinuses let's work on your hearing."
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
My physics teacher told me I had potential.
Then he threw me off the roof.
A joke my mate told me after an after-hours lesson.
Grammar tip
Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet
After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!
I got a B+
A Joke by my Physics Teacher
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the roof of his building.
Just before the man jumps, the physicist yells: "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A guy went to the doctor for his annual physical...
Doctor says to him "you need to stop m**...."
Man says, "but why doc!?"
Doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you an examination."
How do you feel about s**...?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about s**...?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
Breaking up is like physics ...
She keeps saying that I have no energy.
I keep telling her that I have potential.
I went to get my physical today and, of course, the doctor was a beautiful woman...
She said, "Well, you will have to stop m**...."
I said, "Wait, but why?"
"So I can start the examination," she said.
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?
What a shame. He had so much potential.
Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?
They didn't have any chemistry.
My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.
I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"
A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump
I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.
Wanna hear a physics pun?
If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?
"Don't jump!"
One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"
A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do it! Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"
A man goes to the doctor for a physical.
The doctor tells him, "You have to stop m**...."
The man says, "Why?"
The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."
To the woman I met in the bar last night who was mad at me this morning
I never said I had a phd in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical PhD in physics.
I went to the doctor today...
He had me take off my clothes and put on a gown so he could complete a full physical. I was worried I would be receiving a prostate exam. Anyways, he walked back in and had me pull my gown up for the ole turn your head and cough check. When I did he took one look at me and said, "Very interesting....You have got to stop m**...." I asked why, he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
If I hit you with a dictionary...
...is it physical or verbal a**...?
A lady came in for a routine physical at the doctor's office.
Here , said the nurse, handing her a u**... specimen container. The bathroom is over there on your right.
The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.
A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face.
Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn't need this after all!
A Man goes to the doctor for a physical...
A Man goes to the doctor for a physical.
The Doctor says "You have to stop m**...."
The man asks "And why's that?"
The Doctor replies "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."
I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son...
"How long do you have to do that for?" I asked. "When is he going to be too old for it?"
"Well, it's a physical bond between a mother and her child isn't it? It's only society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age."
I replied, "Shut up, Harry. I was talking to your mother."
My doctor told me I have to stop m**....
Perplexed, I asked him why.
He responds - "Well, because I'm trying to give you a physical."
Louis c**... might not physically have had s**... with any women
But he came close.
What do you call it when a person will give you a h**... in return for any physical item?
j**... all trades
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
What do s**... and quantum physics have in common?
I don't get either of them.
During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit m**....
I asked, *Why??*
He said, Because. I'm trying to complete your examination and you're making things really awkward right now.
My doctor said I need to stop m**.... When I asked why, he said ..
Cause I'm trying to give you a physical
According to physics, light travels faster sound...
... If that's really the case though, why can I hear the car behind me honk before I see the traffic lights change?
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...
I told him he doesn't understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.
Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years!
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 p**....
The doctor says, " 5 p**...!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove."
A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."
My Physics teacher said to me: you have a lot of potential. You should use it.
We were at the top of the building.
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
Kindergarten Blonde
A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"
Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Most of the kids only got half way, but I knew them all. Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The following day the girl comes home and says "we had gym today and I noticed I'm more physically advanced than the others. . Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
Her mom says " no dear. It's because you're 24."
My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it.
I had to consider mass.
Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being.
But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.
A farmer posted on his local subreddit that he was looking to hire help to fix his fence...
The farmer's wife asked him, Why would you look to hire someone from the internet? Surely they will not be up to the physical demands of lifting and setting these heavy fence posts!
The Farmer replied We need a professional, and I heard that there is no one more experienced than a Redditor at re-posting.
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly s**... a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to h**...?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
A student was standing at the edge of the roof of his school and was about jump off and commit s**....
Suddenly from the school grounds his physics teacher yells to him, "Don't jump, you've got lots of potential!"
My wife told me, Every day, you should do at least 20 sit-ups.
I said, That sounds like physical ab use.
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
A college student slowly walks into a bar and orders a beer. He starts talking to the bartender.
"What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus." The student complains. "If she wasn't so drop dead gorgeous I would've dropped the class already." The bartender looks at him and says "So you could say she's easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?"
I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics
The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.
Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?
Because it broke the laws of physics!!
(my son says he made this up himself!! can't find it anywhere else so maybe....)
I found out that the girl I'm dating is a gold digger
Idk how to tell her but I don't like gold diggers. It's not safe for her mentally as well as physically and the mine she works at doesn't give them health insurance or anything. What should I do?
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... an entire human being because
…even though the whale was a very large mammal, its t**... was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jonah," the little girl insisted.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not s**... a human. It was physically impossible, she said.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to h**...?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
**
A blond Joke I've only heard once before.
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
"Because I'm the Goalie!"
