Physical Jokes
120 physical jokes and hilarious physical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about physical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn how physical jokes can help break the monotony of routine physical activities such as physical therapy, physical education, physical geography, and physical science. Discover infrequently used physical jokes and how to share them with your doctor.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Physical Short Jokes
Short physical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The physical humour may include short physics jokes also.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
- I've decided to quit my job as a Personal Trainer, I'm always feeling drained, and just not physically up to it.. So I've just handed in my too weak notice..
- I once abused someone with a dictionary... The judge didn't know whether to charge me with verbal or physical assault
- A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
- The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential... Then he pushed me out the window.
- My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"
- Grammar tip Farther = physical distance
Further = metaphorical distance
Father = emotional distance - Breaking up is like physics ... She keeps saying that I have no energy.
I keep telling her that I have potential. - Wanna hear a physics pun? If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?
Share These Physical Jokes With Friends
Physical One Liners
Which physical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with physical? I can suggest the ones about visual and touch.
- My physics teacher told me I had potential. Then he threw me off the roof.
- How do women defy the laws of physics? The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
- What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics ? Oops.
- How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
- Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics? For splitting an Adam.
- I passed my physical exam! But I only got a C in Hepatitis.
- I told my physics teacher I had a problem with gravity. But he told me to drop it.
- Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape I'm always running out of ideas.
- How does the Pope stay in peak physical condition? Crossfit
- I will name my son Physics. So that I will be called Father of Physics.
- What does a physics cow say? Μμ
- What do Smash Mouth do in Physics class? Sum bodies
- My Physics teacher said I have no Potential Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
- I burst into tears right before my physics exam. The proctor asked, "What's the matter?"
- Structural Engineering Because architects don't know what physics is.
Mental Physical Jokes
Here is a list of funny mental physical jokes and even better mental physical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between school and church? In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
- Death gotta be easy cuz life is hard It'll leave you physically mentally and emotionally scarred
Physical Science Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical science jokes and even better physical science puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Top 10 most important sciences 10. It is
9. impossible
8. to rank
7. the importance
6. of science
5. because
4. all of them
3. are equally
2. important.
1. Physics - Chuck Norris has proven Newton's third law of physics, there is no force equal to a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
- How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units - Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.
- What field of science did the agnostic man study? Quantum physics.
- Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
- Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.
Physical Therapist Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical therapist jokes and even better physical therapist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I think my Physical Therapist is into me. She said I had acute tendinitis.
- What do you call it when a male physical therapist doesn't support women? Massage a knee.
- My Girlfriend was born without her pinky toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill. My therapist says I'm lack toes intolerant.
Physical Pain Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical pain jokes and even better physical pain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Life has 3 levels of existence... Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.
- TIL a headache doesn't cause actual, physical pain. The pain is all in your head.
Physical Therapy Jokes
Here is a list of funny physical therapy jokes and even better physical therapy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my cannibal friend where he gets his veggies. He replied "the local physical therapy clinic"
Cheeky Physical Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about physical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean structural jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make physical pranks.
Dean, to the physics department:
"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
if your little ladies not so little anymore...
you may want to think about what you can do to help. Here's some advice i got from a certified physical trainer: All you need to do is have your wife walk two miles every morning, and then another three miles every night, and in just seven short days that fat b**...'ll be thirty-five miles away
My experience at the doctor's....
So I went to the doctor's office today and he told me I had to stop jerking off. I asked why. He said "Because I need to give you your physical."
After failing miserably at a standup routine I told my girlfriend I was going to try physical comedy. She said...
"You can't pull your pants down in public."
Yokel Logic
Two country types are sitting outside a university, when a man comes out. One of them stands up, and goes over to talk to this man.
He says ''Ello there, son. You look loike one of them clever university toipes. What is it that you're studyin' then?'
The man, slightly stunned, says, 'I study Mathematics, Physics and Logic'
The country dude says 'Oo- arr, logic, what's that then?'
The Student replies, 'I could teach you it.'
'Okay then.'
'So', says the student, 'you look like a country type. I'm going to guess that you have a tractor?'
'Yep'
'And if you have a tractor, then surely you have... a yard, to keep your tractor in?'
'Arr'
'So in turn, surely you have a house next to that yard?'
'Wow, incredible, go on!'
'And taking care of that big house must be awfully hard on your own- so you must have a wife to help out with it?'
'Moi god...'
'And because you live with your wife, I'm going to conclude that you're a heterosexual!'
'Oh lord...' says the farmer. 'How did you know all that?'
'That's logic, my friend', says the student, and he walks off with a cheerful wave.
The yokel runs over to his friend to show off his newfound learnings.
''Ere, Oi've got somethin' to show ya! It's called 'Logic'', he shouts.
'Alroight then', says the friend
'So, do you have a tract'r?'
'No'
'Then you're Gay!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**...' and 'Love' ....;)
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....
I heard that they're coming up with a new Tron movie which deals with particle physics...
Its called new-Tron.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently went to my doctor for a physical...
Doctor: "Everything looks fine but you need to stop m**...".
Me: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I'm trying to give you a physical".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
My physics professor fails any student turning in a report without a blue coversheet
After working on my report all night, I accidentally used a white coversheet in a sleepless stupor. When I got to class the next morning, I panicked and threw the report at him at close to the speed of light!
I got a B+
What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?
"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you feel about s**...?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about s**...?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?
What a shame. He had so much potential.
Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?
They didn't have any chemistry.
I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered and his son is left physically disabled...
...Then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Finding Nemo is a real thriller!
A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump
I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.
To the woman I met in the bar last night who was mad at me this morning
I never said I had a phd in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical PhD in physics.
I took an AP Physics test today and finished early, so I wrote this joke in the test booklet out of boredom
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are driving along when they get pulled over.
The police officer asks them if they know how fast they were going.
Heisenberg says, "I'm uncertain."
The officer then asks for them to open the trunk, and they oblige.
"Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" the officer asks incredulously.
"I do now!" Schrodinger replies.
I know this guy who teaches people how to access the Dark Web, but if they're incompetent then he physically and psychologically abuses them
He's a Tor mentor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I hit you with a dictionary...
...is it physical or verbal a**...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady came in for a routine physical at the doctor's office.
Here , said the nurse, handing her a u**... specimen container. The bathroom is over there on your right.
The doctor will be with you in a few minutes.
A few minutes later the lady came out of the bathroom with an empty container and a relieved look on her face.
Thanks! But they had a toilet in there, so I didn't need this after all!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Louis c**... might not physically have had s**... with any women
But he came close.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when a person will give you a h**... in return for any physical item?
j**... all trades
I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".
But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.
Joke my physics teacher told us
A farmer has a bunch of chickens who aren't laying eggs. Puzzled, he enlists the help of a physicist to try and work out the problem. The physicist went away and did his calculations, then came back a week later.
'I have a solution to your problem, but...' the physicist said.
'But what?' Said the farmer.
'It only works for circular chickens in a vacuum.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do s**... and quantum physics have in common?
I don't get either of them.
I was talking to my physics teacher...
Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In three seconds, anagram the word s**... into a derogatory term for a group of people based on a distinct physical trait.
The word we were looking for is GINGERS. You monster.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...
I told him he doesn't understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.
Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that's why he hasn't seen his dad in 20 years!
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 p**....
The doctor says, " 5 p**...!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove."
A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."
My Physics teacher said to me: you have a lot of potential. You should use it.
We were at the top of the building.
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
Kindergarten Blonde
A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"
Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Most of the kids only got half way, but I knew them all. Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
"Yes dear, it's because you're a blond."
The following day the girl comes home and says "we had gym today and I noticed I'm more physically advanced than the others. . Is that because I'm a blond, mom?"
Her mom says " no dear. It's because you're 24."
My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it.
I had to consider mass.
Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being.
But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.
Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?
Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.
But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have this theory about my s**... life lately
Actually, it's more of a hypothesis since I have no physical evidence to suggest it even exists.
A farmer posted on his local subreddit that he was looking to hire help to fix his fence...
The farmer's wife asked him, Why would you look to hire someone from the internet? Surely they will not be up to the physical demands of lifting and setting these heavy fence posts!
The Farmer replied We need a professional, and I heard that there is no one more experienced than a Redditor at re-posting.
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.
The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.
The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.
Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks Why did you choose that heart?
The patient responds Because I know that heart has never been used.
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Irish woman is n**... starting at herself in the mirror
Her husband walks in and asks what in the h**... are you doing?
I had my physical today and my doctor told me I was a beautiful woman who should be proud of her aging body, she replied.
Yeah? And what did he say about your fat Irish a**...?
You didn't come up in conversation, she replied.
(I don't know why she's Irish, but when I heard the joke she was so I'm keeping it going!)
Chester was really happy, he was about to meet the Queen.
He had been a physics prodigy hailing from a small town in England, and had just been selected to be Knighted by the Queen of England.
After the ceremony, his best friend remarked to him:
"Man, Chester, you Knighted!"
I could explain to you quantum physics and you wouldn't understand a thing.
Not because it's hard but because I'm bad at explaining.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly s**... a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to h**...?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
My wife told me, Every day, you should do at least 20 sit-ups.
I said, That sounds like physical ab use.
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college student slowly walks into a bar and orders a beer. He starts talking to the bartender.
"What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus." The student complains. "If she wasn't so drop dead gorgeous I would've dropped the class already." The bartender looks at him and says "So you could say she's easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My math teacher told me that I won't amount to anything because I smoke w**......
But my physics teacher says the higher you are, the larger your potential!
I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics
The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.
Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?
Because it broke the laws of physics!!
(my son says he made this up himself!! can't find it anywhere else so maybe....)
A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
I found out that the girl I'm dating is a gold digger
Idk how to tell her but I don't like gold diggers. It's not safe for her mentally as well as physically and the mine she works at doesn't give them health insurance or anything. What should I do?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... an entire human being because
…even though the whale was a very large mammal, its t**... was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jonah," the little girl insisted.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not s**... a human. It was physically impossible, she said.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to h**...?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Mr. Johnson went to his doctor's office to have a physical exam done. The nurse asked, "How tall are you?"
"I'm about six foot two," said Mr. Johnson. The nurse measured him and found that he was only five foot six.
"How much do you weigh?" asked the nurse.
"Around 150 pounds." The nurse weighed him and found that he weighed 200 pounds.
Then she took his blood pressure. "Your blood pressure is incredibly high," she said.
"What do you expect?" sputtered Mr. Johnson. "Before I came here I was tall and thin. Now I'm short and fat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
**
