phys Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious phys puns

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.

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My physics teacher told me I had potential.

Then he threw me off the roof.

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A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

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My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential,

Then he pushed me off the roof.

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My physics teacher said i have potential

and then pushed me down the stairs

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I just had a physical. The doctor said: Don't eat anything fatty.

I said, Like bacon and burgers?

He said, No fatty, don't eat anything!

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A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building.

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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What did the physicist say to the man about to jump off a building?

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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Physicists are the only scientists that matter

But mathematicians are the only ones who count

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Physics Joke

A photon walks into a hotel and the bellman says "can I help you with your bags?" And the photon replies, "no it's ok, I'm traveling light."

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Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.

They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.

The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"

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A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

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Physical Examination Time!

A man goes to the doctor to get a full physical examination. At one point the doctor asks him to remove his pants and underwear and then proceeds to examine the man's balls. Whilst fondling the man's balls, the doctor says "It's perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure". The man, a little puzzled, says "I don't have an erection", to which the doctor replies, "I do".

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A physicist notices a man about to jump of a really tall building, he yells:

DONT JUMP YOU HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL

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What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge?

Don't do it! You have potential!

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A physicist sees a man about to jump from a building

'Don't do it! ' he shouts 'You have so much potential! '

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What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof?

Don't do that, you have so much potential!

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A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang...

....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.

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My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.

I said "yeah it's pretty straightforward"

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A physicist sees a man about to jump off from the top of Sears Tower...

He yells to him "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

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A physicist was in Las Vegas

Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.

Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though?

Tour guide: No, I don't know.

Physicist: Mass over volume.

I'll see myself out.

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A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

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A physicist saw a man standing on a ledge

The physicist yelled out "Don't jump, you have so much potential!"

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A physicist goes outside and sees a man standing on the edge of a roof

The physicist shouts Don't jump, you have so much potential!

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Why did the physicist at the Hadron Collider get thrown in jail?

Because he was a mass murderer

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A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...

The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"

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A physics student was standing on top of a building, threatening to jump

I tried to talk him out of it, because he had so much potential.

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A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings

The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The mathematician runs to a chalkbaord, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, "There IS a solution!", and then burns to death.

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Physics joke

A man is interested in placing a bet on a horse race; only he's a smart, educated guy and doesn't want to blow his money on the wrong horse. He decides to consult a vet, a statistician an a physicist.

He goes to the vet. The vet examines the horses for a few minutes, then points to a horse and says: "this is the healthiest, strongest, horse. He'll probably win".

He then goes to the statistician. The statistician takes a couple of hours to analyze all the previous races of all contending horses. He takes into account the horse's nutrition, the weather, the day of the week, the number of spectators and many other factors. In the end, he points to a horse and says that, based on past performance, it has the highest probability of winning the race.

Finally, the man goes to a physicist. The physicist thinks for a few minutes and tells him he needs a few days to think it over. A day passes, then two days, then three. It's finally a day before the race and the bets have to be placed. But still there's no word from the physicist. The man decides he has to get an answer so he angrily calls the physicist himself. His reply? "listen, the problem you've given me was harder than I anticipated. By now, I only managed to solve it for a spherical horse in vacuum".

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A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.

The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."

The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."

The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."

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Why was the physics teacher and the biology teacher always fighting?

They didn't have any chemistry.

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I went to get my physical today and, of course, the doctor was a beautiful woman...

She said, "Well, you will have to stop masturbating."

I said, "Wait, but why?"

"So I can start the examination," she said.

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A physicist walks into a bar

and he orders a beer and turns to the stool next to him and offers it a beer. He finishes his drink and then leaves. The next day he returns to the bar, orders a beer, and offers a beer to the stool next to him before finishing his drink and leaving. This continues on for a week before the bartender finally asks, " Why in the world do you keep offering that stool a beer?" The physicist replies " The laws of physics dictate that there is a slight possibility that at some point the matter above this stool could reform into a beautiful woman, who would then accept the drink." The bartender is puzzled for a second before replying " The bar is full of beautiful women. Why not see if they will accept your drink?" The physicist quickly laughs before saying " Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?"

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A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

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What are the most funny Phys jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Phys? Well, here are the best Phys dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Phys pick up lines to share with friends.

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