photo Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious photo puns

The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, She's beautiful, isn't she? I said, If you think she's beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.

He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.

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Harvey Weinstein joke with journalists

Journalist: Were those nude photos of you that the jury looked at?

Harvey Weinstein: No, it was Playboy !

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I bumped into an old school friend today

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

I said, "No, she's a fucking optician."

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Photographers are so violent.

They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.

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I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

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A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?

The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

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My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey.

So I took a photo of her hair!

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The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

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A photon checks into a hotel.

The bellhop says "can I take your bags?"

"No," she answers, "I'm traveling light."

*(I'm new to the community, this is best I've got, I'm sorry)*

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A photon walks into a hotel.....

..... And is asked if he needs help with his luggage.

The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

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I accidentally sent a photo of my penis to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it really embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

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So a photon checks into a hotel...

Bellman says "Sir may I take your bags?"
Photon replies "Nah... I'm traveling light"

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A photon checks into a hotel.

He is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.

He says "No thanks. I'm travelling light".

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A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...

Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "

King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.

He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".

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They call me The Tripod

Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?

Me: Let me unzip this and show you...

*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*

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A photon checks into a motel

the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."

The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!"

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I was throwing darts at wife's photo on dart board

and not even a single one hitting the target.
Wife entered, saw and asked, Honey! What are you doing?
Husband: Missing you.
And that's when the fight started…

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A photon checks into a hotel.

The bell hop asks "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies "No I'm traveling light."

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A photon is going through airport security...

The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.

The photon says, No, I'm traveling light.

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Photon

A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."

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I have a photographic memory

it just hasn't developed yet

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There's an email going around that claims to include a nude photo of Hillary Clinton

Don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

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Two Photons enter a bar.

Two Photons Finish their shift at their job, hop a cab and head to a bar.
They enter the bar and the bartender asks "Are you coming or leaving?" One of the photons replies "Isn't it obvious?"
The bartender replies "No, I'm colorblind.

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A Photon Checks into a hotel...

The bellhop ask, "can I help you with your luggage?"

It replies, "I don't have any, I'm traveling light."

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A friend showed me a photo of his wife.

Isn't she stunning? He said.

You should see my wife, I replied.

What, is she stunning, too? He asked.

I said: No, she's an optometrist.

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My mom texted me that she found the incest photo of my sister and I.

I was freaking out until I realized she meant nicest.

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A photon checks into a hotel.

The bellhop asks, "May I help you with your luggage?"

The photon responds, "No thank you. I'm traveling light."

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I saw an old school friend today

and he started bragging about his well paid job, his flash expensive car and his enormous house.


Then he took a photo out of his wallet, showed it to me and said. "That's my wife, isn't she beautiful"?


I looked it at and said "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife"


He said "Why, is she a stunner?


I said "No, she's a fucking optometrist!"

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I keep a photo of my mother flexing inside the charm of my necklace

Because she is a strong, in the pendant woman

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Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

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A photon walks into a hotel

The clerk asks "do you have any bags we can help you with?"

Photon says "naw dawg, I'm travelin' light"

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A photon checks into a hotel...

The doorman asks, Do you have any luggage to check? The photon replies, No, I'm traveling light.

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Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.

He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads

Dear Joey

Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.

Love Grandma

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I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend

They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.

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Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:

"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every billΒ has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."

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What are the most funny Photo jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Photo? Well, here are the best Photo dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Photo pick up lines to share with friends.

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