The Best 35 Phone Number Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Phone Number jokes. There are some phone number telephone numbers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these phone number 555 puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Phone Number Jokes and Puns

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...

like my name, phone number, address, etc.

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed.

My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.

When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.

Things like, my job, my phone number and my address


When my wife got pregnant everything changed

My name, my address and my phone number

When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers...

But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying

I used to be a telemarketer

I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.

"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.

I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:

"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."

Today I saw a phone number written on a pillar...

Should I column?

Husband to wife: "I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes."

Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"

A wealthy man on a business trip calls home and the butler answers the phone: Can I talk to my wife, please?

The butler answers that she is currently in the bedroom with a man. What?!! Take the rifle in my study, go to the bedroom and shoot them both - I'll stay on the line

Very well, sir , the butler answers and he walks away from the phone. After about a minute, the man hears two gunshots and a moment later, the butler returns to the phone.

I shot them both, sir. What should I do with the bodies?

I don't care, throw them in the pool

We don't have a pool, sir

Ah, sorry, wrong number

You can explore phone number phone number reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean phone number dialed dad jokes. There are also phone number puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant

For example my name, address and even phone number

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.

This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...

He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

A misunderstanding

A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."

Pretty woman sneezes

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms.

"How many do you want", pharmacist replies.

"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".

After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.

It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.


A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone

At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.

"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"

He agrees.

The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.

He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:

"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

A police officer told me once: "We'll never forget 9/11".

I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"

​

\- Jimmy Carr

Lady of my dreams

The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!

She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".

A BLONDE'S THEFT

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"

Travelling Tip

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.

I leave the number of the room next to me.

It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,

"Why are you calling me?"

Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.

My girlfriend told me she was pregnant and it changed everything...

My name, my phone number, my address.....

The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed...

My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.

I was watching TV last night...

When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".

I was watching tv last night...

and one of those ads came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to have one, they work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.

A man called the wrong number...

"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into the phone. Β "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."

"Who was that?" his young wife asked.

Β "Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.

You pick up the wrong phone.

Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?

Everytime I call, a machine answers.

I met a German girl today.

Her phone number is pretty weird, it's all nines.

There's a lot I don't get about women

The main thing being their phone number.

I told my pregnant wife that everything is going to change after this baby is born.

Like my name, address, phone number.

A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.

A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you girls are at it for two hours at least!" "Yeah, well, it was a wrong number."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the phone number caller id jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working phone number dial piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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