Phone Number Jokes
111 phone number jokes and hilarious phone number puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about phone number that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Phone Number Short Jokes
Short phone number jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The phone number humour may include short telephone number jokes also.
- A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone." - Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.
- When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
- My buddy asked me how I got ahold of Kevin bacon's phone number Told him I know a guy ^(who knows a guy) ^^who ^^knows ^^a ^^guy ^^^who ^^^knows ^^^a ^^^guy
- When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
- Husband to wife: "I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes." Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"
- Mama always said Work until your bank account looks like a phone number. Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!
- Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks? Because his number couldn't fit in their phones
- A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms. "How many do you want", pharmacist replies.
"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it". - A police officer told me once: "We'll never forget 9/11". I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"
​
\- Jimmy Carr
Share These Phone Number Jokes With Friends
Phone Number One Liners
Which phone number one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with phone number? I can suggest the ones about phone and phone call.
- Today I saw a phone number written on a pillar... Should I column?
- Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
- There's a lot I don't get about women The main thing being their phone number.
- I know every single phone number I just don't know who they belong to
- What is the loneliest number? My phone number, call me please!
#Please don't - What are the first three numbers of an opera singer's phone number? aria code
- I sent her my uncle's phone number When she asked me to send PDF file
- I hope I never go to jail. I haven't memorised a phone number since 1999.
- Went out tonight and got 8 numbers!!! 2 more and it would have been a whole phone number!
- Name one thing Taylor Swift doesn't have in her purse Her boyfriend's phone number
- My girlfriend's phone number is 5i Because she is also imaginary
- How can I know hundreds of digits of pi But not know the digits of your phone number?
- I heard they opened up a rehab center for phone addiction Anyone know their number?
- I asked a cute statistician if I could get her phone number. She said probably not.
- What's Karen Carpenter's Phone Number? 8 nothing, 8 nothing, 8 nothing.....
Comical & Quirky Phone Number Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about phone number you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean telephone call jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make phone number pranks.
Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said, "Please enter your five-digit ZIP code."
After I put that in, I got a third message: "If you would like your information in English, press one."
Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama so old...
Her phone number is 1
Asian phone book
Do you know why Asians have a phone book?
Because there's so many Wing and so many Wong someone might Wing the Wong number
Travelling Tip
Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.
I leave the number of the room next to me.
It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,
"Why are you calling me?"
Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.
I got this hot blondes phone number today!
Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often.
My favorite joke of all time.
A man calls information for a phone number (this happened before smart phones)
Anyway, the man asks for Derp Smith in Derpville, California.
The operator says "I have many listings for Derp Smith, do you have a street name?"
The man thought for a moment and replied
"Well, some people call me Iceman."
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
Got six numbers at the bar last night
One more and it would have been a full phone number!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it never a good idea to use a Chinese phone book?
There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might wing a wong number.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard they banned phones now in China
Apparently there is so many Wings and so many Wongs they keep Winging the Wong number.
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
I was watching TV last night...
When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".
An old Jewish couple is going to bed
The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!
Pretty woman sneezes
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Have you ever seen one of those billboards that just says "AVAILABLE" and a phone number?
That's your mom's number.
Made a lot of friends on Valentines Day!
All of them girls! Strangely the phone numbers don't exist or connect to comcast.
New friends are fun!
A police officer told me he'll never forget 9.11
I think that it would be pretty difficult to, considering it's his phone number
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters are in the woods...
Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
Sure, what's your phone number?
A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone
At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?
Everytime I call, a machine answers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't China have a phone directory?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs they'd still wing the wong number.
My first blind date.
My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a tape measure and a bathroom scale..."
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children any-more. ....
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children any-more. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
911
The American police have said they will never forget 9/11.
Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw the chief of a New York City police on the news
I saw the chief of New York City police on the news, he said "We will never forget 9/11"
I said "Well I sure f**...' hope not it's your phone number"
If your social security number was your cell phone number...
what would your number be?
Last night at a party I talked to mad girls and ended up getting 6 numbers.
1 more number and I would have had a full phone number
#theoffice
The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed...
My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is h**...'s phone number?
999-999-999
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a private dance from a stripper.
When she was done, she gave me her phone number.
I said, "If I give you £50, will you come back to my place for a kiss and a cuddle?"
She said, "It will have to be more than that."
I said, "That's fine. What about s**...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
I write my mistresses' phone numbers on the rear view mirror.
I know my wife would never think to look there.
They say you should work until your bank account looks like a phone number. I checked my balance and realized, if that was true, I could retire!
I have $9.11 in my account.
I told her my account ballance looks like a phone number
Forgot to tell her it was an Emergency telephone number
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you girls are at it for two hours at least!" "Yeah, well, it was a wrong number."
Last night I went out to a bar and got 9 numbers . . .
One more number and it would've been a complete phone number.
My wife and I decided we don't want to have kids anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their address and phone number and we'll bring you one.
You know how there are so many Wings and Wongs?
In China there are so many Mr. Wings and Wongs that the next time you get your phone book you might wing the wong number.
She's so hot....
Friend: Shes so hot
Me: She's 14
Friend: Age is just a number
Me: Know what else is a number....[*pulls out phone] 911.
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Happy national dentistry day!!
National s**... Prevention Lifeline Phone Number:
1-800-273-8255
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the phone number for the German r**... Support Hotline?
Nein! Nein! Nein!
Many things have changed...
Many things have changed since I became a dad...
My phone number, my address.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are there no Chinese names in the phone book?
Because there's too many wings and too many wongs so you might wing the wong number.
My parents told me to work until my bank balance looked like a phone number
I'm happy to say that I've achieved my goal, and am retiring with $911.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was at a bar, trying to pick up girls. Eventually, he met a girl who said her friend was in town and they could have a t**.... What did her phone number end in?
241.
As a true American Patriot I always put phone numbers I want to ignore under the contact "Freedom"
Because I always let Freedom Ring.
Why are there no phones in China?
There's so many wings and wongs you might wing the wong number
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Calling a company be like:
Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed. Press 1 for English. To talk to a live person, please enter PI to the 27th digit followed by your 2nd cousin's social security number and the number Ϡ . What was that? Sorry our automated system can't understand you. Please s**... your phone whole so we can listen to your vocal cords easier. You have made an INVALID SELECTION
What would you give to a guy who has everything? Asked a girl to her friend.
My phone number! Answered her friend.
Was auditioning a gutiar player for my thrash metal band the other day and he gave me his phone number.
His number was (000)-000-0000.
Wrong number perhaps
A women is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.
"This is the middle school calling about your son Johnny. He's been caught telling unbelievable lies."
"I'll say he has," the woman replies, "I don't have a son."
My crush gave me her phone number!!
I didn't know she works at the rejection Hotline, hope they pay her well :)
I was woken up by a phone call telling me I've committed tax fraud
They must have had the wrong number cause I don't pay taxes
a telephone call
A wife answers the phone.
Husband to wife: "How come you talked only 15 minutes?"
Wife: "It was wrong number."
