Phone Number Jokes
111 phone number jokes and hilarious phone number puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about phone number that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Phone Number Short Jokes
Short phone number jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The phone number humour may include short telephone number jokes also.
- A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.
"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone." - Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.
- Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed. My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.
- When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
- My buddy asked me how I got ahold of Kevin bacon's phone number Told him I know a guy ^(who knows a guy) ^^who ^^knows ^^a ^^guy ^^^who ^^^knows ^^^a ^^^guy
- When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
- Husband to wife: "I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes." Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"
- I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant For example my name, address and even phone number
- Mama always said Work until your bank account looks like a phone number. Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!
- a lot of things changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant... like my name, my address, my phone number
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Phone Number One Liners
Which phone number one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with phone number? I can suggest the ones about phone and phone call.
- When my wife got pregnant everything changed My name, my address and my phone number
- Today I saw a phone number written on a pillar... Should I column?
- Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
- Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You pick up the wrong phone.
- I met a German girl today. Her phone number is pretty weird, it's all nines.
- There's a lot I don't get about women The main thing being their phone number.
- I know every single phone number I just don't know who they belong to
- What is the loneliest number? My phone number, call me please!
#Please don't - I've memorized every number in the phone book I just don't know who they belong to.
- What are the first three numbers of an opera singer's phone number? aria code
- Yo mamma so fat When she steps on a scale I see my phone number
- I sent her my uncle's phone number When she asked me to send PDF file
- Why can't blondes dial 911? They can't find the number eleven on the phone.
- I hope I never go to jail. I haven't memorised a phone number since 1999.
- Went out tonight and got 8 numbers!!! 2 more and it would have been a whole phone number!
Comical & Quirky Phone Number Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about phone number you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean telephone call jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make phone number pranks.
Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number.
Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.
A police officer told me once: "We'll never forget 9/11".
I said: "Of course you won't, it's your phone number!"
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\- Jimmy Carr
Asian phone book
Do you know why Asians have a phone book?
Because there's so many Wing and so many Wong someone might Wing the Wong number
Travelling Tip
Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.
I leave the number of the room next to me.
It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,
"Why are you calling me?"
Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.
I got this hot blondes phone number today!
Im starting to think i should cause car accidents more often.
My favorite joke of all time.
A man calls information for a phone number (this happened before smart phones)
Anyway, the man asks for Derp Smith in Derpville, California.
The operator says "I have many listings for Derp Smith, do you have a street name?"
The man thought for a moment and replied
"Well, some people call me Iceman."
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
Got six numbers at the bar last night
One more and it would have been a full phone number!
Why is it never a good idea to use a Chinese phone book?
There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might wing a wong number.
I heard they banned phones now in China
Apparently there is so many Wings and so many Wongs they keep Winging the Wong number.
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...
He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.
First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!
I was watching TV last night...
When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".
An old Jewish couple is going to bed
The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!
Pretty woman sneezes
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.
The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
I got a German girl's phone number
I just ask her for it and she said, "nine nine nine, nine nine nine nine."
A police officer told me he'll never forget 9.11
I think that it would be pretty difficult to, considering it's his phone number
Two hunters are in the woods...
Two hunters were in the woods, when one collapsed. He didn't seem to be breathing. The other called the emergency number and said, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator said, "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." After a second of silence on the hunter's end, the operator heard a gunshot. The hunter came back on the phone and said, ""OK, now what?"
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?
Because his number couldn't fit in their phones
A man sees an attractive girl sitting alone
At a restaurant, a man sees an attractive girl sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
"This is so embarrassing," the girl says, and she pops her eye back in place.
"I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy a drink to make it up to you. May I join you?"
He agrees.
The girls is good at keeping conversation, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He asks her phone number and then he compliments her:
"You are the most charming girl I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Telephone - Funny Joke
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
When I found out my girlfriend was having a baby my life really changed.
specifically my name, address and phone number.
Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?
Everytime I call, a machine answers.
A BLONDE'S THEFT
A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"
I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
My first blind date.
My friend set me up on a blind date and all I had was the phone number of the guy I was supposed to meet. So I call him up and ask how will I recognize him?
"I am 175cm tall and weigh 75kg and I will be standing in the corner. What about you?"
I replied, "Well, I guess I will be the one with a tape measure and a bathroom scale..."
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, I wasn't prepared for all the changes I'd have to make...
...like my name, phone number, job, city where I live...
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children any-more. ....
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children any-more. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
911
The American police have said they will never forget 9/11.
Pretty hard too, I would think, considering it's your phone number!
I saw the chief of a New York City police on the news
I saw the chief of New York City police on the news, he said "We will never forget 9/11"
I said "Well I sure f**...' hope not it's your phone number"
The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed...
My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
I got a private dance from a stripper.
When she was done, she gave me her phone number.
I said, "If I give you £50, will you come back to my place for a kiss and a cuddle?"
She said, "It will have to be more than that."
I said, "That's fine. What about s**...?"
A woman was having s**... with her husband's best friend when the telephone rang
And her husband's cell phone number appeared on the caller ID.
As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry
"Relax," she said after she hung up the phone.
he was just calling to tell me that he'll be home late because he's out bowling with you.
I write my mistresses' phone numbers on the rear view mirror.
I know my wife would never think to look there.
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.
A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone. The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you girls are at it for two hours at least!" "Yeah, well, it was a wrong number."
I was watching tv last night...
and one of those ads came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to have one, they work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.
The guy's first day at work.
He picks up the phone, dials the number and shouts:
"Get me one coffee and make it quick!"
The voice from phone says, "What do you want, do you know who you're talking to?"
"No I do not know."
"I'm the manager of this company, you idiot!"
"And do YOU know who are you talking to you imbecile??"
"No." the manager replies.
"Thank God!" The guy says, and hangs up.
My wife and I decided we don't want to have kids anymore.
So anybody who wants one can leave us their address and phone number and we'll bring you one.
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
Why is it so difficult to phone people in China?
The country is so full of Wings and Wongs, every time you wing you get the wong number.
when she got on the scale
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number.
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant and it changed everything...
My name, my phone number, my address.....
Many things have changed...
Many things have changed since I became a dad...
My phone number, my address.
Why are there no Chinese names in the phone book?
Because there's too many wings and too many wongs so you might wing the wong number.
My parents told me to work until my bank balance looked like a phone number
I'm happy to say that I've achieved my goal, and am retiring with $911.
Yo mama so fat
When she stepped on the scale she said how do you know my phone number?
As a true American Patriot I always put phone numbers I want to ignore under the contact "Freedom"
Because I always let Freedom Ring.
Why are there no phones in China?
There's so many wings and wongs you might wing the wong number
A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms.
"How many do you want", pharmacist replies.
"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".
Everything changed when my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, my address, my phone number, even my face (slightly)
Wrong number perhaps
A women is getting lunch ready when the phone rings.
"This is the middle school calling about your son Johnny. He's been caught telling unbelievable lies."
"I'll say he has," the woman replies, "I don't have a son."
My crush gave me her phone number!!
I didn't know she works at the rejection Hotline, hope they pay her well :)
Detective Work
A urologist is sitting down to lunch when he gets a call from a NYPD detective. Puzzled, he picks up the phone and listens as the detective details the fact patterns of a h**.... After about 5 minutes the detective finishes, re-summarizes the facts, and asks the urologist: "Who do you think committed the m**...?"
The urologist says "Listen, fella, I think you have the wrong number. I'm a doctor."
The detective says "Right! So, in urinalysis, who committed the crime?
The sooner Pubs are open the better.
This drinking at home is getting out of hand.
Last night I nearly asked my wife for her phone number..
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, many things in my life changed.
Such as my address, name, phone number, etc.
So this girl asked for my phone number this morning, but I really wasn't into her, so I made one up.
Jokes on me though, now I don't know if my car passed the MOT or not.
I told my pregnant wife that everything is going to change after this baby is born.
Like my name, address, phone number.
A man called the wrong number...
"I believe you have the wrong number," said the old gentleman into the phone. "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
"Who was that?" his young wife asked.
"Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."
phone call
Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, Hello? and I said, Hello, could I speak to Joey? … They said, Uh… I don't think so…he's only 2 months old. I said, I'll wait.
Should we exchange our phone numbers?
Are you kidding? That would confuse the people who try to call us.
