Phone Jokes

191 phone jokes and hilarious phone puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about phone that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article will provide some of the funniest phone jokes to share with your friends. Get ready to make someone chuckle with these tongue-in-cheek jokes and puns about telephone calls, callers, and telemarketers.

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Funniest Phone Short Jokes

Short phone jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The phone humour may include short mobile jokes also.

  1. I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said
    "Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
    So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
  2. Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
    Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
  3. My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
    She answered: "What's up, honey?"
    What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
  4. To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
  5. I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
  6. I think my girlfriend's a secret drug dealer I just answered her phone, and this man said "is that dope still there?"
  7. "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
  8. Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"
    She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
    ...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
  9. I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist. It's called 'Facebook'
  10. I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay in my current job. He asked which companies? I told him the gas, electric, and phone companies.

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Phone One Liners

Which phone one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with phone? I can suggest the ones about camera and calls.

  1. Yo Mama so fat that when she slid into my DMs…. My phone ran out of space.
  2. Yo mama so ugly When she sits on her phone, it unlocks.
  3. I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone I was getting really tired of its shirt.
  4. My phone fell from the 20th floor, good thing it was in airplane mode.
  5. How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.
  6. Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
  7. When my wife got pregnant everything changed My name, my address and my phone number
  8. I asked Siri "What do women want?" My phone has not shut up for the past three days.
  9. Friend asked to use my phone to call his mom.. Told him to just hit redial.
  10. My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt." Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
  11. It's so rude when someone's phone goes off in class. Some of us are trying to sleep.
  12. Dropped my phone in a load of mayo What the Hellmann
  13. Today I saw a phone number written on a pillar... Should I column?
  14. I recently got rid of all the German contacts on my phone Now it's Hans-Free
  15. Whoever lost their iPhone outside the bar Please stop ringing my new phone.

Phone Call Jokes

Here is a list of funny phone call jokes and even better phone call puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
    They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
  • A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply.
    "Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
  • I called my wife's phone using my best friend's phone. She answered with "Hey baby"... She knew it was me before I even spoke. True love at it's finest.
  • I asked my teenage son to pass me the phone book He laughed, called me a dinosaur and handed me his iPhone.

    So, the spider is dead. The iPhone is broken and my son is furious.
  • My girl is so smart! My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)
  • Siri kept on calling me Shirley today I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
  • My wife called me on the phone, breathless, and said, Where are you? I said, I'm at the pub. She said, I think the baby is coming
    Me: I don't think he can get in. He will be underage.
  • So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".
  • I asked Siri a question and she said, Don't call me Shirley. I must have left the phone in Airplane mode.
  • This morning, Siri said, Don't call me Shirley. I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

Answer The Phone Jokes

Here is a list of funny answer the phone jokes and even better answer the phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane? Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
  • Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
  • A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" "I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.
  • Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones? Yellow?
  • The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller.
    Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
  • Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number? Everytime I call, a machine answers.
  • How do they answer the phone at the burn center? Aloe
  • My girlfriend is so smart I called her from my friends phone and when she answered she said hey babe what's up? How did she know it was me?
  • Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
  • How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone? Cello?
Phone joke, How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?

Answering The Phone Jokes

Here is a list of funny answering the phone jokes and even better answering the phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My Pastor shouted "Jesus is the answer!" I looked back to my phone, he was wrong, it was "lapse." Gave me the E and the S, though.
  • I was about to win a race but my phone went off and I stopped to answer it, in the end I finished last. I shouldn't have done it in the first place.
  • Why didn't the dog answer his phone? It was ringing with no collar ID.
  • My iPhone screen went black but I can still hear my ringtone and answer phone calls It's just an earPhone now.
  • I think my wife might be secretly dealing drugs. There was a suspicious phone call this morning which I answered. A male voice asked "Has that dope gone yet?"
  • How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone? Ed here
  • I rang Seaworld the other day. A lady answered the phone and said "This call may be recorded for training porpoises"
  • How does a color answer the phone? Yellow.
  • My wife: 'They're not answering the phones at the mammogram clinic' They must have their hands full
  • How many wings does a turkey need to answer the phone? I'll let you know. The phone is still winging.

Phone Number Jokes

Here is a list of funny phone number jokes and even better phone number puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed... like my name, phone number, address, etc.
  • Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed. My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.
  • When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
  • My buddy asked me how I got ahold of Kevin Bacon's phone number Told him I know a guy ^(who knows a guy) ^^who ^^knows ^^a ^^guy ^^^who ^^^knows ^^^a ^^^guy
  • When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
  • Husband to wife: "I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes." Wife: "Oh, I dialed the wrong number"
  • I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant For example my name, address and even phone number
  • Mama always said Work until your bank account looks like a phone number. Well I did it! Bank balance: 9.11!
  • a lot of things changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant... like my name, my address, my phone number
  • Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks? Because his number couldn't fit in their phones
Phone joke, Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Hilarious Phone Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about phone you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make phone pranks.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his p**... back in his pocket.

I was having s**... with my friend's wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.

She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me...

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

My wife told me a joke that I actually laughed at.

A women was in bed with her husbands best friend when suddenly the phone rings. She answered the phone and said to the person have a wonderful time and hung up. The man asks her who was it and she replied that it was her husband, he said that he was at a bar with you.

Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[

Ending It All

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left n**....
The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.
"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."
Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

A woman and a man are lying in bed

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.
She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi. I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
She hangs up and the man asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Over smart.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...

...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of...

...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."

My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.

The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"

The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

I was having s**... with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "My dear husband, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 10. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said the husband, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

I tried phone s**... today

I ended up with hearing aids

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being h**... positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...

He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have s**...?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started...

Two hunters are out in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses. The other hunter pulls out his phone and calls 911

"My friend is dead, what am I going to do?" the hunter desperately asks.
"Just take is easy, I will help you. First; you need to make sure that he really is dead." the operator replies calmly.
"Ok, now what?"

I deleted all the German contacts out of my phone...

now its Hans free

A Pokemon go user walks into a bar

Because he was too busy looking at his phone to notice it

I used to be a telemarketer

I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."

When Samsung asked what customers wanted in their new phone...

They misunderstood when they heard "Lighter."

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital

She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.
"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"
"But what happened to your other ear?"
"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"

Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"The lab called and told me you only have 24 hours to live."
Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"
Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."
[Edited to clarify punchline...I guess. xP]

All those years of phone s**... has caught up with me...

I now have hearing aids

Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and $300.

You won't believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket.

I stopped smoking w**... the day after I spent 30minutes looking for my phone under the bed...

....while using my phone's flashlight

I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…

"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.
"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."
9 girls left their seats for me.

I phoned my boss.

I said, "I'm not coming in today. I've got chickenpox."
He said, "Don't give me that!"
I said, "I won't. I'm not coming in."

I went to my boss at work and said, "I need a raise. Three other companies are after me."

He said, "Really? Which companies are after you?"
I said, "The electric company, the utilities company and the phone company."

My mate asked me why I have s**... noises saved on my phone.

I said, It's for sound effects during s**....
He asked, Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?
I replied, No, I work in a morgue.

A resourceful woman...

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

Fish and chips

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended.

Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.

I've found my old Nokia phone so I connected it to a powerbank.

Powerbank is now full. Phone still has 3 bars.

Guys, I think my girlfriend might be a psychic.

Last night my phone died while I was out, so I used my brother's phone to call her.
And she answered, "What's up, s**...?" Before I even said a word!

A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.

"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"

Why would a phone need glasses?

When it's lost its contacts.

I phoned the animal shelter today

and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?

I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book s**...! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

I like how the girl that called me a loser in high school is now blowing up my phone

She sends me things like what are your plans for dinner and Your dad and I are going out for dinner there's food in the fridge

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
"Okay, what do I do now?"


I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."

A man speaks frantically on phone with a doctor...

"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.
Wife: actually I'm holding my son.
Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?
Wife: oh god.
Kidnapper: what?
Wife. you have my husband.

An elderly man was driving down the highway when his phone rang.

It was his wife urgently warning him: Honey, I just heard on the news that there's some lunatic in a car going the wrong way on the highway. Please be careful!
It's worse than that, said the man, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be s**...! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

Phone joke, If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be s**...! They'd have my bank pin #, phone u

jokes about phone