Phone Dying Jokes

84 phone dying jokes and hilarious phone dying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about phone dying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Phone Dying Jokes
Phone Dying One Liners
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Funniest Phone Dying Short Jokes

Short phone dying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The phone dying humour may include short phone ringing jokes also.

I get bitterly angry every time my cell phone dies. My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
I was sitting in the courtroom the other day and my phone started to die. Luckily I brought my mobile power bank. Anyways, I was charged with battery.
"Our neighbor died just now" I told my wife after I hanged up my phone "Who, Ray?"
"Why are you cheering? You don't even know who I am talking about?"
Did you know that Princess Diana was on her cell phone when she died? She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the roadside...
In most cases I don't think phones die when they run out of battery They are probably just taking a nap.
I was on programminghumor the other day... I didn't find most of the jokes good, but my phone died.
FBI and encryption FBI: Where are the keys to this phone?
Apple: We don't have them!
FBI: Children will die because of this. SAVE THE CHILDREN!
Users: *facepalm*
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
A cell phone beat it's wife up until she almost died... ...the police charged it with battery.
How did the fedora clad neckbeard know his phone was about to die? The battery indicator was m'roon

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Phone Dying One Liners

Which phone dying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with phone dying? I can suggest the ones about cell phone and cellphone.

I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies Yup, he's my screen-savior
Why was the Emo girl jealous of her phone? It died
She died doing what she loved... Looking at her phone while crossing the street
My phone died and my buddy said I'm sorry for your loss...
Where is the service?
I knew I was stressed out when my phone's battery died but i really just needed an outlet
My phone died... There won't be any service.
Nurse: My phone just died. Doctor: Let's call it.
Why did all the phones die in San Diego? Because they had no chargers.
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
Yo mama so dark when I clicked on her profile pic, I thought my phone died.
Babe, we need to enjoy each other's company Me when my phone dies.
When phones die ... ... they go to phoney heaven
My friend died while talking on his cell phone He was in the dead zone
I told the car salesman my phone kept dying... So he gave me a Charger
My phone died today. Thus, I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people!

Phone Dying Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about phone dying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean phone call jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make phone dying pranks.

Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!

There is nothing fun about a f**..., but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children.
We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt.
When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?"
My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone.
"We'll go in the limousine d**...."

My friend phoned me in a panic.

He said, "My dog is dying and I can't afford a vet. I was wondering if you wanted to buy my car?"

"Is it in good condition?" he asked.

"Yes, excellent."

"Then why does it need to go to the vet?"

There once was a man from Alabama . . .

He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated h**... type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .
Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?
One day, very tragically, Catfish Jeb's wife and sister died. A terrible hunting accident where he was mistaken and thought he was shooting at a deer. Beyond distraught, Catfish Jeb hurried home to his cabin and called up his church's preacher, Bill.
Bill answered his phone right away, greeting happily in that churchy way. Despite the cheeriness, Catfish Jeb was in tears as he told the preacher what happened. "Ma wife and sis'ta are ded, Billy," he blubbered.
Bill was a little miffed; he hated being called Billy. But with the light of God always shining down upon him, he forgave Catfish Jeb the instant the misname left his lips. "I am terrible sorry to hear that, Jeb," the preacher consoled.
On the phone, Bill and Catfish Jeb arranged a f**... for the bumpkin's wife and sister to be held at the church. It was to take place that Sunday, right before the bake sale. They planned the flowers, the music. Bill agreed to have someone make pamphlets on the grieving r**...'s behalf.
"One last thing, Joe," Bill said, pen poised in hand.
Catfish Jeb wiped at his eyes. "Yessa, preacher-man sir?" he simpered.
The preacher man pursed his lips. "Will you be needing one coffin, of two?"

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.

Two hunters

Two hunters were out walking in the woods when suddenly one of them collapses and falls to the ground. The other hunter calls 911 and says "Help! My friend collapsed and died! What can I do?". The 911-operator replies "Calm down, I can help you. First, let's make sure he's really dead". There's a silence and then a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says "Ok, now what?"

So after serving overseas for 6 months a soldier calls home...

...his brother picks up the phone, they say their hellos and ask how each other are doing. The soldier then asks how everything is with the rest of the family. The brother says, "Well, the cat died."
The soldier is shocked by this and answers, "You can't just drop that on me, you need to ease me into it! Start by saying 'Fluffy got on the roof the other day' then 'Fluffy fell' and 'Fluffy didn't make it.
The brother responds, "Alright, I'm sorry. ...Mom got on the roof the other day..."

Golfers wife has a heart attack

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...

.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."

How many of you love your husbands??

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.
The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text: "I love you, sweetheart."
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who is this ???
2. Ah, mother of my children, are you sick ?
3. I love you too !!
4. What now ? Did you c**... the car again ?
5. I don't understand what you mean ?
6. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time !
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I asked you not to drink anymore. I'll leave if you are tired of me !

Rich Banker

A local charity had never received a donation from the town's banker, so the director made a phone-call. Our records show you make $500,000 a year, yet you haven't given a penny to charity, the director began. Wouldn't you like to help the community?
The banker replied, Did your research show that my mother is ill, with extremely expensive medical bills?
Um, no, mumbled the director.
Or that my brother is blind and unemployed? Or that my sister's husband died, leaving her broke with four kids?
I … I … I had no idea.
So, said the banker, if I don't give them any money, why would I give any to you?

The house phone

went at one minute past midnight last night, I answered and went all sombre as I was talking to the wife's Dad.
I came off the phone and told the wife her mother had died of a heart attack. She immediately got up and drove through the night from Cornwall to Aberdeen, she'll just be arriving now. This has to be my best April fools joke yet.

A man phones home from his business trip...

His 9yo son answers and says hey.
"Hey buddy, it's dad! Wheres youre mom?"
"I will check", replies the son as he walks to his parents' bedroom and sees his mom in bed with uncle Jim. "She is playing in bed with uncle Jim"
"What?! Uncle Jim?! Tell them I will be right over!" the man fumes.
"Mom, dad says he'll be right over", says the kid. His mom starts panicking and shouting, uncle Jim jumps quickly from the window and falls in the empty pool and cracks his head. The mom rolls in sheets, exits the room and falls down the stairs and cracks her head.
The kid looks around and starts crying.
"What happened son?"
"Mom fell down the stairs abd uncle Jim jumped into the empty pool and died" he squeals.
"The pool?" Asks the man. "Is this the Goldberg house??"

A crying blond

A blond goes into work crying her eyes out,her boss asks her whats wrong,she tells him that her mom died,the boss tells her that its ok for her not to come to work,but she disagrees and says that she needs to work to put her mind of it.As the day goes by she feels better,later she received a phone call and starts screaming and crying,when the boss came and asked her whats wrong she says: "That was my sister,HER MOM DIED TOO!"

A student goes away to college for the first time

He's worried about how his cat will take his absence, so he calls home the first chance he gets. His little brother answers the phone.
How's Mittens doing?
Oh, Mittens died.
What?
Yeah, Mittens is dead.
I can't believe that you just blurted it out like that.
What do you mean?
Well, you could have broken it to me gently. You could have said, 'She's up on the roof and we can't get her down.' Then next time I called you could say that Mittens fell and got hurt, and then next time you could say that she died. It wouldn't have been such a shock.
Yeah, I see what you mean. Sorry.
That's OK, just let me talk to Mom.
Uh, she's up on the roof and we can't get her down.

The doctor is coming to help you . . .

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green, stares at him and says, "I'm dying here and you're putting?
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

Crazy

I once asked myself, "How crazy would it be if my dad died right now?"
The phone rang. I picked it up and was informed that my dad had just died. I hung up the phone and was deep in thought for a few minutes.
Then, I had an idea. I yelled, "How crazy would it be if my dad came back to life right now!"
The phone rang. I picked it up and was informed that my brother died too.

A 5 year old boy asked his dad...

A 5 year old boy asked his dad - "Daddy.. what are those bumps on mommy's chest?"
The father, a bit uncomfortable at the question, decided his son was too young to learn about female anatomy.
"Those are mommy's balloons, son", said the father. "And when she dies, they'll float her up to heaven."
"Ok daddy", said the boy.
A few days later, the father receives a frantic phone call at work from his son.
'Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!!"
Startled, he asks "Son, why do you think that?"
"Well", said the little boy between sniffles, "the next door neighbor is blowing up her balloons, and she's screaming to god that she's coming."

The wife of my boss

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the boss's' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day, he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?!"
"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

Phantom energy

So, our science teacher was teaching us about phantom energy. At one point of the lesson, he puts his phone on the counter and says; "If I leave my phone here it will eventually die."
After a little pause I hear another student whisper and say; "Same with children".

A jewish man's wife dies

So he decides to place an obituary in the newspaper, and phones their agent.
"Just put 'Sarah died' in the paper."
"But Sir, for the same money of only one line, you can add another four words!"
"Oh. Let me think about that.."
He phones back a few minutes later and says
"Put in the paper: 'Sarah died. Toyota Corolla for sale' .."

A regular at a local bar is drinking heavily one night, and expectedly has a heart attack and dies.

The patrons are dismayed. They know someone's got to call his wife, but no one feels up to the task.
The drunk at the end of the bar unexpectedly says he'll do it, and he picks up the phone.
Hello, is this Mrs Jamison? Ma'am…I have some good news, and some bad news for you
What's that? She asks suspiciously
The bad news is your husband lost $20,000 to me playing poker.
What! She screams. I'm going to kill him!
The drunk replies Well, that's the good news…

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date.

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

Another lawyer joke

A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

Guys, I think my girlfriend might be a psychic.

Last night my phone died while I was out, so I used my brother's phone to call her.
And she answered, "What's up, s**...?" Before I even said a word!

Snake bite

Two hunters go out into the woods and one of them gets bitten by a snake, collapses and stops breathing. The other hunter quickly calls emergency services and says "You have to help me, my friend just got bitten by a snake and died." The operator says "OK, calm down. First, make sure he is dead." The phone goes silent for a bit, followed by the sound of a gun shot. The hunter goes back to the phone and says to the operator "Ok, now what?"

After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.

It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them drops to the ground.

The other one quickly decides to phone the emergency services.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help me! I'm in the forest and my friend just died!"
"Calm down sir, first, can you make sure he's dead?"
**Bang**
"Okay, what do I do now?"

Donald Trump is asleep at the White House...

The phone rings about 3am. He rolls over and answers it, "it's the middle of the night, this better be important!"
"Donald? It's Hillary. Ruth Bader Ginsburg just died and I want to take her place."
Trump: "It's fine with me, as long as it's fine with the mortician."

Mushrooms

A man was talking to his friend on the phone after many years:
"Hey buddy, how is your life, heards you got married again, is this the fourth time now?"
"Yes"
"So what happened to your ex-wives, do you still see them?"
"No, they're all dead."
"My condolences, how did the first one die?"
"She was poisened, eating mushrooms"
"Terrible. What about the second one?"
"She was also poisoned, mushrooms"
"Wow, don't tell me your third wife also died because of mushrooms?.."
"No, her neck was broken"
"I see, car accident then."
"No. She refused to eat the mushrooms."

My cousin was planning to take an Uber home, but then his phone died.

For lack of a better option, he took out the amount of cash that he thought would cover the cost plus tip, and he asked a stranger, "If I pay you this cash, would you call me an Uber?". The stranger nodded, took the cash, said "You're an Uber!" and walked away.

Bubba and Jeff are walking through the brush

Bubba and Jeff are taking a walk through the brush sipping their Lone Stars. Jeff says "Hey Bubba, I got a take a leak", and he does. A rattlesnake pops up and bites Jeff on his member .... OUCH!
Jeff is rolling on the ground, and Bubba in a panic calls 911.
"911 What is your emergency?"
"My friend, He got bit by a rattlesnake, what do I do?"
"Stay calm sir .... It's necessary for you to s**... on the wound to draw the poison out"
"What if I can't do that?:" asks Bubba
"Then your friend will die."
"BUBBA", moans Jeff, "what are they telling you on the phone?"
"Jeff", says Bubba, "you're going to die"

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

A man and his wife plan a trip to the South.

Sadly, because of work, the wife has to leave one day after the husband. This was before cell phones, so he had to borrow a computer to send her an email. However, he makes a small spelling mistake in the email address and the email is sent to someone else. That someone was the wife of a priest who had died the day before. The email reads: Hi dear, just thought I'd send you a small note to tell you I've arrived safely. It's pretty hot down here. I just thought you ought to know, since you'll be arriving tomorrow.

My long distance girlfriend called me saying she finally wants to meet me in person. I left her this message right before my phone died: This is very important: I am not a man that normally makes huge commitments, but I think the time is right for us to see each other.

Unfortunately, my phone died right after man.

The Blond Secretary

One day the boss walks in and see's his blonde secretary sobbing on the phone He asked " What's wrong" she replied " My mother just died" he says " maybe you should take the day off" But she stayed at work a couple hours later he walks out and see's his secretary is balling again and he says " what's the matter now?" She says " I just found out my sisters mother died too!!"

The Pope, Billy Graham, and o... Roberts were in a three-way plane c... over the Pacific Ocean.

They all died and went to heaven together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back..."Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "l**..., this is St. Peter. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a few of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later... St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is l**.... Hey, you gotta come get these guys. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.

A guy calls a law office and says, "I want to talk to my lawyer."

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

A man dies and goes to h**... where he finds himself in the middle of a tour.

The tour guide walks them to a room of people covered in scorpions and says- Here is where all of the Catholics go. He then takes them to a room where all of the people are burning alive- This is where all of the baptists go. He then walks the group into a beautiful valley where children are running and playing with smiles on their faces. Furious, the tour guide grabs his phone, makes a call and yells- The d**... mormons are irrigating again.

Bob's anniversary

Bob was out fishing when he realized that it was his wedding anniversary. Hoping to save face, he headed to shore. He left the marina and started driving to the nearest Hallmark store to buy his wife a card and a gift. His truck's engine started sputtering and died on the road.
Bob was fairly mechanical, so he figured he could fix the problem. He couldn't. Just to top it off, his cell phone was dead. and he couldn't call for help.
He slowly began to realize that he was stuck between a dock and a card place.

Mr. And Mrs. Jones were on a safari

in the darkest part of Africa. They were walking cautiously through the jungle when suddenly a huge lion sprang out in front of them, seized Mrs. Jones in its jaws and started to drag her off into the bush. "Shoot!" She screamed to her husband, "shoot!" "I can't!", he yelled back "My phone battery just died!"

I told my wife I deserve to be knighted after I fixed her dying phone.

I saved a d**... cell in distress.

Two brothers are hunting in the woods...

One of the two brothers has a heart attack and passes out. So the other brother is worried and calls 911.
911: Whats your emergency?
Man: I think my brother just died. He's just collapsed and he's not breathing.
911: Can you make sure whether he is dead?
Man: sure.
*a loud gunshot can be heard over the phone*
Man: Done, what should I do next?