Philosophical Jokes
58 philosophical jokes and hilarious philosophical puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about philosophical that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Dive into the depths of philosophy with philosophical jokes! From deep philosophical questions to molecular existentialist jokes to Kant-inspired puns, get ready to entertain and educate with these clever philosophical jokes.
Quick Jump To
- Short Philosophical Jokes
- Philosophical One Liners
- Deep Philosophical Jokes
- Philosophical Question Jokes
- More Philosophical Jokes
Funniest Philosophical Short Jokes
Short philosophical jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The philosophical humour may include short philosophy jokes also.
- Made this one up at work today. There once was an ancient Greek philosopher that dedicated his life to hypothesize the perfect way to cool off on a hot summer day.
His name was Popsicles. - A blonde joke A professor is teaching his class and gets philosophical.
"Fame will come to you only if you succeed "
The blonde asks, " Who is seed?" - Some philosopher said Change does not come from a place of comfort. , but he was wrong. I'm always finding loose coins in my couch.
- Two nudists philosophers were sitting around when one of them asked the other, "Have you read Marx?" The other one replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture".
- What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
~ Infinite Jest, by DFW - What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night? Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.
- What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get? A socra-tease
Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week - Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil? Johann Gottfried
- What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher? Would you like ketchup with your chips?
- All the great Greek philosophers died as they lived... A long time ago, and probably in Greece
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Philosophical One Liners
Which philosophical one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with philosophical? I can suggest the ones about spiritual and theoretical.
- What's a Philosophers favourite sport? Discuss
- What do you call a scared philosopher? Aristartle
- I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers... but I Kant.
- What's a philosopher's favourite type of tea? Certain *tea*
- What do you call a wise dumpling? A “wonton” philosopher!
- What do you call a fuzzy philosopher? BEARistotle
I'm so sorry - 1 in 10 philosophers buys into egoism. It's a Nietzsche market.
- What do philosophical dolphins say? What's the porpoise?
- Why do chickens lay eggs? To confuse philosophers.
- What do you call a philosophical priest? A deep friar
- How do philosophers make money? Philoso-fees!
- How does somebody become a philosopher? Well, there's no short answer.
- My father was a U-boat captain and amateur philosopher. Such a deep sinker.
- What did an Australian philosopher say to the German philosopher? Oi Kant
- What do you call a Greek philosopher who publishes his findings? Articles
Deep Philosophical Jokes
Here is a list of funny deep philosophical jokes and even better deep philosophical puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- why do philosophers love the ocean so much? because it's deep!
- I believe the theological philosopher Thomas Aquinas was rather overweight...... I guess this makes him an early deep fat friar
- I guess I was feeling philosophical at the bar last night because I ended the night deep in THOT.
- How does a philosopher lose his virginity? By getting deep in thot.
- Why couldn't the lifeguard save the philosopher from drowning? He was too deep.
- I met this philosophical pizza. It was deep af.
- Where do you find a philosopher at a pool? In the deep end.
- What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned? A philosopher.
Cuz he's a deep thinker. - Why do philosophers like oceans? because it's deep!
- My friend brought me to a club for philosophical digging. It got pretty deep.
^*I* ^*tried*
Philosophical Question Jokes
Here is a list of funny philosophical question jokes and even better philosophical question puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Philosophy When anyone asks if I'm a philosophical, I responded, "That's a very philosophical question." Then I way away.
- What do you call a Vulcan philosopher who only responds in questions? Spocrates.
- Why did the philosopher cross the road? It's a question I've often asked myself.
- Why was Kunta Kinte such a renowned philosopher? He pondered the question "Toby, or not Toby?"
Unearthly Funniest Philosophical Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about philosophical you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean psychological jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make philosophical pranks.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" p**...! The horse disappears.
A horse walks into a bar, at which point the bartender asks if he's an alcoholic given all the bars he frequents.
I don't think I am. the horse replies.
*p**...*
The horse disappears.
This is the moment where those who are into philosophy start to grin as they're familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito Ergo Sum , or I think, therefore I am .
But to explain that joke beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.
Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!
An Engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician enter a bar
Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts
Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics
Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics
"hearty laughter"
Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy
Mathematician: shut up and get us our d**... drinks
A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...
The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."
A Horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.
The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"
The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.
See the joke is a reference to Descartes the philosopher who coined the phrase "I think. Therefore I am." However explaining this prior to the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar...
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Can I get you anything?" The horse replies "I think not," a promptly disappears.
If you don't get it, it's important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, "I think, therefore I am." So when the horse said "I think not," then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"
The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"
The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"
The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
So Descartes walks into a bar
and he asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender gets it for him and he drinks it. The philosopher calls the bartender over again, asks for another one, gets it, and drinks it. This time, the bartender sees him finish the beer and goes over and asks Descartes if he'd like another. The philosopher says, "I think not," and disappears.
Get set.....
Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya, the inventor of the starting p**......
Karl Marx
Karl Marx ia a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister and brother: Onya, the inventor of the starting p**..., and Skid, who was generally unpopular.
Philosophers in 500B.C.: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated
Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.
Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.
Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?
