The Best 52 Philosophers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Philosophers jokes. There are some philosophers immanuel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these philosophers postulate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Philosophers Jokes and Puns

Scientists are such a pain, they need so much expensive equipment. Mathemeticians on the other hand ...

They just need a pencil, a paper and a waste paper basket. Philosophers are even easier, they don't even need the waste paper basket.

Why do chickens lay eggs?

To confuse philosophers.

I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers...

but I Kant.

Philosophers joke, I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers...

Two nudists philosophers were sitting around when one of them asked the other, "Have you read Marx?"

The other one replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker furniture".

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

Philosophers joke, What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

why do philosophers love the ocean so much?

because it's deep!

What's a philosophers favorite toy?


Who are the greatest philosophers today?

The TSA. They are always asking people, "Who are you?", "Where did you come from?", "Why are you here?", and "Where are you going?"

Does anyone if there are any German philosophers?

I Kant think of any.

You can explore philosophers theories reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean philosophers parthenon dad jokes. There are also philosophers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I don't trust insomniac philosophers...

They're up to know good.

I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers.

Must've been the soccer tees.

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

Why Do Jews Make Good Philosophers?

They think that everything Israel.

Philosophers taste best grilled.

I just love Confu-shish kabob.

Philosophers joke, Philosophers taste best grilled.

Why did the TV execs decide not to create a new reality show about philosophers?

Because it would only be for a Neitzsche audience

What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

Philosophers make for some pretty good conversation,

concidering they have nothing to talk about.

Which academic discipline is the most racist?


Philosophers claim there are no paradoxes, thus they are all inherently Zenophobic.

You know what they say about black philosophers...

They have the biggest premises.

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

None – its a pseudo-problem… light bulbs give off light (hence the name). If the bulb was broken and wasn't giving off light, it wouldn't be a 'light bulb' now would it? And if it wasn't broken, then why does it need changing?

Coming out with a hair product line....

For philosophers, religious and introspective types...
it's called "The Human Conditioner".

I hate Japanese Buddhists and Greek philosophers...

I guess you could call me Zenophobic.

In the Philosophers prison...

I shank, therefore you are not

Two philosophers walk into a bar, sit down, order a round of beers, and start playing poker.

I Kant tell you the rest; it just wasn't in Descartes.

All the great Greek philosophers died as they lived...

A long time ago, and probably in Greece

Philosophers only drink...

on days that end in *"Why?"*

Why isn't there a lot of advertising aimed at philosophers?

It's a Nietzsche market

Why are philosophers so good at wining the money in Deal or No Deal?

Because they know it is inate.

Philosophers in 500B.C.: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated

Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.

Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.

Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?

What most philosophers can...

Emmanuel Kant.

Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest

Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"

A group of philosophers started a movie festival...

...and they decided to call it "Immanuel Cannes".

Can you imagine referring to philosophers by their first initial and last name?

Because I Kant.

What kind of shirt do philosophers wear when kick the ball around?


What do philosophers call soccer tee shirts?


The ancient philosophers really were ahead of their time

Two Ancient Chinease Philosophers Argue

For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

Philosophers don't get salaries

They get food for thought

Why do philosophers get chicks?

They're thot provoking.

How do philosophers greet each other?

"Why are you?"

1 in 10 philosophers buys into egoism.

It's a Nietzsche market.

The Difference Between European Philosophers and Indian Philosophers...

European Philosophers ask why, Indian Philosophers only think of "How."

Philosophers and Mathematicians will argue about how bad this one is for centuries

A mathematical proof for the existence of surjective functions is an onto-logical argument

I was going to tell a joke about 18th century philosophers...

But I just Kant.

Why do philosophers have bad teeth?

Because they don't get transcendental plans.

What is a philosophers favorite food?



Two philosophers sat chatting in a bar, when one posed a question to the other. Imagine to yourself there were two ducks; one that could not stop moving in a certain directions, and could not be stopped, and another which could not by any means move or be moved. Say they were on a collision course, what would occur?
The other philosopher sat and sipped at his drink before replying, I truly don't know... What a pair o' ducks!

Once again, I'm checking out this book "Greek Philosophers: From Aristotle to Zeno"

I've never finished it for some reason.

Two nudist philosophers are sitting by the pool and one says, "Have you read Marx?

The other replies, "Yes, I believe it's from the cane chairs."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the philosophers tings jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working philosophers inherently piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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