Phd Jokes
73 phd jokes and hilarious phd puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about phd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains hilarious jokes related to PHD. It includes bad PHD quotes from professors. Read to re-discover commonly used PHD acronyms like 'Pay Huge Dollars' and 'Push Harder, Dude'. Moreover, jokes related to economics, professors, and other research fields are also featured. Enjoy the funniest pieces of PHD-related humour!
Funniest Phd Short Jokes
Short phd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The phd humour may include short economics jokes also.
- My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. We now call him Dr. Awkward.
- but I have a PhD... "Here's a broom go and sweep the floors."
"But I have a PhD..."
"Oh sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done." - What did the philosophy Ph.D say to the fat black woman? Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?
- What do you call someone who does a BA in Arts, a MA in English and a PhD in Gender Studies? A well educated Barista
- To the woman I met in the bar last night who was mad at me this morning I never said I had a PhD in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical PhD in physics.
- A father has 4 sons in his house. 3 have a PhD, but one is a robber. Why won't he kick out the robber? Because he's the only one making money
- Due to the size of my student loans for my phd I have debts no honest man could pay.... Luckily I'm a statistician.
- A dishonest college graduate wrote PhD on his transcript I guess you could say he doctored it
- My PhD student claims to have made a breakthrough in hyperbolic mathematics Turns out he was just exaggerating
- After working long and hard for my PhD people finally recognize me.. As the neighborhood pizza Hut delivery guy now.
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Phd One Liners
Which phd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with phd? I can suggest the ones about professor and prof.
- So my crush wants a guy with a phd And apparently that doesn't mean pretty huge debt
- What do call a fish with a Phd? A brain sturgeon.
- I'm like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape. Strange...
- What did Dr. pepper earn his PhD in? Fizz-ics
- I asked my Indian father for a PS3 He said "No beta, it's pronounced PH.D."
- I have a phd A pretty huge...
- Why did the agricultural sciences student get a PhD? Gotta grow the field!
- What do you call a Bard with a PhD? A Theatrical Physicist.
- Where do animals in sub-Saharan Africa do their PhD research? The Hippo Campus.
- What kind of basic education do you need in order to measure acidity? A pHD.
- I got my PHD in scatology today. Reading all of those YouTube comments was a pain though.
- My stats teacher has a PHD in statistics, What are the odds of that?
- As a male from the Philippines I was borne with a PhD
- I should call you Dr. Cause you just got a PhD in gettin schooled.
- When life gives you lemons, write a PhD.
Phd Degree Jokes
Here is a list of funny phd degree jokes and even better phd degree puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How come there are only PHD and bachelor's degrees in Czechia? Because they have No Gods, No Masters.
Earned Phd Jokes
Here is a list of funny earned phd jokes and even better earned phd puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the man who earned his PhD in well drilling? He was well educated.
Unearthly Funniest Phd Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about phd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean university jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make phd pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two drunk people are sitting at a bar having an argument about Coronavirus.
The first one says "You're just trying to scare people. You don't know anything."
The second replies, clearly fed up with the first, "I'm a doctor! I'm paid to know these things, I have a PhD and everything!"
The first one slurs back, "Well ***I*** have a ***DhD.***"
The second says, exasperated, "What the h**... is a DhD??"
The first cackles, "You're some doc if you don't know what ADHD is!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar."
Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!"
Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D, but you still act like a m**....
It was a third degree burn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My career's in ruins!
A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.
He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?
My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.
The man, shocked, replies, Then why the h**... are you celebrating?
I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?
One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy
So, I have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist
The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become egyptologists.
As far as I'm concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been doing my psychology PhD thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, I've concluded...
6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Asian kid asks his mom
Mom, what does an Apple a day keeps the doctors away mean?
Mom says, ah, my dear son, it means that if you play games on your Apple phone everyday, you will never get your PhD
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot…
It was a third degree burn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the p**... with a PhD in Psychology?
She'll blow your mind.
My brother just finished his doctorals
So he went to Starbucks to celebrate.
The cashier said. "What would you like sir?"
"I would like an espresso please" my brother replied.
"Okay sir, I just need your name." The cashier said.
"It's Stephen" My brother replied.
"With a 'ph'?" The cashier asked.
My brother then replied. "No, it's Stephen, with a PhD"
Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?
Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.
You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Rockin World go round.'
Become a PhD
After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.
A friend of mine is really set on becoming the first emperor of Asia, He's pursuing a PhD in English Literature...
When I asked him why chose English Literature he said he wanted to be "a great reader".
I'm starting a charity for PhD students so they can finally afford to live on their own without the need for roommates...
It's called "Doctors without Boarders."
I once held a PHD in the field of literature
And then he asked me to put him down and pick up all the books I threw all over the grass
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Educated Sons
1st son : Degree in Economics.
2nd son: MBA.
3rd son : PhD
4th son : Thief
Neighbour: Why can't you throw the
4th son out of your house?
Father : He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.
I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world.
Dr. Prepper, at your service.
Where did the microbiologist go after receiving his PhD?
...to a cell-laboratory gathering
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tell my dates I have a PhD in s**... talk.
They are not as impressed when learning my dissertation was on the "effects of female ultrasonic vocalization on male impotence in rats"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend has a PhD in s**... deviancy
She can talk about a**... asphyxiation until she's blue in the face!
My friend has a PHD.
Even though he only has a Public Highschool Diploma, he has been living a pretty happy life.
Side note: My father loves to make this joke, so I had to share.
there was a suspicion of university diploma forgery
There was a suspicion of university diploma forgery. The police went to investigate that. "There was no proof that any crime was commited," said the police officer, John Brown J.D., M.D., B.D., Ph.D.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a venetian blind?
Poke his eyes out
Credits go to my 90 year old grandfather, currently completing his PhD
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100
99 to earn a PhD in electrical engineering and interview for the job, and one to agree to do it for the "experience".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who called it phd
and not 3rd degree t**...?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, you are watching a Christopher Nolan movie?
Do you even have a PhD?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Starbucks barista thinks he's so smart
just because he has a PhD in humanities.
What is the difference between a normal blonde and a blonde with a Ph.D?
The one with the Ph.D will blow your mind too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a little person with a PhD?
Doc.
They should make a movie where a guy takes someone's Ph.D. thesis, edits it one paragraph at a time and turns it into a completely new thesis.
It should be called Ship of Thesis.
A student got his PhD researching young sheep. What is the name of the movie?
The Science of The Lambs
So I tried to apply for a job at the Department of Redundancy Department...
I got denied because they said all applicants needed to have a PhD in Philosophy.
Best pick-up line: Hey, I have a PHD, wanna hang?
Most people would assosciate this with being intellectual, when I try it, I just get hit in my face.
Right after I got my PhD in theoretical physics, I was able to land a job at Stanford!
My first shift starts tomorrow, after the senior janitor gives me a quick rundown.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why couldn't the African-American get his PhD?
Because he couldn't get past his masters...
