Pharmacy Jokes
110 pharmacy jokes and hilarious pharmacy puns to laugh out loud. Read places jokes about pharmacy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you work in a pharmacy? These funny pharmacy jokes will make your workday fly by and put a smile on your face. Get ready to laugh out loud with these pharmacy tech, April Fool's, Halloween, and Christmas jokes. Plus, don't miss our special Walgreens and druggist jokes. All jokes aside, just remember to always double-check those prescriptions!
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Funniest Pharmacy Short Jokes
Short pharmacy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pharmacy humour may include short pharmacist jokes also.
- At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."
- A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.
"ephedrine?"
"I can't serve you that"
"sudoephedrine"
"There you go". - A man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks: Do you need a bag?
He answers: She isn't that ugly! - I went to the pharmacy yesterday and asked the assistant "What kills coronavirus"? She replied "Ammonia cleaner"
I said "Sorry, I thought you worked here" - Why is it that there's no pharmacies in Africa? Because you shouldn't take medicine on an empty stomach.
- Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test. She clearly isn't a fan of protection
- Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
- How do you make a hormone? You pay her.
(This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.) - A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms. "How many do you want", pharmacist replies.
"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it". - I went to the pharmacy to get some condoms Pharmacist: You want a bag?
Me: No thanks, she isn't that ugly
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Pharmacy One Liners
Which pharmacy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pharmacy? I can suggest the ones about drug store and drugstore.
- A man using Apple map walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
- I always walk very quietly past pharmacies... so I don't wake up the sleeping pills.
- I just got a job at a pharmacy. The pay isn't great... But the percs are amazing!
- Why there were no pharmacies in USSR? Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach
- Be quiet in a pharmacy... You don't want to wake the sleeping pills.
- Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy.
- Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy? In case you wake the sleeping pills!
- What does a pharmacy sell to help you fix your fingernails? Pharma-cuticles.
- Why are there no pharmacies in Africa? Because you can't take meds on an empty stomach!
- What do you call a pharmacy's security guard? The fentanyl sentinel
- Why was there no tablets left at the pharmacy? Cause Paris eat 'em all
- What do you get if you combine Parah and Mercy? Pharmacy...
- A mother walks in to a Pharmacy with her little boy...
- A old man walks into a pharmacy... .
- Saying "super size it" at the drive-thru doesn't work when it's a pharmacy.
Pharmacy Drug Jokes
Here is a list of funny pharmacy drug jokes and even better pharmacy drug puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An odd look... Came to the counter of the pharmacy with a box if condoms... Person ringing me up gave me a quick odd look.... I caught it and said "oh, it's not what you think... I'm a drug mule"
- I just got fired from my new job at the pharmacy. Apparently "drug free workplace" and "free drug workplace" are not the same thing at all.
- I like to tell people my wife was top of her class until she learned about drugs in college. She got her degree in pharmacy and was in the top 5 in her graduating class.
- What do mother's who boycott pharmacy drugs and kids who stop playing valve's fps' have in common? They are both over the counter strike
- What do you call an idiot who steals prescription drugs from pharmacies? An oxy-m**...
Cvs Pharmacy Jokes
Here is a list of funny cvs pharmacy jokes and even better cvs pharmacy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A duck walks into a CVS pharmacy and buys chapstick He tells the clerk, just put it on my bill .
- Soo.... baltimore. Probably not the best idea to burn down a cvs pharmacy. The entire city needs a chill pill.
- People can change. I saw Ray Rice at a CVS pharmacy today. He was buying his wife makeup for Christmas.
- Wanna know why they burnt down the cvs pharmacy in Baltimore? They stopped selling newports...
Comedy Pharmacy Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about pharmacy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean medicine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pharmacy pranks.
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.
Russian pharmacy
Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.
Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides v**...?
First Impressions
A young teenage couple have been dating for a little while, so the girl says to the boy that she wants him to meet her parents. He is a little skeptical at this, but she tells him that if he can make a good impression with them that she will reward him with s**....
Extremely excited at the prospect of losing his virginity, the boy rushes to the local pharmacy to get some protection. However, he is a little embarrassed and unsure of himself. The pharmacist at the counter notices this and walks over to see if he can help. "First time?" the pharmacist guesses. The boy nods sheepishly. So the pharmacist gives him the basics on picking condoms. The boy thanks him, buys some, and leaves.
Finally, the big night arrives and the boy arrives at the girl's house. As the couple and the girl's parents sit down for dinner, they all bow their heads to say grace over the meal. Afterwards, they all look up to start eating, except for the boy, who still has his head bowed in prayer. Respectfully, the girl and her parents sit quietly as he continues praying to himself. After about 5 minutes pass, the girl leans over and whispers to him, "I never knew you were so religious!" He looks up at her and whispers back, "I never knew your dad was a pharmacist!"
Babe why are you so quiet?
"Babe why are you so quiet?" Bob's girlfriend asked him after dinner. "I invited you over to meet my parents, not to stare at your plate all night!" Bob replies "Well, I went to the pharmacy to pick up some condoms and asked the pharmacist to help me choose some." "And?" The girlfriend says. "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist." Bob says
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
A man walks into a pharmacy
A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an e**... that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."
A man takes his dog to a vet...
A man takes his dog to a vet because it has too much hair in its ears and is having trouble hearing. The vet suggests using nair hair removal cream to remove the large portion of hair from its ears.
So the man goes to a pharmacy and asks for some nair hair removal cream. Then at the counter, the pharmacist says, "ok if this is for your legs, don't wear any tight pants for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my legs".
The pharmacist then says, "ok if it's for your underarms, don't wear any tight shirts for a few days".
The man says, "its not for my underarms". The pharmacist then asks, "what is it for then?"
"It's for my schnauzer. "
Then don't ride your bike for a few days.
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Permanent e**...
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent e**... which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is one third ownership in the store and 3000 Dollars a month in living expenses."
Man walks into a pharmacy . . .
. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is s**... active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
A Blonde and Condoms
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
So a duck walks into a pharmacy...
and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any chapstick?" When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies "Thanks, just put it on my bill!"
A nervous man walks into a pharmacy...
... and the pharmacist asks how she may be of service.
"Well, you see, I uhh... I got a hot date tonight... and I'd like some... uhhh... you know..."
"Protection?" says the pharmacist.
"Yes, uhh... that's right."
"Small, medium, or large?"
"Uhh... I guess... medium."
"All right then," she gets out the box of medium condoms and totals up the bill, "that'll be $4.95 plus tax."
The man is shocked by this, "tacks!?! I thought they stayed on by themselves!"
A Man Goes Into A Pharmacy
And asks for birth control for his wife and seven year old daugher.
The pharmacist, shocked, exclaims "You're seven year old daughter is s**... active?!"
And the man just shrugs and says "Nah, she just lays there"
2 nuns were smoking when it started to rain...
The first nun takes out a c**... and cuts off the end and slides it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
The second nun notices that it is keeping the first nuns cigarette dry and asks "where'd you get that?"
"From the Pharmacy" replied the first nun.
So the second nun heads down to the pharmacy and asks the clerk for a pack of condoms.
"What size do you need" asked the clerk.
The nun replied - "Large enough to fit a Camel"
Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.
They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?
The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.
Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.
Overheard this one from some old guys getting changed at my local gym.
"So I go to the pharmacy and ask the guy if they have any Viagara. The guy there says yes, so I ask if they work and he replies 'you bet'. So next I ask "can I get it over the counter" to which he replies 'if you take two' "
Two ladies smoking
Two old ladies were standing outside smoking cigarettes. It starts to rain, so one of the old ladies takes out a c**..., cuts the tip off and slides it over her cig to keep it dry. The other lady is amazed at her inventiveness! She goes to the pharmacy and tells the pharmacist she needs some condoms. The pharmacist, puzzled, looks at her and says "ma'am they come in all shapes and sizes, which ones do you need?" She replies "doesn't matter, as long as it fits a Camel!"
I went to the pharmacy to get 50 condoms, behind me were two girls giggling...
Then I looked at the pharmacist and told him "52".
I went to the pharmacy this morning and asked for 50 condoms.
The girl winked at me and said, "Oh, someone has a busy weekend ahead of them!"
"I know," I said. "I'm making a raincoat for my pet snake."
A man suffers from Blepharospasm (constant, uncontrollable winking) in one eye...
he complains to a friend that it gives him the most awful head aches. His friend asks, why don't you just get some aspirin from the pharmacy. He replies, I do, but every time I ask the pharmacist for an aspirin he gives me a packet of condoms.
The Prescription
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A man goes to the pharmacy...
...and asks: 'Can I have some v**...?'
The pharmacist asks: 'Do you have a prescription?'
'No,' says the man, 'but I do have a picture of my girlfriend.'
A man walking in the street sees a coffin bouncing toward him
Terrified, he runs away, between cars, through front yards, nothing works
Finally, he runs into a pharmacy, and out of desperation throws a bottle of cough syrup at it
Only then does the coffin' stop
A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...
Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one c**...."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."
Pharmacy
A man walks into a pharmacy - "Id like 3 packs of condoms please".
The pharmacist - "Here you go sir, would you like a bag".
Man: "No thanks, the girl is good looking".
A woman goes into a pharmacy
She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having s**... with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter...
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight." the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for our brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He cant do either one."
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.
He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"
The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is s**... active?"
The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."
So I went to the pharmacy the other day
I went in and bought a box of condoms.
The cahsier asked me whether I wanted a bag?
I said no thanks, she's not that ugly.
I recently attended a f**...
And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...
The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered
"Oh, is your daughter s**... active?" Asked the pharmacist.
"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"
What's the difference
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys some antibiotics, pays $25.45, walks out. A second later, the pharmacist bolts out of the pharmacy, catches up with the man, and breathlessly says: "sir, there's been a mistake! Instead of the antibiotics, I gave you Cyanide. " The man asks: "and what's the difference?" The pharmacist says: "two dollars and ten cents".
The husband asks the wife...
The husband asks the wife:
-Babe which do you like the best, strawberry or banana?
The wife asks him:
-Why are you at the Supermarket?
The husband replys:
No I'm at the pharmacy...
A guy walks into a pharmacy buys a pack of condoms and walks out laughing
He does this every day consecutive for a week. Finally the pharmacy owner asks his assistant to follow the man the next time he returns. Sure enough the man returns the next day and walks out laughing once again. The assistant follows him and returns about half an hour later. When the pharmacist asked where he had followed him the assistant simply replied "your house".
I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.
There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have c**... balloons :D
A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.
"Why would you want to get cyanide?"
The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag.
He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
I asked my dad how I was born
Me: Dad, how was I born ?
Dad: It's a really long story
Me: (all excited) Tell me..I wana hear it
Dad: Once upon a time, it was a cold night and all the pharmacies were closed....
There was an old lady who heard you could keep cigarettes dry at the beach by stuffing the pack into a c**....
She stopped into the pharmacy to pick some up. The pharmacist said "What brand of condoms do you prefer ma'am." She said "I'm not sure, they're for my Camels," at which point he fainted.
My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...
I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.
Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.
If m**... starts getting sold in a grocery store...
Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle?
A guy enters the pharmacy...
Guy: 5 packs of condoms please.
Cashier: Do you need a bag with those?
Guy: Don't worry she's pretty.
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier "do you have extra large condoms".
the cashier says "yes, second aisle to the left. You wanna buy some?"
the woman says
"No, but would you mind if I wait here until someone else does"
A woman goes to a pharmacy.
"I need to buy some cyanide, I'm going to kill my husband," she said to the pharmacist.
Shocked, he replied, "That would be i**...."
"Oh?" she asked. She pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture. "This is my husband in bed with your wife," she stated.
"Oh," the pharmacist replied. "You didn't say you had a prescription."
An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives
The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."
A small issue
A guy goes to the doctor: Please help me doc. I have this horrible blinking in my right eye that I just can't control.
Doctor: Ah come on, it's not so bad as you think.
Guy: Oh, you think?! Every time I go to the pharmacy to get some painkillers, they give me condoms!
A guy stops in at the local pharmacy to buy condoms.
That will be twelve fifty with tax.
Tax he exclaims!!! don't these things stay on by themselves???
My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town.
About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him.
Me: "Grandpa be careful on I-94 there's a man driving in the wrong direction."
Grandpa: "It's not just one! There are hundreds of them!"
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
Went hiking and got a little poison ivy on myself.
When I went to the pharmacy to pick up some medication I had to make a rash decision.
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms
The pharmacist takes note and says Big night tonight eh?
The man responds Yeah, meeting the new girls' parents for dinner tonight and I'm trying to get lucky.
He heads to his girlfriend's house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.
And pray
And pray
After a few minutes his girlfriend leans over and says I didn't know you were so religious
He leans over and says I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist
What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the body builder in his pharmacy?
These are not the 'roids you are looking for.
Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant.
A salesclerk comes up to her and asks what she's looking for.
"I'm looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don't know what kind he uses."
"Is it the ball type?"
"No," she replied. "It's for his armpits."
Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?
Assistant replies: Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.
Pharmacist says: He seems to be fine now.
Assistant replies: Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!
A chemist walks into a pharmacy...
With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.
The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"
The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemistry teacher 43 years ago.)
[edit for formatting]
A friend asked me how my new job at the pharmacy was going...
I told him "it's okay, the pay is c**... but the percs are great!"
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?
You mean aspirin? asked the pharmacist.
That's it! I can never remember that word.
A hearse is traveling up an icy hill when the back doors fly open.
The coffin drops on the street. It slides down the hill, and goes through a house. It keeps going through a school, then a church, then a grocery store, and then through a gas station. It busts through an arcade, and then through an office building. It breaks through the front door of a pharmacy and finally stops at the pharmacy counter, the lid opens, and the man inside sits up. He looks at the pharmacist and asks, "Do you have anything to stop this coffin?"
A man walked into a pharmacy.
"Do you have anything to cure hiccups?" he asked.
The pharmacist didn't reply.
Again, the man asked "Excuse me, I asked if you have anything for hiccups?"
Still the pharmacist stayed silent.
The man started getting annoyed. "Can you hear me? I'm looking for something fo-"
Suddenly the pharmacist leaned over the counter and slapped the man across his face.
"There, you're not hiccuping anymore, are you?!" The pharmacist said triumphantly.
The man replied angrily "No but my wife waiting in the car is."
A group of Soviet tourists takes express-lesson of Italian before departure.
-Write a couple of phrases in Italian - tour guide says - such as: ''How much does lemonade cost?'', ''Where is the pharmacy?''
One of the tourists asks:
-How do I say ''Please, provide me a political asylum''?
-What have you just said? - asks another tourist seriously.
-Nevermind, just wanted to know which one of you is our KGB senior for this trip.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because it's not recommended to take medecine on an empty stomach.
Mothballs
A small town guy comes into a pharmacy and asks the guy at the counter:
"What do you have to get rid of the darn moths?"
The pharmacist sells him a pack of mothballs.
A day later he comes in and asks for fifty packs.
"Why do you need so many?" asks the pharmacist
-"Your mothballs are great, but them darn moths are so hard to hit"
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
He wasn't peeling well.
Why did the pig go to the pharmacy? He needed some oinkment.
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Gimme some Chapstick...
...and put it on my bill."
Two old ladies smoking
Two old ladies are outside smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain. One pulls out a c**..., cuts off the tip, slides it over her cigarette and keeps smoking.
The other old lady is surprised and asks about it. The first one explains that it's just a c**.... She buys them at the pharmacy and uses them to keep her cigarettes dry when it rains.
The second old lady is intrigued by the idea and the next day she heads to the pharmacy. She goes up to the counter and asks for a pack of condoms.
The pharmacist asks what size she needs and she says, Just whatever will fit a camel.
Pharmacy
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "
Prescription
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for? "She says "I want to kill my husband ". He says "Sorry, I can't do that. "She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription... "
