Pew Jokes
75 pew jokes and hilarious pew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover humorous one-liners about the classic cartoon character, Pepe Le Pew, and other jokes about church pews, pulpits, hymns, and daises! From slapstick comedy to a pun-filled punxtravaganza, these jokes will keep you laughing all day!
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Funniest Pew Short Jokes
Short pew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pew humour may include short hymns jokes also.
- I want a gun that shoots wooden benches. I'd walk into a church with no seating and be like: *pew pew pew. pew pew. pew pew pew*
- What do you get when you put nutella on salmon? You get salmonella.
Hahahaha...pew pew pew...haha...*begins sobbing* - A man accidentally sharted in church last week, everyone moved away from him. He had to sit on his own pew.
- My local church went bankrupt and someone turned it into a gun range. The community didn't like it, but it already had pew pew pews.
- Me : *sips wine* ooh thats good. I'd like a bottle of that please. Priest : Ma'am, that's not how this works, please go back to your pew.
- What sound does a gun made from church seating make? Pew Pew..
Sorry. Just became a father 2 years ago. I have some catching up to do. - If the 2nd Amendment were a religion, what kind of chairs would their churches have? Pew pews.
- a joke i thought of today, hope you enjoy What's the most dangerous part of any church/chapel?
Pew! Pew! Pew! - Skunked A friend of mine got sprayed by a skunk at work today, saying it looked like a baby skunk. And my reply to her was:
Baby skunk pew pew pew pew pew pew - A gunman tried to shoot up a chirch but could only hit furniture. An earwitness described it as "Pew, Pew, Pew".
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Pew One Liners
Which pew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pew? I can suggest the ones about chapel and church.
- What is the most dangerous part of a church? The pews.
- What does a church shooting sound like? Pew! Pew!
- What do you get when you cross a church with a laser tag arena? Pew! Pew! Pew!
- How is a church like a laser gun? Pew! Pew! Pew!
- How is a Stormtrooper like an empty church? Both of their Pews are missing people
- If the pope had a gun... Would it go pew pew?
- What does it sound like when two churches fight? Pew Pew PEWPEWPEW!!!
- Why do Storm Troopers like churchs? Cuz of all the pews.
I hate myself - What do you call the Skunk who wears khaki's and goes to private school? Preppy le Pew
- Have you heard about the skunk who went to church? He had his own pew.
- How is a church like an old video game? Pew-pew! Pew! Pew-pew-pew!
- Ancient Chinese proverb says Man who farts in church, sits in his own pew.
- What did the young boy shout in the church while pointing finger guns? pew pew pew
- What sounds do lasers make in a church? Pew pew pew!
- What sound does a gun make in church? Pew pew pew
Church Pew Jokes
Here is a list of funny church pew jokes and even better church pew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the skunk that went to church? He sat in his own p-ew
- Little known fact: Most Star Wars' space fights filmed in a church Pew Pew Pew
- What's the difference between a church and a mosque? In a church you see pew, pew pew.
In a mosque you hear pew pew pew. - A man armed with lazer guns shot up a church... ...people went running pew after pew.
- In Texas, going to a chili cook-off is an acceptable alternative to church Either way you end up sitting in a pew
- What did the laser say when it entered the church? Pew pew pew!
- One day a skunk and an opossum go to church. They had to sit in their own pew.
- What does a laser in a church sound like? Pew pew pew!
- Didja hear about the skunk that went to church? They made him sit in his own pew.
- Ever notice how the dmv's seats are set up like pews kind of like in a church? It's because most people are praying to get out of there.
Comical Pew Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about pew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean church pew jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pew pranks.
A woman is sitting at her husband's f**... listening to the eulogies being read...
A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his t**....
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."
Confucius say: Man who f**... in church...
Confucius say:
Man who f**... in church, sit in his own pew.
Confucius say, man who f**... in church.
Sit in own pew.
If you f**... in church...
You'll have to sit in your own pew
A little old lady is late for work
And settles into a pew at the back just as the priest is saying "And anyone who has recently committed adultery should stand up." Being somewhat hard of hearing, she asks the boy next to her to repeat what the priest just said. "He asked everyone who wants a mint to stand up." The boy replied mischievously.
The old lady unsteadily gets to her feet, much to the priest's horror. "At your age?" He exclaims, "You should be ashamed!" The old lady swiftly retorts "Just because I don't have any teeth left doesn't mean I can't s**... on something from time to time!"
On Sunday, I f**... in church
I had to sit in my own pew
A man goes to a f**... ...
After the regular round of eulogies and speeches and well wishers, he leans over the pew and asks the widow:
"Mind if I say a word?"
No, of course not , she says. "Please do."
The man stands up, clears his t**... and says:
"Abacus"
Then promptly sits down.
The widow leans back and says: "Thanks, it's the little things that count .
Kids at the Wedding
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young e**... to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
What happens if you f**... in church?
You have to sit in your own pew.
When I went to church today I f**...
So I sat in pew
What do you get when you lay a f**... in church?
You get to sit in your own pew.
My six year old son told me a joke at dinner tonight and I absolutely loved it.
Son: "Knock, knock"
Me: "Who's there?"
Son: "A chicken"
Me: " "A chicken who?"
Son *interrupting*: "Pew pew pew pew pew!"
Me: .................?
Him: "Get it?! Like it's shooting eggs at you!"
Where will everyone be sitting at Carrie Fisher's f**...
Pew Pew Pew
What happened to the guy who f**... in church?
He sat in his own pew.
What did the Storm Trooper say when he f**... in church?
"Pew, pew."
An Husband's Final Request
At the end of Sunday Mass, a Priest notices an elderly woman sobbing in a pew. Worried about her, he approaches and asks,
"Is everything okay, my child?"
"Oh Father, not entirely. My husband passed away last night."
The Priest sits beside her and takes her hand. "That's terrible news. Did he have any last requests?"
"He did, Father. Just one."
"Oh? What was it?"
"He asked me, 'Mary, please put down that gun.'"
A man whispered something in his friend's ear, making him fall dead on the ground. What did he say?
Pew pew pew...
What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs?
They have to sit in their own pew.
What sounds does a vicar's gun make?
Pew! Pew!
