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Petting Jokes

66 petting jokes and hilarious petting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about petting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious petting jokes and puns! We have a variety of petting zoophile jokes that include puns involving dogs, enclosures, and more! So keep reading to discover these amusing gags you can tell your animal loving friends.

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Funniest Petting Short Jokes

Short petting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The petting humour may include short patted jokes also.

  1. I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over. You've given me one too many.
    That one is a freebie.
  2. I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.
    You've given me one too many I said.
    That one is a freebie
  3. How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old) You order it from the Cat-alogue
  4. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
  5. The best beginner pet is a Hamster. They live for 5 days and don't require any food or water.
  6. My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
  7. I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
  8. I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster... Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.
  9. A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
    That's one too many! says the customer.
    The clerk replies It's a freebie .
  10. What do you get when you mix Human DNA and goat DNA? A stern police warning and a lifetime ban from the petting zoo

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Petting One Liners

Which petting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with petting? I can suggest the ones about stroking and rubbing.

  1. I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny Because he's my newt
  2. What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? Thrown out of the petting zoo
  3. What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo...
  4. Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Eeeeee....
  5. What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
  6. I have a pet newt. His name is Tiny. Know why he's named Tiny? …because he's my newt.
  7. I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint. Clint Eatswood
  8. I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.
  9. Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym... "It's a little fit bunny...."
  10. Fidget spinners are useless Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.
  11. What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan
  12. Why do white people own so many pets? Because we're not allowed to own people anymore.
  13. What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
  14. How do you discipline your pet rock? You hit rock bottom
  15. I asked my Dad if we could get any pets... He said pets are just a step backwards.

Petting Zoo Jokes

Here is a list of funny petting zoo jokes and even better petting zoo puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Alot of dirty looks and kicked out of the petting zoo, apparently.
  • What happens if you get human DNA in a goat? You get banned from the petting zoo.
  • What do you get when you mix human and goat dna? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
  • What do you get when yo cross sheep DNA with human DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
  • What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat? Banned from the petting zoo.
  • A monkey escaped from the petting zoo. He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
    Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.
  • I went to a petting zoo. When I was feeding the sheep, one began to choke. So I laid him on his back and adminstered SheePR.
    He survived, but he was in pretty ba-aa-aa-ad shape.
  • What do you get when you add human DNA with goat DNA I don't know but I was kicked out of the petting zoo..
  • Q: What do you get when you cross human and goat DNA? A: Banned from the petting zoo.
  • Did you hear about the man with a cold who went to a miniature petting zoo? He was feeling a little hoarse.
Petting joke, Did you hear about the man with a cold who went to a miniature petting zoo?

Gather Around for Heartwarming Petting Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about petting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kissing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make petting pranks.

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

So I was petting a duckling the other day...

you could say I was feeling a little down.

Beauty and the beast

Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."

Petting Zoo

A woman at a petting zoo bent down to pet a pony. She began to cough violently. A man came over to her an asked her to leave. She said,"What? It's no big deal! I'm just feeling a little hoarse!"

Do It Yourself?

Two Guys are walking down the street after leaving the bar. When they look across the street and see a dog l**... himself. The o**... goes to the other, "man I wish i could do that", and then his friend says, "Don't you think you should try petting him first?"

What do you get if you inject a baby goat with chimpanzee DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo.

So I'm not allowed near petting zoos...

.. Or as I prefer to call them, heavy petting zoos.

What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

I hide photos on my computer of me

I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in 
a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won't find them.

2 guys walking down the road...

they see a dog, l**... its junk.
"I wish I could do that."
"Uhhh....you might want to try petting him first."

What do you get when you cross a human with a donkey?

Banned from the petting zoo

My son fed half of the petting zoo.

That was the best way to dispose of the body.

A sad day indeed

About a week ago I was walking my dog Fido through the park and a mentally disabled kid ran up to us. Immediately upon reaching my dog he started petting him. My dog is not a violent dog by any means but he was spooked and bit the kid. After this incident he ended up getting put down. It saddens me deeply but at least Fido is ok.

On the one hand, I really like petting alligators...

^^^^^there ^^^^^is ^^^^^nothing ^^^^^here.

Two guys are walking home when they see a dog l**... its c**...

o**... looks to the other and says "I wish I could do that." The second guy responds, "Maybe you should try petting him first."

Gave a sales pitch at a petting zoo today

They were eating out the palm of my hand

What do you get when you chloroform a petting zoo?

The Silence of the Lambs

What happens when you inject human DNA into a goat?

You get asked to leave the petting zoo.

My uncle was caught having s**... with sheep at a petting zoo and he just escaped from prison.

Now he's on the lam

What do you get when you insert huma DNA into a goat?

A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.

If you keep peacocks in a petting zoo

You've got to expect some fowl-play.

Two men are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself.

Two men are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself.
First guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that."
Second guy says, "You should probably try petting him first."

Did you know that a Siberian Tiger can absolutely devour a 7-year-old girl in just about 45 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the petting zoo, today...

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

The answer turns out to be "banned from the petting zoo".

Physics joke

A physicist and his son go to a petting zoo. They come up on this animal and of course the physicist asks his son what it is. The son says "Daddy thats a rooster!", the physicist shakes his head "Son, its a lambda".

Two drunks stumble out of a bar

... and see this rough looking big dog sitting outside of the bar and l**... his b**....
Drunk 1: "Man! I wish I could do that!"
Drunk 2: "Dunno, Bob... He looks kinda mean. I'd try petting him first"

Petting joke, What do you get when you mix Human DNA and Goat DNA?

jokes about petting