petting Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious petting puns

Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat?

Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe.

He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday

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What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?

...banned from the petting zoo...

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What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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Two guys see a dog licking his balls...

The first guy says "Man, I wish I could do that!"

The second guy replies, "Maybe you should try petting him first"

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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a donkey?

Kicked out of the petting zoo :(

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What do you get...

What do you get when you try to inject Human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the petting zoo, apparently.

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So a guy walks into a bar and notices a dog in the corner licking its balls...

He sits down, orders a drink, and says to the bartender, "Man, I wish I could do that." The bartender replies "Eh I don't know, I'd try petting him first."

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What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?

You get banned from the petting zoo.

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What do you get when yo cross sheep DNA with human DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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This pig with the wooden leg . . .

A guy visits his friend, who is a farmer, and sees him sitting on the front porch, chewing a strand of wheat and petting a pig with a wooden leg. They get to talking, and the friend asks the farmer about the pig's leg.
'it's the craziest thing', say the farmer. 'There was this fire a few weeks back, in the old barn next to the house. I was lost in the smoke, searching for a way out, when the central support beam collapsed, pinning me down. I was going to die. BUT SUDDENLY, through the thick haze, I see this pig rushing toward me. She manages to wedge her body under the beam, and with all her might lifts the load just enough for me to shimmy my body out, and we both run to safety.'
'WOW, that is some incredible story,' says the friend 'but it still doesn't explain the wooden leg.'
--'Well, with a pig like THAT, you don't want to eat it all at once!'

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Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat?

Not because he was into beastiality you Islamophobe...





He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday.

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What do you get when you add human DNA with goat DNA

I don't know but I was kicked out of the petting zoo..

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what do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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So, a guy walks into a bar and notices a dog in the corner, licking its balls...

He continues to have a seat at the bar and order a drink. He looks at the bartender and says "Man, I wish I could do that." The bartender replied, "Ehh, I'd try petting him first."

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Elderly Woman and Her Cat

An elderly woman sitting on her porch, petting her beloved cat. A genie walks up her sidewalk. "Ma'am, you have lived a happy and simple life, I wish to grant you three wishes."

The woman smiles, "Oh, I have to think, well, I would like to be 18 again." The genie nods his head and she transforms into her 18 years old self. "I would like lots of money!" she wishes. He nods again and piles of gold and coins pile all beside her. The woman stops, "My cat here has been loyal and sweet, could you turn him into a young, handsome man?" The genie nods his head a third time and disappears. Turning around she sees a young man, fit, gorgeous and perfect.

"Why hello" she says coyly. He looks at her, "Don't look at me, you had me neutered."

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Did you hear about the man with a cold who went to a miniature petting zoo?

He was feeling a little hoarse.

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Two guys are walking home when they see a dog licking its crotch

One guy looks to the other and says "I wish I could do that." The second guy responds, "Maybe you should try petting him first."

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I'm not scratching my balls

I'm petting my crabs

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So I was petting a duckling the other day...

you could say I was feeling a little down.

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Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar...

One notices a dog licking his own junk and says to his friend: "Damn, I wish *I* could do that!" His friend says: "Ummm... I dunno man, he looks pretty mean to me, I'd try petting him first"

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Two guys are walking down a beach..

When they see a dog licking it's balls

The first guys says "man I wish I could do that"

To which the second guy responds "you probably could, but I'd try petting him first.."

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Do It Yourself?

Two Guys are walking down the street after leaving the bar. When they look across the street and see a dog licking himself. The one guy goes to the other, "man I wish i could do that", and then his friend says, "Don't you think you should try petting him first?"

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What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

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What happens when you inject human DNA into a goat?

You get asked to leave the petting zoo.

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My son fed half of the petting zoo.

That was the best way to dispose of the body.

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What do you get when you cross a human with a donkey?

Banned from the petting zoo

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Two guys are sitting on a park bench

One of them notices a dog licking its balls.

"Man, I wish I could do that," he says to his friend.

"By all means, go for it."

"Right here? You won't mind?"

"Not at all, but you should at least consider petting him first."

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Petting Zoo

A woman at a petting zoo bent down to pet a pony. She began to cough violently. A man came over to her an asked her to leave. She said,"What? It's no big deal! I'm just feeling a little hoarse!"

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My uncle was caught having sex with sheep at a petting zoo and he just escaped from prison.

Now he's on the lam

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What do you get if you inject a baby goat with chimpanzee DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo.

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What do you get when you chloroform a petting zoo?

The Silence of the Lambs

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A sad day indeed

About a week ago I was walking my dog Fido through the park and a mentally disabled kid ran up to us. Immediately upon reaching my dog he started petting him. My dog is not a violent dog by any means but he was spooked and bit the kid. After this incident he ended up getting put down. It saddens me deeply but at least Fido is ok.

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NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

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What are the most funny Petting jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Petting? Well, here are the best Petting dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Petting pick up lines to share with friends.

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