Petrol Jokes
64 petrol jokes and hilarious petrol puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about petrol that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out the funniest petrol jokes and laugh away the petrol price hike blues! Clear your mind of the petrol shortage and kerosene woes and enjoy the light-hearted humor of jokes fueled by petrol or its derivatives like diesel, gasoline, or fumes. Read on and enjoy some much-needed laughter!
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Funniest Petrol Short Jokes
Short petrol jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The petrol humour may include short gasoline jokes also.
- Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? You've got the carownervirus.
- What is the most unrealistic part of the newest james bond movie? A Brit with a full petrol tank.
- I got really emotional at the petrol station earlier. I don't know what came over me, I just started filling up.
- 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ... The 5 stages of buying petrol.
- I didn't hear the sea when I held a Shell up I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.
- I'm not one to brag about going to expensive places … But guess who's just been to the petrol station!
- What's the most unrealistic part of the new James bond movie? A Brit with a full tank of petrol.
Unbelievable!! - Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader". Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.
P.S. I ve donated 5 litres. - Warning: Dad joke for kids inside. What do Skye, Chase, Marshall and Rubble use to power their vehicles?
Paw Petrol. - Saw this one on the gas nozzle at my petrol station today... *What did the Termite say when he walked into the bar?*
"Is the bar tender here?"
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Petrol One Liners
Which petrol one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with petrol? I can suggest the ones about car gas and diesel.
- How do you make a cat go woof Pour petrol on it and set it on fire
- Which spice girl can still get petrol? Geri can
- Just got a petrol cap for my Skoda... ...seemed like a good trade.
- Why can't the police stop the theft of gasoline? They never go on petrol.
- Which Spice Girl can drink petrol? Geri can
- Which Spice Girl can hold the most petrol? Geri can.
- How do you make a cat go woof? With some petrol and a lighter.
- These darn gas powered cops... Always on petrol.
- What is a great resource to help us get about in the world? Pun Petrol
- How do you make a cat go woof? Cover it in petrol and throw on a match.
- How do you get a cat to say woof Douse it in petrol and set in on fire
\*whoof\* - The creator of petrol cars was interviewed. All he said was Madagascar, no one knew why.
- A guy goes to a petrol station and fills his car up. He couldn't get back in.
- Which one of the spice girls can carry petrol? Geri-can
- What does vin diesel put in his car? Petrol
Petrol Station Jokes
Here is a list of funny petrol station jokes and even better petrol station puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Expensive Date She asked me to take her somewhere really really expensive... So, we enjoyed our first date under the night lights of BPs forecourt petrol station.
- Basil Brush went to fill up his car with petrol. His phone suddenly went off... The petrol station went BOOM BOOM!
- When women are at the petrol station Do they shake the handle/nozzle when they are done pumping, or is that just a guy thing?
- When I got home last night my wife demanded that I 'take her somewhere expensive'...
I took her to a petrol station... - Apparently there's a s**... shortage in the UK Probably because all the wankers have gone to the petrol station
Petrol Pump Jokes
Here is a list of funny petrol pump jokes and even better petrol pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Urgent girlfriend needed.. Qualification – must be the only
daughter of a petrol pump owner.:P.!!
Expensive Petrol Jokes
Here is a list of funny expensive petrol jokes and even better expensive petrol puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- petrol is so expensive It will be cheaper to just buy c**... and run everywhere
Petrol Diesel Jokes
Here is a list of funny petrol diesel jokes and even better petrol diesel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you had a choice between a beautiful wife or a new car, which would you choose? A diesel or a petrol?
- If you had to choose between a wonderful wife or a wonderful car.. Would you choose a petrol or a diesel engine ?
Petrol Price Jokes
Here is a list of funny petrol price jokes and even better petrol price puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- you have heard "A pint is a pound" ... .. and that is a seriously high petrol price.
I know. It's not that good. Nor even that funny.
But it's coming. Happy Halloween. - With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre ...it's actually cheaper to buy c**... and run everywhere instead
Comical Petrol Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about petrol you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fuel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make petrol pranks.
A black guy was pulled over in his mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...
He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".
Man goes to a petrol station.
It's night time and one of those serving hatches. Talks to the girl. Can I have a can of coke and a Kit kat Chunky?
Off the girl goes to get his stuff. "There you go," she says, "One can of coke and a KitKat Chunky."
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal Kitkat, you fat cow."
Kit Kat
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty."
Chinese Takeaway
Chinese Takeaway - £24
Petrol To pick it up - £2
Getting home and realizing the t**... have forgotten one of your containers.
Riceless
I learned how to train my cat to go woof
All it takes is petrol and matches.
*wooooooof*
"What's that in your bag?"
"A knife, a box of matchsticks, some petrol and a few sticks of dynamite"
"No, that other thing there"
"Oh, just a pack of wafers"
"I'm sorry you can't bring that into the theater"
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
A blonde...
...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest
A man runs out of petrol
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.
Who can drink 20L of petrol without getting sick?
j**... can.
You know who can drink 5L of petrol without getting sick?
j**... can
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol without being sick?
j**... can.
Forgive me if it's a repost, I am not sure.
Rick: What is the name of your car?
Edward: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Rick: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol
An Estonian visits russia
He departs from Tallinn, the journey goes as planned until, 2 hours and a half in, he realizes he needs petrol otherwise he won't get to russia, so he stops at a gas station near narva, and decides to get a snack and go to the bathroom. So before filling up his car he gets off, walks to the gas station's shop's counter and asks for a sandwich, he eats it, and then goes to the bathroom, seeing all the doors closed, he knocks.
"Occupied"
"Again?!"
Who can drink 5L of petrol with no effect?
j**... can
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol and not get sick?
j**... Can
Who can drink 5 litres of petrol?
j**... can.
A blonde called her car customer service saying she could only drive her car during the day. During the night, it didn't move at all.
A mechanic comes and after an inspection couldnt find anything wrong.
"You sure you put the right fuel?"
"Yup. Petrol"
Eventually, he asks her if shes using the right gears.
She says, "Of course, I'm not s**.... I'm using D during the day and N during the night"
