The Best 30 Petrified Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Petrified jokes. There are some petrified fearful jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these petrified whittle puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Petrified Jokes and Puns

My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

So an oxygen molecule walks into a bar... [biochem joke]

and goes up to the bar and orders a drink. As the bartender hands the Oxygen it's drink he notices the small molecule petrified with fear. He notices this and quickly realizes hemoglobin sitting alone in a corner booth with an obvious attraction to oxygen. The bartender looks and says to Oxygen "Don't worry, he's totally heme-less".

I had the worst night last night..

The ghost of Gloria Gaynor appeared in front of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.

Petrified joke, I had the worst night last night..

What do you get when you scare a tree?

Petrified wood.

I went to a karaoke bar last night.

I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music…

at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified.


I woke up this morning to find Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid...I was petrified.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare about Gloria Gaynor.

At first I was afraid; I was petrified.

Petrified joke, Last night I had a horrible nightmare about Gloria Gaynor.

My therapist says...

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any Seventies music. At first I was afraid. Oh, I was petrified.

Last night I woke up and saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor...

... at first I was afraid, I was petrified.

What happened to the dinosaurs that first was aware of the metheorite?

The where petrified.

First trick or treater of the day just came round dressed as Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

You can explore petrified sappy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean petrified wood dad jokes. There are also petrified puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why are the old trees always yelling?

They were all petrified.

I'm petrified of heights but sometimes I just get so tired..

I have to fall asleep

What did people sing when Vesuvius erupted???

"First I was afraid, I was petrified..."

How scared was the dinosaur?

Petrified.

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Petrified joke, I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was a tree

I was petrified

Halloween jokes

What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.

What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.

Whay do you call wood that's scared?
Petrified.

Last Holloween I was visited by person wearing a costume of Gloria Gaynor with blood marks

At first I was afraid; I was petrified.


How do you know if a fossil was afraid before it was petrified?

If it's a Diana-Ross-osaur

My Neighbor is purified of me

Wait, not purified. Petrified. She's petrified. It's hard to read a diary through these binoculars.

I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor the other day.

She ended up being friendly. However, when appeared, at first I was afraid - I was petrified.

I went to a karaoke bar yesterday that didn't play any 70s music

At first i was afraid, i was petrified.

Just had some trick or treaters come to my door dressed as Gloria Gaynor...

At first I was afraid then I was petrified.

Out walking last night decided to take short cut through a Cemetery when 3 young girls came towards me and said they were petrified walking through the grave yard and asked if they could walk along side me so I said yes...

As we were walking I said don't worry I understand I used to be petrified walking through here when I was alive.
Never seen anybody run so fast.

The doctor confirms I have Gloria Gaynor Syndrome

At first I was afraid; I was petrified...

Aprils fools

A mom comes home from work on aprils fools and the lil bro runs up to her screaming mom mom bro hanged himself in the bedroom, petrified she makes a run for the bedroom and its empty. Turns to her kid in relief telling him that this is not the apropriate joke, while he says aprils fooooools, hes hanged in the living room.

Queen Elizabeth and Indira Gandhi

My dad told me this joke when I was young, and I think it's HILARIOUS:

Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was once invited by Queen Elizabeth. Both of them were riding in the Queen's horse-driven carriage when one of the horses farted.

Petrified and embarrassed by the horse's toot, the Queen apologizes to Indira Gandhi, "I'm sorry," she said.

Indira Gandhi replied, "Oh that's okay. But I thought it was the horse!"

Halloween trick or treaters knocked my door, dressed as Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

My friend saw Medusa the other day

At first he was afraid and scared, but now he's petrified at the thought of seeing her!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the petrified aghast jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working petrified afraid piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes