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Pete Jokes

110 pete jokes and hilarious pete puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pete that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with the best of Pete Davidson's jokes! From his unique takes on teething babies and Kanye West, to his hilarious one-liners about Ariana Grande and Kim Kardashian, this collection of Pete's best jokes and casts will have you in stitches!

Best Short Pete Jokes

Short pete jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pete humour may include short casts jokes also.

  1. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves? - Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years? Pete.
  2. It was reported that Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon just released a number of canines from the local pound It can now be said that The Who let the dogs out
  3. What did Pete Townsend say when Roger Daltrey told him that he'd lost his favorite old lime-colored belt? "Relax. It's only a green, aged, waistband."
  4. I met this really short man called Peter the other day. He's a baker and he was telling me all about baking flat breads.
    It was fascinating.
    I love to hear the pitta patter of tiny Pete.
  5. Pete Townshend and Keith Moon were arrested last night after releasing 1000 pugs from a cosmetic company's testing facility. The Who let the dogs out.
  6. Knock knock Who's there?
    Pete Townshend was lead guitarist for the.
    Pete Townshend was lead guitarist for the who?
    Yes.
  7. I like this new Democratic candidate, Pete Buttigieg. Some people think he's not experienced enough... But it's my vote, so I'll Buttigieg of that.
  8. I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen.... .....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
    'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
  9. Did you hear that Vince Gilligan (of Breaking Bad fame) is now working for Nickelodeon? The first show he's signed on to do is The Adventures of Skinny Pete & Pete
  10. Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who's left? Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who's left?

Quick Jump To


Pete joke, Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Who's left?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about pete can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of pete puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Pete One Liners

Which pete one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pete? I can suggest the ones about teething baby and pat.

  1. I check my girl's phone every day I have to make sure she's not talking to Pete Davidson
  2. Why does Pete take painkillers? For Pete's ache
  3. Why did Peter put Icy-Hot on his sore shoulder? For Pete's ache.
  4. Pete and Repeat were on a boat in the middle of a lake. Pete fell off. Who's left?
  5. I offered Pete Carroll $1 million to run a mile He passed.
  6. How does the cannibal like his whiskey? With a taste of Pete
  7. What do Pete Rose and Adrian Peterson have in common? They are both switch hitters.
  8. Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off, who was left?
  9. Pete and repeat went down to the lake. Repeat fell in.
  10. What do you get when you cross a pizza and cake? For Pete's sake!
  11. Seattle COULD have won the Super Bowl, but Pete Carroll said: I'll pass.
  12. I hope surnames are not preditive of the afterlife For Pete's sake.
  13. So Pete Burns is dead. He's not being buried though, they're recycling him instead.
  14. Pete and Repeat went into a bar, Pete came out who was left?
  15. What is Pete Davidson's go to Starbucks order? Grande coffee with sweetener

Pete And Repeat Jokes

Here is a list of funny pete and repeat jokes and even better pete and repeat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left? Repeat.
    Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete falls out. Who is left?
  • Pete and Repeat were in a boat. If Pete fell off, who would be left? Actually that depends. What if it's nobody cause Pete was on the left side?

Pete Carroll Jokes

Here is a list of funny pete carroll jokes and even better pete carroll puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Tom Brady originally offered that Chevy Colorado to Pete Carroll... ...however, Carroll said "I'll pass."
  • The Pope is elevating Pete Carrol! He's the only person that can make 20,000,000 people shout out JESUS CHRIST in unison!
  • Pete Carrol has kidney stone complications. It should have been removed by surgery....
    (wait for it)....
    But he decided to try to pass it.
  • Pete Carroll was approached by a p**... offering to cheer him up on the house after the super bowl. He said, 'I'll pass."
  • Why did Pete Carroll find Marshawn l**... in a tree? "I'm just here so I don't get find."
  • Pete Carroll was approached by a h**... last night but he said "I'll pass"

Pete Townshend Jokes

Here is a list of funny pete townshend jokes and even better pete townshend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I heard Pete Townshend is a Buddhist now. I went to his concert the other night. He was talking about regeneration.
  • Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are to star in a new film, a m**... mystery set at a music festival. It's a Whodunnit.

Pete Rose Jokes

Here is a list of funny pete rose jokes and even better pete rose puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Pete Rose had a 90 second ovation at the all star game. It brought a tear to his eye.... Because he took the over.
  • Pete Rose was asked if he thought he'd ever make it into the Baseball Hall of Fame. "I wouldn't bet on it."
  • Pete Rose would not make a World Series prediction during the pregame coverage. I guess he's not a betting man.
  • Sheesh! I wish they'd just let Mr. Rose into the Baseball Hall of Fame, For Pete's sake!
Pete joke, Sheesh! I wish they'd just let Mr. Rose into the Baseball Hall of Fame,

Howlingly Hilarious Pete Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about pete you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean john jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make pete prank.

The Pearly Gates and the Brothers


Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 black guys arrive.
St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."
St. Pete goes over to God's office and chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"
St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."
"Who. The black guys?" asked God.
"No. The Gates."

Peter Gabriel, after watching Miley Cyrus's "Wrecking Ball" video.

"Well, I certainly don't wanna be HER sledgehammer!"

Computer diagnosis

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your u**..., and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only cost you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a u**... sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and u**... samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he m**... into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard.
2. Get a water softener.
3. Your dog has ringworm.
4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
5. Your daughter is using c**....
6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
8. And if you don't stop m**..., your elbow will never get better.

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next star wars movie!

They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," answered the bartender.

Why did Peter Parker get fired?

He spent all day on the web.

You hear Pete Carroll is getting recruited for a new job..

Yeah, he is getting offers from the Pope at the Vatican! The Pope said that if he can make 100 million people say "Jesus Christ" at the same time, he needs to work for the Catholic Church

What do you call an SEO expert who praises Google?

"Kneel" Patel

Why is peter pan always flying?

He neverlands
I like this joke because it never grows old
This joke is off the hook
Sorry

3 guys just arrived to heaven and...

3 guys just arrived to heaven and then Jesus proceeds to call by their names:
- "Rand" kiss my hand!
- "Pete" kiss my feet!
Then Jesus: Rick!? Why are you running?

Peter is different

A couple have 13 children, 12 of them are blonde and have blue eyes, 1 has black hair and brown eyes, his name is Peter. One day the wife of the couple is dying of illness, her husband is sitting on her bed. The husband says "Our Peter is different from the other kids, does he have a different father?" His wife says yes. And, the man says, "Then, who is his dad?" Upon which his wife says, "You".

How come Peter Pan is always flying?

Because he Neverlands.

How did Peter Parker know mary jane was cheating on him?

He spied her man.

A woman's three daughters are going out on dates...

"What are your date plans?", the mother asks the daughters.
"I'm going out with Pete; we are going to eat" says the first daughter.
"Great! have fun" says the mom
"I'm going with Lance. We are going to dance" says the second daughter.
"Have a ball!" says the mother
"I'm going out with Chuck" says the third daughter
"NO YOU'RE NOT" yells the mother

Peter Pan and the Lost Boys are actually the souls of aborted kids

That explains Captain Hook

Little Peter came home riding a red girl's bike one day

...and his mother asks where he got the bike.
Peter explains that he went into the woods with Jennifer and that she had taken off her shirt and pants and told him to grab whatever he desired.
"But, why would I want a pair of girl's pants? So, I took the bike".

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter p**....
He gets so high he never lands.

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off, who was left?

Repeat
Pete and Repeat were sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off, who was left?
Repeat
Pete and Repeat were sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off, who was left?

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands
You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old

Why did Peter Pan fall out of the sky?

It was too Wendy...

Why doesn't Peter Pan fight?

Because his punches Neverland.

What's Peter Pan's least favorite part of a song?

The hook

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?

A Diction Fairy

Peter and John walk into a Japanese bar

Peter and John are sitting at the bar. Peter orders some rice wine, and John orders a beer. Peter gets up to go to the restroom. A few moments later, their drinks arrive.
John says to the bartender: this is chilled, can I get a hot cup to keep it warm?
The bartender replies: For your beer?
To which John replies: No, for Pete's sake!

Peter Parker was at home alone one day, when suddenly aunt may walks in on him m**....

I guess she was the first person to see Spiderman home coming.

Where does Peter the Great buy his coffee?

Tsarbucks.

Why did Peter Pan know he could beat Captain Hook in poker?

Peter knew Captain Hook had lost at least one hand.

Which of Peter Parker's guardians would keep his secret?

His uncle wouldn't, but his aunt may.

Peter Dinkalage has been accused of s**... harassment.

He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.
At first, I didn't get this joke. I was lost, boys. But I love this joke, it never grows old, and it has a nice hook.

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven

He gets to the gate and sees Saint Pete. No fair the lawyer says, I am only 45.
Saint Pete says no, we got a new system. We do it by billable hours, our system says you are 135

Why do you only see Peter Pan in the sky?

Because he Neverlands

My Daughter told me this adorkable meta joke today (she's 5).

Her: Daddy, knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Her: Pete and Repeat are in a boat, Pete jumps out, Who's left?
Me: (sigh) Pete and Repeat are in a boat, Pete jumps out, who's left, who?
Her: Repeat.

Everyone in our little town was shocked and horrified that the local butcher got busted for selling drugs.

I had seen Pete once a week like clockwork for over a decade, never even knew he was a butcher.

Peter Dinklage walks into a doctor's office. He says, I'm a Hollywood star. Can I go to the front of the line?

Doctor: I am sorry Sir, but you have to be a little patient.

What's Peter Pan's favorite drug?

Roofie-ooooooooo

What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat?

Wendy's

Peter Dinklage has apologised for tweets expressing support for white supremacy

It's all right, he's just a little racist.

What do Peter Pan, and Unvaccinated Children have in common?

They never get old.

After Peter Jackson's successful launch of World War 1 documentary They Will Not Grow, George Lucas has announced he is making a documentary of World War 2 with remastered footage.

Spoiler: France invades first.

"Hello, I'm Peter, professional pickpocket."

...said the man as he handed me my business card.

Peter and the Messiah were out for walk...

when Peter asks, Master, why do you and your disciples not have nice things? You are the son of God. A king. Why don't you buy something like a new boat, or a palace? The Master stops, puts his hand on Peter's shoulder and says, Jesus saves.

Why was Peter Pan able to fly?

If you got hit in the Peter with a pan you'd fly too

Peter wakes up one morning

"I don't wanna go to the school!"
"Give me one good reason why you should stay home!"
"I can give you three: I don't like the school cafeteria's food, I don't like the teachers and I don't like the students"
"Well, Peter, I've already packed your lunch. You're 54 years old and the principal. GO TO WORK!"

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.
I'm sorry

What is Peter Pan known as in Asia?

Peter Wok

A few guys always used to meet up on Fridays after work for a drink.

One Friday, Pete showed up late, sat down forlornly at the bar and knocked back his first beer in one gulp.
'You OK?' asked Bill, another of the gang.
'Not really,' sighed Pete. 'This morning my wife told me that she's rationing our s**... life – she's cutting me back to just once a week. I can't believe it.'
Bill put a consoling arm around Pete's shoulder. 'You think you've got it bad – she's cut some guys off altogether!'

Why is Peter Pan always flying ?

He never lands.

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.

Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires

"Why does Peter Pan fly? Because he Neverlands."

You see, I love this joke because it never grows old.

Pete goes to a m**... addiction meeting

The meeting had been going on for hours and he really had to pee.
He raised his hand and asked "May I use the restroom?"
The host said that it was alright, once Pete had turned around he heard a voice saying "Ya need a hand?"

Pete

Pete the phantom f**... was contemplating retirement, after thinking it over he decided to stick it out for another year.

My doctor's name is Peter Parker

But I just call him Web MD

Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.

While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."

A father's three daughters were heading out of the house to go on dates

The first daughter said, I'm going out with Joe, and we're gonna see a show
The father said, A fine fella! Have fun my dear
The second daughter said, I'm going out with Pete, and we're gonna grab a bite to eat
Sounds wonderful! Have fun my dear
The third daughter said, I'm going out with Chuck, and we're gonna—
Oh no no no you don't young lady!! You march right back upstairs this instant!
~fin~

Why does Peter Pan fly everywhere instead of using airplanes or helicopters?

Cause when he used airplanes and helicopters, he could "Neverland".

Pegleg Pete the Pirate decided to retire

He fired his crew, ran his ship aground, and built a small cabin for himself just a short walk from the beach. He enjoyed his quiet life until global warming turned his front yard into a swamp. He couldn't get down to the shore without struggling through muck and mud that was once his peaceful stroll. Finally, he realized only one solution was possible: he was going to have to plank the walk.

Pete, the serial f**... was thinking of retiring soon...

But hes decided to stick it out for another year...

Cake Day. My current go-to jokes

My two current go-to jokes:
1. Why is a broken drum the best gift? Because you can't beat it.
2. Me: Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who's left?
Them: Repeat.
Me: Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who's left?
Them: Repeat.
Me: Pete and Repeat are in a boat. Pete jumped out. Who's left?
Them: Repeat.

why does peter pan keep flying?

because he neverlands

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he Neverlands

Pete and Repeat walk across a bridge. Pete falls off, who's left?

Admittedly it works better verbally, but my dad always liked to get me with this one. Without fail it would always send 5yr old me into fits of giggles and rage.

The World's Second Oldest Golf Joke

Pete and his buddy go golfing every Saturday. Pete leaves the house about 10 and gets home about four in the afternoon.
One Saturday, he leaves at 10 but doesn't get home until 9 that night.
His wife asks, "Why so late?"
Pete says, "Bud had a heart attack on the second green."
His wife replies, "So, you been at the hospital with him all this time."
Pete answers, "No. No. After the heart attack all I could do was hit the ball and drag Bud, hit the ball and drag Bud"

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he can Neverland.

What do Peter the Great and Vladimir Putin have in common?

They both lead Russia to the 18th century.

Why does Peter Parker only have eleven months on his calendar?

Because he lost May.

Where is Peter Pans favourite place to eat out?

Wendy's

Where does Peter Pan like to eat out?

Wendy's.

A man dies and goes to heaven…

St. Pete says Welcome to heaven. Any questions?
The man says Yes. God is supposed to be all knowing, all powerful, and benevolent. Frankly, most people are miserable. There is war, disease, poverty, environmental disaster, genocide, all that. What's going on?
St. Pete turns to Gabriel Are these people still running release 0.9.1?

Pete joke, A man dies and goes to heaven…

jokes about pete

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these pete jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.