Pet Store Jokes
114 pet store jokes and hilarious pet store puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pet store that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pet Store Short Jokes
Short pet store jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pet store humour may include short pet shop jokes also.
- How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old) You order it from the Cat-alogue
- My daughter wants a pet spider for her birthday I went to the pet store, and the owner said "that'll be $200 please", I said "$200?, it'll be cheaper getting one off the web".
- A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
That's one too many! says the customer.
The clerk replies It's a freebie . - Me and a friend.. Walk into a pet store and the employee asks "Anything that I can help you find?" and then proceeded to kick us out. apparently dinner wasn't the right answer.
- I went to the pet store to buy a Dalmatian, but they didn't have any. Their janitor keeps the store spotless.
- My daughter asked for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet store. They cost $30! That's way too expensive.
I can get one much cheaper off of the web. - I took my kid to the pet store, and he wanted to get a porcupine who lost all its quills. I said, That's completely pointless.
- I lost a game and threw the mouse at the wall. I was then promptly escorted out of the pet store.
- To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seed. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for reaction.
- I went to a pet store and put a large sign saying... ....'CHAMELEON' in front of an empty cage.
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Pet Store One Liners
Which pet store one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pet store? I can suggest the ones about target store and hardware store.
- Where do pets go when their tails fall off? The retail store
- I went to a pet store to buy 12 bees.. They gave me 13..
The extra one was a freebie. - I went to the pet store today and stole a rabbit. Then I made a run for it.
- I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday And now I'm banned from the pet store
- I gave the pet store $20 Mitch better have my bunny
- I bought the tiniest amphibian I've ever seen at the local pet store. He's my newt.
- Why did the Pet Store owner call the dentist ? Because his canine's were loose
- 20 dogs were stolen from a pet store Police say, there are no leads.
- What's the problem with an Asian pet store? There's always a kitchen in the back.
- What nationality puts barcodes on birds in pet stores? Scanned-an-avian
- There was a robbery at the pet store today It was a dog-gone catastrophe.
- I work at an aquatic pet store. I just do my job, but people keep calling me selfish.
- Why did Johnny Bravo go to the pet store? To pick up some chicks.
- What is the worst place to have the "you break it, you buy it" rule? The pet store
- What would you name your pet store if you only sold pet Walrus' ? Walrus' R us
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Pet Store Jokes
What funny jokes about pet store you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drug store jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pet store pranks.
Yo mama so hairy that when she went to the pet store they locked her up in a cage!
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one.
They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out.
The dog didn't work.
No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here.
The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”.
The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here.
The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!”
The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?”
The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”.
The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
Me: "How much for the baby dragon?"
Pet store clerk: "Sir, that's a lizard."
Me: *not listening* "When do they start breathing fire?"
I could not resist buying a skunk today at our local pet store.
It just made so much scents to me.
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, but do you thell baby bunnieth?".
The pet store owner smiles and says, "Why, yes, sweetheart! We sell all kinds of baby bunnies. Now... what kind of baby bunny would you like? Would you like a baby grey bunny? Or a baby white bunny? Or would you prefer a pretty brown bunny?"
The little girl replies, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
Extreme sports
Five men walk into a pet store and buy a hen, a parrot and a budgie. The next day they head to the top of a cliff, where the first man grabs the hen and jumps off the cliff, falling to his death. The second man nervously clutches the parrot and proceeds to jump off the cliff with it as well, also resulting in his untimely death. Man number three shrugs off the odds of his death, grabs the budgie and also creates a horrible mess on the rocks below. The fourth man observes all of this and admits to the last man:
"I consider myself a brave man, but don't ever expect me to try hen-gliding, parrot-chuting or budgie-jumping anytime soon; it's overrated."
A woman walks into a pet store...
A woman walks into a pet store and sees a handsome bright red parrot. She asks the cashier how much the parrot is. The cashier says, "I'll sell it, but I should warn you, it was donated by a brothel, so it might have picked up some colorful language."
The woman says, "Oh, that's okay." She buys the parrot and takes it home. When she takes the towel off its cage, the parrot looks at her and says, "Awk. New madam. Hello madam."
A few hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters come home from school. The parrot looks at them and says, "Awk. New girls. Hello girls."
A couple hours after that, the woman's husband Phil comes home from work. The parrot looks at him and says, "Awk. Hi Phil."
I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine
A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".
"$500? Why is it so expensive?"
"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"
"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"
"$2000!"
"$2000?"
"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"
"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"
"The third one costs $200,000".
"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"
"absolute nothing."
"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"
"because the other two parrots call him boss".
During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas.
Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"
"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the assistant replies.
Chet looks like any normal parrot, nothing special, so the guy asks, "What's so Christmassy about him?"
"Well, he can sing Christmas carols," says the assistant.
"Really?"
"Yup," says the assistant. "Lemme show ya. See, all ya gotta do is light a match and hold it under his left foot, like so, and Chet'll go..."
"Awrrk! Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul..." Chet sings.
"Wow, that's amazing! Does he do any more?"
"Sure does! Now, if you hold the match under his right foot instead, he'll go..."
"Awrrk! Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose..." Chet sings.
Well, now the guy is really impressed, but he has to ask, "Does Chet know any more carols?"
"Oh, sure, he knows one more! See, if you hold the match BETWEEN his two feet, he goes..."
"Awrrk! Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."
I always see gay guys looking at the birds in the local pet store. I wondered why, but then I realized...
...hey, I'm sure they'd love a cockatoo.
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(I just made this joke up after watching 15 episodes of The Sopranos and thinking in the New Jersey Italian-American, whatever you want to call it, accent.)
John gets a Christmas parrot
John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.
"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.
"Here," motioning towards the back of the store, "we have a very special bird, Chet. He sings Christmas carols. See, light a match and hold it under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh." "Perfect," John exclaims.
Molly was home as she hears John knocking on the door. Letting him in, John proudly smiles, "His name is Chet. I got you a singing parrot!" Raising a eyebrow, Molly stares at him. Placing the parrot on his stand, John lights a match. "Listen to him sing when I hold the match under his left foot." The parrot begins to sing again, "Silent night, holy night." Pulling the match away, "And now his right foot." The parrot sings, "Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh."
"Well, what do you think?" Jon smiles. Molly stood quietly, "What would happened if you hold the match, well, between his feet?"
Holding the match between his feet, the parrot squawks, "CHET'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE!"
My 2nd Parrot joke!
A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parrot observes her for a moment before saying "New Madam."
The woman shrugs and thinks that it's not so bad.
Shortly after the woman's two daughters return from school and see the new pet. The Parrot looks at them and says "New girls."
Then her husband comes home from work and the parrot looks over at him and says: "Hi Bill."
So this guy buys a centipede from the pet store...
he takes it home and sets it up in its aquarium, and lets it get settled in for a while. After a few hours the guy gets bored and goes up to the centipede and asks, "hey, centipede, you wanna go out and get a drink? check out the ladies? you know, just hang out?" But the centipede doesn't say anything. The guy thinks, "it must be getting used to its new environment or whatever," and he goes to bed.
The next day after work, the guy's watching TV and he gets bored, so he goes up to the centipede again and taps on the aquarium glass, and says "HEY, centipede, you wanna go out, get a drink, maybe check out the ladies? Just hang out or whatever?" and the centipede doesn't say anything. The guys thinks, "that's weird, i wonder if it's sick or something. i'm not sure how centipedes are supposed to act i guess." and he shrugs it off and goes to bed.
The third day, after work, the guy gets bored watching TV and goes to the centipede again, this time getting a little exasperated. "HEY! CENTIPEDE! Do you wanna go out and get a DRINK, check out the LADIES or something?" and the centipede yells back, "I heard you the first time man, I'm getting my shoes on!"
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
Pet-store parrots.
A man walks into a pet store looking to buy a parrot, he sees 3 next to each other. He goes to the cashier and says, "How much for the first parrot on the left?" the cashier replies "2000$" " 2000$! What can it do for that price?" "It can write and take notes" the owner says. The man nods and asks the price of the second parrot, "5000$" What can that one do? The man asks again. "Oh that one can use the computer and send emails." The man nods again, "Ok how about the last one?" "The last one? 10,000$." The mans jaw drops. "What can that one do?" The pet store owner shrugs and says "I don't have a clue but the other two call him boss."
A silly old man came to my work and told me this joke and it stuck with me.
Out in the middle of the country was a general store.
A man was riding in one day and saw a dog sitting next to the door.
He walks by the dog and goes into the store to get what he needs.
After buying his items he asked the owner of the store if his dog bites strangers.
Which he replied with, "Of coarse not, he's as sweet as granny's iced tea!"
So, as the man leaves he goes to pet the dog and the dog chomps on his
hand. The man yowls in pain and goes back into the store to yell at the
owner.
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR DOG DIDN'T BITE?!?" he yells.
"He doesn't." the man says, "But, that sir is not my dog"
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.
The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.
The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.
The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."
The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."
The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. He rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.
Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells."
The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.
Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing "Chet's nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"
The pet shop parrot.
A lady was walking to work and passed a pet shop when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" This made the lady very angry, but she ignored the parrot and continued on her way.
On her way home from work later that day, she passed by the pet shop again, and yet again the parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed into the store to talk to the manager, threatening to go to the police.
The store manager apologised profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot never said that again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the pet shop to see if the manager had kept his promise. "Hey, lady!" the parrot said.
"Yes?"
"You know."
A little girl walks into a pet store...
and says, "I'd wike a wabbit pweathe."
The salesperson laughs and mimics the little girl's speech impediment. "Of courthe! Do you want a widdle bwown wabbit, a bwack wabbit, or a thpotted wabbit?"
The little girl says, "I don't think my thnake giveth a thit what color the wabbit ith."
The parrot in a pet store
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
The lady was furious and continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue them. The manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.
"Hey, lady!" it said.
"Yes?"
"You know."
Why don't hat store owners and pet shop owner get along?
Because you can't be a fan of hat care and cat hair.
Christmas in July
A guy wants to get a really unique gift for his new wife for their fist Christmas together so he walks into a pet store with a sign advetising an amazing singing parrot. He goes to the counter to explain his situation and inquires about the bird. The shop keeper explains the bird would be perfect and takes the man over to show him what the bird can do.
The shop keeper explains that the bird's name is Chet and that he works on cues then produces a book of matches from his pocket. Lighting one he holds it below the parrots right foot and immediately Chet begins to sing "Silent Night" so beuatiful it rivals Perry Como. The keeper then moves the match to the left foot and Chet begans singing "White Christmas" even more beautifully than the first song.
The man exclaims "Thats amazing, does he know any other songs?"
Oh yes, replies the shop keeper as he moves the match to between the birds legs..."Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire"
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
Dad dropped this on me while Mom was painting the kitchen.
I work in a pet store.
A man's parrot had recently died...
...so he goes to a pet store to get another animal to cheer him up. The pet store owner asks him what he's looking for. The man replies his parrot has recently passed away, and he wants another animal that can talk.
The owner says he doesn't have any parrots, but a centipede that can talk. The man buys the centipede and a cage for it, then heads home. A few hours later, the man wants to see if the centipede can really talk, so he goes up to the cage and asks: "Do you want to go out for something to eat?" There's no reply, so the man asks again, in a louder tone: "Do you want to go out for something to eat?".
Again, no reply. The man gets extremely frustrated, thinking the store owner ripped him off, and yells: "DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT FOR SOMETHING TO EAT!". A tiny voice replies: "I heard you the first time! I was just putting on my shoes!"
Talking Parrot :)
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and warned she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."
On a whim, I bought a snake yesterday at the local pet store...
Last night, I attempted to feed it a freshly grilled hamburger.
Just the patty, no bread.
The thing is, he wouldn't eat it.
As it turns out,
my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, Hun.
A little girl, who is a cancer patient, walks into a local pet store...
...and the little girl asks to the owner who was sitting near the front desk, "Do you guys sell rabbits here?" The owner responds with, "Sorry, but we don't have anymore rabbits. However, we sell hare if you would like some?"
Pet Laundry
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer said, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?"
"I think it was the spin cycle."
Bird Seeds
1. Go to the pet store
2. Buy Bird seeds
3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow
4. ???
5. Profit
Why did the j**... walk into the pet store?
To buy some quack croakaine!
Cheap parrot
A woman decides she wants to buy a pet so she heads down to the local pet store. After a bit of browsing, she fixes her attention on a lovely talking parrot on sale for only $10. The clerk tells her the parrot's going cheap because it used to live in a house of ill repute so it may not be the most family friendly of pets. Thinking this deal is too good to pass up, she buys it without hesitation.
She gets home and places the parrot near the entrance. The parrot looks around and says, "New house, new madame!" The woman is startled by this but laughs it off. Later, her two teenage daughters get home, the parrot looks at them and remarks, "New house, new madame, new prostitutes!" The girls are shocked by this but after some explaining by the mom, they all laugh it off. The woman is delighted and eagerly awaits her husband so she can see what his reaction will be.
The husband arrives moments later. The parrot looks at him and says,"Hello Keith!"
What did my Dominican girlfriend say when she saw me at the pet store?
Ay puppi.
There was a three-legged dog on sale today at the pet store.
It was 25% off.
I called the pet store to ask if they sell exotic cats.
"Yes" he said. "Serval Varieties"
^I ^better ^see ^some ^horrible ^retaliatory ^puns ^in ^the ^comments
A man walks into an Australian pet store,
He asks the bloke behind the counter "where do you keep the kangaroos mate?"
The bloke replies, "outback."
The owner of the local pet store let me take a test fish home to see if I'd like one as a pet...
...It was a beta
Where do asians get groceries when the supermarket is closed?
A pet store
I brought a pet iguana home from the pet store...
I think there's something wrong with him because he's very lethargic and I can't get him up. It must be a reptile dysfunction.
A pet store had a bird contest.
No perches necessary.
An Inuit man walks into a pet store...
An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."
Why does every pet store carry so many betta fish?
Because they are the betta fish to have.
A man went back to a pet store fuming.
"Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"
"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."
A man walks into a pet store
He says, I need a dog. The clerk says, What kind of demeanor are you looking for? The man responds, I need a guard dog. The meaner the better!
A man walks into a pet store
He walks up to the clerk and says "I'm looking for a dog" the clerk says "Okay what kind of demeanor are you looking for" the man says "I'm looking for a guard dog demeanor the better"
Lost my job at the pet store on the very first day
A lady came in to buy a spider, I told her she could get one cheaper off the web
I just got a Bunny from the pet store today, and it already ran away.
I'm suffering from rapid hare loss!
Here's a pretty good joke about your pet marine mammal having s**... in an auto parts store.
Your welcome in advance.
An old religious woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot.
Everything is fine until she brings it home. It begins to swear uncontrollably. F this, F that, F you and finally the lady can stand it no more. She grabs the bird, shoves it in the freezer, and slams the door shut. Squawking, shrieking, pounding, and cursing come out of the freezer for a few moments and then it goes quiet.
The woman is scared that she has hurt the bird and opens the freezer. The parrot walks calmly out and steps gently onto the woman's outstretched hand. He looks into the lady's eyes and says "Ma'am, I am truly sorry if my language offended you and it will not recur. If I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
Today I found out that I'm a fantastic butcher,
but I still don't get why I was arrested and then giving a lifetime ban from the pet store.
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because this s**... parrot keeps reposting c**... jokes" said the pet store employee.
Jacket pockets are just domesticated gloves
But nowadays if you try to wear a natural glove you get kicked out of the pet store.
A man walked into a pet store
A man walked into a pet store and asked a worker
do you have any chameleons here?
The worker responded:
I don't know
Me to the Pet Store Attendant: "Do you have any chameleons?"
Pet Shop Attendant: "I have no idea"
Know how to tell if your local pet store owner is gay?
See how happy they get when you want to see a cockatoo.
The Parrot
Every day, a woman walks by a pet store with a Parrot on a perch right outside the door, and as she walks by the parrot says, "Wow...you're ugly", or some other kind of insult about her looks.
She finally got tired of it and went in and told the owner, "Your parrot insults me every time I pass your store. I'm going away for two weeks and when I get back, if he insults me one more time I'm going to do something I may regret." The shopkeeper tells her..."I'm so sorry. I promise, he'll never insult you again"
Two weeks later, she's walking toward the shop all angry expecting the parrot to insult her...she gets close and they lock eyes...and the parrot says; "YOU know".
i walked into a pet store and asked for a dozen bees.
the cashier counted out 13 bees and gave them to me. i asked why 13 and he said this one is a freebie.
I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke
A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.
At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.
The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"
A little girl walks into a pet store...
A little girl walks into a pet store and approaches the clerk. "Im looking for a wabbit" she says.
The clerk, taken aback by how adorable this girl is, asks "Aww, well would you like a white wabbit, or a brown wabbit?"
The little girl replies "I dont think my python gives a thit"
A man walks into a pet store...
...and says I need a dog. The store owner says sounds good—what kind of demeanor are you looking for?
The man replies well I need a guard dog, so da meaner da better.
A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins
He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins
The clerk responds We don't have any dolphins, but would a whale work?
The scientist responds No thank you, that defeats the porpoise
Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
My dog is so smart, says the first owner, that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed. I know, says the second owner. How do you know? the first demands. My dog told me.
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were robbing a pet sore...
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were robbing a pet store.
Suddenly the cops show up and they all quickly hide in sacks.
The cops kick the first sack with the Englishman in and he goes "meow".
They move on and kick the second sack and the Scotsman goes "woof".
They then kick the third sack with the Irishman in and he says "potatoes".
Cake Day Joke!
An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me – you do not want that parrot!
She said, I can teach it good manners.
But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds.
She took it out and said, Did you learn your lesson? It said another bad word so she put it back in for 30 seconds. She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet.
The parrot said Brr… Yes I learned my lesson, but, what did the chicken do?
