Pet Shop Jokes
88 pet shop jokes and hilarious pet shop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pet shop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pet Shop Short Jokes
Short pet shop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pet shop humour may include short pet store jokes also.
- I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over. You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie. - A Man walks into a pet shop and asks the owner "Do you have any chameleons?" (Looks around) No idea mate.
- Not quite what she was expecting... Guy: I work with animals every day!
Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-
Guy: I'm a butcher. - Pet shop Have you got any kittens going cheap? Asked a customer in a pet shop.
No, sir, replied the owner. All our kittens go Meow. - I love going to pet shops. If I see an empty cage, I put a large pre prepared sign, saying "CHAMELEON".... (stand back and watch the fun.)
- I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
- I went in to a pet shop. I said, Can I buy a goldfish?
The guy said, Do you want an aquarium?
I said, "I don't care what astrological sign it is." - I walked into a pet shop and said, "Excuse me, do you have any blenders?" The man said "yes" and handed me a chameleon.
- Me to the Pet Store Attendant: "Do you have any chameleons?" Pet Shop Attendant: "I have no idea"
- Bee A man walked into a pet shop and asked "can I have a bee please"
Shop assistant said "we don't sell bees"
The man replied "there's one in your window"
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Pet Shop One Liners
Which pet shop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pet shop? I can suggest the ones about flower shop and animal shelter.
- Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Eeeeee....
- Where did the guinea pig go when the pet shop exploded? Everywhere.
- Saw an offer up at a pet shop selling unwashed dogs 'Buy one get one flea'
- What is the best way for a pet shop to get business? Word of mouse.
- My friend lost his job at the pet shop... He got caught with his hand in the trill.
- Did you here about that cage fighter? He got arrested in a pet shop
- An Asian owns a pet shop For some reason, there's a kitchen at the back
- What's another name for a pet shop? A Chinese restaurant.
Pet Shop Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pet shop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beauty shop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pet shop pranks.
A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, "If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says, "I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
- Good monkey, it's worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
"What does this monkey know?"
"It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad."
"Nice, even I don't know those things."
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
"And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?"
"I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says nothing.
Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede again says nothing.
Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says "I heard you the first time you m**...! I'm putting my shoes on!"
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one.
They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out.
The dog didn't work.
No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one.
The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?"
The assistant says, "$2000."
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive.
The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast."
"What about the green one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the red one?" the man asks.
The assistant says, "That one's $10,000."
The man says, "What does HE do?"
The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny?
Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a pet.
A shopkeeper came over and started to try and sell him a dog when the man noticed the parrot.
He asked what the strings were for and the shopkeeper replied, "Well, if you pull the right string the parrot says, 'Polly wanna c**...'. If you pull the left string it says, 'my name's Sam'".
The man being of the inquisitive nature tried both and thought it was really neat, but was still curious.
So he asked what would happen if he pulled both strings, the parrot piped up, "I'd fall off the perch you idiot!"
This is a very special parrot...
A man walks into the pet shop and sees a parrot with on each leg 1 string. "Where are these strings for?" Asks the man to the seller. He answers: "This is a very special parrot. If you pull the right string, then he says" good morning ". Pull the left string and he says 'good night'." "Really?" Says the man. "And what happens if I pull both strings at once?" Responds the parrot: "Then I fall, Idiot!"
During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas.
Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"
"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the assistant replies.
Chet looks like any normal parrot, nothing special, so the guy asks, "What's so Christmassy about him?"
"Well, he can sing Christmas carols," says the assistant.
"Really?"
"Yup," says the assistant. "Lemme show ya. See, all ya gotta do is light a match and hold it under his left foot, like so, and Chet'll go..."
"Awrrk! Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul..." Chet sings.
"Wow, that's amazing! Does he do any more?"
"Sure does! Now, if you hold the match under his right foot instead, he'll go..."
"Awrrk! Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose..." Chet sings.
Well, now the guy is really impressed, but he has to ask, "Does Chet know any more carols?"
"Oh, sure, he knows one more! See, if you hold the match BETWEEN his two feet, he goes..."
"Awrrk! Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."
I bought my dog a new toy...
...but after a few hours it stopped working. I took it back to the pet shop to see if they could fix it. The guy looked at it for a second and said "I'm sorry, sir, but the hamster is dead".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks past a pet shop...
A fairly young widow is walking past a pet shop and she pauses to admire the puppies in the window. As she looks inside, she sees a frog for sale, for £1000. She decides to go in and enquire as to why the frog is so expensive.
The pet shop owner says "this frog is a master of o**... s**..., which is very rare, so he's naturally expensive." The woman is sceptical, so the owner says "look, you can try it out if you like. Come take a seat over here."
The woman walks over and takes a seat, and the frog is placed on the floor in front of her. Nothing happens. The man looks at the frog and says "come on, you know what to do" but, nothing.
So the man turns to the woman and says "maybe it would help if you spread your legs a little, so he can see what he's supposed to do." The woman obliges, but the frog doesnt move.
The shop owner looks at the frog, at the woman, at the frog again, and back at the woman before saying "you know, it might help if you also remove your underwear." The woman removes her underwear and still there is no movement from the frog.
So the shop keeper turns to the frog and says "look, this is the last time I'm going to show you how to do this!"
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Disappoiting Frog!
A woman storms into a pet shop demanding her money back from the owner.
"You sold me this frog and told me it would be able to satisfy all my s**... desires!"
The clerk tries to calm her down and asks, "Did you do what I told you to do?"
"Yes, d**...! I got n**..., lay back on my bed, and put him between my legs just like you said, and he did nothing!" she shouts.
The owner, looking confused, replies, "It's a perfectly trained frog. I can't understand what's wrong."
He takes the woman and the frog to a back room in the shop, where he places the frog on a small table next to a bed and asks the woman to please lie down and remove her p**....
"What?" she shouts.
Turning to the frog, he says, "Now watch carefully, because this is the last time I'm showing you this!"
Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
GTA
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.
"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"
"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"
"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pet shop parrot.
A lady was walking to work and passed a pet shop when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" This made the lady very angry, but she ignored the parrot and continued on her way.
On her way home from work later that day, she passed by the pet shop again, and yet again the parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed into the store to talk to the manager, threatening to go to the police.
The store manager apologised profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot never said that again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the pet shop to see if the manager had kept his promise. "Hey, lady!" the parrot said.
"Yes?"
"You know."
Widdle wabbits
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits? "
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there? "
She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit. "
The Boss.
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks him to choose one.
The man asks, How much is the yellow one?
The assistant replies that it costs $2,000. The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. This parrot is a very special one. He can type really fast.
What about the green one? the man asks. He costs $5,000 because he can type, answer incoming phone calls and takes notes.
What about the red one? the man asks. The assistant says, That one's $10,000.
Curious, the man asks, What does he do? The assistant says, I don't know, but the other two call him boss.
The boss!
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
Why don't hat store owners and pet shop owner get along?
Because you can't be a fan of hat care and cat hair.
Christmas in July
A guy wants to get a really unique gift for his new wife for their fist Christmas together so he walks into a pet store with a sign advetising an amazing singing parrot. He goes to the counter to explain his situation and inquires about the bird. The shop keeper explains the bird would be perfect and takes the man over to show him what the bird can do.
The shop keeper explains that the bird's name is Chet and that he works on cues then produces a book of matches from his pocket. Lighting one he holds it below the parrots right foot and immediately Chet begins to sing "Silent Night" so beuatiful it rivals Perry Como. The keeper then moves the match to the left foot and Chet begans singing "White Christmas" even more beautifully than the first song.
The man exclaims "Thats amazing, does he know any other songs?"
Oh yes, replies the shop keeper as he moves the match to between the birds legs..."Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire"
the green parrot
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks to choose.
The mans asks "How much is the yellow one?"
Assistant: "$2000"
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why is it so expensive. The assistant explains "He knows typewriting and type really fast"
"What about the red one?" The man asks
The assistant says "He costs $5000 becuase he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes."
"What about the Green one?" the man asks
The assistant says, "That one's for $10,000."
The man says, "and what does he do?"
The assistant replies, "I dont know, but the other two call him BOSS."
Cute little dog.
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
Parrot Shopping
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
Pet Laundry
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer said, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?"
"I think it was the spin cycle."
Widdel Wabbits
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
Joke Time:The Boss
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
Bunny Wabbits
A little girl steps into a pet shop, walks up to a sales associate, and says, "I would wike to buy a wabbit, pwease.."
The woman takes one look at the little girl, and her heart melts. The child had big, bright eyes, a little button nose, pig tails - she's cuter than Shirley Temple. She scrunches down to the girl's eye level, and gushes:
"Weww, what kind of bunny wabbit would you wike? Do you want a white bunny, or a bwack bunny, or a bwown bunny, or maybe a cawwico bunny?"
"Gee, I don't know," the girl replies, looking down and shuffling her feet ... "I weawwy don't fink my pyfon gives a cwap".
I got ripped off buying a tarantula from the pet shop
Should have just got one off the web
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in d**......
they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to p**..., 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.
The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.
p**... and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the ConnorPass.
At the ConnorPass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place…'
He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.
p**... watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.
Looking down at the remains of his best pal, p**... shakes his head and says, f**... dat.
Dis budgie jumping is too f**...'n dangerous for me!'
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop. He has a parrot on his head.
The cashier asks him, "Why is that on your head?"
The man replies, "it keeps the elephants away".
The cashier, bewildered, states, "But there are no elephants here!"
"Then clearly the parrot is working"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Chinese man with a lot of cats and dogs?
A pet shop owner you racist s**...!
What is one store that always has a mouse problem that is not a pet shop?
A computer store
I went to the pet shop this morning
I said 'can a buy a wasp please'
'We don't sell wasps' said the owner
I said 'well there's two in the window'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a pet store..
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
I just got kicked out of the pet shop.
All I did was ask the owner, "How many calories are there in this fish?"
A man walks into a pet shop and says "I'll have one fly please"
Pet shop worker: We don't sell flies.
Man: Well, you've got one in the window.
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks,
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit !!"
A man went back to a pet store fuming.
"Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"
"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."
A friend challenged me to a competition to see which one of us could steal the most accessories from the local pet shop.
I just took the lead.
I fancy having a bit of Rabbit for my dinner tonight.
Could anyone tell me if it's cheaper from a Butchers or a pet shop.?
A little girl walks into a pet shop
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
There was a pet shop burglary near where I live the other night
The police say they don't have any leads
I walked into a pet shop.
I said, "Have you got any bird cages for my son?"
He said, "What sort were you thinking?"
I said, "I don't care, as long as he can't get out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was walking along when I saw a sign on a door that said 'Pet Shop'.
So I gave it a little s**... and carried on walking.
A fella walks into a pet shop...
A fella walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
The sharp eye-witness
While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!
Dear God! Did your try to stop him?
No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!
I walked into a pet shop.
I said, "I want to return this bird cage. My girlfriend's parrot is dead. Choked to death."
He said, "Have you got the receipt?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Why not? We need proof that you paid for it."
I said, "The parrot ate it."
I got sacked for overfeeding budgies at my local pet shop.
I was caught with my hand in the trill.
A Married Couple Go to A Pet Shop.
The person on the floor greets them and says, "Hello, welcome to our pet shop! How can I help you?" The wife responds, "Could you find me a pet leash?" The sales floor person responds, "Sure! Right this way!" And the husband replies, "Don't forget one for the dog!"
A man walks by a pet shop and sees a cat drinking from an expensive looking, golden bowl
the man wants the bowl but he knows that he can't just steal it, so he walks into the shop with the cat in his hand.
Man: How much do you take for this cat?
Seller: Oh, sorry, it's not for sale.
Man: What about 20 euros?
Seller: Okay, it's yours.
Man: Can I also have the bowl? I need a bowl to put milk for the cat.
Seller: No, the bowl really isn't for sale, it's my lucky bowl.
Man: What luck does it give you anyway?
Seller: Thanks to it i sold 11 cats this week!
A weird order at the pet shop
A guy walks in a pet shop and says: "I want 2 rats, 7 mice, 190 spiders and a pound of flies."
The guy behind the bar lifts an eyebrow and aks: "You're an owner of snakes?"
"No" said the man. "I am moving and they asked to leave the house in the same state."
The Parrot
Every day, a woman walks by a pet store with a Parrot on a perch right outside the door, and as she walks by the parrot says, "Wow...you're ugly", or some other kind of insult about her looks.
She finally got tired of it and went in and told the owner, "Your parrot insults me every time I pass your store. I'm going away for two weeks and when I get back, if he insults me one more time I'm going to do something I may regret." The shopkeeper tells her..."I'm so sorry. I promise, he'll never insult you again"
Two weeks later, she's walking toward the shop all angry expecting the parrot to insult her...she gets close and they lock eyes...and the parrot says; "YOU know".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pet shop and sees a dog for $10,000
"Why does the dog cost that much?", asked the man. The owner replies, "This dog can do karate. Here, watch."
The owner then walks to a table and speaks to the dog, "Karate this table". The dog lifts a paw and in one swift movement cuts the table into two.
As the man looks on in shock, the owner then says "Karate the b**...." The dog goes to the b**... and breaks it with its paw.
"Amazing!", says the man. "I will buy this dog!". He buys the dog and goes home and tells his wife he bought a dog for $10,000. The wife gets angry.
"Why on earth would you buy a dog for that much money?!"
"Because this dog can do karate."
"Karate my foot!"
Blonde Joke
Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke
A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.
At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.
The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.
The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00
Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.
The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.
The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost $1000.00,…
because it can do everything the other monkey can do plus he knows the Unix operating system.
Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be told that it costs $ 2000.00
Needles to say this begs the question.
What can it do?
To which the owner replies:
To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him BOSS.
A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price
The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only £20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, why are you selling him so cheap??" To which the shopkeeper replies "I just can't take the lies anymore..."
Walking past a pet shop, a sign said; 'Pedigree Netherlands cats for sale.'
I didn't believe they were from the Netherlands so I went into the shop and asked the assistant... 'How Dutch is that moggie in the window?'.
A man goes into a pet shop and asks the owner for something amazing but also cheap
The owner says that he has a talking fox for only £20. The man says "How rediculous, foxes can't talk and even if they could why would you sell him so cheap?!". While he's asking this a fox comes over, puts his paw on the desk as if to interrupt and says "Actually I can talk. I've written 3 books and climbed up mount Everest for the 5th time yesterday". The man astonished says "wow! But why so cheap?" To which the owner replies "I just can't take the lies anymore".
A woman went to buy a parrot from a pet shop
She found one for only £5. She took it to the shopkeeper, and asked if the price was right. The shopkeeper said "he's that price because he lived in a brothel for 3 years."
The woman thought that it would be fine, so bought the parrot.
When she got it home, the parrot looked around, saying things like:
"A chair, yes. Very fine very fine."
"A coffee machine. Very fine."
The woman's children walked in.
"Ah, children, very fine very fine."
The woman's husband walked in.
"Hello Keith"