pessimist Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pessimist puns

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An **optimist** sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A **realist** sees a freight train.

The **train driver** sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks.


A German joke from 1944

How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.


Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage?

They say he fears the wurst



Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.

Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.

Realist sees light from incoming train.

Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.


The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.


The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel

The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel

The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

EDDIT: u/mandrous's critic accepted!


I like being a pessimist

I'm either right, or pleasantly surprised.


Pessimist: The glass is half empty...

Optimist: The glass is half full

Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass!


Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse!

Optimist: Yes, it can!


Optimist: "This glass is half full"

Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"

Feminist: "This glass is raping me"


Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty."

EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"


The pessimist sees the dark tunnel.

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel.

And the engineer sees three idiots standing on the tracks.


pessimist vs optimist (x-post from funny)

The pessimist says, 'It can't get any worse!' And the optimist replies, 'Oh yes it can!


An optimist sees the light in the tunnel

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.


Pessimist: "My life could not get any worse"

Optimist: "Oh sure it can"


What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

A pessimist says "things can't get any worse"

And optimist says "sure they can!"


I borrowed money from a pessimist because

he doesn't expect me to pay him back


Pessimist : The glass is half empty Optimist : The glass is half full

Feminist : The glass is being rapedο»Ώ


I was born pessimist

My Blood Group is B negative


A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates...

The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"


In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"...

Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"


What do you call a semi truck with it's load half empty?

Pessimist Prime


Optimist: Glass half full

Pessimist : Glass half empty

Engineer: Glass is too tall.


I love being a pessimist.

I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised.


What different people think, when faced with a glass of water:

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Engineer: The glass is two times larger than it needs to be.

Realist: The glass is half filled.

Therapist: I think that the glass should be viewed via various viewpoints.

Critic: The glass is fucking ugly.

Hipster: Wasn't this water obtained from a river? Too mainstream.

Feminist: The "glass is half full" vs "glass is half empty" debate is just another way, of men trying to overpower women. The fact that I have to answer a question from a male, and then have myself judged and labelled as something, dependant from my answer, is misogyny. Oh, and by the way, I was once raped by a glass that was filled 50% with water, so thanks for triggering my PTSD.

Opportunist: While you guys were arguing about the glass, I drank it!

Sadist: I poisoned it.

Masochist: I'm thirsty.


Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.



My friends say I'm a pessimist

But I think it's far worse than that.


Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Of course they can!"


What does a pessimistic German say to his wife before sex?

Prepare for the wurst.


Once upon a time in a bar far far away....

The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY

The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL

*The woman slapped them both for staring !*


A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...

The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."

The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."

The realist says: "I think I see a train!"

The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"


A pessimist and and an optimist fall off the top of a 100 story building......

The pessimist was heard screaming and cursing as he past the 20th floor. As the optimist fell past he quietly whispered "so far, so good"!


A child psychologist had twin boys

one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist's room with toys and games. In the optimist's room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings.

That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.

What's wrong? the father asked.

I have a ton of game manuals to read … I need batteries … and my toys will all eventually get broken! sobbed the pessimist.

Passing the optimist's room, the father found him dancing for joy around the pile of droppings. Why are you so happy? he asked.

The optimist shouted, There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!


see the light

The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.

The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The realist sees that the light is a train.

The train driver sees only three fools on the track.


An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty...

... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


What are the most funny Pessimist jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pessimist? Well, here are the best Pessimist dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pessimist pick up lines to share with friends.

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