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Pessimist Jokes

111 pessimist jokes and hilarious pessimist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pessimist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article focuses on the amusing medium of pessimist jokes and their ability to capture the realities of life in the eyes of a skeptic or cynic. Discover the art of pessimism, as the article covers the differences between the perspective of an optimist and that of a pessimist.

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Funniest Pessimist Short Jokes

Short pessimist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pessimist humour may include short optimist jokes also.

  1. A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
    A REALIST sees a freight train
    The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
  2. A German joke from 1944 How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
  3. Deep. Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
    Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
    Realist sees light from incoming train.
    Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
  4. An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
  5. Wife: Would you care to explain why the bottle of whisky you bought yesterday is half empty? Me : It's because you're a pessimist.
  6. Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
    Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass!
  7. The Pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The Optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
    The Realist sees the approaching freight train.
    The Train Driver sees 3 idiots about to get run over...
  8. Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
  9. pessimist vs optimist (x-post from funny) The pessimist says, 'It can't get any worse!' And the optimist replies, 'Oh yes it can!
  10. A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, an optimist thinks it is half full... An engineer thinks the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Pessimist One Liners

Which pessimist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pessimist? I can suggest the ones about procrastinator and skeptic.

  1. Did you hear about the pessimist who hates sausage? They say he fears the wurst
  2. Thanos seems a lot like a pessimist to me Y'know, the 'universe half empty' kind of guy
  3. I like being a pessimist I'm either right, or pleasantly surprised.
  4. Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!
  5. Did you hear about the pessimistic German vegetarian? He feared the wurst
  6. Pessimist: "My life could not get any worse" Optimist: "Oh sure it can"
  7. Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship? A cynicgogue
  8. I borrowed money from a pessimist because he doesn't expect me to pay him back
  9. What do you call a pessimistic horse? A neighsayer
  10. There's really no sense in being pessimistic... It's not going to work, anyway.
  11. I was born pessimist My Blood Group is B negative
  12. What do you call a semi truck with it's load half empty? Pessimist Prime
  13. Optimist: Glass half full Pessimist : Glass half empty
    Engineer: Glass is too tall.
  14. I love being a pessimist. I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised.
  15. My friends say I'm a pessimist But I think it's far worse than that.

Optimist Pessimist Jokes

Here is a list of funny optimist pessimist jokes and even better optimist pessimist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist? A pessimist says "things can't get any worse"
    And optimist says "sure they can!"
  • How do you tell an optimistic tree from a pessimistic tree? If it's negative, its roots are imaginary.
  • A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates... The pessimist says "It can't get any worse" and the optimist says "Oh yes it can!"
  • In Soviet Russia, pessimist says "things couldn't possibly possibly get any worse"... Russian optimist says "Yes they can!!!"
  • Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
    -Opportunist
  • Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Of course they can!"
  • Once upon a time in a bar far far away.... The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
    The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
    *The woman slapped them both for staring !*
  • An optimist and a pessimist are both having a terrible day. The pessimist complains, this day is horrible, it couldn't get any worse.
    The optimist hears this and replies, Oh yes it can.
  • An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty... ... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  • Engineers' view about a glass of water! To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Optimist Vs Pessimist Jokes

Here is a list of funny optimist vs pessimist jokes and even better optimist vs pessimist puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Have I told you about the Russian optimist vs the pessimist? The pessimist says, " Things could not get worse."
    The optimist says, " Oh yes they can."
Pessimist joke, Have I told you about the Russian optimist vs the pessimist?

Pessimist joke, Have I told you about the Russian optimist vs the pessimist?

Uproarious Pessimist Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about pessimist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nihilist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pessimist pranks.

A pessimist is always alone.

An optimist is always two away from a t**....

Why are a German vegetarians pessimists?

Because they always fear the wurst.

see the light

The pessimist sees no light in the tunnel.
The optimist see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is a train.
The train driver sees only three fools on the track.

What does a blind pessimist say?

"What glass?"

My professor proposed we start a Pessimists Club on campus...

I told him it would never get off the groud

4 different views of a tunnel

PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel.
REALIST: A train.
TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

What is a pessimists blood type?

B-negative.

The Middle East reminds me of that old joke about the optimist and the pessimist

The pessimist says "everything's terrible, it can't get any worse." the optimist says "oh yes it can."

What do you call a pessimistic melon?

A cantaloupe

A pessimist and and an optimist fall off the top of a 100 story building......

The pessimist was heard screaming and cursing as he past the 20th floor. As the optimist fell past he quietly whispered "so far, so good"!

They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.

Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.

I thought about starting a support group for pessimists...

...but why bother, it's not like it'd make any difference anyway...

Why don't German pessimists eat pork....

They always fear the wurst.

The pessimist in me says 'the glass is half empty'...

The optimist in me says 'at least it's whiskey'.

What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

A pessimist, an optimist and a realist talk about what they see...

The pessimist says: "I see a dark tunnel."
The optimist says: "I see light at the end of the tunnel."
The realist says: "I think I see a train!"
The train driver screams: "Three morons on the rails!"

Optimist: "This glass is half full"

Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...

The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.

The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...

The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel

An optimist sees the light in the tunnel.
A pessimist sees the darkness in the tunnel.
A realist sees the train in the tunnel and the conductor sees 3 idiots on the rails.

If your a optimist the cup is half full, if you are a pessimist the cup is half empty.

If your a feminist, the cup is being r**...

I'm a pessimist and an optimist,

So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.

What do you call a pessimistic trashcan?

A trashcan't.

A pessimist arrives at a restaurant for his date.

He says, "A table for one, please."

I'm in a band called The Introverted Pessimists

You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.

Why are horses so pessimistic?

Because they're Naysayers

I just got told I was the Worlds Most Pessimistic Person

I doubt I'll manage to win that title.

What does a pessimistic German say to his wife before s**...?

Prepare for the wurst.

I have a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle that's missing three pieces.

The pessimist said, "Three pieces are missing."
The optimist said, "Ninety-seven pieces are here."
EA said, "It's a full puzzle with three DLCs yet to be purchased."

A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.

Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.

A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full.

The engineer says the glass is too big.

I'm a glass is always half empty kinda guy.

I'm not pessimistic, I'm just a r**... alcoholic.

No point in being pessimistic..

It wouldn't work anyway.

My wife is so pessimistic! I remembered the stoller, the car seat, AND the diaperbag.

But all she talked about was that I forgot the baby.

Perspective

The optimist says "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."
The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."

What do you call a pessimistic horse impersonator?

A nay-sayer.

Which fruit is the most pessimistic?

The cantaloupe

An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a Bar

The optimist orders a drink while the pessimist puts ice on the bruise

Optimist: the glass is half full

**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty
**2020:** that's pee isn't it?

A pessimist sees only the tunnel. An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. A realist thinks the light is probably inside the tunnel.

A train driver sees three idiots standing in the middle of the track

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel. A realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees 3 idiots standing in the way of his train.

Imagine telling someone you're bisexual.

Pessimist: That doubles the number of people who are going to reject you.
Optimist: That doubles the number of people you can date.
Realist: 2 times 0 is still 0.

I went to see the doctor.

"I think I'm going to be obese forever," I sighed.
He said, "You shouldn't be so pessimistic."
"I've tried everything!" I told him.
He said, "Yes, that's your problem."

Pessimists are like German vegetarians.

They fear the wurst.

My brother asked me why the bottle of beer he bought in the morning was half empty.

I told him that it was because he was a pessimist.

Glass half full

Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.

Pessimist joke, Glass half full

jokes about pessimist