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Person Jokes

173 person jokes and hilarious person puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about person that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Take a break from the mundane and have a good laugh with some of the funniest jokes told by people who crack them in various languages including Multilingual, Bilingual, and even American Sign Language. No matter what language you speak, these jokes will surely tickle your funny bone.

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Popular Person Short Jokes

Short person jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The person humour may include short individual jokes also.

  1. What asian stereo type do you hear the most? Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.
  2. I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"
  3. I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
  4. Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive? I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...
  5. Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
  6. How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask? Ask them who won the election.
  7. The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels Now you know who the best people are
  8. TIL Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
  9. Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
  10. What's the best Chuck Norris joke you've ever heard? My personal favorite is: chuck norris was once bitten by a cobra snake. After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died

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Person One Liners

Which person one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with person? I can suggest the ones about chairman and member.

  1. When cops arrest a clinically insane person... ...are they busting a nut?
  2. What is a a bisexual person doing when they're not dating anybody? They're on standbi
  3. To the person who hacked my account I will find you, and I will kill you.
  4. What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed? An iWitness.
  5. I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person.
  6. What do you call a fake Sudanese person? … a *pseudonese*
  7. Moses was the first person to use Control-C as a shortcut
  8. How do you confuse a gay person? Seven
  9. I don't like how funerals are usually at 9 or 10 AM. I'm not a mourning person.
  10. "I have a split personality." ...said Tom, being frank.
  11. What do you call a person without a son? Per
  12. how do you starve a black person? the same way you would a white person.... you racist.
  13. Never try to hi-five Logan Paul You won't be the first person he's left hanging.
  14. Doctors say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means one person enjoys it
  15. What is the one type of person that will never get angry? A nomad.

Little Person Jokes

Here is a list of funny little person jokes and even better little person puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit… It's a little fit bunny
  • A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens. They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.
  • I was going to make a game where you play a death-defying, cross-dressing little person. But I see you guys hate micro trans action.
  • What happens when a psychic Little Person escapes from prison? We've got a small medium at large.
  • I was visiting a midget prison today... As I was leaving, I saw a little person climbing over a prison wall to escape. He turned and gave me a dirty look, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'.
  • I rear-ended a car the other day and out comes a little person. He says to me, "I'm not happy", so I reply, "Then which one are you?"
  • What piece of furniture does every person own? A little stool up their butts.
  • Got into an accident today... ...with a little person. He got out of his car and said
    "I am NOT happy!."
    " well which one are you?"
  • Did you hear about the little person who used his psychic abilities to escape prison? He's a small medium at large.
  • My short friend has been trying to hide the fact they changed their gender AND had a kid Personally, I think they're a little transparent.

Depressed Person Jokes

Here is a list of funny depressed person jokes and even better depressed person puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I'm pretty proud of myself.
  • What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
  • The Glass Happy person: The glass is half full
    Depressed person: The glass is half empty
    The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as necessary.
  • How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
  • How does a depressed person view life? There are sad days, and also Saturdays...
  • What's a Depressed persons favorite drink? A Depresso Espresso
    Jk it's cyanide
  • My Sister recently started dating a depressed German airline pilot She says his personality is really down to earth.
  • I made a portrait of a depressed person and gifted it to them. They hanged it too.
  • What is the first thing a depressed person does when they wake up? Their mourning routine. :-(
  • What do you call a public official with depression? a person in a zolofty position
Person joke, What do you call a public official with depression?

Ugly Person Jokes

Here is a list of funny ugly person jokes and even better ugly person puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • She called me ugly, until she saw my personal savings. Now she calls me ugly and broke.
  • Hey I'm in jail on the police station for having an ugly face..... Can you please come over and show them they got the wrong person?
  • I laughed at an ugly person once Then the mirror cracked
  • They say ugly girls have great personalities... That's because ogres have layers
  • Where can you find an ugly person cutting themselves? Your shaving mirror.
  • My friend the beekeeper was looking fondly at something... I personally found it to be quite ugly, but then I realized and told him "I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder"
  • How do you confuse an ugly person? With an orange.
  • Looked in the mirror and realized how ugly I am First thing I did was call every person ive ever slept with to get tested. Not for STDs but they clearly need a psychiatric evaluation.
  • I'm tired of people assuming I've got a good personality because I'm ugly.
  • What do you call someone with three eyes, one ear, and a big nose...? Ugly. \(I know from personal experience :P\)

Birthing Person Jokes

Here is a list of funny birthing person jokes and even better birthing person puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does a violin player use as birth control? Their personality
  • What does an IT guy use for birth control? His personality.
  • What do hipsters use for birth control? Their personalities
  • Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities
  • What do feminists use for birth control? Their personality.
  • What do Republicans use for birth control? Their personality.
  • What do accountants use for birth control? Their personality.
  • What did the banker use for birth control? His personality
  • My doctor asked me what I am using for birth control. I told him my personality. It's 100% effective.
  • What do lawyers use for birth control? Personality.

Person Who Cracks Jokes

Here is a list of funny person who cracks jokes and even better person who cracks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • M R Ducks Person 1: M R Ducks.
    Person 2: M R Not.
    Person 1: O S A R. C M Wangs?
    Person 2: L I B. M R Ducks!
    My grandmother told me this when I was 5ish. Don't know why it cracks me up.
  • You wanna know the most HUMOROUS person I know? My Chiropractor, he really cracks me up
  • Point to something and tell the person next to you "Oh no, that's cracking." Hopefully they say "What's cracking? and then you can hit them with "Not much, what's cracking with you?!?"
  • When Chuck Norris steps on a crack he breaks another persons mother's back.
Person joke

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about person can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of person puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Person Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about person you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean patient jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make person prank.

Personally, I don't believe in bros before h**..., or h**... before bros. There needs to be a balance.

A homie-h**...-stasis, if you will.

When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a c**... if I ever had s**....

He said, Any person willing to have s**... with you will sleep with almost anyone else.

Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

My wife told me a joke that I actually laughed at.

A women was in bed with her husbands best friend when suddenly the phone rings. She answered the phone and said to the person have a wonderful time and hung up. The man asks her who was it and she replied that it was her husband, he said that he was at a bar with you.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

"I own a small allotment...", So far I'm the only person I've heard laugh at this joke.

I own a small allotment. Every night someone throws soil in on top of in. I've absolutely no idea why.
The plot thickens.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

What do you call a rich Chinese person ?

cha ching

What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game?

First person shooter.

A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or j**..."
"You better j**..., I've got a headache"

Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

A person in another room said, "How do you know?" The first patient said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted,
"I did not!"

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies.
Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear...

...unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids.

My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table

At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....

In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains:

"Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

DIVORCED & DRUNK

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Stats show the average person has s**... 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December

I heard about this new s**... position that I really want to try.

It's called:
With another person.

Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...

Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian?

One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

I don't see why racists are upset with Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill...

They can finally legally own a black person again.

They say there's a person capable of m**... in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.

An average person loses virginity at the age of 17

I always knew I was above average

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf h**..., 1945

Person asked me If I wanted to have a t**...

I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.

How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?

He doesn't, they are both Aryans.

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen?

Me: We have the same teacher.

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person.

I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish f**...?

One fewer drunk person.

I was offered s**... from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

"Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything."

"Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely."

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."

Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.

He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Man tries to open a bank account

Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete m**...."

A person with an art degree walks into a bar.

They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

Why is the white guy the scariest person in jail?

You know he's guilty.

a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."

I can tell how uncomfortable a person is...

...just by hugging them for 18 minutes.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

A physicist sees a person on the top of a very tall building.

"Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I just got a new personal best in the 100 metre sprint!

73 metres.

Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...

...be called the w**...-ganizer?

My dad's joke was you know, I was named after Abraham Lincoln. (person is confused since his name was Jim.)

He then responds, We'll, I wasn't named before him!

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase e**... vocalizations during s**.... Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.
It's a very powerful w**...-moan.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I've learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.
2.) They LOVE chocolate.

What did the deaf person think when he won the auction?

I've won, but at what cost?

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."
Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

How many seconds in a year joke

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

Dear the person who invented 0,

thanks for nothing

A transgender person cut me in line at the supermarket.

You're LGBT, right? I asked.
You forgot about the 'Q', they replied bluntly.
No, I said, you did.

To the person who hacked into my account,

I will find you.

A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, Do you know her?

Yes, sighs the husband. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My God! says the wife. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.

The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

How can a room full of married people be empty?

Because there's not a single person there.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.

Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.
The biologist says - They must've reproduced!
The physicist says - This must be a measurement error!
The mathematician says - If one more person enters, the house will be empty!

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"

What does a French person call m**...?

Oui'd

A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted, angrily.
"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

Person joke, A teacher told his students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class

jokes about person

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these person jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.