Personality Jokes

Looking for some personality-focused jokes to lighten the mood? From accountant-personality jokes to multiple personality jokes, we've got a great selection of jokes that focus on different personality types. Explore the different lenses of boring, dry, magnetic, introverted, extroverted, intj and borderline personalities, and have some laughs!

Unearthly Funniest Personality Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What does a bassist use for contraception?

Their personality.

Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

What do lawyers use for birth control?

Personality.

Jokes/Puns!

1. What kind of birds always stick together? VEL CROWS.

2. What is a spider's favorite thing to do? SURF THE WEB.

3. What goes around the cow but never moves? THE FENCE.

4. Why didn't cheddar cheese want to hang out with bleu cheese? BECAUSE HE HAD A MOLDY PERSONALITY.

5. Why do fish swim in schools? BECAUSE THEY CANT WALK IN SCHOOLS.

6. How do you catch a unique rabbit? YOU NIQUE UP ON IT.

jokes about personality

What does a feminist use as a contraceptive?

Her personality

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer

Anyone got any more?

What did the banker use for birth control?

His personality

Personality joke, What did the banker use for birth control?

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."

He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."

The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."

What is the bass players preferred method of contraception?

His personality.

A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.

... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!

... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.

... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.

... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?

I once knew this incredibly meticulous man from Taiwan.

He was a real Taipei personality.

You can explore personality lenses reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean personality talents dad jokes. There are also personality puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.

He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, Yes, I am.

The policeman then says, I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck.

The guy replies, I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.

I have a split personality

No he doesn't

My Sister recently started dating a depressed German airline pilot

She says his personality is really down to earth.

You can tell a lot about a person's personality by the type of car they drive.

I haven't got one.

Why do Taiwanese students always do so well on their standardized tests?

They've got a Taipei personality

Personality joke, Why do Taiwanese students always do so well on their standardized tests?

Why did the lady with multiple personality disorder share her food with a friend?

Because Sharon is Karen.

Did you hear about the 3 new types of Barbie dolls?

There's tall, short, and great personality

What do you call a homeless horse with a Borderline Personality Disorder ?

Unstable.

I know they say that looks aren't everything...

But have you ever tried wanking to personality?

My brain made a vote today

Seven against five decided that we did not have dissociative personality disorder.

If a person with split personality disorder falls in love with someone

Do they refer to them as their better third?

What does an IT guy use for birth control?

His personality.

A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."

My robot was malfunctioning.

He had developed a dangerously shocking personality, so I grounded her for a week.

The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...

"Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

"That's terrible. Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

"Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

Personality joke, The husband had a really bad condition of multiple personality disorder...

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."

I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."

"I have a split personality."

...said Tom, being frank.

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality

I don't know what that means, but must be pretty good if I've got it.

What does a violin player use as birth control?

Their personality

Last year my father had a major stroke.

I walked into his room and was mortified as I saw him froth and violently convulse. His personality changed dramatically, he was never the same after being caught masturbating.

I have a Taiwanese friend who is is incredibly rude and bossy

He has a strong Taipei personality

A girl at work asks if I think she's a 10...

I said "you're an 11."
"Aww really?" she says with a huge smile.
I said "yeah , you've got a great personality as well and that adds at least 10 points."

What's an engineer's best form of birth control?

His personality.

What I find most sexy in a girl is her personality

Girl: Oh good, cus I have several of those!

Guy: Uh... what?

Girl: _Shh!_ don't _listen_ to _her!_

You're a very beautiful girl

... and you have a nice personality and a beautiful smile

Girl: you just wanna get into my pants

Boy: you're intelligent as well.

What do Republicans use for birth control?

Their personality.

After many years as an accountant, I was asked to take a personality test.

The results came back negative.

Action dan here, I got a call about my wife from the ER

Action dan here, I answered the phone and it was from the ER and the nurse said "Action dan It looks like your wife got hit by a truck."

I said" action dan here, well yeah, but she's got a great personality."

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

The hospital just called me and said it looks like my wife got hit by a car.

I told them I married her for her personality, not her looks.

Why is there no clear distinction concerning the morality of altering one's personality through brain surgery?

Because, it's a bit of a grey matter!

Cops turned up at my place last night

"I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a car..."

I said "Yes but she has a great personality."

My doctor asked me what I am using for birth control.

I told him my personality. It's 100% effective.

Always love a women for her personality

They have like 10, so you can choose.

Policemen: I'm sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a truck.

Man: I know, but she has a great personality.

My psychiatrist diagnosed me with multiple personality disorder...

And now she's on the news, apparently she was murdered by one of her patients, wonder if I ever saw him

I had split personality disorder...

Now we are cured.

Hi I'm Bob

I'll be frank with you,
I have multiple personality disorder

Always choose a girl for her personality

They have 20 so you can choose

I was diagnosed with Narcissictic Personality Disorder...

....or as I call it, Handsome Disease.

Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.

Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality

Find out if Cambridge Analytica has access to your data...

But first, fill out this personality & psychological profile quiz to find out...

Officer: I'm sorry sir but it looks like your wife got run over by a truck

Officer: I'm sorry sir but it looks like your wife got run over by a truck.

Guy: I know but she has a great personality.

She's a keeper

This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook."

If your mother was a video game she would be rated E

Because she has a great personality and I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be friends with her.

I don't find self-deprecating humor funny anymore.

I guess my sense of humor is as boring and worthless now as the rest of my personality always has been

Policeman: "I'm very sorry, sir,..."

Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.

Man: I'm aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.

Did you hear about the Taiwanese man who was too tense?

He had a Taipei personality.

My roommate is spreading rumours that I have multiple personality disorder.

Well, three can play that game!

My friends always tell me I'm a real people person...

But my psychiatrist prefers the term 'multiple personality disorder.'

What do feminists use for birth control?

Their personality.

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan

would be a Type-A Personality

Policeman: Im very sorry Ma'am, but it looks like your husband got hit by a bus.

Lady: Im aware of that sir, but John has a wonderful personality.

I keep getting unlucky in relationships. My last girlfriend had no personality

And the previous one had 3

How's y'all's summer bods looking?

Mines looking like I have a great personality.

What do accountants use for birth control?

Their personality.

I met this real workaholic from Taiwan

A real Taipei personality

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change.At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

Ah, he said, That's my altar ego.

I went to a psychologist and he said that I'm a narcissist.

That's bullshit. A perfect guy like me can't possibly have a personality disorder.

My therapist told me I have narcissistic personality disorder...

I think he's just jealous of me

Why is Taiwan willing to stand up to China?

Because it has a Taipei personality

A psychiatrist was testing a patient's personality. He drew a circle on a paper.

And asked the patient, What does this remind you of?

The patient answered, Sex.

The shrink drew a square and asked again, What does this remind you of?

Sex, the patient replied.

Then the doctor drew a triangle.

It reminds me of sex, the patient stated.

You seem to be obsessed with sex, the shrink told the patient.

*I'm* obsessed with sex? *You're* the one who's drawing the dirty pictures!

Just found out I have multiple personality disorder

I gotta tell the other guys

I always try to bank on personality.

On an unrelated note, I'm in debt.

Police Officer:

I'm sorry to tell you this, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.

Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality.

Two patients were sitting in a mental hospital cafetaria

Suddenly on the table over, a man, sitting all alone, started laughing hysterically.

First patient asked, "What do you make of that?"

"What, Jimmy two-face over there? That guy has split personality disorder", said the second patient.

"So what?" said the first patient.

"So, one of them must have told a great joke."

What's the most important personality trait for a mathematician?

Accountability.

I've always wanted to visit Taiwan

Guess I have a Taipei personality

There's a knock at the door and a man answers it.

Its a police officer. The cop says,"Sir it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck." The man says, "Yeah I know but she has a great personality."

I went to a psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me $160

I gave her $80 and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.

What do you call someone without enough personality to be an accountant?

An auditor

Some people have a Type-A personality

I tend to have a Type-O persnraltiy

The police came to my house tonight holding a picture of my wife.

They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes."

They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

Some people think I have a split personality.

To them I say: "No, he doesn't."

I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

They've assured me it's me who needs the group and I'm getting enrolled next week. I'm so grateful for their help

A Police officer knocks on the door and says to the man I'm sorry to say this sir but it looks like your girlfriend's been hit by a truck.

The man replied, Yeah, but she has a great personality

My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder

But that's impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.

My doctor says I have antisocial personality disorder.

At least, I think that's what he said. It was a bit hard to hear him through the duct tape.

Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck

Man: Yeah, but she's got a great personality.

Went to the psychiatrist today…

She told me I have a split personality and charged me $150.

I gave her $75, and told her she can get the rest from the other idiot!

Why was the Taiwanese woman so stressed?

She had a Taipei personality

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the personality multiple personality puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working personality accountant personality piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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