Personal Assistant Jokes
18 personal assistant jokes and hilarious personal assistant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about personal assistant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Personal Assistant Short Jokes
Short personal assistant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The personal assistant humour may include short personal trainer jokes also.
- My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets. "No bet," he said. "The steaks are too high."
- Why are all the personal assistants on smartphones female? because they have to get women in tech somehow....
- What do you work? I am the Personal Assistant of the Executive Technical Manager. What does that mean?
I pass tools to the mechanic. - A person walks into a s**... bank The doctor asks him to follow him after a while. the guy says he cant do it without assistance the doctor brings his assistant and ask her to get a load of this guy
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Personal Assistant One Liners
Which personal assistant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with personal assistant? I can suggest the ones about nanny and private tutor.
- What do you call a very short person that assists you in your timing? A metrognome
- I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find. She's a really big help.
- What do you call a person from South America with a walking assist? Mexicane.
Humorous Personal Assistant Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about personal assistant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean private investigator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make personal assistant pranks.
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."
The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.
But a short while later, he receives another message. "s**... autocorrect. I meant wifi."
God's personal assistant asks him: I finished the animal you wanted me to do.
He replies: Great Work! Let's call it the human.
Oh, and one last thing. Add a little toe.
Why?
It's for the furniture.
For the what?
Trust me. This is going to be funny.
True story
A few years ago, the (very attractive) checkout assistant in Asda asked the person in front of me for age ID. Ever the charmer I asked if she wanted to see my ID.
Quick as a flash she replied "Yeah, go on, show me your bus pass!"
The personal assistant enters Stalin's office to announce to him: "Comrade Stalin, a clairvoyant is waiting outside demanding an audience with you. He says that he is able to foresee the future."
Stalin, still bent over the table, calmly replies: "He shall be executed. If he really foresaw the future, he would never want to meet me."
If World War One were a bar fight.
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.
Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.
Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a bar stool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.
President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.
Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...
President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!
Assistant to the President: Sir ...
President: What is the bad news? What human being could be that stingy that they wouldn't give me this movie?
Assistant to the President: His name is Rick, sir.
President: Rick?
Assistant to the President: Rick Astley, and He's Never Gonna Give You Up.
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"
So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies,
GS-1.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Q. C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin.
Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin.
Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.