Permission Jokes
73 permission jokes and hilarious permission puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about permission that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Does a sheik need planning permission? Find out in this collection of funny jokes about the lengths people will go to get what they want, from blackmail to recklessly obtaining permission! Discover what happens when people are in need of a little extra help.
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Funniest Permission Short Jokes
Short permission jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The permission humour may include short permit jokes also.
- My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'. Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
- If the FBI needs to get into someones's iPhone without permission.. They should just call U2 and ask how they did it
- The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so, He felt undermined.
- If someone cloned me without my permission and then sat that clone down right next to me, do you know how angry I would be? I would be beside myself.
- I can't believe all these viruses and bacteria invade my body without permission Makes me sick
- A girl wants to go to the concert... She asked her dad for his permission, and he said, "no, but you can buy the album, and that's vinyl."
- What do you call it when a Spanish person enters your property without permission? Trespacito
- My girlfriend said I should be louder in the bedroom. But apparently she didn't give me permission to snore.
- I can proudly say that I'm the head of the family and whatever decisions I make are final I even got my wife's permission to say so
- I suspected my friend of using my carpentry tools without my permission... And when he bragged he made a new front door decoration, I knew it was a sign.
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Permission One Liners
Which permission one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with permission? I can suggest the ones about ability and rights.
- Why did the vampire pull out? He needed permission to come inside.
- why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court? because its all the same anyway
- One time as a kid, I took my Dad's voltmeter without his permission… I got grounded
- They cloned a man without his permission. Was he angry? He was just beside himself.
- Why do soldiers need to ask every time if they are allowed into battle? It's permission
- What do you call a frog that gives permission ? Permit The Frog
- My friend took my mood ring without my permission. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
- It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
- How did Stella get her groove back?
Permission from Chuck Norris. - The climate requires Chuck's permission to change.
- Don't garden without permission That's rake, and rake is bad
- what is something that should never be opened without permission? the skull of a monkey
- Don't move leaves without their permission... That's rake.
- Got kicked out of the b**... s**... club I came without permission
- Why couldn't the Vampire get his wife pregnant? He needs permission to come inside
Planning Permission Jokes
Here is a list of funny planning permission jokes and even better planning permission puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I don't think any other job sees as many erections as mine... I work with planning permission at the council.
P.S. I made this one, kinda funny I suppose
Playful Permission Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about permission you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean approval jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make permission pranks.
Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.
Shakhter Karagandy (Celtic's Champions League opponents)
Apparently they've been given permission for their pre-match tradition of sacrificing a sheep, I'd like to see them progress given Celtic's pre-match tradition of sacrificing a Mars bar.
Why batman wasn't in the avengers.
You need parents permission to join.
Edit I know that he is dc im using him for the sake of the joke its just a joke I'm not implying that they're the same universe (even though bruce wayne is a millionaire in new york jtlyk)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a s**..., a club, and a diamond, all without my permission.
I guess I'll deal with him later.
Son asked his father permission to marry
a son walked up to his father and said "Dad, I'm going to marry the girl next door,Mary"
the father smiled and said "No, son you can't. She's your half-sister". Angrily the son said "Then, I'm going to marry Cindy"
The father replied the same.
The son in utter disbelief when to his mother and told what happened.
The mother looked at him in a rather cunning way and said "you can marry whomever you want son. TheY'RE not your half-sisters"
The Flintstones
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
I changed my gender on Facebook to "Mail"
Now you'd get charged with more than just one felony for opening me without permission
Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?
One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Drunk Englishmen
...were walking down a street, late at night when the come across a dog l**... it's own b**....
The first Englishmen points to the dog and says "I wish I could do that"
The second Englishman looks at the dog, and says "I reckon you could, but you better ask it permission first!"
Why did the Islamic woman die when she fell into the ocean?
She thought to yell for help, but her husband was nowhere around to grant her permission to do so.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was once taught that "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."
I still don't think it was an appropriate lesson for s**... Ed...
So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:
Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.
The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or i**... Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young muslim in saudi arabia is wondering if he is allowed to some m**.... So, he visits his local mosque and asks his Imam if it's permissible, so the Imam told him:
No. In our country, only g**... get s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you properly tell a joke about r**...?
You ask for permission first, then you tell it anyway
Eyyyy bb, were you issued a Senegalese skydiver's certification?
Because you got permission to jump in Dakar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend was really upset when she found my name on the s**... offender registry
I said "Didn't Daddy tell you to ask permission to use the computer?"
Do you know why vampires never run afoul of consent law?
Because they have to have permission to enter.
What do you call a woodland creature that takes your car without your permission?
Common deer
I heard you liked bad boys
Well this one time I was watching Disney junior and it said to go to their website with a parents permission...
I didn't ask my parents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... makes a phone call
The man on the other end picks up. "Hello?"
The r**..., voice nervously shaking, says, "Sir, I-I'd like to ask permission to m-marry your daughter. We're in love."
The man replies, "Of course you have my permission. You're my son and I want you to be happy."
If a group of four people walked onto private property without permission, would it be trespassing...
...or would it be cuatropassing?
If you wish to grow old with Joy, grace and feeling Rosy all over...
You had better ask for their permission first!
I just finished designing a website for an orphanage
You need your parents permission to access the site.
What does a corpse and a phone-booth have in common?
I don't need permission to come inside either.
"Did you upload the permissions to the server?"
"Uh oh."
"Why is everything pictures of fruit?!"
"I have dyslexia."
COVID-19 joke
I can't believe coronavirus would just come into my body without permission,
It makes me sick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After asking my girlfriend to marry me I spoke to her farther and told him I stupidly forgot to ask for his permission beforehand.
He replied Hi s**... lee, welcome to the family
After talking with his girlfriend Kim, Steve reluctantly decided it was best to ask for her father's permission to get married.
"So," said Kim's father, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"
Not particularly, " Steve responded, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"
What do a bull and a brass band have in common?
You are in for some pain if you try to honk their horns without permission.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
Permission To Marry Your Daughter
Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.
p**... and m**..., have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.
The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and m**... takes his gun and shoots a man.
"What are you doing m**..." said p**..., "It's only a quarter to eight!"
"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."
Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?
Dear Mr Redbeard,
It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.
As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Court to face charges on the time and date so indicated below.
Regards,
J. L. Peabody
Chief Video Piracy Investigator
