Permission Jokes

Son: "Dad, when will I be old enough so I don't have to ask mom for her permission to go out?"
Dad: "Son, even I haven't grown old enough to go out without her permission!"

Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.

Shakhter Karagandy (Celtic's Champions League opponents)

Apparently they've been given permission for their pre-match tradition of sacrificing a sheep, I'd like to see them progress given Celtic's pre-match tradition of sacrificing a Mars bar.

Why batman wasn't in the avengers.

You need parents permission to join.
Edit I know that he is dc im using him for the sake of the joke its just a joke I'm not implying that they're the same universe (even though bruce wayne is a millionaire in new york jtlyk)

My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a s**..., a club, and a diamond, all without my permission.

I guess I'll deal with him later.

Son asked his father permission to marry

a son walked up to his father and said "Dad, I'm going to marry the girl next door,Mary"
the father smiled and said "No, son you can't. She's your half-sister". Angrily the son said "Then, I'm going to marry Cindy"
The father replied the same.
The son in utter disbelief when to his mother and told what happened.
The mother looked at him in a rather cunning way and said "you can marry whomever you want son. TheY'RE not your half-sisters"

The Flintstones

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

I changed my gender on Facebook to "Mail"

Now you'd get charged with more than just one felony for opening me without permission

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

Two Drunk Englishmen

...were walking down a street, late at night when the come across a dog l**... it's own b**....
The first Englishmen points to the dog and says "I wish I could do that"
The second Englishman looks at the dog, and says "I reckon you could, but you better ask it permission first!"

I was once taught that "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."

I still don't think it was an appropriate lesson for s**... Ed...

So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.

The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or i**... Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."

A young muslim in saudi arabia is wondering if he is allowed to some m**.... So, he visits his local mosque and asks his Imam if it's permissible, so the Imam told him:

No. In our country, only g**... get s**....

How do you properly tell a joke about r**...?

You ask for permission first, then you tell it anyway

Eyyyy bb, were you issued a Senegalese skydiver's certification?

Because you got permission to jump in Dakar.

What do you call a woodland creature that takes your car without your permission?

Common deer

I suspected my friend of using my carpentry tools without my permission...

And when he bragged he made a new front door decoration, I knew it was a sign.

A r**... makes a phone call

The man on the other end picks up. "Hello?"
The r**..., voice nervously shaking, says, "Sir, I-I'd like to ask permission to m-marry your daughter. We're in love."
The man replies, "Of course you have my permission. You're my son and I want you to be happy."

If a group of four people walked onto private property without permission, would it be trespassing...

...or would it be cuatropassing?

If you wish to grow old with Joy, grace and feeling Rosy all over...

You had better ask for their permission first!

I just finished designing a website for an orphanage

You need your parents permission to access the site.

I was at a f**... and someone came up to me asking for permission to say a word at the front.

I said of course and he stood to say one word*,* '*plethora*'. I said "*Thank you, it means a lot*"

What does a corpse and a phone-booth have in common?

I don't need permission to come inside either.

COVID-19 joke

I can't believe coronavirus would just come into my body without permission,
It makes me sick.

I asked my father for permission, to go on a 50 Cent concert.

He handed me 1 Euro and made me take my brother with me.

After asking my girlfriend to marry me I spoke to her farther and told him I stupidly forgot to ask for his permission beforehand.

He replied Hi s**... lee, welcome to the family

After talking with his girlfriend Kim, Steve reluctantly decided it was best to ask for her father's permission to get married.

"So," said Kim's father, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"
Not particularly, " Steve responded, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"

A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.

What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."

Permission To Marry Your Daughter

Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."

Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.

p**... and m**..., have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.
The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and m**... takes his gun and shoots a man.
"What are you doing m**..." said p**..., "It's only a quarter to eight!"
"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."

Got kicked out of the b**... s**... club

I came without permission

I can proudly say that I'm the head of the family and whatever decisions I make are final

I even got my wife's permission to say so

Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Mr Redbeard,
It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.
As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Court to face charges on the time and date so indicated below.
Regards,
J. L. Peabody
Chief Video Piracy Investigator