Period Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

Why is 6.9 the worst number?

It's a 69 interrupted by a period

What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red.

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or I'm leaving to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy.

She said "I'm on my period and Guardians Of The Galaxy is sold out!"

I said, "It's alright, I'll just sneak in through the rear entrance."

What's a 6.9?

A great thing ruined by a period.

What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free.

Today, me and my wife had a .69

It would have been a hundred times better without the period.

Do you know what a 6.9 is?

A good thing screwed up by a period.

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?

The applicant responds, I went to Yale.

Excited, the interviewer says, Yale?!? You're hired!

The applicant replies, Yay! I got a yob!

My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

Why are females so moody when they're on their period?

It's an ovary action.

I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she was on her period...

so I had to pull some strings.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

Why don't Jewish girls study on their period?

Concentration Cramps

What is a 6.9?

A good thing ruined by a period.

How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?

Finger painting.

What's a 6.9?

A good time ruined by a period.

What's the best part about fingering...

What's the best part of fingering a psychic while she's on her period?

You still get your palm red

I had sex with a girl on her period once

Her dad walked in and caught me red-handed.

Childish but made me laugh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"

How do you troll an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask which period it's from.

I named my son Gram

It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.

I wish life was more like hockey...

Who doesn't want a horn to sound when their period ends?

What's the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies?

Both mean you won't be seeing a period for a little while.

Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day?

Because all sentences should end with a period.

What do you call it when a girl throws a tantrum during her period?

An ovary-action.

6.9

A good time interrupted by a period

Today my mom saw me fingering myself on my period...

I guess you could say she caught me red-handed.

My girlfriend said she hates being on her period.

I told her it was better than being in a comma.

Menstruation is NOT a laughing matter.

Period.

Female Masturbation

My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. .

But I caught her red handed !!

Tampax has been protecting women for 80 years.

That's quite a long period.

Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?

Period.

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

My 16 year old cousin Mary finally got her period today.

So, that was a tense couple of years for me.

What's 6.9?

A perfectly good 69 ruined by a period

What do women and grammar Nazis have in common?

One missed period is enough to freak them out.

What do you call the number 6.9?

Great sex interrupted by a period.

I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet

One egg a month

Wife says "sorry I have my period".

I said "that's ok honey, that's what the colon is for"!

Only three things are infinite

The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

I just finished decorating my xmas tree with tampons.

For the Christmas period.

Tampax has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel.

This is for the Christmas period only.

A French Girl gets her Period

My friend's family is French.


His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.


Then one night she got her period.


Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

My wife always freaks out when she's on her period

Keep having to tell her to stop ovary acting.

A Halloween Limerick

A lady vampire named Mable

Had a period that was awfully stable.

So once a full moon

She took out her spoon

And drank herself under the table.

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

What do Smurfette and Picasso have in common?

A blue period.

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

What is 6.9?

Good sex interupted by a period

Little Johnny was learning about punctuation

The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.

She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.

He asked: Why are periods so important?

The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?

Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself

What is a 6.9

Another amazing thing ruined by a period

What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?

Before the first period.

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found

They are trying to find out what period it came from

What did the Vampire say to the Teacher?

See you next period.

(Heard this 20 years ago, hope it's not overly recycled)

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says "why does it cause excitement and commotion?" Little Johnny says "it doesn't, but my sister said she missed one this morning and my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the guy next door shot himself"

I've just bought a house with period features

She hates that nickname.

It's show and tell day...

In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.

"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."

There's no need for women to behave the way they do on their period

It's an ovary action

I once went down on a girl without knowing she was on her period

Boy was my face red.

TIL there was a dinosaur that had three butts.

It was from the Triassic period.

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his head, and with a confused look on his face he replies, "Two-hundred!".
"That is incorrect." The doctor responds.

He then asks the next patient."What is 3 multiplied by 3?" After a long period of time the patient
responds, "Thursday!". "That is incorrect replies the doctor.

He then goes to the next patient and asks him, "What is 3 times 3?"
The patient quickly responds, "Nine!". The doctor then says "Correct!,
how did you figure that out?" The patient then responds, "I multiplied, 200 by Thursday and then
I added three!"

Most serial killers are men.

That's because women prefer to kill just one man, over a period of many, many years.

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

Ginny is drinking her coffee
Ginny is drinking her period

Father Knows Best!

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."

I asked my wife if we could have sex even though she was on her period..

...she said she may be able to pull some strings

Why do archaeologists collect used tampons?

They like to figure out what period they came from..

What's the grossest number?

6.9 because it's a 69 with a period in the middle.

Why was the cold war such a long period with little fighting?

Because the Russian President was Stalin.

Wanna hear a period joke?

What do periods and Santa have in common?
Neither comes if you have been naughty.

Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".

One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet

During winter war soviet general hears someone shouting from wood - "One finnish soldier is better than ten soviet". Angry general sends ten man to deal with annoying Fin. After short period of shots and dying soviets screams, comes another shout - "One finnish soldier is better than hundred soviet". General sends hundred soldier and again none of them comes back. Then general hears third shout - "One finnish soldier is better than thousand soviets". Furious general sends thousand man to deal with him. This time one of his soldiers manage to survive and reports to general - "Sir, please don't send more our troops, it's a trap, there's two of them".

Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".

What is 6.9?

Something wonderful ruined by a period

A couple are in bed...

Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."

"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"

"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."

"Would he use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"

So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell...

So it's little Johnny's turn to present for show and tell. He goes up to the chalkboard and draws a period. The teacher then asks "What is so special about a period?" Little Johnny replies "I don't know, but when my sister said she missed hers my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the neighbor shot himself!"

Being a man is much better than being a woman

Period.

My wife told me her period was lasting several days longer than normal. I said,

Sounds more like an ellipsis...

I watched a great documentary on menstruation in Victorian times

It was a great period piece.

A Hanes commercial came on while I was watching T.V. with my daughter. She turned and said, "oh please Dad, don't act like you never wore tighty whities...

I responded, "Yes, there was a brief period."

How was the red sea made?

Over a very long period

3 kinds of married sex:

Before I got married, my grandpa pulled me aside and asked me if I knew everything I needed to know about sex. I told him I did, but he proceeded to educate me on the 3 kinds of sex I could expect now that I was going to have a wife.

"For the first 6 months to a year, you're going to be having 'Anywhere' sex," he told me. "That's where you'll do it in the kitchen, in the car, on the couch... anywhere."

"After that, there's a long period of 'Bedroom' sex. That's where you do it two or three times a month. Always in the bedroom, usually with the lights off. Finally, " he said, "comes 'Hallway' sex."

"What's that, Pappy?" I said.

"That's where you pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you'."

Little Mary goes up to her mom and says "Daddy said to tell you he needs to use your typewriter to write a letter...."

Mom smiles because she knows this is their secret code for sex. Unfortunately since she was on her period, she told little Mary: "Tell your daddy he can't use it because it only has red ink right now"

The next day, mom says: "Go tell daddy he can use my typewriter now". Little Mary runs off, and returns a minute later and tells her mom: "Daddy said it's too late because he already did the letter by hand"

What are the funniest period jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Period? Well, here are the best Period puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Period pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes