Performance Testing Jokes
34 performance testing jokes and hilarious performance testing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about performance testing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Performance Testing Short Jokes
Short performance testing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The performance testing humour may include short performance management jokes also.
- WebMD has integrated Google's Deepmind. On startup it performed a self diagnostic test.
Turns out, it's cancer. - Positive Corona cases are way down in Texas over the last few days... It requires power to perform the test.
- I bought a backpack that was field tested... ...They didn't say anything about how well it performed on the test, but I was glad that they showed some initiative.
- What do IT companies and cannabis dispensaries have in common? They both regularly perform strain tests.
- A little advice on poetry..... If you don't know if you like a poem or not just perform the ex lax test. See if it moves you
- I can't blame them for disqualifying Sha'Carri Richardson after she tested positive for m**.... It's definitely a performance enhancing drug. I smoke w**... and can run a 3-day mile.
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Performance Testing One Liners
Which performance testing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with performance testing? I can suggest the ones about test scores and work performance.
- How does a chemist rate a party He performs a lit-ness test
- What do you need to perform a fair test in a mental asylum? A control freak.
- What tests do astronauts perform on their equipment? A sat-alight
Performance Testing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about performance testing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean theory test jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make performance testing pranks.
A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.
The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
Sir, he says, Why do you have all those knives?
They're for my juggling act, the circus performer replies.
I don't believe you, says the cop. Prove it. So the performer gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives flawlessly.
Just at that moment, a car with two guys in it drives by. "Wow, says one to the other. I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
Man walks into Bar with a Dog ...
Man walks into Bar with a Dog and orders 2 Glasses of Whiskey.
He & his Dog empty the Glasses.
Girl behind the Bar is surprised and asks - Can your Dog perform any other tricks?
Man-Yes, He can fully satisfy a Woman.
Girl is too curious.. Deciding that she'll test the dog, she undresses and lies in full expectation.
Dog looks at her and does nothing....
Man to Dog: It's always the same with you, now this is the last time I am showing you how to do it..
A circus performer is pulled over for speeding.
As the officer is writing the ticket, he notices several machetes in the back seat of the car.
What are those for? he asks suspiciously.
I'm a juggler, the driver replies. I use those in my act.
Well, show me, the officer demands.
So the juggler gets out and starts juggling: one, two, three, four, and finally seven machetes at one time. He does overhand, underhand, and behind the back.
Another car passes by. The driver does a double take and says: My God, if that's the test they're giving now, I've got to give up drinking!
Marine Biologists
A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
A Dr. Of marine biology was inspired to create a new beverage.
Dr. Marcus Opor, renowned marine biologist and ocean sustainability expert, experimented with a brewed beverage with skipjack tuna as its primary ingredient. He spent years alternating its composition, striving for a balance of savory and rich ocean flavors. At last, he perfected his "tea", and was ready to bring it to market.
Dr. Opor made a single sample of his piscine tea and brought it to Costco to perform a taste test. Sadly, nobody was interested in his tuna beverage and it was thrown out.
It was a wasted Opor tuna tea.
A cop pulls over a drunk man..
A police officer pulls over a man who he thinks is drunk.. he walks up to the mans car. "Hello sir may I see license and registration"? Asks the cop. So the man hands him his license and registration.
The cop comes back a minute later and asks the man to step out of the car. "Ok sir I'm gonna perform some field sobriety tests on you" The cop says.
"Field Sobriety tests"? The man asks "But I didnt even study"!
A man goes to the doctor
"Help me", he says, "I think I might be asthmatic because I have a really hard time breathing"
The doctor performes a couple of tests and tells him: "From now on, I want you to sleep with your windows wide open."
A week later the man comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks him: "So, did you follow my recommendation?"
"Yes sir, I slept with my windows wide open every night"
"And what about your asthma? Did it disappear?"
"No, but what did is my watch, my laptop, my television, ..."
A hot student was getting bad grades in science.
His teacher agreed to give him good grades based on his performance in the bedroom.
They go to the teachers house the next week and have a night of passion.
The student completely flunked the tests but got good grades in chemistry and physics.
He asks why those two and not biology as well.
"Well, the chemistry was definitely there and you were so good with the pushing and pulling"
"What about biology?"
"Well let's just say there's a new carbon based being inside of me thanks to you"
A local monastery decides to test the competence of its nuns.
In an attempt to determine if the nuns at the local monastery are qualified to perform their sisterly duties, the monastery decides to hand out exams.
The majority of the sisters score well but one in particular, sister Encarnacion does outstandingly well.
In an attempt to preserve very humble nature of sister Encarnacion, the head priest decides not to release the results to the staff.
Although Sister Encarnacion did better than everyone else, she was Nun the wiser.
A warning to all the drivers now, close to New Year's Eve...
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to New Year's Eve and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.
A warning to all my friends.
Be careful about drinking and driving as we are getting closer to Christmas.
Police are out in full force with loads of road blocks all over. Last night I was out for a few drinks and one thing led to another, and I had a few too many beers which then went on to whiskies. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home.
I passed the police check point where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathaliser tests. Because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely, no accidents,which was a real surprise because..
I have never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from...
A warning to all.
Be careful about drink driving as we are getting near to Christmas and the police are out checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks and one thing led to another and I had a few to many, not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit I decided to leave the car at the pub and took a bus home, I passed the police check point, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breath tests, because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and no accidents, which was a real surprise because I have never driven a bus before and I'm not even sure where I got it from.
A performer is traveling to his next show at night...
When he is stopped by a police officer for a surprise car search. The officer finds that the man has an assortment of blades and sharp weapons. He questions the man about them.
Officer: can you explain the weapons in your car?
Man: weapons? I think you mean my props. I'm a juggler you see.
Officer: oh well is that so? Prove it.
The man proceeds to juggle two blades, then three, then four. Just then, a car drives past. The man in the car turns to his wife and says:
Thank God I gave up drinking! Just look at how they're testing people now!
A Juggler, and the Police...
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."
The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
Schrödinger gets pulled over by a cop...
When the officer walks up to the window and asks Schrödinger for his license and registration, the psychologist seems to be a little off. Not sure if Schrödinger is drunk and/or on drugs, the officer asks him to step out of the car so he can perform a sobriety test. Schrödinger passes with flying colors, but he's now fidgeting and unable to make eye contact with the officer. The officer thinks that there may be something in the car, so he gets Schrödinger's permission to search the vehicle. He finds nothing in the glove compartment nor in the backseat. The only place the officer hasn't checked yet is the trunk. When he opens it, he's shocked at what he finds.
Officer: Sir, do you know that you have a dead cat in your trunk?
Schrödinger: Well, now I do...
[Dad joke] A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea
He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea.
Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again.
The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says
"Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."
[This is my dad's favorite joke]
A man goes to the doctor for a u**... test.
The doctor performs the test and tells him that he has Diabetes. The man doesn't believe this and tells the doctor he wants to retake the test. The doctor complies, but the test results remained the same. The man returns home and plans to confuse the doctor by mixing his u**... with that of his wife and daughter and adds some of his car oil. The doctor examines the sample and comes out to tell the man:"Your wife is cheating on you, your daughter is pregnant, your car needs an oil change, and you still have diabetes. "
This happened to an Englishman in France who was quite drunk
The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.
With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to perform a breath test on him and asks the Englishman if he knows why he is going to be arrested.
The Englishman answers: No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side?