Perfectly Safe Jokes
15 perfectly safe jokes and hilarious perfectly safe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about perfectly safe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Perfectly Safe Short Jokes
Short perfectly safe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The perfectly safe humour may include short safely jokes also.
- What's the perfect 'safe word'? Meatloaf
(I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that.) - My abs are so perfect... ...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.
- Statistics can be misleading. For example, 5 out of 6 people think Russian roulette is perfectly safe.
- Russian Roulette isn't that bad Infact 5 out of 6 doctors say Russian Roulette is perfectly safe.
- I didn't go to the Mayday rally today. People said it would be perfectly safe, but I saw a lot of red flags.
- How do you get Donald Trump to hang himself? Write PROPERTY OF CNN on the rope, and assure him it's perfectly safe, because it's fake noose.
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Perfectly Safe One Liners
Which perfectly safe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with perfectly safe? I can suggest the ones about safe practical and kid safe.
- 5 out of 6 Doctors will agree Russian Roulette is perfectly safe.
Humorous Perfectly Safe Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about perfectly safe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family safe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make perfectly safe pranks.
An anti-vaxxer passes away...
...and finds herself in heaven. God himself greets her, shows her around and asks if she has any questions.
She says "Not about heaven, but was I right about vaccines?"
God laughed and said "No, vaccines are perfectly safe and should be administered to everyone".
The woman just can't believe it. She's absolutely distraught, until it finally dawns on her: this conspiracy must go even higher than I thought!"
Before I could take a drink of my milk, my dad snatched the glass from in front of me, held it just to the side of my head and slowly moved it from one side of my face to the other. There, it's safe to drink now , he said....
It's been past your eyes
He's been gone for almost 20 years, and I still remember the dad jokes like they were perfectly executed yesterday.
It is a little risky to download Come Sail Away or Satisfaction from the internet. Turn, Turn, Turn is perfectly safe however.
Styx and Stones may break your phones, but The Byrds will never hurt you.
World War 2
Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Priest: "That's perfectly okay."
Man: "I haven't told them the war is over."
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile
The bar tender says 'oi you get out, we don't allow those in here'. The man replies
'Oh no don't worry he's perfectly tame, look I'll show'.
The man then proceeds to unzip his trousers and take off his pants. The crocodile opens its mouth and the man dangles his b**... inside the jaw.
After an hour this the man says 'see, perfectly safe. Does anyone else want a go?'. A man in the corner of the bar raises his hand and says
'I'd love a go but I don't think I can keep my mouth open for that long'.
The mathematician's interview
A mathematician is interviewing for a prestigious job. To make sure he has the right morals, the interviewer gives him the following situation:
"You're late for a meeting, when you come across a burning house, a fire hydrant, and a fire hose lying across the street. What do you do?"
The mathematician responds:
"People's lives are more important than the meeting. I screw the fire hose into the hydrant and put out the fire before coming to the office."
The interviewer is impressed, but asks him a followup question just to make sure:
"You're late for a meeting when you pass a fire hose connected to a hydrant, next to a perfectly safe house. What do you do?"
The mathematician thinks for a moment, then replies:
"I unscrew the fire hose, carry it across the street, and set the house on fire. Then I've reduced it to a problem I've already solved."
An airplane is flying over the Atlantic when suddenly...
One out of four engines explodes. The pilot says over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we lost one out of four engines. This is no cause for panic, as we still have three engines that work fine. However, instead of the two hour flight we planned, it will take us three hours. Thank you for your patience."
All seems fine until an hour later, when another loud e**... sounds. The pilot once again comes over the intercom and says, "Hey there, folks. No need to be alarmed; we lost another engine, but rest assured this airplane is still perfectly safe. Unfortunately this makes our delay an hour longer. Thank you four your cooperation."
Another hour goes by without incident, when there is another e**.... "This is your Pilot once again...we lost our third of four engines, but don't worry at all, we are still in good shape. I am sorry to inform you that we will once again be delayed and it will take us five hours to get to our destination. We apologize and thank you for flying with us."
One passenger turns to the next and says, "At this rate we'll be up here forever!"