perfect Jokes

funny perfect pick up lines and hilarious perfect puns

So my mate has started dating twins!

I asked him the other day "how do you tell them apart?"

He said

"Well, Stacy is the blonde with a perfect ass, great tits, and a fantastic figure...


... And Brian's got a cock"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

As a german I have to ask: You know what really grinds my gears?

Nothing. Our engineering is perfect.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My gf is like the square root of negative one hundred

She's a perfect ten but imaginary

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If someone calls you a nobody, just remember

Nobody's perfect.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice?

So... Can I come inside?

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The problem with kissing a perfect 10

Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?

Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.

Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?

Daughter: Yeah sure!

Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Just because nobody complains

Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

If I don't perfect Human Cloning...

...I won't be able to live with myself

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My girlfriend is the square root of -100

Perfect 10, but imaginary

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A perfect ten... but completely imaginary.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My girlfriend was standing nude...

in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now...

That's a perfect vision joke.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hillary's emails would make the perfect construction material for building the great Trump Wall...

Since no one can get the fuck over them.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Perfect on the spot SFW joke

What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words and she said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect...

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior?

Or am I just breadjudiced?

Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My fairy god mother asked if I wanted a big penis or a perfect memory

I forget my response

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby but it was born without ears.

Little Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby but he was warned if he mentioned its ears he would be in trouble.
Johnny looked into the cot and said 'what a lovely baby, good feet hands and skin. How is his eyesight?'
The Baby's mother replied that it was perfect.
Jonny replied 'That's good cos he'd be fucked if he needed glasses!'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Five secrets of a perfect Relationship

1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

"Do you know the difference between a Blowjob and a ham sandwich?"

"No why?"

"Perfect, let's go to lunch"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.

The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Hey girl, are you click bait?

Because I see 10 reasons why you're perfect and you won't believe #5

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My mate told me yesterday that he's started dating twins!

I asked how he could tell which one is which.


He said, 'Well, Andrea is really, really attractive - she has long blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes and plump red lips. Plus she's got a really nice body. Pretty much a perfect ten.


And Brian has a cock.'

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Wife And Husband

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is that

Sometimes it's cold when your lips touch the mirror

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife was standing nude in front of the mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A student goes up to his professor after class...

A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed naked with a gorgeous naked girl on the right of you, and a naked gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Did you hear the one about the LGBTQ2S+ community?

They're working together to build the perfect password

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A man comes home to his wife after winning the lottery

The man says to his wife, "Honey, if I were to win the lottery, what would you do?"

The wife becomes started by her husband's inquiry but replies, "Well I would take half of it and then leave you."

With a huge grin on his face, her husband says, "Perfect! I won ten dollars!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Ever ask yourself who, in a perfect world, would raise a child?

The answer should be apparent.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the best Perfect puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Perfect? Well, here are the best Perfect dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Perfect pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes