Percent Jokes

Funniest Percent Short Jokes

Short percent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The percent humour may include short ratio jokes also.

1. Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious
2. Do you know why Jewish men are circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's ten percent off.
3. A recent survey asked 12 year olds what they had done over the past week. 83 percent answered... "your mom".
4. Putin recently won the election with about 77 percent of the vote, Over the next few weeks Russia will see a 23 percent population decrease.
5. The line "Do you come here often?" Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.
6. When a woman wears a bikini, she has 90 percent of her body exposed Men, being the gentleman that we are, only look at the other 10 percent. (Hopefully not a repost)
7. Approximately 70 percent of the earth is covered by water. Only 1 percent of this water is drinkable. Therefore 69 is dirty.
8. Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said "que dijo?"
9. Dang girl are you a zero percent APR loan? cuz I don't understand your terms and conditions and you keep saying you have no interest
10. Why do waiters love serving hardworking people? Because they always give a hundred and ten percent

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Percent One Liners

Which percent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with percent? I can suggest the ones about cents and probability.

1. What do you call a rapper whose half black and half white? 50 percent
2. What do you call the top wealthiest people in Mexico? The Juan percent.
3. Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
4. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take -Jenny Mccarthy
5. Not trying to impress anyone here but.. I got a hundred percent on my iq test.
6. Ninety-eight percent of lawyers... give the other two percent a really bad name.
7. What do you call rich Mexicans? The Juan percent.
8. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America The rest cheat in Europe
9. What type of milk does mitt romney use with his cereal? The one percent
10. Why do Jewish guys get circumcised? Because Jewish women love anything 10 percent off.
11. What skill requires 90 percent arm strength and 10 percent groan noises Tennis
12. In my old age, I am like a fine wine... Fifteen percent alcohol by volume.
13. Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs? The rest are hunting peckers.
14. Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
15. Filk got stilts for Christmas. He missed home by 50 percent.

100 Percent Jokes

Here is a list of funny 100 percent jokes and even better 100 percent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm 100 percent against animal cruelty. Nothing makes me sadder than when my dog makes fun of me.
• Apparently 30 percent of under-6's in the U.S know how to use an iPad. Whereas 100 percent of under-6's in China know how to make one.
• Father(to son): Son, you should be getting 90 percent marks this time. Son: No Dad, I will get a 100 percent.
  Father: Don't joke with me.
  Son: Who started?
• My contraceptive method is 100 percent effective. I just use my personality.
• Classmate: Why is that watet called 'smart' water? Me: Because it's 70 percent like me. If it was 100 percent like me It would be called brilliant water (and also would be a lot grosser)
• I know 100% percent that God doesn't exist because I just asked him and he said so
• The cooks at McDonald's are guaranteed using 100 percent real beef 5 percent of the time
• What is 100 percent exactly 1 perdollar
• I named my kids after the place they were conceived Although I'm almost 100 percent sure i**... isn't mine.

90 Percent Jokes

Here is a list of funny 90 percent jokes and even better 90 percent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Scientists have discovered a certain activity that diminishes a woman's anger by 90 percent. SHOPPING
• Scientists Discover Food That Lowers Womens' s**... Drive By 90 Percent 'Wedding Cake'
• 90 percent of adults admitted to having some form of s**... interaction in the office. I licked an envelope once.

80 Percent Jokes

Here is a list of funny 80 percent jokes and even better 80 percent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• So, ya know how Jesus walked on water? I figured that babies were 80 percent water and so that means...
  I'm using my one prison call to tell you this.
• Have you ever heard of Pareto's cat? It's alive 80 percent of the time.
• What do 80 percent of all women have in common? They have a brain

5 Percent Jokes

Here is a list of funny 5 percent jokes and even better 5 percent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Jewish woman why do jewish women only sleep with jewish men? they wont touch anything that isn't 5 percent off.

Amusing & Witty Percent Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about percent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean portion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make percent pranks.