Pepper Spray Jokes
74 pepper spray jokes and hilarious pepper spray puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pepper spray that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Pepper Spray Short Jokes
Short pepper spray jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pepper spray humour may include short pepper jokes also.
- What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran
- I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?
- Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier. He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
- When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes. Ive just learned from experience, if my eyes are open, more pepper spray gets in them.
- Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night? To protect themselves from a salt
- I went on a blind date the other day... ...it didn't start that way, but she brought pepper spray.
*Credit to America's Got talent comedian (I don't remember his name) - Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police? He's now a seasoned veteran.
Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this - My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars.. ..and came to us a seasoned Veteran.
- Do you know what my uncle got for surviving the mustard gas and pepper spray attacks? He got the seasoned veteran award.
- Some people bring pepper spray for self protection. Others carry a gun. I bring Goo-Gone for sticky situations.
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Pepper Spray One Liners
Which pepper spray one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pepper spray? I can suggest the ones about bug spray and spray.
- I've been crying a lot recently It's shocking how many girls carry pepper spray
- What do you call a fat woman who carries pepper spray? Optimistic.
- What do cops use pepper spray for? A salt!
- What do the protesters season their food with? Assault and pepper spray.
- what do you call a pepper sprayed Walter White? Eyesinburn
- Why do they call it pepper spray? It goes well with assalt
- Why does Bill Cosby cry after making love ? The pepper spray.
- Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray? In case they run out of bullets.
- What do you called being pepper sprayed at UC Davis? Occupational hazard.
- What goes good with an assault rifle? Pepper spray
- Chuck Norris marinates his steak... With pepper spray
- Why did Snoop bring pepper spray in the woods? Fo da grizzle bear
- I used to cry during s**... but now pepper spray doesn't affect me
- TIL that 90% of the time black men cry during s**....… Because of the pepper spray.
- My eyes always hurt whenever I have s**... It's probably the pepper spray
Pepper Spray Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pepper spray you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot peppers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pepper spray pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a r**... alarm and some pepper spray.
She looked confused and said, "What are these for?"
I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
and pepper-spray keeps the b**... at bay!
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do black people have red eyes after s**... i**...?
Because of the pepper spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a black man do after s**...?
Wipes away the pepper spray and 25 to life.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... man...
... was running outside and causing some pandemonium.
The police tried everything to get this man to stop: pepper spray, tazers, rubber bullets...nothing seemed to work.
With a big grin, one officer turned to the Chief and said, "I've got an idea...we spray him with Windex!"
The Chief, confused asked how that would help...
The new guy says, "Windex prevents streaking..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Being in the recreation and natural resources field, I enjoy this every time I hear it
Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can tell which is in the area. Black bear s**... will be smaller and will have berries and squirrel fur in it. Grizzly s**... will be larger, smell like pepper, and have bells in it.
I don't know what to do with these pop-culture jokes now that they are considered to be "unfashionable"
Why is Justin Bieber's face always red after he talks to a woman?
The pepper spray usually hits him right between the eyes.
_________
What is red and orange and looks good on Justin Bieber?
Fire.
____________
Chris Brown takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black rappers!"
So he beats and chokes her, steals her purse, and posts pictures of her all over the Internet.
Being a man of many flavors.
I survived mustard gas and pepper spray, yesterday I was honored a seasoned veteran.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed
I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The teacher in science class asks Little Johnny...
"Why do African American people have yellow eyes?"
Johnny , a little confused , waits for a moment , before replying back, "OH , i know! it's from all the pepper spray!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For some reason I always cry during s**....
I'm starting to think it might be the pepper spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was North African asylum seekers eyes red after having s**...?
Pepper Spray
Was starting to get romantic with a woman last night
As usual I began crying uncontrollably. After getting home it took forever to wash the pepper spray off.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Muslims always have red eyes after s**...?
because of the pepper spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always wear a helmet during i**... cause I'm a firm believer in safe s**....
Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Muslim men cry during s**...?
Pepper spray.
Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?
They prevented hispanic attacks
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Police are pepper spraying protesters at the Inauguration today.
I don't know if that is to hurt them, or just give them all Orange Face?
Tonight I'm through living with this constant pain. I am going home.
I quit my job testing pepper spray, and called an uber.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do indians cry after s**...?
All the pepper spray in the eyes
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met up with a girl to fulfill a r**... fantasy she had...
It turns out she had a pepper spray and police report fantasy too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best way to protect yourself from grizzly bears is to wear bells and carry pepper spray
Next you need to be able to identify their f**..., it has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As things heat up in Charlotte, Virginia...
Remember that pepper spray is super effective against white nationalist because they aren't use to seasoning.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the first thing Harvey Weinstein does after s**...?
Wipes the pepper spray out of his eyes...
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a protocol when it comes to bears [Long]
If you go camping, you should carry bells so not to startle a bear and be attacked, and pepper spray in case it does.
It would help to learn the s**... of the bear, so you can avoid areas with dangerous species.
Brown and black bear's is small and dark.
Grizzly's is large, light in color, has bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the first thing a Texas Tech graduate does after having s**...?
Washes out the pepper spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is only one thing worse than a r**....
And that is pepper spray.
Today a girl sitting next to me at the food court said she bit her tongue, so I offered to kiss it better.
Pepper spray really hurts!
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickly picked it up, ran out the door, and saw her. I handed it to her and said:
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.
Three restaurant owners were arguing about their food
The first one said, "My spicy sauce is super hot! I put a bottle of pepper spray in every batch, and after just one spoon, people can't take anymore and shout for water."
The second one replied, "My spicy sauce is even hotter! I put three bottles of pepper spray in every batch, and the smell alone is enough to burn your face!"
The third one grinned. "That's nothing. My spicy sauce is so hot, that we pour it into aerosol cans and sell it as pepper spray!"
What's the difference between a cop and a priest?
Priests don't pepper spray cops on their way to church.
Every TSA agent should be re-tasked to a federal oversight taskforce over police brutality.
See what cops think when they can't carry more than 3.4 ounces of pepper spray.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The first time i had s**..., i cried.
I don't know if it was because i was emotional or because of the pepper spray.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bear & Human encounters
If bears and humans live in close proximity, they can be prepared ahead of time for such encounters. Obtain airhorns and pepper spray.
If the first couple of blasts of an airhorn doesn't scare them off, then run at them with an airhorn blasting. If you get close enough, use the pepper spray.
If the humans still won't run away, roar in their face. If they still don't leave, then the chances are they are too s**... to have any friends, so it is safe to slap them upside the head.