The Best 38 Peoples Jokes

How Long is a Chinese name

* That's the joke.

* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.

* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.

Why are dentists usually always male?

Because they like to be in other peoples mouths.

(OC) I started stealing granite tops from peoples kitchens and replacing them with fakes...

I keep having troubles getting the counterfeit.

(Its probably been done before because the pun is so obvious but I haven't yet heard it.)

I'm going to set up my own religion!

I'm going to set up my own religion, one where its important to respect other peoples beliefs, learn to take criticism on the chin like an adult, wash regularly, treat women and children as equals and never kill anyone under any circumstances.

Its a non-prophet organisation.

What did the dominatrix say to Dwayne Johnson before they got started?

I'm about to be peoples elbow deep in the rocks bottom.

Why was the clown kicked out of the maths lesson?

Because he kept throwing his pi in other peoples faces!

What did King Midas say to get peoples attention?

Eh you!!

Children are like Farts...

You love you own, but other peoples are unbearable.

not mine, just thought i would share.

I want to find a hobby where I can get in peoples way, complain for equality but ignore the law, and get all defensive if anyone attacks my hobby.

Hey, check out my new road bike!!

*

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

[THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER].

Chef Joke.

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Gordan Ramses

Paychecks are like dicks...

Although you don't go around comparing yours to other peoples, you always hope it's a little bigger.

I saw a guy stealing gates

The other day I drove past a guy stealing gates! He was just taking peoples gates right off their properties! I was going to say something but thought he might take a fence.

Have you heard the one about a roof?

I heard it just goes over peoples heads.

Why are black peoples hands and feet white?

Because those parts are meant for workin'

PS: Racism is wrong.

I rub bacteria on peoples faces to make cool patterns of acne.

I Guess you could call me a breakout artist.

I would've smoked Phelps at the olympics...

But i don't medal in other peoples business.

A lot of East Slavic peoples lives must be pretty fast paced....

...I mean, most of them are always Russian

Only for funny peoples ....

if you ever plan on murdering someone, do it in an adult movie theater.

There will be other peoples DNA all over the crime scene, plus no witnesses will come forward to admit they saw you there...

What is poor peoples favourite candy bar?

Payday

I like my women like i like my ceiling fans

Without peoples dicks in it when the instructions are unclear.

Why is it the palms and bottoms of black peoples feet are much whiter?

Because everyone has a little good in them.

My dentist told me to open up

So I told him that I often have trouble putting peoples words into context. He said I can tell

I use alcohol as a cosmetic.

Applying it to other peoples faces, makes mine look better.

Don't feel bad about not donating to blind peoples charities...

They were never going to see it anyway.

Did you see the new Bowsette?

No, but from peoples reaction it sounds like she was confirmed for smash.

A schoolboy is learning about the native peoples of the Americas when he asked his teacher, How would you describe Native American sex?

The teacher replied, In tents.

Do you know what black peoples call their kids?

Niglets

I will be busy in my after life

The list of peoples i will haunt is growing every day

Which Roman emperor loved planes the most?

Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooo.
 

So I hit my coworkers with this one at work today, and they hated it. Never heard it before so not sure if someone else made it up first, but I'm sure you good peoples would know.

I don't understand peoples attraction to necrophiliacs

It's like people are dying to have sex with them

I started stealing peoples drinks at Starbucks just to see how it feels

Not my cup of tea

For years I've been hearing about how Cosmo's Sex Tips changed peoples love lives for the better

Wanda must be one lucky lady!

Did you hear about the guy breaking into peoples houses and drinking all their coffee?

I don't know how he sleeps at night!!

When your in your casket............?

Three friends from the local congregation were asked,
"When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"


Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."


Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God,
who made a huge difference in peoples lives."


Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

This Facebook & Instagram being down is so frustrating

I had to drive to 30 different peoples houses to find out what they had for dinner and to find out why COVID is fake.