people Jokes

funny people jokes and hilarious stories


People jokes are one of the most funny and hilarious. Here is list with the best people jokes to have fun with friends and family. Top 10 People jokes of all time along with the funniest people sayings and gags ever told.

What do heroin, jaywalking and prostitution have in common? They're all illegal, but people do them anyway.

When I play rock, paper, scissors, people think I always choose scissors. They're wrong. I'm actually flashing a peace sign. Stop the violence.

As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way. I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.

Strangers have the best candy.

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

What's the difference between people and tin foil? Tin foil doesn't wrinkle as it oldens.


People is if great topic to laugh at. Some of the funniest jokes ever are about people.

Are People jokes funny? For sure! There is no such thing as boring people joke here. All jokes are funny in their own way. You can also view people jokes images on Pinterest or watch videos with people jokes on YouTube.


What are the funniest people jokes of all time? Laugh with some of the best people funny lines ever said. Here are the rest of all 216 jokes that are about people.

Why can't blind people eat fish? Because it's sea food.

Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.

Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.

Some people are so happy to see you in the parade, so they have another reason to crap on it.

I'm like a bird... I shit on people's cars.

What do you call a mountain where people never sleep? Mt Neverest.

Why do Jehovah's witnesses hate Halloween? They don't like people knocking on their door!

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

People always say to do exercise, I do Breathing... Could I be more WORKING!

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...

Why do people become butchers? So they can meat people.

The best part about working in an office is that if you ever forget that you got a haircut, someone will definitely point it out to you.

In my spare time I like to read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people.

My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized.

Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".

Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called dads.

I think it's a real shame that today's young people don't even know why we really celebrate Halloween. None of us would be here today if Jesus hadn't slain that giant pumpkin.

Some people say sex is bad for you... Those people are virgins.

If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.

I love my motorcycle - it's great for getting to the front of queues quicker. It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.

All the people who had candy stolen from them as babies are now the adults buying girl scout cookies outside dispensaries.

Alzheimer's can't be that bad. You get to meet new people everyday.

Why do people ask me if I'm "hiding", if I was hiding you wouldn't see me!

Five Secrets of Successful People:1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them...

I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn't have internet.

I know everyone thinks tall people have a lot of advantages in life but in reality, we have to deal with 40% more spider webs than you do.

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly...

People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine.

What is the difference between Scientology and Christianity? People don't believe in scientology.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

Why did God create alcohol? So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

When I go jogging, I listen to a portable CD player, so people think I've been running for 10 years.

People often ask me if my French jokes are immature... wee.

Why do the French eat snails? They don't like fast food.

They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.

All of these people here talking about how they love with their whole heart... I'm just happy I didn't bite anyone today.

I'm a people person, but from a distance.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.

There is no dance without the dancers.

If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone's favorite season? Fall.

Why do people litter? Because they dont take the litter signs litterally.

If our president decides to get rid of all the retarded people in the U.S., you will be the first one to go!

What's the difference between a black dude and a park bench. A park bench can support a family of four.

We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I took a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".

Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.

What's a word that begins with a N and ends with a R you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

People don't get my puns. They think they're funny.

I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.

There are 12 things, people do when they haven't prepared a speech. They lie, tell stories and exaggerate.

At my job, I have 500 people under me. I'm a security guard at a cemetery.

Oh... Sorry... Did you mistake me for someone who cares?

The video from the ring infects people with airborne pathogens. The video went viral.

People keep telling me to become a stand-up comedian and I'm like "Ugh, standing."

Why don't black people have dreams? Look what happened to the last one who did.

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable...

A new poll suggests that most people will likely finish reading any sentence that starts with "A new poll suggests."

What do you call an elevater filled with white people? A box of crackers.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

I dropped my phone in the toilet and now you're all baptized.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

People are lot less judgy when you say you ate an 'avocado salad' instead of a bowl of guacamole.

Here, you can always find a party. Where I come from, the Party can always find you.

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.

The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

"Dad, how do stars die?" "Usually an overdose."

I'm ready to start a family, in the sense that I have enough chip clips for 6 people.

My friend told me he wanted to see Africa and experience seeing people of a different skin color... Later, I had to tell him KFC didn't count as a place.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

People come and go but birthdays do accrue.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

My boyfriend said he didn't have a date that same day I caught him eating one.

What do you call the trousers of people who can't speak? Pant-O-Mimes!

If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year.

If everyone was like you the human race would lose faith in the world.

Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them...

Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

One time I told a rival dad that the air pressure looked low in one of his tires right in front of a group of people.

I don't ignore people, I just choose to not notice them.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

They say 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. Not me! I just live next to 2 smoking hot 8 year old.

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it.

To make a millennial laugh, just tell them how people used to believe a business or government would actually keep information confidential.

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!

Anyone who says "good morning" on a Monday is a sociopath.

What did one ghost say to another ghost? "Do you believe in people?"

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

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You've read some of the best people jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 216 jokes about people. Most of the jokes are suitable for kids, children or teens boys and girls. You must supervise your chidlren not to read jokes for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty people jokes to your kids.

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Browse a lot of People books and funny books with jokes about People on Amazon.