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Penny Jokes

121 penny jokes and hilarious penny puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about penny that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Brighten up the day with some funny penny jokes! From a lucky penny, to the dreaded bad penny, from a short penny to trillions of pence, there's something for everyone. Share these lighthearted jokes with your friends and family and get ready to laugh out loud!

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Funniest Penny Short Jokes

Short penny jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The penny humour may include short pence jokes also.

  1. If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD... I'd have 1,526 pennies.
  2. If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist... I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.
  3. If Jesus was on a penny they would call it a JC Penny I get sad every time I look in a mirror
  4. If I had a penny everytime I did not understand what was going on, I would not understand why I got so much pennies
  5. I hear they are putting Donald Trump on the penny. It's to help motivate us to phase them out over the next four years.
  6. Once I had a machine that made counterfeit pennies. I regret it now, but it made a lot of cents at the time.
  7. Today I threw a penny down the well and made a wish. That the police would never find Penny's body.
  8. If I had a penny for every time a girl asked me out.. I'd have 5 cents.
    She said if I came back inside her house a sixth time she would call the cops.
  9. Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke) The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.
  10. Dr Horrible got a great deal on getting into the Evil League of Evil It only cost him a Penny

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Penny One Liners

Which penny one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with penny? I can suggest the ones about nickel and pens.

  1. I tried looking at a penny under a microscope. *...magnificent.*
  2. The U.S mint stopped making pennies. I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.
  3. Attorney: My client is trapped in a penny Judge: What?
    Attorney: He's in a cent.
  4. What do you call a kennel made of pennies, dimes, and quarters? A Nickle-less Cage
  5. If i had a penny for every Donald Trump joke made right now I would have a pence
  6. How did copper wire get invented 2 Jews fighting over a penny
  7. My brother used to throw pennies at me all the time And that's why I'm afraid of change
  8. Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. My coworker makes pennies.
    We work at a mint.
  9. If banks have a penny for every time they robbed someone ... Oh wait, they do.
  10. I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine. It just doesn't make cents.
  11. I've decided to open the world's cheapest brothel. Penny for your thots?
  12. Do you know how copper wire was invented? Two Scots fought over the same penny.
  13. How was copper wire created? Two Jews found the same penny.
  14. A scientist puts a penny under a microscope. "Truly magnificent!", he says.
  15. Why did Al Capone refuse to carry pennies? Because he hates coppers, see?

Copper Penny Jokes

Here is a list of funny copper penny jokes and even better copper penny puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies? She was taken in by the coppers.
  • How was copper wire invented? Two lawyers fighting over a penny.
    ;-)
  • How was copper wire invented? Someone threw a penny between two jews
  • Why do Dutch people have big noses? Because air is free.
    ### Bonus joke:
    * How was copper wire invented?
    Two Dutchmen found a penny at the same time.
  • How was copper wire invented? A Dutchman and a Scotsman fighting over a penny.
  • I think pennies are made of copper and zinc But that's just my two cents
  • How was the first copper wire made? Someone threw a penny inbetween two Jew's
  • How was copper wire invented? Two jews picked up the same penny simultaneously
  • How do you make copper wire? Place a penny between two Jews.
  • How do you make copper wire? You throw a penny between two Scots
    Gimme that
    Nae, it's mine

Penny Pinching Jokes

Here is a list of funny penny pinching jokes and even better penny pinching puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The Fountain of Iniquity When your honest living has you worrying about pinching pennies, throw them into the wishing well and scoop up all the quarters.
Penny joke, The Fountain of Iniquity

Bad Penny Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad penny jokes and even better bad penny puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I donated $100 to a blind children's charity... Too bad they won't ever see a penny of it.
  • I GOT A FREE FOUNTAIN DRINK AT THE MALL TODAY!! But all the pennies in the water gave it a bad taste.
  • Don't blame a penny if it smells bad! That's just it's natural cent
Penny joke, Don't blame a penny if it smells bad!

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about penny can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of penny puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Penny Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about penny you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean penguin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make penny prank.

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
God replied, "One second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "A penny."
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God replied, "Just wait a sec."

A man goes to God and asks him a question...

The man says "God, how much is a million dollars to you?" God replies "1 penny." The man asks "how much is a million years to you?" God replies "1 second." The man asks "can I have a penny?" God replies "sure, give me a second."

A man is praying to God...

He says, "Lord? May I ask you a question?"
"Sure thing!", God replies.
"Well," the man begins, "Is it true that a million years is just a second to you?"
God replies, "Yes, that is true."
The man then asks, "And is it true that a million dollars is only a penny to you?"
"Yes."
"In that case, can I have a penny?"
"Sure," God answers, "Just give me a second."

penny scales

A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.
"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

One day God is walking on Earth and a man approaches him.

Man: "Hey God, isn't 1 million years like a second to you?"
God: "Hm, that's pretty accurate. 1 million years is like a second to me"
Man: "Then 1 million dollars would be like... a penny to you, wouldn't it?"
God: "Yes, a million dollars would be like a penny to me."
Man: "Then, can I have 1 million dollars?"
God: "Sure. Just a sec."

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."
"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."
"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."
"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."

My priest told a joke during his homily today.

A man says to God, "God, how long is a thousand years to you?"
God says, "A thousand years to me is like a second to you."
"Oh. God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me is like a penny to you."
"Oh. God, can I have one of your pennies?"
"Sure thing. Just hold on a second."

Little Johnny asked god a question.

Johnny: Is it true that a billion years for us is just a second for you?
God: Why, yes it's absolutely true!
Johnny: Is it also true that a billion dollars for us is just a penny for you?
God: You're absolutely right!
Johnny: Well in that case, may I have a penny?
God: Absolutely! Just give me a second.

So a man dies and goes to Heaven...

In Heaven, he asks God what the coolest things about Heaven are.
God says, "Well, here in Heaven, a minute lasts a million years, and a penny is worth a million dollars."
The man replies, "Oh, cool! Can I have a penny?"
To which God tells him, "In a minute."
My fifth grade teacher told me this joke when I was in, well, fifth grade.

A conversation with God

A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second."

Wishing Well

English is second language.... excuse grammar
My penny went whoosh whoosh down the wishing well
I was happy. Everyone around screaming. I threw quarter down, made wish, and now everyone mad about my wife penny

Have you ever seen those "Give a penny, take a penny" things at convenience stores???

that makes no cents

One Second

So this guy is talking to God and ask, "Hey God what does 100 million years seem like to you?"
God answered, " One hundred million years ? That's like a second to me."
Then the man ask, "Hey God, what's 100 million dollars seem like to you?"
One hundred million dollars? It seems like a penny to me."
So the guy says, "Hey God could I borrow a penny?"
And God answers, "Sure. Just a second."
*This is my all time favorite joke, friend told it to me awhile ago, so yeah.*

A class is learning about probability..

Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright.

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!

When Canada abolished the penny there was no public protest at all...

...I guess Canada fears change

My dad called me a fool for taking a job at the penny factory.

But the truth is it makes a lot of cents.

A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."

A man has a conversation with God

Man: How much is a minute to you?
God: A thousand years
Man: Wow really? Ok then how much is 10 million dollars to you?
God: A penny
Man: Wow that's amazing, is it ok if I can have one of your pennies?
God: Sure thing, just give me a minute

TIL it costs more money to make a penny than how much it's worth

That makes very little cents

Did you hear about the penny and magnifying glass who got married?

Their wedding was magnifycent.

Why do gas prices end with 9/10 of a penny?

It just makes cents.

A thousand years is a minute to God

A man was speaking to God and he asked him, "God is it true that to you a thousand years is a minute?"
"That's true," God replied.
"And is it true that to you $1,000,000 is like a penny?"
"That's true," God said.
"Well, you see I'm a poor man and I was wondering if you could give me a penny," asked the man.
"Sure," said God, "in a minute."

The penny making machine at the US mint stopped working the other day....

The director of the mint himself came to the machines engineer to ask him what the problem was.
"I can't figure it out!" exclaimed the puzzled engineer. "It doesn't make cents!!"
(Best told in person)

A man finds God and asked

Man: "God... How long is a millenium to you?"
God: " 1 second "
Man: "God.... How much is a billion dollars to you?"
God: " A penny "
The man started s**... his chin and got an idea.
Man: "God.... Can you lend me a penny?"
God: " Sure.... Just give me a second "

A guy says to God: "God...

... to you a minute is like a million years and a penny is like a million dollars. So, could you give me a penny?" God replies "Sure, in a minute"

A bought a farewell card for only a penny...

It was a good buy.

Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny

Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent
Judge: You're going to jail with him
^^^^Totally ^^^^my ^^^^own ^^^^work ^^^^and ^^^^not ^^^^a ^^^^repost ^^^^by ^^^^any ^^^^mean

Dr Horrible got everything he wanted

But it only cost him a Penny

Why does Pennywise hate playing tag?

Because he's always IT.

What did the s**... penny say to the other s**... penny?

Let's get together and make some cents.

TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency

Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me

A man was talking to God...

Man: God, how much is a million years for you?
God: For me, it's just one minute.
Man: God, how much is a million dollars for you?
God: For me, it's just one penny.
Man: God, can I have a penny?
God: Wait a minute.

If I had a penny for every crashing crypto,

I would have a bitcoin.

I always leave a penny on the toilet lid after I take a dump

Just so that a cent is covering the odor

Three women were at a shrink's office with their kids

The shrink told the first woman, You love food so you named your child Candy. He told the second, You love money so you named your child Penny. The third woman told her son, This is ridiculous. Let's get out of here, Peter.

If I had a penny for every time my wife and I argued about money

She'd spend it on a handbag

I was told I'd come into big money one day...

My obese wife is called penny.

My Client Is Not Guilty.

Lawyer: My Client Is Trapped In A Penny
Judge: What Do You Mean?
Lawyer: He's In A Cent.

A man asked God what he thought of a million years,

God replied, A minute
So the man asked, God, what is a billion dollars to you?
God replied, A penny
The man said, God may I please have 1 penny?
God said, Certainly, just give me a minute

Why don't c**... donate to charity?

They're shellfish penny pinchers.

5 penny joke

Place the first penny on the table..."Can you smell that....that's a scent."
Place the second penny...."Can you see any fruit....that's a pair"
Place the third penny...."Can you see any cars? Three Lincolns."
Place the fourth down..."Can you see any snakes? Four copperheads.
Place the fifth down..."Can you see any p**...?"
Scoop them all up..."Not for five cents you can't."

I swallowed a penny, and then vomited it afterwards,

Because change should come from within.

A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?"

God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."
Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me, it's about a penny."
Man: "God, if that's the case, may I have a penny?"
God: "Sure. Just wait a minute."

Why did the Penny go to the Nickel for dating advice?

The penny saw the nickel take two dimes to his quarters.

An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.

The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.

in for a penny, in for a pound

A farmer is in the outhouse, and when he pulls up his pants, a quarter rolls out of his pocket and falls down the hole. He swears and pulls out his wallet and throws down a $5 bill. Later as he's telling his wife about the ordeal, she asks, Wait, why'd you throw in the $5 bill? He replied, Well I wasn't about to go down there for a quarter!

If I had a penny for everytime I didn't understand what was going on

I'd be asking Why do I keep getting pennies?

A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"

God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."
"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, like a penny to you is a million dollars for us?"
"Um, yeah, kinda. Something like that...." God says
"Well, in that case, can I just have a penny, God?" The man shoots his shot
"Sure" God agrees, much to the surprise of the man. "Just gimme a second to find it...."

An ugly son asks his Dad Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Because when she was coming out of the hospital, a rose fell from the sky and landed on her forehead.
US: Same for Penny?
Dad: Yup. A penny just fell onto her little head.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.

How do you turn a penny into a dollar?

Cut it into four quarters.


I haven't seen this one before and i just thought of it on my own but if it's already been done I'm sorry

I'm new to the stock market and I've been getting really good at pinpointing the peak of penny stocks. I'll explain.

That's when I tend to buy them.

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen

A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"

God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second."

"Mommy, mommy! Suzy at school was showing the boys her knickers for a penny."

*Oh my goodness, my son. What did you do?*
"I came straight home, of course!"
*That's my good boy.*
"Mom?"
*Yes, my son?*
"May I please have a penny?"

A philosopher saw a p**... having a sale on some of his h**...

The philosopher said: a penny for your thots.

An old one

A little girl walks up to her dad and says dad, are our neighbours poor?
Dad : I don't know little one, but you should not judge some one on their looks. But why do you ask?
Girl: they are all crying as their baby swallowed a single penny!!

The Florists wife was Rose

The weatherman's wife was May
The bankers wife was Penny
And the senators wife was Peggy.

A man walked to the top of a hill to talk to God.

The man asked, "God, what's a million years to you?" and God said, "A minute."
Then the man asked, "Well, what's a million dollars to you?" and God said, "A penny."
Then the man asked, "God.....can I have a penny?" and God said, "Sure.....in a minute."

A man asked God,

Man: Is it true that one billion years is like a second to you?
God: Yes, it is.
Man: Is it true that a billion dollars is like a penny to you?
God: Yes, it is.
Man: Then, could you please give me one penny then?
God: Sure, gimme a sec.

A man is talking to God!

A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is
a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is
a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?
God: "Wait a minute."

What do you call a person that has a penny, a dime, and a quarter?

Nickel-less

Penny joke, What do you call a person that has a penny, a dime, and a quarter?

jokes about penny

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these penny jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.