The Best 45 Pennies Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pennies jokes. There are some pennies beggar jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pennies money puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pennies Jokes and Puns

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.

A preacher went into his church and he was praying to God.

While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
God replied, "One second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "A penny."
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God replied, "Just wait a sec."

What do pennies and fat chicks have in common?

Unless you're broke and desperate, they're not worth picking up.

Pennies joke, What do pennies and fat chicks have in common?

If I had a penny every time someone said I had OCD...

I'd have 3791 pennies.

My priest told a joke during his homily today.

A man says to God, "God, how long is a thousand years to you?"

God says, "A thousand years to me is like a second to you."

"Oh. God, how much is a million dollars to you?"

"A million dollars to me is like a penny to you."

"Oh. God, can I have one of your pennies?"

"Sure thing. Just hold on a second."


Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies?

She was taken in by the coppers.

A young boy wants to buy a tomato...

He approaches the farmer with his few pennies and asks how much that nice, red, juicy tomato would cost. The farmer replies, "35 cents."

Appearing dismayed, the child wanders down the rows of vines and finds a small, green, unappetizing tomato.

"How much for this little one, here?" he timidly asked.

"Hehe. 3 cents" the farmer replied with a chuckle.

"Great!" the boy exclaimed as he handed over his coins. "I'll be back next week to pick it up."

Pennies joke, A young boy wants to buy a tomato...

Once I had a machine that made counterfeit pennies.

I regret it now, but it made a lot of cents at the time.

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)

The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

My uncle used to counterfeit pennies...

My uncle used to counterfeit pennies out of real copper, but got copper poisoning. At least, we think that's what happened, because one day he just stopped making sense.

Why did the Louvre tour guide work for pennies?

Because this docent makes any cents.

You can explore pennies eminems reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pennies dime dad jokes. There are also pennies puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do Stephan Harper and pennies have in common?

They're both useless in Canada.

A hobbyist metalsmith was arrested for displaying his handmade pennies in public. What was he charged with?

Indie-cent exposure.

My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table...

My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table, when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.

I thought to myself, She's going through change.

A man has a conversation with God

Man: How much is a minute to you?

God: A thousand years

Man: Wow really? Ok then how much is 10 million dollars to you?

God: A penny

Man: Wow that's amazing, is it ok if I can have one of your pennies?

God: Sure thing, just give me a minute

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

Pennies joke, The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

If the US stops minting pennies, 99ยข deals will disappear

because they won't make cents any more.

I GOT A FREE FOUNTAIN DRINK AT THE MALL TODAY!!

But all the pennies in the water gave it a bad taste.

If I had a penny for every time I thought about my enemies...

I'll have no pennies. Cause I erased them all.


What do you call a handful of pennies?

Common cents.

When you find pennies under your couch,

It might just be spiders trying to pay rent.

Fake people are like pennies

Two-faced and not worth a dime.

After Jesus was executed, the Romans placed coins over his eyes...

Today we refer to them as J.C. Pennies

When Canada stopped using pennies, my dad lost his job.

Now he just doesn't make cents.

If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD...

I'd have 1,526 pennies.

What do you call a kennel made of pennies, dimes, and quarters?

A Nickle-less Cage

Some people say they should stop making pennies.

If you ask me, that doesn't make any cents.

So a man one day gains the ability to make a car made of coins.

It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.

A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."

If I had a penny everytime I did not understand what was going on,

I would not understand why I got so much pennies

I fear change...

The pennies make my hands come out in a rash.

Why did Al Capone refuse to carry pennies?

Because he hates coppers, see?

My brother used to throw pennies at me all the time

And that's why I'm afraid of change

ME: I trained this chicken to talk.

HER: Let's hear then.

ME: What's a male deer called?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

HER: This is dumb.

CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.

I heard someone say that change does not come from a place of comfort

But I find pennies and nickels in my couch all the time so I don't know what they mean

Most people don't like pennies, just don't care for em.

I like pennies.

No matter the situation, if it involves water, I can wish my way out of it.

If I got a penny for everytime I didn't understand what's going on

I'd be like, "why are you giving me all these pennies?"

"A few pennies, sir?" asked the homeless man.

I looked into his guitar case and said, "I'll pass, mate. There's not even enough for a sandwich in there! But thanks, anyway"

So, I trained a chicken to talk

WIFE: Well, let's see

ME: What's a male deer?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound

ME: Oh believe me it gets better

CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan

An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.

The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!

The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...

The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...

The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.

I encountered a young cashier while checking out.

My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.

I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."

If I had a penny for everytime I didn't understand what was going on

I'd be asking Why do I keep getting pennies?

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.

My coworker makes pennies.

We work at a mint.

A waitress at a diner gives a man his check.

As he gets up to leave, he puts down the amount for the check plus three cents for the tip. The waitress notices this and approaches him before he leaves.

Waitress: You know, I can tell a lot about a person by each of the coins that are left.
Man: Okay, what do these pennies tell you about me?

Waitress: This first one tells me that you are very thrifty.
Man: Hmm. Yes, that's true. Go on.

Waitress: This second one tells me that you are not married.
Man: Yes, that's true too.

Waitress: And this last one tells me that your mother wasn't married either.

Three drunk men entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, and they didn't give him the destination they wanted so he decided not to drive but instead he wanted to play a trick on them by turning on the engine and staying there for a moment.

A while after doing so, the taxi driver turned the engine off and told the three drunk men they arrived.

The first man handed the driver a handful of pennies as he exited.
The second man gave the driver a $20 bill and said "Thanks".
The third man did not pay the driver, he gave him a little punch on the arm and said, "Don't speed, you almost had us killed."

If i had a penny for every time a Ukrainian man saved the world from eventual nuclear fallout

If i had a penny for every time a Ukrainian man saved the world from eventual nuclear fallout due to Russian stupidity, I'd have 2 pennies; it's not a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pennies coin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pennies quid piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes