I'd have 1,526 pennies.
I would not understand why I got so much pennies
I said, "Dad, what the hell are you doing?"
He replied, "Im making us rich son"
"How?" I asked
"Simple", he said, "I'm making bit coins"
I regret it now, but it made a lot of cents at the time.
The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.
A man says to God, "God, how long is a thousand years to you?"
God says, "A thousand years to me is like a second to you."
"Oh. God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me is like a penny to you."
"Oh. God, can I have one of your pennies?"
"Sure thing. Just hold on a second."
I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.
While he was praying, he asked God, "How long is 10 million years to you?"
God replied, "One second."
The next day the preacher asked God, "God, how much is 10 million dollars to you?"
And God replied, "A penny."
Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, "God, can I have one of your pennies?"
And God replied, "Just wait a sec."
A Nickle-less Cage
My uncle used to counterfeit pennies out of real copper, but got copper poisoning. At least, we think that's what happened, because one day he just stopped making sense.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.
He approaches the farmer with his few pennies and asks how much that nice, red, juicy tomato would cost. The farmer replies, "35 cents."
Appearing dismayed, the child wanders down the rows of vines and finds a small, green, unappetizing tomato.
"How much for this little one, here?" he timidly asked.
"Hehe. 3 cents" the farmer replied with a chuckle.
"Great!" the boy exclaimed as he handed over his coins. "I'll be back next week to pick it up."
He sits down at the bar, and the bartender says "what'll ya have?" The biker says "gimme a beer."
The bartender hands him a beer, and says "that'll be 3.50." The biker pulls out 350 pennies and scatters them all over the table.
The next evening, the exact same thing happens, and it continues for a couple of weeks until one day, the biker decides to pay with a 5 dollar bill.
The bartender is relieved to not have to pick up 350 pennies this evening, and she decides to give the biker a taste of his own medicine. She gets 150 pennies, drops them in front of the biker and says "your change, big boy!"
The biker pulls out 200 pennies, drops them on the table and says "another beer, please."
She was taken in by the coppers.
Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump are on a plane. As the plane flies over a poor city, the Korean dictator looks through the window and claims:
-If I were to toss a dollar off the plane, I would make one person happy.
-If I were to throw a hundred dollars in pennies, I could make entire families happier,- says President Putin.
-Please, the amount of spare change I could find in my pockets alone would cheer up the city,- boasts President Trump.
-And if I were to throw you three off the plane, I would make the entire humanity happy,- adds the pilot.
Man: How much is a minute to you?
God: A thousand years
Man: Wow really? Ok then how much is 10 million dollars to you?
God: A penny
Man: Wow that's amazing, is it ok if I can have one of your pennies?
God: Sure thing, just give me a minute
Because he hates coppers, see?
I'd have 1,657 pennies .
Now he just doesn't make cents.
Indie-cent exposure.
But all the pennies in the water gave it a bad taste.
It's acceleration was a quarter faster than a dragster, the frame costed mere pennies, and the interior was full nickel, but people didn't think it made cents.
A news reporter rushes to the man in awe, asking, but does it even have brakes? The man simply looked back and said "Of course. It stops on a dime."
My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table, when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, She's going through change.
If you ask me, that doesn't make any cents.
Unless you're broke and desperate, they're not worth picking up.
You experienced veterans may have heard it before but I haven't so it made me laugh.
He took out some change in his pocket and showed me some pennies, one at a time.
1 penny: "Smell anything?... You should, it's a cent."
2 pennies: "See any fruit?... It's a pair."
3 pennies: "See any snakes?... There are 3 copperheads."
4 pennies: "See any cars?... There are 4 Lincolns."
5 pennies: "See any pussy?... No, not for 5 cents you won't."
Two-faced and not worth a dime.
The boys dad runs to him and tries to help him cough them out. After unsuccessfully helping, he grabs his phone and calls the local doctor for help.
"Doctor, My son had swallowed some pennies, and he is choking on them, please come quickly before he gets hurt"
"Sorry sir, I'm currently out of town, but grab a pen and put this number down, 1-800-377-6971. They will be sure to get every last cent out of him"
"Is this the phone number for the hospital doctor?"
"No it's the income tax service hotline"
I'd have 3791 pennies.
because they won't make cents any more.
Common cents.
They're both useless in Canada.
A old man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves three pennies for a tip.
As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves".
The old man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really?
Tell me, what does my tip say"?
"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man".
Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, "Hmm, true enough".
"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor".
Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too".
"And the third penny tells me that your father was also a bachelor".
The pennies make my hands come out in a rash.
A man says to God, "God, how long is a thousand years to you?"
God says, "A thousand years to me is like a second to you."
"Oh. God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me is like a penny to you."
"Oh. God, can I have one of your pennies?"
"Sure thing. Just hold on a second."
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pennies? Well, here are the best Pennies dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pennies pick up lines to share with friends.