The Best 68 Penises Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Penises jokes. There are some penises wieners jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these penises micropenis puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Penises Jokes and Puns
A man goes to a doctor. The doctor examines him and finds out he has five penises.
The doctor says, "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?"
The man says, "Like a glove."
A man goes to a new doctor for a checkup upon which the doctor discovers he has five penises.
The doctor says, That's unbelievable, how do your pants fit!
The man says "Like a glove."
Small penises are like iPhones with cracked screens...
They serve their purpose but nobody really wants one.
I walked in a Library...
I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small penises. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".
I replied "Yeah, that's the one"
What is the difference between a joke and two giant black penises?
morally_inept can't take a joke.
Why do jewish women like circumcised penises?
What jew doesn't like 10% off?
A man walks into a doctors office
A man walks into a doctors office and says
Man: "Doctor, Doctor! I have 5 penises!!"
Doctor: "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?!"
Man: "Like a glove."
A man goes into the doctor's office and says,
"...Doctor! You gotta help me! I have five penises!
The doctor says: "My god man... how does your pants fit?
Man replies, "Like a glove."
A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)
A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small penises.
The other 50% are women.
A man walks into a doctor's office...
A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, listen, I've been having troubles with my five penises." The doctor responds, "Five penises! That's incredible, how does your underwear fit?". The man says, "Like a glove".
Man with 5 penises
A man has 5 penises and when one of his friends found out, they asked him "How do your pants fit?" The man responded, "Like a glove".
You can explore penises anabolic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean penises pants dad jokes. There are also penises puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
5 penises
A man visits his doctor and tells him,
"You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 penises!"
To which the doctor replies,
"5 penises! How do your pants fit?"
"Like a glove!"
I met a guy with 5 penises...
His pants fit him like a glove.
There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises...
...and his pants fit like a glove.
Little Johnny and two penises.
Little Johnny went to school and the teacher was teaching human anatomy. She pointed to the private part of a male and asked her class if anyone knew what it was.
Little Johnny raised his hand: "I do, I do! and my daddy has two of them!" Teacher was puzzled.
"My daddy has a small one to pee with and a long one to brush my mom's teeth with!"
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like penises. "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like penises. I don't like it," he says.
The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."
Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises?
I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky.
What did the guy with 5 penises say?
"These pants fit like a glove"
Why do jews get their penises circumcised?
Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off
What do you call 2 people with identical penises?
Doppelwangers
A man goes to the library and asks for a book
A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small penises. After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."
"Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..." NSFW
Well, what is it?" asks the doctor.
"I have five penises."
"Five penises!," exclaims the doctor, "How does your underwear fit?"
"Like a glove!"
What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast?
Well, I had toast.
A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a problem, I have 5 penises"
The doctor says "Woow, how do your pants fit?", he replies "like a glove"
I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...
The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."
I said, "Yes, that's the one."
A guy walks into a bookstore...
A guy walks into a bookstore and asks the assistant, "Hey, do you know if you guys have the new book for guys with short penises?"
The assistant says, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
Guy says, "Yeah, that's the one!"
What do colleges and penises have in common?
They're both long and hard, unless you're Asian.
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
A man and his son are sitting, naked, on a couch...
... and the little boy asks, "Dad why are our penises different?"
The father replies, "Firstly, son, you don't have an erection."
Did you hear about the guy with five penises?
His pants fit like a glove.
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research sex"
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about sex in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest penises and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
A man walks into a library...
A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."
There's a man living near me who has 5 Penises.
Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.
A man goes to the library
Man : do you have the new book on small penises?
Women : sorry, I don't think it's in yet.
Man : yeah, that's the one!
I met a guy with five penises
His underwear fits him like a glove.
It's ok for my GF to tell me: "men only think with their penises"
As long as she keeps blowing my mind
I love it when my girlfriend says men think with their penises
That woman blows my mind
My girlfriend tells me small penises aren't a problem.
Still, I'd prefer she didn't have one at all..
An attractive woman was reading The History of Penises on the bus the other day...
... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"
She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest penises in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"
She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"
I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short penises....
She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"
A man walks into a library
He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"
"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"
"yes that's the one"
I once met a man with 5 penises. I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"
He said "Like a glove!"
A man goes into the library...
Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."
A man asks a librarian a question
"Hi, do you have that book on small penises?"
"Sorry, I don't think it's in yet." She responds.
"Yeah that's the one"
I used to confuse penises and testicles...
But then I realized there is a vas deferens between them.
I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."
Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 penises."
Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"
I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."
A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."
What do you call a boat full of penises and potatoes?
A dictatorship
Have you heard about the guy with 5 penises?
His underwear fits like a glove.
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
A boy asks his mom, When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?
Mom: Daddy doesn't have two penises son
Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth!
"Do you have that new book for men with small penises?"
"Ummm... I don't think it's in yet."
"Yeah! That's the one!"
A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.
The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"
The man replies, " like a glove."
What do you call a fat weather man that studies penises?
A meaty-urologist
A man with five penises went to the doctor and the doctor asked how he wears a condom the man said,
Like a glove
Men's brains
My girlfriend told me that Men's brains are all in their penises. I told her that I like it when she blows my mind.
Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?
They love anything that's 15% off
Just a joke lol
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother
"Is it true that babies come out of the same place that boys put their penises?"
The mother, hesitatingly replies "Yes dear" and plans on how to explain sex to her daughter.
The shocked teenager responds "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock out all my teeth"
Have you heard of the man with 5 penises?
He's been looking for a condom that fits like a glove.
A man walked up to the librarian.
"hi, I would like to borrow a book about small penises"
"it's not in yet" said the librarian.
"that's the one!"
Jose went to the urologist for an exam...
When he removed his pants the doctor was surprised at what he saw.
"You have two penises!" Said the doctor.
"Yeah, I know." Jose replies, "I call the one on the left 'Little Jose.'"
The doctor smiles at the joke, "What about the other one?"
"I call that one 'Little Hose B.'
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
Me: Do you have that new book for men with small penises?
Librarian: I don't know if it's in yet.
ME: Yes, that's the one.
A man with 5 penises went in for a routine check up with his doctor.
During the exam, the doctor asked, Have you been practicing safe sex?
The man responds, Yes, although it can be cumbersome at times.
The doctor then asks the man, How do you use a condom with 5 penises?
The man says, Fits like a glove.
Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?
Because Russia loves dick-taters.
I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises
With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?"
she replied "It isn't in yet"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!"
Bookstore
A man goes into a book shop and asks the young female assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. "
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
The man said, "Yes! That's the one! I'll take a copy, thanks!"
True story told by a friend: My nephew was gay and everyone knew it but he was slow coming out of the closet. One day, home from college, he was having breakfast and blurted out, "Mom - I'm gay."
She replied, "Does this mean that you sometimes put other men's penises in your mouth?" Her son thought that this was an odd response but answered, "Yes." "Then I never want you to complain about my cooking again." (It was her hilarious way of saying that his orientation is not an issue for her.)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the penises erection jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working penises dick piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.