Penises Jokes

What are some Penises jokes?

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.

The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"

The man replies, " like a glove."

Have you heard about the guy with 5 penises?

His underwear fits like a glove.

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short penises....

She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...

The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

What do you call 2 people with identical penises?

Doppelwangers

What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast?

Well, I had toast.

Why do jews get their penises circumcised?

Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."

I love it when my girlfriend says men think with their penises

That woman blows my mind

"Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..." NSFW

Well, what is it?" asks the doctor.

"I have five penises."

"Five penises!," exclaims the doctor, "How does your underwear fit?"

"Like a glove!"

I once met a man with 5 penises. I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"

He said "Like a glove!"

5 penises

A man visits his doctor and tells him,

"You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 penises!"

To which the doctor replies,

"5 penises! How do your pants fit?"

"Like a glove!"

A man goes to the library and asks for a book

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small penises. After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."

I walked in a Library...

I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small penises. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".

I replied "Yeah, that's the one"

A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a problem, I have 5 penises"

The doctor says "Woow, how do your pants fit?", he replies "like a glove"

A guy walks into a bookstore...

A guy walks into a bookstore and asks the assistant, "Hey, do you know if you guys have the new book for guys with short penises?"

The assistant says, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

Guy says, "Yeah, that's the one!"

A man and his son are sitting, naked, on a couch...

... and the little boy asks, "Dad why are our penises different?"

The father replies, "Firstly, son, you don't have an erection."

There's a man living near me who has 5 Penises.

Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.

There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises...

...and his pants fit like a glove.

Men's brains

My girlfriend told me that Men's brains are all in their penises. I told her that I like it when she blows my mind.

A boy asks his mom, When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?

Mom: Daddy doesn't have two penises son

Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth!

What is the difference between a joke and two giant black penises?

morally_inept can't take a joke.

A man walks into a doctors office

A man walks into a doctors office and says
Man: "Doctor, Doctor! I have 5 penises!!"

Doctor: "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?!"

Man: "Like a glove."

Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises?

I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky.

A man goes into the library...

Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

Why do jewish women like circumcised penises?

What jew doesn't like 10% off?

A man goes to the library

Man : do you have the new book on small penises?

Women : sorry, I don't think it's in yet.

Man : yeah, that's the one!

I met a guy with five penises

His underwear fits him like a glove.

What do you call a boat full of penises and potatoes?

A dictatorship

A man walks into a doctor's office...

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, listen, I've been having troubles with my five penises." The doctor responds, "Five penises! That's incredible, how does your underwear fit?". The man says, "Like a glove".

A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...

A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like penises. "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.

"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like penises. I don't like it," he says.

The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."

Did you hear about the guy with five penises?

His pants fit like a glove.

A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)

A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small penises.

The other 50% are women.

An attractive woman was reading The History of Penises on the bus the other day...

... I struck up a conversations opening with "That seems interesting"

She responds: "It really is! Did you know that Native Americans have the longest penises in the world? And Poles the girthiest!"

She extends her hand, I grab it and say... "Tonto Polanski, pleasure to meet you"

A man walks into a library

He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"

"yes that's the one"

What did the guy with 5 penises say?

"These pants fit like a glove"

A man goes to a doctor. The doctor examines him and finds out he has five penises.

The doctor says, "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?"

The man says, "Like a glove."

A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris

And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.

"So, what are you doing in Paris?"

"I'm a scientist, I research sex"

The man is now tempted:

"What have you discovered about sex in your research?"

"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest penises and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"

"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"

"Do you have that new book for men with small penises?"

"Ummm... I don't think it's in yet."

"Yeah! That's the one!"

A man goes to a new doctor for a checkup upon which the doctor discovers he has five penises.

The doctor says, That's unbelievable, how do your pants fit!

The man says "Like a glove."

It's ok for my GF to tell me: "men only think with their penises"

As long as she keeps blowing my mind

A man with five penises went to the doctor and the doctor asked how he wears a condom the man said,

Like a glove

Man with 5 penises

A man has 5 penises and when one of his friends found out, they asked him "How do your pants fit?" The man responded, "Like a glove".

A white man sits down at the bar...

He overheard a blonde and redhead talking.
The blonde says to the redhead, "What kind of guys do you have the best sex with?" The redhead says "Native Americans. Their penises aren't the longest, but they're so wide and just hits all the right spots."
The man smiles and orders them a couple of drinks.
Then the redhead says to the blonde, what about you?" The blonde says, "Mexicans. Their penises aren't that wide but they're long and can hit the deep spots just right."
The man orders them another round of drinks.
They blonde says, "Hey mister! Thanks for the drinks! By the way, what's your name?"
He smiles and says, "Tonto Rodriguez."

What do colleges and penises have in common?

They're both long and hard, unless you're Asian.

A man goes into the doctor's office and says,

"...Doctor! You gotta help me! I have five penises!

The doctor says: "My god man... how does your pants fit?

Man replies, "Like a glove."

My girlfriend tells me small penises aren't a problem.

Still, I'd prefer she didn't have one at all..

I used to confuse penises and testicles...

But then I realized there is a vas deferens between them.

A Boy approaches his Dad...

The Boy asks, "Dad, what is sex?"

The Dad ponders for awhile and figures that now is a good time for his 10 year old boy to finally understand the true facts about where babies come from.

He then elaborates on every single detail, from putting penises into vaginas, and even shares about his sex life with the Boy's mother.

The Boy, visually astounded, takes a long pause to absorb all the information.

He then whips out a piece of paper.

"So Dad... Do I circle the M or the F?"

A man asks a librarian a question

"Hi, do you have that book on small penises?"

"Sorry, I don't think it's in yet." She responds.

"Yeah that's the one"

I met a guy with 5 penises...

His pants fit him like a glove.

I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."

Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 penises."

Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"

I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."

What do you call a fat weather man that studies penises?

A meaty-urologist

Little Johnny and two penises.

Little Johnny went to school and the teacher was teaching human anatomy. She pointed to the private part of a male and asked her class if anyone knew what it was.

Little Johnny raised his hand: "I do, I do! and my daddy has two of them!" Teacher was puzzled.

"My daddy has a small one to pee with and a long one to brush my mom's teeth with!"

Small penises are like iPhones with cracked screens...

They serve their purpose but nobody really wants one.

A man walks into a library

And sheepishly asks the librarian behind the counter "excuse me, but do you have that new book for men with small penises?".
The librarian acknowledges the request and starts typing away on her computer to check the database, she turns back to the man and says "It's not in yet..."
"That's the one!" The man says.

Why do men give their penises names?

Because they don't want a total stranger making 90% of their decisions.

I knew a guy who had 5 penises.

His pants fit like a glove.

I know most men think with their penises

But I'm not afraid to blow your mind

What do you call female prostitutes who turn out to have penises.

Trojan whores.

A guy was once born with 5 penises

His underwear fits him like a glove.

How to make Penises jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Penises to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Penises? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Penises pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes