Rib-Tickling Penguin Jokes that Bring Friends Together
A penguin took his car to the mechanic.
The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"g**..., its just ice cream" replied the penguin.
So a man is walking a penguin down the street...
So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"
A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed.
The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."
Ice cream
A penguin was having car trouble and decided to take it in to the shop. When the mechanic told him it would be a while he decided to walk around and do some shopping. After a bit he stopped off for an ice cream cone. Finally, he heads back to the auto shop. "Looks like you blew a seal." says the mechanic. "no" replied the penguin, "it's just a little ice cream."
A penguin is having car trouble...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
A police officer was directing traffic.
A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."
So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....
He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
They're scared of Wales.
Penguin experiencing car trouble
Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.
To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.
"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."
A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...
so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."
A penguin was driving along...
A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".
You can explore penguin waddle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean penguin sees dad jokes. There are also penguin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Some Penguins Went to a Bar
Waddle they do next?
So a penguin is driving along one day...
... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.
As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"
A man finds a penguin on the road...
A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .
A penguin has some car trouble...
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
Why are penguins socially awkward?
Because they can't break the ice.
A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....
The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."
An Irishman walks into a bar, carrying a penguin under his right arm....
A crocodile on a leash in his left hand, and a parrot on his shoulder. He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have three pints of Guinness please".
The bartender looks at the Irishman.
Looks at the penguin.
Looks at the crocodile.
Looks at the parrot.
Looks back to the Irishman and says,
"What's all this supposed to be then? Some kind of joke?"
My s**... life is like a penguin,
I don't have a penguin.
A penguin is driving....
down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.
A penguin walks into an airport...
A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."
A truck driver stops at a gas station with a penguin in the passenger seat.
The owner from the gas station asks where the penguin comes from.
"I found him on the highway, what should I do?", the driver replies.
- "You have to take him to the zoo!"
The truck driver nods and drives away.
3 days later the truck driver came to the gas station again. Surprised, the owner asks him:
"I thought you were going to take him to the zoo?"
- "I did, and tonight we're going to the movies!"
Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?
Because he got cold feet.
Best h**... Joke That I've Heard
Me: "h**... Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin."
Friend: "What? A Penguin?"
Me: "See, no one wants to know about the Jews."
A man finds a penguin walking down the street
He grabs the penguin and puts it in his car and starts to speed away when a cop pulls him over.
The cop walks up to the car and asks the man what he's doing with the penguin.
"He was just walking down the road," the man said.
"Well, take him to the zoo and I won't give you a ticket for speeding." The man agrees and drives away.
A week later the cop sees the same man drive by and he still has the penguin in the car. He pulls over the car again and says to the man, "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!?"
"Yes," the man says, " I did. Today we're going to the movies."
Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?"
Bartender says "Three feet tall."
Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin?
A life time ban at the zoo
A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar
IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
A penguin brings his car into the shop
The mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out, so the penguin walks to 7-11 and buys an ice cream to kill the time. Since the poor guy's got no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he's done he walks back into the shop, and the mechanic tells him "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says "No, that's just a little ice cream"
Penguin
A bartender was working late at night when suddenly a man ran bursting through the door and asked the bartender.
Man: "QUICK, HOW TALL IS A PENGUIN?"
The bartender slightly confused, he simply said.
Bartender: "about this tall"
The man started to panic and said.
Man: "Oh god i ran over a nun!"
Why did the penguin break up with the walrus?
Because they were polar opposites.
A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance.
He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".
Friends are like penguins
If you stab a penguin they die
Seals
A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"
Two cows are talking...
"Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"
"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"
Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature...
For them, everything is just black and white.
A penguin's car breaks down
He brings it to his mechanic and the mechanic tells him it will take a while to diagnose the issue. It's a hot day out and so the penguin decides to go across the street to have an ice cream cone while he waits. He then returns to the mechanic's shop and his mechanic says "well, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "oh no, this is just ice cream"
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
Another penguin joke. n**...
A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."
How does a penguin build his home?
Igloos it together.
Did you know penguins scream during s**...?
Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.
What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin?
White penguins are walking towards you and black ones are walking away.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost
Did you know that penguins scream during s**...?
Well, I don't think all of them do, but the ones I cornered at the zoo sure did...
Penguin.
A penguin goes to get his car fixed at the mechanics on a hot day. Mechanic tells penguin it will be a while, so the penguin goes to the shop across the road and get some yummy vanilla icecream. The penguin returns to the mechanic and the mechanic says "looks like you've blown a seal.". the penguin replies "no it's only icecream."
How does a penguin build it's house?
Igloos it together.
A penguin is driving down the highway when he starts having engine problems.
He pulls into a local mechanic's and the mechanic says, Give me an hour and I'll let you know the problem. The penguin walks out and see an ice cream shop and goes in for a vanilla cone.
An hour later, he walks back to the mechanic's. The mechanic see him coming and meets him at the counter and says, It looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin wipes his mouth and says, No, no, that's just ice cream.
A penguin goes into a pub...
At the bar the peanuts say:
"Nice tie Mr!"
In the toilets the c**... machine says :
"You look s**... in that tie"
So he complains to the barman. The barman says :
"the peanuts are complimentary but the c**... machine is out of order"
This was the best joke of my birthday cards this morning, so thither I would share.
Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"
"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"
American politics is like a penguin.
It has both a left wing and a right wing. But are only good for flapping and making noises.
When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.
Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.
A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that's just ice cream.
Penguin
A penguin goes into a pub and says to the barman ,have you seen my brother ,the barman says what does look like?
A penguin is driving his car when it starts making noise . . .
He takes it to the auto shop, the mechanic says it'll take about an hour. So he goes to the ice cream shop across the street. Penguins love ice cream. He comes back and the mechanic says, "it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says, "No, its just ice cream."
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down.
AAA (Antarctic Automobile Assn) tows it to the garage in the nearest town, where the mechanic says he has time to look at it, give him half an hour.
The penguin wanders down the street to an ice cream shop and decides to beat the heat with a cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Of course, being a penguin, with flippers instead of hands, as well as a beak, he makes a huge mess and gets ice cream all over his face. h**... goes back to the garage, where the mechanic tells him "looks like you blew a seal."
"No," says the penguin. "That's just ice cream."
A Penguin walks into a bar...
Bartender says Hey listen, these things don't fly around here .
A guy rushes into a bar, in a hurry
He asks the bartender, "Quickly! How tall is a penguin?"
The bartender replies "I don't know, three feet. Why?"
The guy says "Oh my god, I think I just ran over a nun!"
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
"A penguin rolling down a hill"
My 6 y.o just told me this one and I don't know why I laughed so hard. I felt it should be shared. Lol
An Elephant, a Giraffe and a Penguin walk in to a bar
It's at this point I realise that there is something wrong with my pint.
Heard this ADhD joke a while back. A man walks into a bar with a penguin and a foul-mouthed parrot and somehow wins a bet or something.
Sorry, I guess I wasn't really paying attention.
A zookeeper loses his Bible while at work...
... A week later when he's feeding the penguins one of them waddles up to him holding his Bible in its beak.
"Praise God, it's a miracle!" says the delighted zookeeper.
"Not really," says the penguin, "Your name is written on the inside cover."
A teacher asks a student to "name two animals peculiar to Australia"
He responds with "The polar bear and penguin are peculiar to Australia, but the kangaroo and dingo live there."
What's black and white and can cut through steel beams?
A penguin with a lightsaber
Man at the bus stop with a penguin
There was a policeman driving down the road and he spotted a man standing at the bus stop with a penguin.
The policeman stopped and said Excuse me sir, is this your penguin?
The man says No it's not my penguin so the policeman says Well can you take it to the zoo then.
The next day the same policeman is driving down the same road and sees the same man stood at the same bus stop with the same penguin.
He pulls over and says Oi, I thought I told you to take this penguin to the zoo!
The man says Yeah I did, but today we're going to the seaside.
A Penguin walked into a mechanic
Said, "there is an issue with my car." Mechanic said, "give me an hour I'll check it out, why don't you go across the street and get something to eat?"
The penguin walked across the street and ordered a large ice cream. Because of having no hands he just used his flippers. After about an hour the penguin walked back to the mechanic with the ice cream still all over his flippers and beak.
The mechanic said, "it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin said, "No no no! It's just ice cream."
A pair of cows...
... were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.
I saw a man with a penguin on a leash
I saw a man walking with a penguin on a leash
I said to him "That penguin is a wild animal. You need to take it to the zoo."
The man thought for a moment and said "You are absolutely right. I'll take him now."
The next day I saw the man again. He was still walking the penguin on a lead.
I said "I thought you were taking that penguin to the zoo?"
He replied "I did, he loved it. Now we're going to the movies."
How did the penguin build its house?
Iglooed it.
ze mad cow disease
On a land full of grass, two cows were walking together.
Cow 1: Have you heard of the mad cow disease going around?
Cow 2: Yes, I'm so happy I'm a penguin.
Q. What do penguins wear on their heads?
Q. What do penguins wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.
A pair of cows were talking in the field.
A pair of cows were talking in the field.
One says: "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah" the other cow says, "makes me glad I am a penguin."
A man runs into a bar and shouts, Quick! How tall is a penguin?!
The bartender says, Depends. Less than 3 feet.
The man cries out, Oh my God! I just drove over a nun!
Three penguins walk into a bar
Three penguins walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Fellas! Who's getting married?!
A man goes into the doctor with a penguin on his head.
The doc asks. "And what can I do for you?."
Penguin replys. "Well Doc. It started as a growth on my foot...."
A guy runs into a bar.
He goes up to the bartender and asks him "Hey how tall is a penguin?" The bartender looks at him and goes "I don't know, probably around three feet." The guy looks distraught and while leaving goes "Oh s**..., I think I hit a nun."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.
Why did the penguin make a fish pun?
Just for the halibut.
What's the difference between a penguin and a priest?
I'm not scared when my kids are alone with a penguin.
I'd tell a penguin joke but
It wouldn't fly
Too Late for the Second Cow
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.
I walked into the psychiatrist office the other day with a penguin and an ice bear
Got diagnosed with being bipolar :(
A man takes a stool at the bar and orders a drink. Then he asks the man to the right of him…
How tall is a Penguin, this tall?
No, they're much shorter than that , he answers.
He looks to the man at his left- How tall is a penguin, this tall?
Nowhere near that tall! , says the other man.
The man puts his head in his hands.
The bartender, witnessing all of this asks the man Everything okay, Sir?
The man responds No, I just ran over a Nun .
Who's a penguins favourite family member?
Aunt arctica
Why can't Penguins jump higher ?
Where they live , they have shorter springs !
