JokoJokes

Penguin Jokes

168 penguin jokes and hilarious penguin puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about penguin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for an ice breaker for a party? Look no further than these hilarious penguin jokes! From puns about penguin bars and biscuit to jokes about seabirds and parrots, you can laugh at jokes featuring penguins dressed up for Christmas and birthdays. Get ready to waddle with laughter!

Funniest Penguin Short Jokes

Short penguin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The penguin humour may include short panda jokes also.

  1. Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
    Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
  2. When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.
  3. A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around? Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me glad I'm a penguin.
  4. A man runs into a bar and shouts, Quick! How tall is a penguin?! The bartender says, Depends. Less than 3 feet.
    The man cries out, Oh my God! I just drove over a nun!
  5. I wrote a book on penguins... In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...
  6. Two cows were talking in a field.. One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".
  7. What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin? White penguins are walking towards you and black ones are walking away.
  8. What's black and white, black and white, and black and white? "A penguin rolling down a hill"
    My 6 y.o just told me this one and I don't know why I laughed so hard. I felt it should be shared. Lol
  9. I've just finished writing my book on penguins... My wife thinks it would be better on paper.
  10. Two cows Two cows were chatting in a field. One says to the other, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
    Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me happy I'm a penguin.

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Penguin One Liners

Which penguin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with penguin? I can suggest the ones about panda bear and peacock.

  1. A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."
  2. I have written a book on Penguins In hindsight, paper would have been better.
  3. I wrote a book on penguins once.. Paper probably would've been better!
  4. How does a penguin build his home? Igloos it together.
  5. Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales.
  6. A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
  7. Why can't Penguins jump higher ? Where they live , they have shorter springs !
  8. What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin? A life time ban at the zoo
  9. How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
  10. What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost
  11. I'd tell a penguin joke but It wouldn't fly
  12. Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet.
  13. Why dont you ever see penguins in Great Britain? Because theyre scared of Wales
  14. Why did the penguin break up with the walrus? Because they were polar opposites.
  15. Why are penguins socially awkward? Because they can't break the ice.

Man With Penguin Jokes

Here is a list of funny man with penguin jokes and even better man with penguin puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man goes into the doctor with a penguin on his head. The doc asks. "And what can I do for you?."
    Penguin replys. "Well Doc. It started as a growth on my foot...."
  • A Nun and a Parrot Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder, and a giraffe walk into a bar.
    The bartender says, What is this? Some kind of joke?
  • A man walks into the doctors office with a penguin on his head The doctor looks at him and says, "Alright what's the problem here?"
    And the penguin goes, "Oy! Get this idiot off my foot!"
  • What's the oldest living animals on earth? Bro 1: Penguins, Pandas, Skunks, and Zebras.
    Bro 2: Man are you nuts?
    Bro 1: They're black and white d**....

Penguin Bar Jokes

Here is a list of funny penguin bar jokes and even better penguin bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An Elephant, a Giraffe and a Penguin walk in to a bar It's at this point I realise that there is something wrong with my pint.
  • Three penguins walk into a bar Three penguins walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Fellas! Who's getting married?!
  • Some Penguins Went to a Bar Waddle they do next?
  • A Penguin walks into a bar... Bartender says Hey listen, these things don't fly around here .
  • A horse, a dog, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says to the bouncer, "Seriously, Frankie, why are we even paying you?"
  • A penguin walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Hey, I'm looking for my brother. Have you seen him?"
    The bartender says "I don't know. What's he look like?"
  • What does a penguin lawyer order at a bar? Just ice
  • A penguin, a priest, and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?!"
  • Batman went to Penguin's bar and was given the wrong drink... Just ice was served.
  • A penguin walks into a bar He says to the bartender, "Has my father been in here today?"
    The bartender replies, "Well I don't know, what does he look like?"
Penguin joke, A penguin walks into a bar

Club Penguin Jokes

Here is a list of funny club penguin jokes and even better club penguin puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks... ...he was on Club Penguin.
  • What do you call a group of Linux users? *Club Penguin.*
  • 2018 kids won't get this Club penguin
  • If global warming isn't real... Then why did club penguin shut down?
  • What do you call a dying island? Club Penguin.
  • Did you guys hear about the new sister game to club penguin? Club baby seals
  • Why did Club Penguin shut down? The Republicans melted the ice caps.
  • Do you know why they named it Club Penguin? Because naming it Club Seal would've been a bit on the nose.

Penguin Biscuit Jokes

Here is a list of funny penguin biscuit jokes and even better penguin biscuit puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why can't penguins fly? Because they're a chocolate biscuit.
     
    Cr
Penguin joke, Why can't penguins fly?

Rib-Tickling Penguin Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about penguin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pigeon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make penguin pranks.

A penguin took his car to the mechanic.

The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"g**..., its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth?

Because he had a javelin through his head.

So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed.

The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

Ice cream

A penguin was having car trouble and decided to take it in to the shop. When the mechanic told him it would be a while he decided to walk around and do some shopping. After a bit he stopped off for an ice cream cone. Finally, he heads back to the auto shop. "Looks like you blew a seal." says the mechanic. "no" replied the penguin, "it's just a little ice cream."

From my 4 year old: What do you call a penguin that can't win?

A peng-lose!

Penguin is driving down the road...

when his car breaks down. He gets it towed to the nearest mechanic who tells him it will be a while before it's fixed, so he goes to the diner next door to get some lunch while he waits.
He comes back an hour or so later and asks the mechanic what happened with his car...mechanic tells him that he blew a seal. He looks at the mechanic, wipes his lip, and says 'nope, that's just tartar sauce.'

A penguin is having car trouble...

A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."

A police officer was directing traffic.

A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."

So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....

He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

Penguin experiencing car trouble

Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.
To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.
"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."

So two penguins are in the middle of a desert

and they're sitting in a canoe just paddling away, as hard as they can, not going anywhere, sand is flying everywhere, and they just keep paddling. eventually one penguin looks to the other and says "Where's your paddle" the other replies "Sure does."
Its usually a thinker for most, but i love it

A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...

so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."

Joke from orange is the new black

So a penguin and a farmer walk into a bar. The penguin starts eating the tiny fancy drink umbrellas. The Bartender says to the Farmer, "Hey, your eggplant's gotta pay for those." And so the Penguin says "Dude, he's not an eggplant, he's r**...."

A penguin was driving along...

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".

A penguin takes his car to a garage.

The mechanic tells him it will take about an hour to diagnose the problem. So, the penguin decides to go next door to the ice cream shop for a treat while he waits.
He returns about an hour later and the mechanic tells him. "It looks like you've blown a seal."
The penguin wipes his beak and says, "I did not. I was eating ice cream."

So a penguin is driving along one day...

... and has engine trouble. So he stops at an autoshop and they get to work on his car. It's a rather hot day, so he walks over to the convenience story and buys an ice cream cone.
As he's finishing the cone, the mechanic walks over to him and says "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No no!" he cries, "It's just ice cream!"

A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

A penguin has some car trouble...

A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

An Irishman walks into a bar, carrying a penguin under his right arm....

A crocodile on a leash in his left hand, and a parrot on his shoulder. He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have three pints of Guinness please".
The bartender looks at the Irishman.
Looks at the penguin.
Looks at the crocodile.
Looks at the parrot.
Looks back to the Irishman and says,
"What's all this supposed to be then? Some kind of joke?"

My s**... life is like a penguin,

I don't have a penguin.

A penguin is driving his car..

..when he hears a strange noise, and takes it to the mechanic.
The mechanic says it will take awhile and suggests the penguin go across the street to grab some ice cream while he waits.
So the penguin eats his ice cream with his flat little fins and tiny bea, then he goes back to the shop to talk to the mechanic.
The mechanic says, It looks like you blew a seal.
The penguin says, NO, that's just ice cream!
-Heard it from a guy at work.

A penguin is driving....

down the street when his car starts sputtering. He pulls into the next mechanics shop and asks him to take a look. mechanic says it will be about an hour. While waiting the penguin decides to go next door to the malt shop and get an ice cream cone. an hour later the penguin goes back to the mechanic.
the mechanic looks at him and says "looks like you blew a seal".
"oh no I just had some ice cream" said the penguin wiping his face.

A truck driver stops at a gas station with a penguin in the passenger seat.

The owner from the gas station asks where the penguin comes from.
"I found him on the highway, what should I do?", the driver replies.
- "You have to take him to the zoo!"
The truck driver nods and drives away.
3 days later the truck driver came to the gas station again. Surprised, the owner asks him:
"I thought you were going to take him to the zoo?"
- "I did, and tonight we're going to the movies!"

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

And then the penguin says to the bartender,

this *is* my most casual outfit!

A penguin's car breaks down

He pulls over to a shop owned by a walrus who tells him he'll look at it. The Penguin takes a stroll and buys a vanilla treat.
The Penguin gets back and the Walrus say
"Looks like you've blown a seal"
The Penguin wipes his chin and says..
"No, No, it's just ice cream."

Best h**... Joke That I've Heard

Me: "h**... Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin."
Friend: "What? A Penguin?"
Me: "See, no one wants to know about the Jews."

A man finds a penguin walking down the street

He grabs the penguin and puts it in his car and starts to speed away when a cop pulls him over.
The cop walks up to the car and asks the man what he's doing with the penguin.
"He was just walking down the road," the man said.
"Well, take him to the zoo and I won't give you a ticket for speeding." The man agrees and drives away.
A week later the cop sees the same man drive by and he still has the penguin in the car. He pulls over the car again and says to the man, "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!?"
"Yes," the man says, " I did. Today we're going to the movies."

Penguin Comedian

An ill-prepared penguin comedian was about to go onstage.
"I'll just wing it," he said.
I replied, "You ain't gonna fly with the audience."

Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub.

Wife: "But we don't *have* a penguin!"
Me: "And now for the good news...!"

A penguin brings his car into the shop

The mechanic says he needs an hour to check it out, so the penguin walks to 7-11 and buys an ice cream to kill the time. Since the poor guy's got no hands, he gets the ice cream all over his beak. When he's done he walks back into the shop, and the mechanic tells him "Well, it looks like you blew a seal." Penguin says "No, that's just a little ice cream"

Penguin

A bartender was working late at night when suddenly a man ran bursting through the door and asked the bartender.
Man: "QUICK, HOW TALL IS A PENGUIN?"
The bartender slightly confused, he simply said.
Bartender: "about this tall"
The man started to panic and said.
Man: "Oh god i ran over a nun!"

A penguin goes to the mechanic

A penguin's car breaks down and he takes the car to the mechanic. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour. The penguin goes wandering around town and he stumbles upon an ice cream store. He buys some ice cream and goes back to the mechanic.
The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin responds "No, no, its just ice cream."

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance.

He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Friends are like penguins

If you stab a penguin they die

What's the dumbest animal in the outback?

The penguin

Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive"

Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"

Why was the penguin broke?

His assets were frozen.

Two cows are talking...

"Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"
"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"

Penguin books seem to only publish extremist literature...

For them, everything is just black and white.

A penguin's car breaks down

He brings it to his mechanic and the mechanic tells him it will take a while to diagnose the issue. It's a hot day out and so the penguin decides to go across the street to have an ice cream cone while he waits. He then returns to the mechanic's shop and his mechanic says "well, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "oh no, this is just ice cream"

A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...

When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"

Another penguin joke. n**...

A penguin takes his car in to a mechanic, and the mechanic tells him it will be an hour until he is ready. So the penguin decides to get an ice cream cone.
Penguins don't have opposable thumbs let alone fingers so he ends up with ice cream all over himself.
Later, he returns to the mechanic who says"I found the problem. It looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, I just ate some ice cream."

What's black and white and red all over?

A penguin that just fell down the stairs.
What's black and white and laughing?
...the penguin that pushed him
*not original, heard it years ago from a friend still my fav*

Did you know penguins scream during s**...?

Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.

Penguin driving home has car trouble...

A penguin driving home when his car begins to overheat. He parks at a garage and the mechanic says it will be a little bit before he can look at it.
The penguin decides to go across the street and get ice cream. The penguin slops ice cream all over himself from head to toe and returns to the mechanic. The mechanic comes out and says well it looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin says no it's ice cream, honest.

Did you know that penguins scream during s**...?

Well, I don't think all of them do, but the ones I cornered at the zoo sure did...

A penguin was driving down the street eating a vanilla ice cream cone.

He started having car trouble, so he pulled to the side of the road.
A little while later some cops pull up to help.
After they check his car, they tell him, "It looks like you blew a seal" and he goes, "Oh, no, I was just eating an ice cream cone"

Where does a penguin keep his money?

In a snow bank!
(disclaimer: saw this on the display of a local bank and I giggled).

A QA Tester walks into a bar

He orders a beer.
He orders -1 beers.
He orders a penguin.
He orders a bfsadflkasdf.
He orders a OR 1=1.
He orders 23940239203492304920392304203423 beers.
He orders an order of beer...

Why did the penguin cross the road?

Batman was chasing him.

Penguins are at war

During a intense trench firefight, a young private that was recently drafted starts balling saying he cant handle it.
The commanding officer ferociously waddles over and screams "its either us or them"!
The private pauses for a second. Looks up and says "its not always black and white"
[OC]

Penguin.

A penguin goes to get his car fixed at the mechanics on a hot day. Mechanic tells penguin it will be a while, so the penguin goes to the shop across the road and get some yummy vanilla icecream. The penguin returns to the mechanic and the mechanic says "looks like you've blown a seal.". the penguin replies "no it's only icecream."

Formal chicken.

Also known as penguin.

Penguin

A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."

A penguin is driving down the highway when he starts having engine problems.

He pulls into a local mechanic's and the mechanic says, Give me an hour and I'll let you know the problem. The penguin walks out and see an ice cream shop and goes in for a vanilla cone.
An hour later, he walks back to the mechanic's. The mechanic see him coming and meets him at the counter and says, It looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin wipes his mouth and says, No, no, that's just ice cream.

A penguin goes into a pub...

At the bar the peanuts say:
"Nice tie Mr!"
In the toilets the c**... machine says :
"You look s**... in that tie"
So he complains to the barman. The barman says :
"the peanuts are complimentary but the c**... machine is out of order"
This was the best joke of my birthday cards this morning, so thither I would share.

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."
"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"
"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"
The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"

American politics is like a penguin.

It has both a left wing and a right wing. But are only good for flapping and making noises.

The white bear and the penguin tried to make their relationship work, but they couldn't.

They were polar opposites.

A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...

He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that's just ice cream.

Penguin joke, A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...

jokes about penguin